Chapter 17 – Nothing Else Matters
"Momma? Momma?" Andrew's little finger prodded at Bella.
"Momma, please?"
Another prod to his mother's back, and still not a single reaction, as Bella stared into nothing.
"Andrew!" Anne gasped as she passed the room, seeing the blonde haired boy, trying to raise a reaction from his stoic mother.
"Sweetheart," She took Andrew's shoulders directing him away from the bed. "I told you not to come in here, momma can't be bothered right now, alright?"
The boy looked forlornly back at his mother and meekly said, "Yes."
Bella heard the door shut and she clutched the sheets around her tighter. A week had gone by, a whole week since the officer came to their door. No longer did the tears fall, but neither did a smile come to her face. She couldn't look at her son for all she saw was her husband. She couldn't walk around the house, for all she saw were memories of him.
How could he disappear? She would ask herself.
How could they only find his bloody horse?
She shuddered as another dry sob racked through her body. Burrowing herself deeper under the covers.
The door opened, Bella didn't move as she felt the bed sink by the weight of the person.
"Bella?"
Anne placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Dear, you must get up."
Bella shook her head slowly and whispered, "I can't" too low for even Anne to hear. Exasperated, Anne got off the bed and whipped open the curtains to the room. The harsh light made Bella cringe; she had stayed in the darkness for so long. Light was a ruthless reminder that there was life moving on outside her isolated room.
"Is this what you will do for the rest of your life?" Anne all but yelled.
The furious look she bestowed on Bella, would make the bravest of men cringe.
"You weren't the only one to lose a loved one, I lost my son! Do you see me wallowing? Locked in my quarters refusin' to see everyone? I may have lost my son, and you may have lost your husband, but that child out there lost his father and your attitude is lettin' that boy know he lost his mother as well!
"Is that what you want? To leave that child an orphan?"
The tears that were once thought to have stopped fell down Bella's eyes.
"What will I do without him?" Bella quietly sobbed.
Sighing Anne's eyes softened, she closed the distance between her and the younger woman. Embracing her gently as Bella's body shook with heart renching sobs.
"You will live, and you will raise your son to know his father, you will tell him all you know and I'll help you," Anne said soothingly.
Bella looked at the only person who had ever been a true mother to her and nodded weakly.
"Alright," she whispered.
"Come on sweetheart, let's get you in the bath." Anne said as she helped Bella to stand from the bed and to the bathroom.
The days in bed, and the poor consumption of food had left Bella's body weak. She layed most of her weight on Anne as they made their way to the washroom.
"Momma?", Andrew's voice drifted from the open door.
Both their gazes fell to the small boy, his frightened eyes bolted to his mother's ragged appearance. A deep wrenching feeling settled inside of Bella, this was what she had done to her own child. Forcing a smile unto her face, she looked at Andrew.
"I'm fine Andrew, go," closing her eyes to keep some of the pain hidden. "I will be down soon."
With that she and Anne entered the washroom, the warm water was scorching at her skin, yet it seemed to wash away some of the worry. As Anne scrubbed the muck that had accumulated in Bella's hair, Bella thought about what she had to do now. Her fingers drawing aimless patterns in the water, would she stay, could she? Looking around the washroom and thinking of the plantation, could she live in a place where at every inch she was reminded of that which she had lost?
Sighing she leaned back and rinsed her hair out, stepping out of the claw foot tub, and drying herself quickly, Bella knew the answer.
Dressed, Bella examined herself, the dress fit looser, her eyes looked gaunt, the life in them had diminished. Yet there was still some life in them, this was what gave her strength. She turned at the sound of quickly moving feet, Andrew burst into the room his liveliness bringing a small smile to her face. It was not the smile she used to hold in moments similar to this, but it was a start.
Smoothing Andrew's hair back, she took his hand in hers. The small action bringing a wide smile to his face. Excited of the prospect that his mother had returned to him. They walked downstairs in amiable silence, sounds of her sons chipper voice explaining the few mishaps she had been absent for.
Bella noted the house was more silent than in the past. It pained her to think how that would change ever more with the coming months. The sight of the foyer brought a sharp pain to her chest, tears brimming at her eyes as she swallowed back the urge to run back to her quarters. A small squeeze to her hand bringing her back to the child looking up at her with curious eyes.
She leaned down on one knee as close as she could get to be at eye level with him.
"Sweetling, go wait on the porch for momma. I'll be out in a short while, alright? We'll head to the stables if you'd like?"
Andrew smiled wide at his mother and nodded running to the back of the house, watching after him Bella sighed. She wrapped her arms securely around her midsection, stealing herself for what she expected to be a daunting and prolonged argument. As slowly as she could managed Bella treaded to the drawing room, forced a contritely calm expression and sauntered in.
Anne looked ever the busy matriarch to an ever diminishing family. A picture of pure bureaucratic femininity as she made sure every detail of her husbands business and investments were met.
Bella swallowed the contrite lump that lodged into her throat, her ability to breathe easily dwindling with each heartbeat. With one loud deep breath, the diligent working woman's attention was brought up to her fidgeting daughter-in-law.
"Bella…?" Anne's eyebrows furrowed in a questioning manner, as she removed the low perched spectacles off her nose.
Eyes downcast, and fingers intwined nervously in the silken fabric of her dressed, Bella stuttered, "Anne…"
Stilling her frantic heart the younger woman lifted her head and faced the matriarch's fiercely loving eyes.
"I have been… pondering mine and Andrew's circumstance," she swallowed and righted herself.
"I am aware that this has been a taxing time for us… all of us, but I feel me and Andrew would be better suited elsewhere."
A sudden frown came upon Anne's face as she took in the words Bella was spouting.
"I never meant to come here, Andrew and I are quite fond of you and I don't wish to take us away from you... but I can't stay here anymore Anne. This isn't my home anymore it holds little of value for me, this is your home," as her speech progressed Bella's voice became stronger and more assured.
Anne stood, walked slowly towards Bella and took her hands in her own.
"I would never approve of this. You are young n' foolish, but as my history with this family shows I am no one to keep you here, darlin'. I want to know where you go and I need letters. Is there anythin' I can say to make you stay?" Anne's soft voice wafted over the empty room but Bella shook her head.
This house held nothing to her, Anne was one thing that she would miss but not enough to quell the painful memories each room held to Bella.
"Alright then, we'll do this right. Sit, let's make a plan. My grandchild will not be homeless while you decide what to do with yourself."
As they both sat in the large drawing room, they devised a plan. By the time both left the room, a despondent air filled the house. As if the building itself could feel the collapse of it's once flourishing owners, the Whitlock Plantation would be merely a house with a aging widow who's family slipped away through her fingers.
A/N: I know! It took me a year to write this. In one year so much has happened, I broke with someone, quit school got a job got into the school of my dreams got with someone else, and moved! WOW I know so it's been busy hectic not very conductive to my writing. It wasn't beta'd as you can tell but it's somewhat good. I'd like to think with actual college writing classes my writing improved slightly... or not. Leave some love even if I know I haven't deserved it, and thank you for waiting. I hope to write more soon