A/N-Hello...sorry for the extremely long wait. There's a lot going on in this chapter and I wanted to make sure I was happy with it before I posted it (moving twice and school starting again didn't help either). I hope you enjoy and I hope it was worth the wait!

LOVE SONG

Chapter Eight

The prison loomed several hundred yards away—it seemed to have billowing black clouds coming up from its features encased in electrical iron. That didn't necessarily have anything to do with what lay inside it. As Opie's truck grew closer and closer, Kate started feel her throat closing in panic. She was almost ready to jump out of the truck altogether. The prison itself was scary as hell—but it was what was waiting for her beyond the walls and the fences that scared her the most.

She glanced nervously at Opie, who had seemed to sense her near hysteria, and he smiled reassuringly at her.

"Prison's not so bad…" he started softly. "At least not once you get used to it."

"I'll try to remember that." She whispered, trying to force a smile that wouldn't come.

"If you don't mind me asking…when was the last time you saw your dad?" Opie's voice was still soft and she knew that whatever her answer was, he would listen and understand.

"I haven't seen him since before I left Charming…wow, that was…nine years ago then. "

They were silent for a moment and Kate's eyes drifted again to the menacing building they were fast approaching.

"The last time I saw my dad I told him I hated him," she begin. She had no idea why she was talking about it—this was a little too intense for small talk but she kept going. "I told him that I didn't care if I ever saw him again. That I hope he rotted in jail."

"You were what—15, 16?" Opie asked kindly.

"Yeah, something like that."

He laughed good-naturedly. "Growing pains, huh? I can imagine my daughter would probably say the same thing to me if I ever found my way back in the pen."

"She probably wouldn't be nearly as angsty and hateful as I was. I could barely look him in the eye I was so…"

Opie smiled faintly and gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. "What did your dad say…after you…when you saw him last?"

She smiled painfully at the memory. "He told me he would always love me and that I could come back anytime I wanted to."

"Yeah, that sounds like your dad."

"Does it?" She asked, realizing for the first time in nine years that she didn't know really know her own father's personality well enough to know if Opie was accurate or not.

"Yeah, it does." He paused for a moment. "You know, I wouldn't worry about all that. Things are different when you're in the pen…things are more simple. More cut and dry. You see things clearly because you have more time to really see them. Your dad isn't going to be holdin' any grudges, Kate."

All she could do was nod, even though she didn't know why, and then she turned to stare aimlessly out the window, away from the approaching iron fence. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again, Opie was parking the truck near the visitor's entrance.

They were met by a guard and Kate felt numb was Opie gave him their names. They showed their ids and then were escorted into a waiting room where they were screened for anything someone could possibly try to smuggle in to a loved one in prison. She barely felt like she was in her own body. It was as if she was watching herself from the wall, from the ceiling, from anywhere but inside herself. It had been so long since she'd been in that room she had completely forgotten what it was like. She looked around anxiously at the other families and found herself looking straight into the eyes of young blonde teenager. The girl only made eye contact with her for a second but the girl's eyes were glassy and scared. And sad. She wondered how many times the girl had been in this room, how many times she had been searched and patted down, how many times she had felt the way she looked, if she wondered if she would ever feel whole again. She wished she could tell the girl that it got better, that it was easier to just not think about whoever she was visiting. But she couldn't.

When they were finally taken to the visiting room, she felt Opie gently squeeze her shoulder.

"I can sit with you if you want." He murmured softly.

She just shook her head. "No…I'll be fine, thanks though."

He nodded solemnly and then disappeared back into the waiting area. With a deep breath, she realized that she was now on her own. Nothing and nobody to hide behind. It was time her father finally met his adult daughter. Still, with hands that trembled at her sides, she found herself wishing Jax was there. Somehow, she felt stronger whenever he was next to her.

But he wasn't. He was with his son doing exactly what he needed to be doing. And she was doing exactly what she needed to be doing too. She just wished it wasn't so damn scary.

Her eyes anxiously scanned the tables, searching for what she remembered of her father. Did he still have that long greasy hair? She sighed exasperatedly. He could be fat and balding for all she knew. Or skinny and bitter. And then her eyes fell on a table against the furthest wall from the doors with a lone, slightly hunched over figure sitting with his back to her. She didn't need to see his face to know that man was her father. Whether it was fate or luck, she didn't know, but at that moment, it felt like she'd him anywhere. Same shoulders, same hair…same everything.

She approached him carefully with cautious and noiseless steps. After all this time, the weight of every emotion she'd ever felt for him was slowing her down. It was hard to push aside because there was so much of it. She'd never completely known what she was supposed to do with the confusion surrounding her feelings towards him and that made her current situation even more difficult. Right about now, she was wishing she'd never decided to come here. She almost turned on her heel to flee back to the waiting room but something was driving her forward.

A few heartbeats later, her father turned his head and then stood up to greet her. She almost jumped back in shock at the weathered creases and weary expression on his face. He looked tired. He looked old. He was wearing an eye patch over one eye and had an ugly red scar running across the other. That definitely wasn't there the last time she saw him.

But what shocked her the most were the outstretched arms he extended towards her. There was a warm, albeit tired, smile on his face and she could've sworn his eyes were shining with something like unshed tears. Before she could register what was happening, his arms wrapped themselves around her and pulled her in. He held her tightly to his chest and squeezed gently, whispering something into her ear that was too low to make out. She couldn't relax in his arms but when she finally let herself take a breath, all she could focus on was her father's smell. It was so different than she remembered…gone was the ever-familiar scent of Irish Spring soap and gasoline. He smelled almost like he looked…old, weary, and weathered, almost musty. He really was rotting away in prison.

When his arms loosened and drooped to his sides, she took a small step back as a reflex. Maybe it was defensive. She wasn't sure. He was smiling again and gestured for her to sit as he walked briskly to the other side of the table so he could face her. When they were sitting directly across from her, she suddenly couldn't remember what she had come there to say. The shock of seeing him…like this…and after so much time had passed…she felt like the wind had been knocked right out of her.

"I'm so glad you're here, Katie." He whispered finally, a soft smile on his lips.

She tried to smile back but there were too many emotions swirling around for her to fake anything. He probably saw right though it anyway. She swallowed nervously and prayed her voice wouldn't fail her.

"I heard about…what you did, Dad." She said hoarsely.

He just nodded simply, as if he had been expecting her to say that. "And you're here for some explanations…"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah. My life…has…well, it's been completely turned upside down."

He didn't say anything then. He just folded his hands tightly in front of him on the table with his jaw clenched and a pained expression written in his eyes. It was an image she was used to seeing in Jax whenever he was struggling with the situation she currently found herself in. It was one thing to see it in Jax but to see it in her father was a whole other story.

When he still didn't say anything, she started speaking again. "I've tried so hard to stay away from the club…and then, out of the blue, Jax and Clay show up to tell me my store is technically owned by the club and that I have to help them or else…"

He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them, they were glassy again. "I know there's nothing I can ever say or do to make you believe how sorry I am. When Clay and I signed those papers almost ten years ago, the club was thriving…the money was rolling in, we were the kings of Charming. Neither one of us could've ever known it would've turned out like this…hell, if I would've known you'd be put in this position, I never would've signed those papers."

He paused for a moment to rub his temples. "I just wanted to make sure you'd be taken care of. That you'd have a good life. I wanted you to be able to go to college, to be normal, to have friends that didn't have tattoos and ride on the back of motorcycles. I thought I was doing that for you…ten years ago, the club would never have missed that money. I wanted you to have a chance to get away, Katie, if that was what you wanted…"

A lump was rising in her throat and before she could do anything to stop it, a tear slipped down her cheek.

"I guess hindsight's always 20/20," he continued softly with a sigh. "Deep down, even though I never would've admitted it then, I knew your mom wasn't going to make it out of that shit alive. I knew the club would be there for the both of you but knew that wouldn't be enough to help her. Money wouldn't keep her clean or get her out but I thought that maybe it would be enough to help you. It seems like I was wrong. Maybe there really is no getting out…"

Part of her wanted to reach out and grab his hand and tell him that it had been enough, that she had gotten away, that she had done all the things he'd hoped she would but she just couldn't do it. It was too hard and it was too much to come to terms with.

"I just wanted you to have a good life, Katie…this situation with the club will work itself out, however it's supposed to work out. I wish there was something I could do…but I'm not much good to anybody stuck in this piece of shit place. But Jax is a good guy; I'm glad he's watchin' out for you. I'd trust him with my own life. He'll make sure nothing and nobody ever gets close enough to touch you."

"He's already done that, hasn't he?" She muttered, her voice taking on a bit of an edge.

"Don't be too rough on Jax," he laughed lightly. "He was just lookin' out for you. I'm the one that did all the dirty work…and for the record, I'm not apologizing for that one. I don't feel the slightest bit sorry."

She wasn't sure how to respond to that. She was very aware that both Jax and her father had just been trying to protect her. She understood that and, for the most part, was coming to terms with it. It was the lack of remorse for taking a life, even if it was a criminal's life and the lack of communication with her that she still had a hard time reconciling.

"I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could understand." She whispered. She couldn't think of anything else to say to explain what she was feeling.

He nodded soberly. "I know…I know. I know you've been through hell and back because me, because of your mother, because of the club. I know you hate me because of it and I can't blame you. I'd hate me too if I were you."

Her throat felt dry and scratchy and even though she wanted to, she still couldn't say anything.

He gaze darted to the guard walking towards them and then looked back to her. "Listen, our time's up here. But I just want to say, Katie, that I'm really glad you decided to come see me, even if it wasn't under the best of circumstances. Don't feel like you have to come back but I'd be glad to see you again anytime you want."

She nodded as he reached over to squeeze her hand.

"I love you, Katie."

She barely heard him say it and as soon as it registered, he had already gotten up and was being led away by a guard. Another guard was almost immediately at her side to escort her back to the waiting room. She watched, with burning eyes, as her father glanced back at her with a wide, happy grin. Then he was gone.

Once again, she felt completely numb. She didn't know what she was expecting to come out of this visit but she didn't feel like she'd accomplished much. She'd wanted answers and while she had gotten some, she was now left with even more questions. Questions that she had no idea how to find the answers to.

Opie stood when he saw her and said nothing as they checked out of the room and walked back to his truck. They hadn't even made to the end of the prison's driveway and she was already fighting tears. She hadn't expected that visit to be so…emotionally draining. Just seeing him looking so worn and tired was more than she could handle. And she had gone so many years convincing herself that he didn't love her, that he had only ever cared about the club, and that she hated him. Now, in the span of less than an hour, everything she had built up in her mind about him was twisted and thrown up in the air. She didn't know how she felt about anything anymore.

Opie cleared his throat and glanced anxiously over to her several times. She just couldn't look at him because she was worried she'd start crying. He was probably waiting for her to say something…anything, but right then, she didn't even know where to begin. She was still trying to make sense of what had just happened to her.

"I don't know if anyone told you…" Opie began slowly. "I'm getting married in a few weeks."

She was grateful for the welcome distraction. "What? Really? I didn't know…"

She racked her brain to figure out who Opie might be marrying. Wasn't he dating someone he knew from high school when she left? If she remembered right, she thought she'd overhead Gemma talking to her mom about Opie getting married, but that was well over ten years ago. She figured it was better not to ask too many personal questions. After all, she hadn't really spoken to him in years and it wasn't really any of her business anyways.

"Yeah," Opie went on with a proud smile. "Lyla's the best woman I could ever ask for…good with my kids…with her kid. She makes me happy."

She couldn't help but smile back at him. "That's great, Opie. I'm really happy for you."

"So I know it's too late for one of those formal, mailed invitations but you know I'd love to have you there, right?"

It took a second for her to fully realize what he said. "Really?"

"Yeah," he laughed with a smile. "What are you talkin' about? You're family, Kate."

She smiled a little at that but all this talk about family was making her uncomfortable. That was all she seemed to be hearing from anyone who was affiliated with Samcro…you're family, Kate. The club protects its family. The club would do anything for family. Well, the jury was still out on that one.

"And you know," Opie went on, ignoring her silence. "That also includes birthday parties."

She winced and groaned a little. "Ugh…that's tomorrow night, isn't it?"

"Sure is," he affirmed with a wide grin. "The club is gonna throw one hell of a party for my boy. If Jax is still standing upright by the end of the night, then I didn't do my job."

Her eyebrows rose. "Oh…so maybe that's a good excuse for me to be conveniently busy tomorrow night. I don't really care to see Jax face down in…well, in just about anything."

"Nah," Opie laughed. "It's not gonna be that bad. Jax isn't really like that anymore…he used to be, not gonna lie…but ever since Abel came along and all the shit he and Abel have been through, I guess he just realized there are more important things to worry about than pussy."

"I guess I'll have to believe it when I see it then, huh?"

"Come on, you really think Jax is gonna go crazy tomorrow night, get stupid drunk, and sleep with as many girls as he can in one night…especially with you there?"

She just shrugged and opted to ignore that last part. "I don't know. I guess I don't know him well enough one way or the other to really tell. But I do know that every time I saw him however many years ago, he was always with a different girl."

"Right…but that was the Jax nine years ago. Before he became a dad. Before he grew up." He pointed out.

She nodded slowly, trying to figure out why she was talking about Jax this way. Maybe she'd never really thought about him being with women before because that was a side to him, this older and wiser Jax, that she had yet to see. Maybe she'd hadn't really wanted to think about it to begin with.

"Jax is a good guy, Kate. "

"You're the second person that's said that to me today." She muttered under her breath.

His eyebrows rose a little. "Your dad?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, he's right. I know some of Jax's…methods…are a little off, he's got a short fuse too, hell—I can't imagine having to be around him the way you've been having to lately—he can be a bitch to be around sometimes. But he has his reasons for being the way he is with you. And it's not just to be an asshole. I don't think that was ever his intention anyway."

"I guess…it's just that…I guess sometimes I get this vibe that there's more to it than that. I just wish he would tell me why he's being so manic-protective—can't drive home alone, can't be in the store alone, can't really go anywhere alone—it's beyond frustrating sometimes. I mean, some of that seems just a little bit unnecessary." She sighed exasperatedly.

Opie didn't respond; he just pressed his lips into a grim line. She bit her lip nervously at this change in him. There was definitely something going on behind the curtain of Samcro that she was being kept in the dark about. But she was not at all prepared when he suddenly jerked the truck over to the side of the road, skidding to a complete stop. They sat there in silence for a moment, Kate trying to catch her breath and Opie tightly gripping the steering wheel, staring straight ahead into the deserted road.

"Ok, Opie…" she got out in between ragged breaths. "What's going on? You're starting to scare me here."

He still didn't say anything. He ran a shaky hand over his face and winced painfully. His other hand fell haphazardly into his lap and he sighed.

"I have to tell you something, Kate and Jax can just beat the shit out of me later. Please don't stop me or ask questions…this is, well, this isn't an easy story to tell and I might not make it all the way through if I have to stop…but this is something you have a right to know and I should be the one to tell you."

Something in his voice hitched and Kate felt numb again. She nodded slowly, an icy chill coursing down her spine as her head moved. Whatever he had to say, it wasn't going to be pretty. Nothing, it seemed, ever was when Samcro was involved.

"I don't know if you knew this or not but I was married before. Her name was…her name was Donna. A few years ago, a couple months after Abel was born actually, a lot of shit went down with this ATF agent. Without going into too many over-complicated details, she convinced Clay that I was going to rat out Samcro…put me and my family in protective custody, a shit-ton of money in our checking account, everything you could think of to make Clay believe the ATF was going to set my family up right if I became a rat. The whole damn time I thought I was being investigated for a murder…I had no idea what was really going on."

He sighed and leaned forward on the steering wheel as if he needed the support. Another deep sigh escaped his lips before he finally wearily glanced her way. She had just about inched herself back all the way over to the passenger side window, almost pressing herself as far away from this as possible. It wasn't necessarily Opie she was trying to distance herself from; it was the information.

"Anyways," Opie carried on. "Needless to say, Clay and Tig, for that matter, believed that I was a rat. So they decided to take me out."

He paused again and looked at her with mournful eyes. "The night Abel came home from the hospital…everything had been going so well. Donna had decided to stay with me, she wanted our family to be whole, she was committed to me and figuring out a way to deal with what the club was. She wanted our family to be at Abel's party, said it was important for us to be there, to support Jax."

His voice was starting to crack and she wondered how many times he'd actually had to tell this story from start to finish.

"The plan was for Tig to follow me home in a black Escalade to make it look like it was a Niner drive-by shooting. Only when Tig pulled up behind my truck, it wasn't me in the truck; it was Donna."

She sharply sucked in a breath and for a moment, felt a little dizzy. Everything started to get hazy but she still heard his voice somewhere in the fog.

"Jax figured it out…beat the shit out of Tig, beat the shit out of Clay; he didn't tell me because he didn't want to take away the only family I had left…I'm grateful for that."

Her gaze jerked up at his last admission. "What? How could you be after…after what they did…"

He smiled sadly. "I know it's hard for you to understand but the club was all I had left. Without my brothers, I don't know how I would've made it through. You know that saying…you can't choose your family but you have to love them anyways? I guess it's kinda like that with the club. I don't agree with everything they've done or their reasons for it but I'm still a part of them, just like they're a part of me. Jax did the right thing in keeping his silence; he was protecting me, just like he's protecting you."

She didn't know what to say. How could anyone possibly know what to say after hearing a story like that? She'd always suspected there were plenty of things Jax wasn't telling her about the club but she'd accepted that he probably had good reasons for keeping the details from her. Now she understood why he'd never told her. He hadn't wanted to scare her even more than she already was.

"So I'm sure you can see why Jax has been so crazy about keeping you safe," Opie started again with a renewed calm. "Things between Jax and Clay…they're just not the way they used to be anymore. I'm not sure how much they really trust each other either. This thing with you…it just made things even worse between them. Jax was against bringing you into this from the start…and he had every reason to be."

"He's worried I'm going to get hurt." She stated with a soft sigh.

"Afraid is more like it," Opie replied quietly. "And we both know there's more at stake here than you just getting hurt. You could get killed because of all this shit, Kate and I don't think Jax would be able to live with himself if that happened."

She sighed deeply and leaned her head against the window for support. This was all just too much for one day.

"I just don't understand why he feels responsible for what happens to me. It's not like we're really friends or anything, we weren't all that close when I was growing up here…I just don't get when or why he decided he needed to be my bodyguard."

Opie grinned sadly and ran a hand over his face. "The thing about Jax is, and I guess I only know this because I've known the guy my whole life, is that when he cares about somebody, I mean really cares, he would do anything…he'd throw himself in front of a bullet if it meant keeping that person safe. That kind of dedication is intense as shit and outside of the club, there's a very short list of people that fall into that category. Gemma, Abel, and now…well, you."

She shook her head in confusion. "That just doesn't make any sense."

He just shrugged. "Doesn't have to, I guess. Maybe Jax figures he's seen enough women that he cares about get hurt because of the club. Donna, Gemma…like I said, he wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened to you too."

His eyes widened as he realized his slip of the tongue and immediately held his hand up in defensive before she even had a chance to open her mouth to respond.

"Look, that's not my story to tell. But Donna's not the only one who's gotten hurt recently. Just because Gemma's alive doesn't mean she wasn't put through hell."

So there was a reason for the haunted look in Gemma's eyes that night at the family dinner. Gemma had seemed different, more on edge, than she remembered and unfortunately, her intuition had been correct. She knew Jax would probably tell her now that she knew about Donna but she just didn't want to know. Maybe ignorance really was bliss.

Opie sighed again and gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. "Hey, I know this wasn't exactly the best conversation but I thought you needed to know. Jax wasn't going to tell you and even though I get why he didn't, you deserved to know what was really going on, you deserved to know the danger you might be in, more than from just the other MCs. And I think you deserved to know that Jax isn't just being overprotective for the sake of being overprotective. He cares about you, Kate."

Again, she didn't know what to say. She had no idea how many times she'd felt like that today. She was really sick of feeling like that. She didn't have the energy to let everything Opie'd just told her really sink in. She might crumble under the weight of it if she did. And she was already pretty damn close to losing it; if she allowed herself to wrap her head around all this, she would break for sure. But from what she was able to understand from Opie's story, she really couldn't afford to do that.

It wasn't until Opie dropped her off and she was walking up the stairs to her apartment that some of his story started to work its way into her brain. She could hear Jake barking and scratching at the door but it seemed like it took forever for her to get to him. When she finally let him out, he immediately jumped up, almost like he was trying to hug her, knowing that she needed it. She bent down and pressed a quick kiss on the top of his head.

"Always there when I need you," she murmured into his soft fur. He responded by licking her face and then pushed his front legs back down to the ground.

Once Jake was done outside and resting lazily on the couch, she felt her stomach growling but didn't have the strength or the energy to make any food. She normally loved the creative process of making a meal but the day's events left no room for that. She needed to recover a little. And push back actually processing those events for as long as humanly possible.

Let's see…her DVR had to overflowing with long-forgotten episodes of Law and Order: SVU…what else was she recording? Oh yeah, The Office. That was the one. She needed to laugh. She needed to be distracted.

She settled into her most comfortable pair of pajama pants and gently pushed Jake a little to the side on the couch. He always had a way of sprawling completely over the whole length of the couch. Just like a man, she thought warily, always taking up space. She ruffled his fur and plopped down next to him, flipping her TV on at the same time.

It's amazing how time flies when you're exhausted and need to escape. Nothing like all those antics between Dwight and Jim to lighten up her day. Jake nuzzled her hand, a not-so-subtle reminder to keep petting his head. She didn't know how many episodes she'd watched; she was pretty much zoning out. It wasn't until the doorbell rang and Jake leapt off the couch in a barking craze that she felt like she was really back inside her own body.

She couldn't say she was surprised to see Jax standing at her door step. It was only a matter of time before they'd have to face each other again. He waved, albeit a little awkwardly, with an uneasy smile as he greeted Jake.

"Hey, Jake," he laughed. "How's it hangin'?"

When Jake finally calmed down and was sitting happily at Jax's right, Jax finally looked up to meet her weary eyes. His eyes were kind, a little tired, but there was no trace of any animosity since their last encounter. Maybe somewhere along the way they'd both figured out that they weren't going to get anywhere by fighting.

He smiled suddenly, which rattled her already fragile nerves and gestured with his head towards his truck parked by the bottom of the stairs.

"Abel's in the truck…wanna see him?" There was a happy glint in his eye, almost excited and she realized that this was the first time she'd actually seen him this way since they'd been thrown back into each other's lives.

"Why is he…?" She trailed off as she followed Jax and Jake down the stairs.

"He's on this I-don't-want-to-sleep-when-my-dad-wants-me-to-sleep thing," he explained. "He never used to be like that but lately the only thing that puts the little man down is takin' a cruise in my truck."

She bit her lip to keep from laughing and Jax just grinned at her.

"What?" He asked as his grin grew wider.

"Nothing…it's just kinda sweet."

"What is?" He looked confused.

Now she was really laughing. "Aw, come on. You don't think it's sweet that the only thing that gets him to sleep is 'takin' a cruise' with his dad? If that's not sweet then I don't know what is."

Jax smiled again but this time it was a little bit softer as he peeked into the truck at his sleeping son. When he looked back at her, he motioned with his head for her to come closer. She took her place next to him and peered anxiously into the back seat window. There, sleeping soundly in his car seat, with his little blonde head drooped to the side, chubby cheeks and all, was easily the cutest kid she'd ever seen.

"Wow…he's adorable, Jax…he's totally passed out too; you weren't kidding, were you?" She whispered with a little laugh.

"Oh yeah," Jax replied lightly, tilting his head to one side as he watched his son. "Completely unconscious. It's a beautiful thing."

She smiled again and caught the look that changed in his eyes. They took a small step away from the truck and she watched with a shaky inhale as he shoved his hands in his pockets. For a few moments, they just stood there in silence and the longer they stood there, the more she slowly realized how relaxed she felt now that he was here.

He nudged her with his elbow and then that tired, sad smile was on his lips again. "Rough day, huh?"

"Yeah," she laughed softly. "Emotionally draining doesn't even begin to cover it."

He nodded and brought his arms across his chest. "Yeah, Ope mentioned that…listen, Kate, I know what he told you…"

"No, Jax," she immediately held a hand out to stop him. The last thing she wanted was to hear him apologize to her again. "I know what you're going to say and you don't need to, ok? What happened to Donna was…God, Jax…it's…I don't even know what to say. I can't blame you for not telling me. It would have scared the shit out of me; I would've probably run out screaming my head off and headed straight for the cops."

He swallowed and ran a hand haphazardly through his already messy long hair. He blew out the breath he was holding and when his eyes met hers, she thought she saw relief shining in them.

"I know you were just trying to protect me from all of that…so…thanks…" she trailed off quietly, not sure what else to say. They were treading on very unfamiliar territory here and it seemed as if neither wanted to take a wrong step.

"Don't worry about it," he replied hoarsely. "I think Ope did the right though, in tellin' you. At least now you know the whole story, what's really goin' on with Samcro. I guess it was bound to happen eventually."

The question was right on the tip of her tongue: what happened to Gemma? But she just couldn't; knowing about Donna was enough. Did she really need the scarring details about Gemma? Someone, who despite her mistrust and coldness towards her now, had once essentially been her caretaker? She didn't need to know.

She started backpedaling begrudgingly to the weathered picnic table. Jax followed suit and settled down next to her, both of them sitting on the top with their feet resting on the bench. They sat there for a moment and she could faintly hear the radio from inside his truck. It took her a second to figure out what song was playing: "Love Song". The familiar chords seemed to float around them, finally settling at their feet in a gentle, yet subtle pattern. For some reason, the song seemed to pacify both of them with the words themselves taking on a different meaning.

"So…" he started again. "Did you get what you needed from your dad?"

She blew out a sigh.

"That bad, huh?"

She just shrugged and shook her head. "It wasn't like that. It was just…really difficult."

She paused for a moment and briefly looked at him. He was just watching her with a steady gaze, silently supporting her, his eyes filled with quiet understanding. That gave her the strength to finally put to words what had been building up since she walked out of the prison and left her father behind.

"He just looked so…different," she started again shakily. "He looked so old. So tired. I never remembered seeing him that way. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel when I saw him again. I mean there's just so many things I wanted to say to him…I've fantasized screaming at him, asking him how he could be so stupid to trust Samcro with that contract, how he could just leave me like that…with her, how he could tell me that he loved me and then turn around and kill someone. But when I saw him…he just looked so broken and he was so happy I was there, regardless of the reason why."

She stopped again to catch her breath, feeling those unshed tears coming back up to haunt her. Jax's arm wrapped itself around her shoulders and he squeezed her left shoulder as if to say, it's ok, I'm here for you. She took a deep breath and made herself keep talking.

"The shock of seeing him like that, so helpless and defeated, I didn't know how to process that. I still don't."

"That's ok, Kate," he spoke up. "You don't have to. You're entitled to feel however you feel."

"That's just it. I don't know how I feel. I wanted so badly to be pissed at him, to show him how pissed I was for getting into all this shit because of a contract he signed almost ten years ago without even telling me. But I wasn't. I just felt…God, I felt bad for him. I didn't like seeing him like that. I didn't like seeing him in prison period. And all I could think about was how the last time I saw him I told him I hated him and that I hoped to God he wouldn't remember or still be angry with me."

"Otto's not like that." Jax stated quietly.

She nodded sadly. "Yeah, I know. You know, it's crazy…I've spent the better part of my life trying to figure out why he didn't care about me enough to stay out of prison, why he left me and then I find out that he had tried to take care of me, in his own way at least. He told me if he had known it would turn out like this that he never would've signed that contract with Clay. But he wanted me to have the opportunity to have a normal life, to get away from Charming, have friends that didn't have tattoos or ride on the back of motorcycles. He wanted me to be able to get away if I wanted to, Jax…I never even thought about why he'd ever get that trust for me in the first place…"

He squeezed her shoulder again and pulled her a little bit closer to him.

"Why didn't I tell him that I did everything he wanted me to? Why didn't I tell him I went to college…that I have my own store, that I'm ok, that I'm going to be ok?"

She couldn't hold the tears at bay any longer. This had been a long time coming and now they were rolling steadily down her cheeks. Jax glanced at her and frowned worriedly, squeezing her shoulder again.

"Don't cry, Kate." He whispered hoarsely into her ear.

"I…I'm sorry, Jax…"

"Hey," he pulled her even closer as he spoke. "You don't have anything to sorry for."

"But Jax…he told me that I could come back anytime I wanted to…"

"So if you wanna go back, just say the word and we'll go."

She shut her eyes tightly, which sent another round of tears sliding down her cheeks. " When he first got sent to prison, I would lay in bed every night and listen to my mom sobbing. When I couldn't hear it anymore, I knew she'd gotten high so I would go into her room and make sure she was still breathing. Then I would lie on the other side of the bed, on my dad's side, and press my face into the pillow to see if I could still smell him. After awhile, it just smelled like the cheap fabric softener my mom used. So then, I would lie in bed next to my mom and try to remember what his voice sounded like. I'd try to remember every conversation we'd ever had, everything we'd ever laughed about. I always held on to the sound of his voice when he called me Katie and when he said he loved me. I tried so hard to hang onto that, to remember but when I couldn't remember that anymore, when I couldn't hear his voice in my head…that's when I went to visit him and told him I hated him and that I hoped he rotted in jail."

A loud sob escaped from her lips and she winced at the sound of it. Jax's hand was in her hair now and the tears just kept coming.

"I should've told him that I loved him too today before they took him away but I just couldn't." She continued quietly.

"You can't beat yourself up like this, Kate."

"I want to forgive him so bad Jax…I just can't."

He nodded silently and pulled her closer to him, wrapping both arms tightly around her. She shut her eyes again and allowed herself to collapse into his arms. She cried quietly into his shoulder, finally feeling the weight of everything she had experienced that day. It was still so fresh her in mind and even after finally letting herself try to process it, she couldn't completely wrap her mind around everything she was feeling. It wasn't all just her father; there was the ever-comforting presence of Jax, who was holding her now as she cried into his shoulder.

He was pushing her back now and gently brushing a few stray strands of hair out off of her face. She squeezed her eyes shut again and another large tear slid down her face. His thumb ran across her cheek, catching the tear before it had a chance to follow its trail all the way down her face. For a moment, his eyes found hers, full of something she'd never seen before; his thumb lightly grazed her chin and then their lips were pressed together. Somehow, her arms wrapped themselves around his neck and his arms were pulling her closer to him, his hands lingering dangerously close to the small of her back.

And then, just as quickly as it had started, she found herself pulling back and unwound her arms from around his neck to fall into her lap. She was breathing heavily and when she dared to glance at him, he was rubbing his face with his hands.

He got up suddenly and took a few steps away from the picnic table. He fumbled into his back pocket for a moment and then anxiously lit up a cigarette. He puffed for a few minutes with his back to her and all she could do was hold her face in her hands, rubbing tiredly, completely spent for the day. If she could still barely process what had happened hours earlier at the prison, then it was bound to take days, maybe even weeks before she would be able to comprehend what had just happened between them. And that was if she even wanted to do that to begin with.

He flicked the spent butt onto the pavement and waited a moment before turning to face her. When he finally did, he still wasn't really looking at her.

"Jax, I…"

"I thought we said we weren't going to apologize to each other anymore, right?" He asked, his lips curving into a lop-sided grin.

She forced a smile and exhaled deeply.

"Hey," he started again as he took a few steps towards the table. "That was…well, it wasn't supposed to happen, right? I mean, you don't want where that might've been headin'."

"It was a mistake." She affirmed with a nod.

"Yeah."

Another small smile crossed his face and she wondered fleetingly who they were both really trying to convince.

"You were put through the emotional ringer today. This wasn't a big deal or anything, right? Shit happens."

"Yeah," she nodded again.

His head leaned to one side and he bit his lip in thought. She knew, probably as well as he did, that chances were good it was more than 'nothing', like they were trying to convince themselves. But even if it was something, that something was still a mistake and still something that they both knew couldn't happen. Everything had just gotten too complicated, too dangerous, and too emotionally charged. There would be no romantic admission because it was too risky to even think about the feelings behind it. She couldn't afford to even more involved with Samcro than she already was, especially given everything she'd learned today. Jax was part of Samcro and so she needed to keep her distance, even more so than before. Besides, she hadn't gone nine years of putting as much ground between her and Samcro as humanly possible to just throw it all away for one stupid kiss.

But even now, she could still feel his lips on hers.

"Hey, I better get goin'," he was saying now. "Abel's been out for awhile so it should be safe for me to get him back into bed."

"Right, yeah…so…"

"I'll be back tomorrow morning. I'll probably bring the prospect too; we've got some business to take care of so we'll probably be out of your way for most of the day."

She nodded again and ran a hand through her hair, realizing how terrible she must look. She watched as he walked closer and closer to his truck and peered into the back seat window at a sleeping Abel.

"I'm glad you brought him, Jax."

He turned back to her and grinned. "Yeah, me too. See ya tomorrow, Kate."

"Bye, Jax."

She started up the stairs and waved as she watched him get into the truck. He turned momentarily to check on Abel and then started the engine. She was expecting him to high-tail it out of there to put as much physical distance between them as possible but she frowned when he continued to just sit there with the engine running. It took her a moment to realize that he was waiting for her to go inside before he was going to pull away. She didn't feel her normal pangs of resentment at that realization. She was just confused. Part of her wanted to sprint down the stairs and say anything to get him to stay but then the rational side of her won out.

Inside of looking back at Jax, she opened the door to let Jake in and then followed him inside, back to her escape.

She didn't, however, notice that Jax sat parked where he was for a few minutes after. He was struggling with what he was feeling because he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt it. He probably couldn't even name the feeling if he tried, not that he really wanted to. Still, something about what had just happened felt different than anything he'd ever experienced. Then he shook his head. This wasn't like him to sit by a girl's door and just sit there staring at it. He'd never done this before. He'd never done any of this before. He wasn't a pussy.

But Kate had been right. It was a mistake. It was just the shitty by-product of a shit day. That was all.

Still, he looked up at her door one more time, waiting for…what? He shook his head again, hoping that would shake it out of him. That still didn't stop him from glancing up at her door one last time.

"Sweet dreams, darlin'." He breathed out, barely even hearing himself.

Then, he shifted into reverse and drove off, back to Charming and back to reality.

A/N-Oh boy...well, that was bound to happen eventually right? Not to mention just about everything else that happened. This was also a huge set-up for the little twist coming up in the next chapter.

With school starting again, I can't promise super-speedy updates, but I can promise that the updates will keep coming, just more slowly. I definitely have a plan and an endgame in mind for this and I want to see it through.

Thanks for your continued support! Now...please R/R! Also, if you'd like to make a guess about the twist...