"I'm sorry Bells, but I just can't do it." Jacob's eyes held the weight of the world behind them, his words solemnly spoken.
She had relayed every word the Cullens had spoken, but the last glimmer of hope she'd held had been cast aside by his immediate and instinctual response.
"Are you kidding me? What's wrong with making the pack bigger? After all, it would mean the people in La Push are safer, wouldn't it?" Bella wasn't ignorant of the manipulation she was attempting to weave, but she also couldn't find it in herself to care; this was the life of her wolf she was talking about, and doing something a little out of character to save him didn't seem too much to ask.
Jacob's eyes took on a little edge of darkness and she knew that her words had found their mark. "I mean, if you don't do this then they're going to die! And what then? It'll be Jared and Quil all over again, won't it? So, they'll be more people phasing anyway, so what's it matter if we just speed the process up a little bit?" Throwing her hands wildly in the air, she caught a disapproving look from Quil, but he didn't make any indication that he wished to intercede on her, or Jake's, behalf.
"It's not the same thing, Bells, and you know it. Have you even thought about what I would have to do to make this happen? I mean seriously, are you going to go out there and hand pick these kids, parade them in front of a bunch of leeches until they phase and then tell them that whatever plans they had to get the hell out of here just got fucked, all because you were too selfish to care about anyone but yourself?" Jacob was too lost in making her see his side of things that his didn't notice his voice rising, his body physically leaning into her petite frame that was now only a foot or so from his.
"Jake." Quil cautioned, but his voice was lost in the melee.
"Alright, so it's selfish, but who the fuck cares? This is two of your pack you're talking about and you could save their lives, but you're choosing not to!" Bella shouted, pushing her finger angrily into his chest.
"I bet if it was Leah lying in there, you'd have the whole of La Push lined up at the boarders already." Bella snarled, her furious eyes meeting his with no fear for her safety, no care that she could see tremors ripple over his body as he rapidly lost control.
Jacob didn't have time to respond as a very calm Quil stepped between them, his body blocking both his Alpha and Bella from the object of their anger.
"You both need to calm down. Once you've done that, we can talk about this rationally, but until then this conversation is over." The tone of Quil's voice was so low and authoritative that Bella never considered contradicting his edict, already taking steps backward. However, Jacob was another story. Not only did he have anger rolling under his skin, but one of his pack, potentially the only member of his pack, was directing orders at him and in his current state he wasn't strong enough to hold back his wolf from acting on the threat.
His teeth were on Quil's neck before he knew what was coming and immediately the younger wolf went limp beneath him. There was too much instinct and danger at play to do anything else, but Bella didn't see it that way, didn't see that this was merely a reprimand and so she lunged forward beating her fists against Jacob's back and screaming at him to let go.
It took Sue's tired arms to pull her back from what could have been a lethal situation.
"Jacob?" Sue asked, acutely aware that something needed to be done to stop the fragile unraveling of the lives standing in front of her.
Having let Quil go, his back was now to the room and after a long moment to pull his emotions back under control he turned, his eyes shifting over the room with careful consideration.
"I'm sorry, Bells, but I can't do this. I can't trap anybody in this life; it's not a decision I'm willing to make." His words were placating, but then Bella couldn't understand why he wasn't looking at her, why he was staring rather pointedly at Sue.
She didn't catch a slight nod of Sue's head, so she thought it quite strange when the elder Quileute stood without word and left the room.
Bella couldn't bring herself to accept that this was his final decision, that she couldn't do something to change his mind, so without hesitation she stood once again and this time found a place to bury her anger, her fear.
"Jake, please don't do this. Don't tell me that you won't, because if you do that, if you condemn them to die without even trying, then I don't know who you are. That's your best friend up there and you're just sitting there when you could be saving him." Her tone was soft and pleading, but it was the desperation in her eyes that left him looking firmly at the ground.
"Please Jake? Quil didn't hate it. Ask him, I know he didn't." Bella turned to Quil and found like Jacob he wouldn't meet her eyes, wouldn't speak up against the injustice of his Alpha's choice.
"Enough, Bella, just give it a rest, okay? I'm not gonna change my mind on this and I think it's pretty unfair that you're still trying. I know who's up there. I know what they did to them and you don't think if I could do this I would? I can't force others to join when I wouldn't have wanted to myself, it's just not right." Jacob closed his eyes and looked so peaceful that Bella wanted to go over to him and shake him, scratch him 'til he could feel the same pain she was suffering through.
His words had been spoken with such finality that she knew he would never alter his mind, never agree to what she was asking of him.
"Would you do it if Leah asked you to?" She asked petulantly, her hands crossing over her chest as she tried to hold herself together.
"No." Jake replied succinctly, but she still caught a flash of something untouchable in his eyes.
"Well, we'll see, won't we?" She said haughtily and turned towards the stairs, managing one step before a hand fell angrily on her wrist.
"Enough!" He roared and whipped her body around to face his, the flash she'd noted before igniting into fury as he towered over her.
"If you care so much, then why haven't you even seen him? Why haven't you even asked me how Paul is if you're so hell bent on saving him?" His words sliced through her and she almost collapsed on the floor beneath him. It was a blow so low that she hadn't seen it coming, hadn't known she would need to guard herself against something like this from her best friend.
She found his eyes and knew immediately that he regretted his words, but it was too late to take it back and they both knew it.
"Fuck you, Jake." She said softly, as she ripped her wrist out from his grip, trying to hold herself together until she was out of his sight.
Her body was too feeble to rush out as she'd wanted and so her progress was slow, her feet pulling her in an unknown direction. It was only when the door was shut behind her and the first tears began to fall, that she allowed herself to feel the full extent of her emotions, the crushing feeling of defeat and desperation ripping through her. Tears flowed heavily down her face and as she slumped to the floor, Bella finally noticed her surroundings.
The room was darker than she'd expected and there was nothing clinical about it at all, but as she wiped away the blurry film from her eyes, she knew why her steps had brought her here.
Paul.
Sitting against the doorway, she held herself so still, her breaths shallow little gulps of air. His presence alone balanced her emotions and she knew now why she hadn't come before, why she hadn't asked Jacob how he was doing. She already knew.
A thin white sheet covered him up to his hips, but above that there was another layer of white, a bandage that covered almost his entire back. Even in such a terribly weakened state, she could still feel strength pouring from him, but this time it felt like his life-force was oozing out into the heavy air of the room. She wanted to gather the pieces of him together and hold him still, to stop whatever it was that was fading in front of her very eyes.
Her feet were slow to cross the room, and with each small area of distance traversed, she noticed something about him that hadn't been there before.
First it was the pallor of his skin, even in the dim light she felt like she was watching the venom steal him away, sucking dry whatever glorious gift of nature had made him so vivid.
Next it was the fine sheen on sweat covering his body, the fight taking place in the darkness of his body releasing outwards in his toxic struggle.
Finally it was the lack of heat. As she slipped down to sit on the floor next to his bed, she felt nothing and as she reached out and brushed her fingers across his untouched cheek, she gasped to find him so cold.
Holding her tears at bay, she sat by his side for hours, whispering to him over and over that he had to fight, that it would be the only way to come back to her. There was no indication that her words found their source, but as the sun set she repeated them like a mantra, her lilting coax not even stopping as sleep began to take over.
Her injuries were too fresh to sleep well in such an uncomfortable position, but when she woke to find Quil shaking her shoulder lightly, her immediate response was to check on Paul, to check he hadn't slipped away as her mind sought solace in tangled dreams.
"Sue found something, you need to come and hear what she the Elders have to say." His words had been chosen cautiously, but she couldn't suppress the trickle of hope that found its way into her eyes.
Laying a gentle kiss on Paul's outstretched fingers she rose gingerly, once again grateful that Quil was so willing to offer his support.
Mentally she couldn't get downstairs fast enough, but her body held her back and though it pained her to do so, she pushed hard, ignoring the protests of her fragility as she went. When she finally found refuge in one of the living room chairs, she lifted her head from her feet for the first time, finding several new pairs of eyes looking her way, assessing her injuries.
"Sue." Jacob prompted, his arms looped possessively around his imprint, her head nestled snuggly against his chest. The only indication Bella had that Leah wasn't in a deep sleep was a gentle caress of her thumb, trailing back and forth over Jacob's pulse point on his neck. It hurt to see them together, but she hastily swallowed her jealously, knowing it served no positive purpose.
"Bella, we called a meeting of the Council to discuss our options. No one is questioning Jacob's choice as Alpha, but I believe this is so sensitive a topic to all of you that the burden was being unnecessarily carried on his shoulders alone." Bella heard the words and felt her little trickle of hope expand into a flurry. Jacob's decision wasn't final, at least not anymore.
"Bella I'm not going to build your hopes, I'm afraid we unanimously agreed that it would be unnatural to force the phase upon our sons." Bella shook her head, trying to push the words she'd absorbed back out into the ether. Why had they brought her here then? Why take her away from her wolf and feed her false hope if they were only going to force her to accept his fate once again? She was about to open her mouth and indignantly say something to that effect, when a kind voice broke into her thoughts, a paternal familiarity that she locked onto intrinsically.
"Bella?" Billy Black called to her, her head rolling to find his gentle eyes so full of sadness. "There is something which used to be done a long time ago with the imprints, something which completed the natural circle and bound them to their wolves as their wolves were already bound to them." Bella's interest piqued as he spoke with wistful maturity, his gentle voice enrapturing her with its quiet confidence.
"So right now the imprint is one sided? Does it matter, I mean will whatever this thing is make a difference?" She asked, her eyes locked with his.
But his response wasn't the assured one she was expecting. "The imprint bond is all about balance, but right now yes the weight of the gift falls only on the wolf, you could leave at any time if you so decided, go on to marry and bear children with another of your choosing, but that is not the way for the wolf. For the wolf there will only ever be the imprint. In order to accept your wolf fully, you would need to be marked with his blood, but the blood now running through your wolf's veins is poisonous."
"So it might kill me too?" She asked, remembering what the Cullens had told her, that the venom was poisonous to both humans and shape shifters, only the end result was different.
"We aren't sure, but there is a possibility you would become the enemy, one of the cold ones." His words were evenly spoken and she appreciated his honesty, but she already knew what she was going to do.
"If I do this, if you'll let me do this, will it make the pack stronger? Will it give them a chance to live?" Bella asked, her questions rushed in her eagerness to actually do something.
"This is not a request we can deny. As an imprint, it is your right to be bound if you so choose. But there are consequences, Bella. Yes, you will make the pack stronger, but you will never be able to leave either. Any significant time spent away from your wolf would weaken you both, eventually it would kill you and as I said before he will only ever be the one for you, death does not negate the bond. But that being said we don't even know if you would survive this plain without him, so that may be of little consequence. It's a very serious decision Bella and one you need to think about before you rush into this." Billy looked deep in her eyes, hoping to pass down just how serious this was, something which even if it succeeded to save the two wolves would have an equal chance of killing her.
"I don't care about the consequences. I want to do it." Bella said firmly, looking around the room defiantly as if someone might stop her. A few of the Elders who'd gathered seemed pleased by her choice, but that did nothing to blanket the look of pure fury emanating from Jacob and Quil. Obviously, both had been against revealing this option.
"I'm sorry, but you have to know that I can't not do this." She spoke only for them and whatever chink she'd expected to pierce in their anger remained unbroken.
There were no more words spoken from the Elders as all those who could rose to their feet.
"We'll need to bring the boy down here." A man who Bella didn't recognize said, breaking the silence. Though she wanted to beat her fists down and insist that no one touch Paul, she watched as Quil reluctantly rose, Jacob following a few moments later after carefully tucking Leah into the corner of the couch he'd just evacuated.
Their progress was slow and with each step they took Bella felt Paul's discomfort in her throat, his body so abused that she found so little of the strong wolf she'd known.
"Are you ready?" Billy asked and she felt his warm hand curl around hers, squeezing gently as he offered her his support.
A single nod was all she offered and as she found her feet, a single weak voice broke through the suffocating expectation in the room.
"I want to do it too."
All heads whipped around to face Leah, to find a cool confidence written across her bruised face. But it was only Jacob who spoke, only Jacob who angrily threw his fist down against his own leg.
"Over my dead body. " He said with such soft intensity that Bella felt the hairs on the nape of her neck stand on end. Luckily this wasn't her fight, and it wasn't her choice to make, so she watched in fascination as Leah unwrapped her legs and rose with a broken grace.
"Well then you better lie down and start dying, Jacob Black, because whether you agree with me or not, I'm doing this too."
a/n: I'm really sorry this one took so long to get to you folks, but here it is and hopefully worth the wait.
As always a big thanks to my crazy wonderful beta, Twiticulate... xxx