Bella woke in the morning to a strange aching sensation deep within her body, and a headache that wouldn't seem to go away. The night before felt like a fog in her memories, something she'd participated in, but not understood on a truly conscious level. It scared her a little, and though she'd slept heavily at times, Paul had kept some part of himself wrapped possessively around her no matter how much she'd tossed and turned.
He'd left with the arrival of the sun, kissing her hard and long before walking naked into the day, his impenetrable confidence keeping her eyes on him to the very last second. But it had taken hours of staring at the ceiling, listening to the world around her wake so effortlessly, to finally drag her bare body into the cool day.
When she emerged into the living room, dressed and uncertain, it was to find Leah reading, tucked up in the corner of the larger couch.
"Hey… Is Embry around?" Bella asked, finding no trace of him from her position in the doorway. It felt strange not to feel eyes tracking her every move as she made her way across the room. Just when she thought they were alone, Leah pointed to the floor by her feet and following her silent lead, Bella padded closer, peering over the edge of the sofa to find what she figured must be Embry curled up in a tight ball of fur, looking like a humungous lapdog.
"It was either that or he was gonna make us lie in bed with him." Leah grinned as she muffled her words, but Bella didn't think he was going to be of much use to them either way if she was honest.
"Where's Jake?" She asked in a loud whisper, grabbing an apple from the counter in the kitchen and then mirroring Leah in the opposing corner of the couch.
"He had some stuff he needed to discuss with the council. I think mostly about keeping us here. I guess when he cleared it all with Billy, he'd made out like he'd have it all figured out in a day, but… well yeah!" Leah smiled wryly, in some ways acknowledging Jacob's failure.
Bella bit a chunk out of her apple, and chewed, realizing she hadn't really thought about the implications of Jared's death outside of their little bubble in the woods. More and more she was forced to admit that her actions and thoughts were so locked up in Paul that she was barely capable of anything that wasn't self-motivated or utterly self-involved.
"So did you guys have fun last night?" Leah asked and Bella quickly took another bite of her apple, figuring out how much she really wanted to say under the guise of enjoying her breakfast snack.
"Umm… yeah, it was good." Bella smiled lightly through her words, hoping that Leah would drop it and move on. "What about you guys? Did you?" She quickly threw out, figuring distractions probably worked better than her usual appalling acting skills.
"Yeah we did, we had a great time… so what did Paul do this time?" Leah raised her eyebrow and Bella looked down to her apple in disappointment. Unless she felt like working through the bitter edges of the core, it wasn't going to offer any more refuge.
"Is he really asleep?" Bella asked, nodding down to Embry, whose grey and black fur was moving up and down with deep heaving breaths.
"Oh yeah, he's completely out. Otherwise, his ears would be twitching all over the place, The guys used to fall asleep over at Sam's all the time." Leah replied nonchalantly, and Bella found herself accepting what she was saying, but it didn't stop her eyes straying to Embry's ears every few minutes, looking for confirmation.
"So you were about to tell me how Paul fucked things up with you two." Leah prodded and against her better judgment, Bella found that she was actually willing to open up. The idea of having someone who could understand her dilemma overrode her intense need to keep what had happened between them locked within herself.
"He didn't fuck things up; I actually think maybe I did…"
Leah opened her mouth to tell her that she seriously doubted that was the case, but Bella shook her head and against everything Leah had observed, she let her voice her delusions.
"He let me ask him questions and I thought afterwards, or at the very least today, I would feel like I understood more… but I guess maybe I asked the wrong things, because I really don't." She couldn't help pulling at a stray thread that was coming undone from the worn edges of the couch cushion, discomfort driving her to release her emotions subconsciously.
"Look, Bells, I know Paul; I've known him for most of my life, and I know he rarely does anything without something being in it for him. So I'm just gonna lay it out there, okay?" Seeing that she had Bella's attention, she marched on. "He probably did it to manipulate you, to get you to fuck him by thinking you were getting to a new level of intimacy or some shit."
Bella couldn't help the little splash of amusement she felt, because Leah was right on target, but what she hadn't accounted for was Bella's level of intoxication when it came to her wolf.
"Something like that, but I wasn't exactly manipulated." Bella mumbled, because while she didn't really want to let Leah this far into her personal life, she also intrinsically felt the need to protect Paul from something she'd agreed to with a sound mind.
"You can always just ask me, you know. I mean unless Jake's paranoia proves us all wrong and we get killed, I think we're gonna be spending a whole fucking heap of time together in the future." Leah mused, the ease of her words betrayed by the way her eyes wouldn't quite catch Bella's.
But Bella just looked at her contemplatively, taking so long to respond that Leah eventually pulled her book back in place and moved her eyes back and forth, pretending to read but watching Bella peripherally.
Something about Leah's choice of words was wriggling its way deep into Bella's fragile psyche and while she tried not to let on just how much the response would mean to her, she formulated a question with care. "You think all he cares about is fucking me?"
Placing her book down, Leah kept her eyes down low and Bella felt her own weaknesses explode with anxiety. "Actually I don't, but I do think the whole imprint thing has really fucked him over."
Twisting in her seat, Leah moved her whole body to face Bella, giving the younger girl a sense that she was being invited into a confidence.
"Paul's always been able to hide behind being a dick. I mean, I've known him since we were little and most of the time he still treats me like he couldn't care whether I exist or not. I'm not gonna lie, he's not an easy person to like, and even harder to love… But I've seen him with you Bells, and while it might look like he's just pushing you around all the time, he's more vulnerable with you, but if I'm honest I don't think it's by choice."
Bella's head ached sharply as she tried once again to piece through what she could take away from what was being said. She was under no illusions that their relationship had been forged and would likely be nurtured solely because of anything other than the imprint, but now that she'd accepted that, it was also a little irrelevant.
"He needs you, and luckily for you, I think you're exactly what he needs." A wry smile graced Leah's lips as she spoke.
Bella nodded, remembering the way Paul had briefly told her Leah's interpretation of the situation. "Yeah, Paul said something about that, about how you think he needs someone who will make him more…" Looking for the right word, Bella finally settled on "…cautious." But she still wasn't sure it encompassed everything she'd understood.
"He did, did he?" Leah eyes brightened slightly, and Bella wasn't sure, but she thought maybe there was a little pride behind them. "He told me I was talking shit when I said that!" Leah laughed, and Bella found herself joining in, being able to envision Paul doing exactly that.
"You see what I mean, he tells me point blank that I'm an idiot, but secretly he's listening, taking it all in. It's easy to get under his skin, after all the boy is basically pure instinct, but getting him to admit it is something else. Can you imagine him with me, or someone like me?" Leah asked, and Bella found that her uncertainty from the night before had vanished, because actually, she couldn't.
"I think he'd give up his wolf just to get away from me." Leah concluded, but Bella thought that might be a step too far.
"Honestly Bells, I don't know what he really feels for you. I know the wolf side of things, the instincts he'll feel, but anything beyond that is something he'll probably only reveal to you. Just don't stop looking beneath the surface, because unlike Sam, I think when Paul lets you in, I don't think you'll ever want out again."
Bella tried not to notice how Leah's eyes had suddenly dulled, how her shoulders had sagged slightly, but it was a topic she herself had introduced, and Bella couldn't help but think it had been a clear invitation.
"What was Sam like? I mean, he wasn't always like how he was with me… was he?" Bella wasn't exactly sure what she believed anymore, and as Leah ran her fingers gently across the pages of her book and looked her over with a thorough gaze, she wondered whether she'd misread the signals.
"I didn't know Sam from school. I didn't even know him from around the rez, but one day, I had this huge fight with my Dad. I can't even remember what it was about now, but I went out into one of the trails to walk out my frustration. I ended up sitting looking out over the north cliffs and I saw him, ready to jump into the ocean from the highest point. I couldn't figure it out, whether he had a death wish, or if he was just out to kill himself. Anyway, I followed him as best I could and I guess now he knew all along what I was doing, and he let me, obviously. He led me all the way out to his house and told me he'd been a few years above me in school. To be honest B, I think he just too lonely to drive away the potential of someone to talk to. But I was young and pushy and I wanted more, and I didn't exactly give him a choice." Leah smiled somewhat wistfully and Bella couldn't help finding the thought repulsive, because there was nothing pleasant about the Sam she'd known and encountered, particularly nothing romantic.
"It didn't take me long to break him, and initially things were actually pretty fucking great. I mean, I had this older boyfriend, who everyone said I should stay away from. And he loved me, no matter what happened after that, I know he did."
Bella felt the mood turn somber, the tone in Leah's voice thick and heavy.
"Anyway, we were going pretty strong and I know he isn't like that now, Bells, but he was romantic and sweet and I think, now that I know everything, he was just so grateful to not be on his own anymore. I don't think he even thought there was a possibility of an imprint for him. I mean, why would you after so long?" There was a moment when Leah looked to catch Bella's eye, but even when she did, Bella was still oblivious to what she was trying to tell her.
"Then everything got fucked up. In the summer the Cullen's came back, I guess, and Sam disappeared. At first it was just for a few hours and he wouldn't show up when he was supposed to, but then it was a few days. I was living with him by then, but started to come and go all the time. I thought he was cheating on me and I tried to confront him, but he would just laugh at me. Laugh, and tell me that he would never do that to me." Leah smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"But it turns out he was just watching the boarders, watching Jake and waiting for when he would phase. I think maybe he thought he was finally gonna get the chance to give it up, to hang up his wolf and just live and die like he should have done so long ago. When he was around he was so sweet, Bella. He talked about babies and growing old together, something he'd always avoided before, and then he proposed…"
"…I guess it wasn't meant to be though, because a few days later, he left, telling me he had to go and see Billy Black, and when he didn't come back that night, I knew it was different. I knew he wasn't ever coming back, at least not to me."
Leah was thumbing the pages of the book softly as she watched Bella's forehead crinkle in confusion. She'd tried to leave a certain amount of ambiguity to the end of her story, hoping it would trigger some further thought. But Bella was either too cautious to ask, or too caught up in another side of Sam to fully pick up on it, and so when the next words fell from her mouth, Leah internally felt a little let down.
"Wow. I didn't even think about what it would be like, having to watch while all your friends die, hiding out in the woods like a leper. I don't get why I angered him so much though, because he was different around me." Bella looked to Leah for answers and though it wasn't the question she hoped for, she was still willing to divulge what she could, hoping to open a channel of trust between them.
"I don't know everything about it, Bella, but I know Sam didn't think it was right; you aren't Quileute. I guess all the other imprints had been before. But more than that, he didn't like that you had more power over Paul than he did."
Bella narrowed her eyes as she worked through that conclusion, wondering if it was accurate, but just as she was about to articulate her thoughts, a tiny movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention.
At first he twitched only slightly, but as the howls echoing from the thick forestry surrounding them on all sides rang clearer and with more urgency, Embry's eyes pitched forward, followed soon after by sharp hackles rising on his long, slender spine.
"What do you think it is?" Bella asked, her voice returning to the whisper they'd abandoned carelessly.
"I don't know, but it doesn't sound good." All hopes of reassurance were dashed when Embry phased in front of them, his very close and very naked body forgotten as he stood jerkily, his shoulders so high that Bella felt tension rise in her own body.
He didn't speak a word as his eyes darted around the cabin, and then, as if making the final choice, resting on an open doorway for just a second longer than they had anywhere else.
"Get up. Follow me. Don't say a word." His tone was firm and sharp, something Bella had never heard from him before, and without word she moved to his side, finding Leah already two steps ahead.
Walking at a brisk pace, he all but shoved them down into the bathroom hidden off the largest bedroom, standing in the doorway like an old roman guard. "I need to phase back and I need to go outside to do it. Stay here and don't say a word. Don't open the door; don't even breathe if you can help it." He turned so swiftly that Bella found her body jolting forwards with him, and though something in her gut told her this was the wrong thing to do, she listened to the plea in Leah's hands when they held her in place.
The door shut with a gently click that was in clear opposition to how Embry was feeling and the room was immediately blanketed in an eerie cold darkness. There was no window to offer any external light, and only a sliver of yellow flowed from the edges of the door, broadcasting shadows in the first few feet of the room.
Bella could hear the distant sound of the pack, the calls bellowing back and forth as they dulled slightly, only to start up again with a close edge that set her nerves on fire and her blood racing through her veins. Something warm and stiff gripped needily to her hand, and as she realized that it was Leah who had reached out for her, Bella knew that whatever was out there, whatever darkness they had dismissed as nothing more than a foolish paranoia, was now coming, and it was coming fast.
a/n: Thank you to my wonderful beta Twiticulate...xxx
Thank you also to all you lovely readers... I can't believe we're already at chapter 21... this puts us about two thirds of the way through this story... so I'll see you again on Wednesday for the beginning of the end! xxx