Chapter 11: Treasures

As Doc, Slick, Lefty, Pricilla and Thug with Peter Junior on his shoulders, passed by Pricilla's humble shack, they stopped. Lefty knew that it was time for him to make up his mind.

Before him stood Pricilla, a lovely wench, good natured (which she wasn't being furious with him), resourceful, smart, reliable and faithful. And with her, was Lefty's only son, a bright-eyed scamp who mimicked Lefty's own good looks. On paper, this was everything a man could ask for. Then he looked down the road towards the river. He could just make out the mainmast of Devil Wind poking its tip over the jumble of buildings. Aboard her was danger, excitement, adventure, and occasionally treasure.

He looked over to Thug, who used that thick skull of his to point a couple of times over at Pricilla's hut.

"Whatcha waitin' for?" growled Doc. "We gotta be going."

Lefty took Pricilla's hands in his. "That's right," he said gently. "I gotta be going."

Thug groaned, "Lefty..!"

"You're a lovely woman," the thief continued, "and you have a wonderful son, but this isn't the life for me." He expected tears and maybe shouts, but she just nodded. He added, "I'll never forget you."

"Lefty," snapped Thug, "you're a moron! Look at this girl; she's gorgeous! Look at this kid; he's a wonder! How can any man not wanna be here?"

"I've made up my mind, Thug."

"But, but, but . . ."

"Thug," said Pricilla gently. "It's okay. It really is."

"It ain't okay! It ain't okay at all!" Thug's giant fist rolled into a ball as if he wanted to cream someone. "It ain't right!"

Doc said, "C'mon, Thug."

"No!" bellowed Thug. "No, I ain't goin'! If Lefty ain't stayin', then I am!" He realized what he'd just said and blushed. He glanced over at Pricilla. "That is, if you'll have me. You need somebody, girl. I know I ain't much . . ."

She was looking at him curiously. "Thug, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying if Lefty ain't smart enough to stay here, then I am. If he don't stay, then I do!"

Lefty was agape.

Pricilla looked over at him. "Is he crazy?"

Lefty shook his head. "Naw, Thug's just a man who knows what he wants and knows what's right. I don't." He turned and headed slowly for the docks.

Pricilla asked, "Do you really want to stay?"

"Sure, miss. Somethin' like this is all I've been dreaming of for years! And to tell you the truth, I get seasick something awful. I dread getting back on that ship."

"Well," she said with a smile flickering across her lips, "we can't have that, now, can we?"

۞

"You want me to what?" Tickles couldn't believe his ears.

"Put your head down," repeated Ali Badhboi, "and charge full speed into that wall."

"That wall's made outta bricks! It'd hurt a lot."

"That's okay."

"Sure, it's okay for you. It isn't your head."

"Look, would you just smash into that wall?"

"I don't wanna."

"Tickles, charge."

"How many gallons of water did it take you to wake me up in the Watch station?"

"Hey, that's not a fair comparison. There, you were dropped out of the sky, crashed through one wall, bounced across the floor and smashed into another wall, plus had the ceiling collapse on you. Here, it's a simple scamper and BOOM one, single wall."

"A brick wall."

"You're an elephant, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah."

"A big, tough guy?"

"Well I'm big, but I like to think that I'm sensitive."

"Tickles, charge the wall."

"I like poetry."

"Charge the wall."

"And flowers."

Ali Badhboi whispered, "There's a sexy lady elephant on the other side."

"(a) No, there isn't and, (b) if there were, she'd be big, fat, wrinkled, and have a gigantic nose. No thank you."

"Tickles, charge the wall."

"What's so important about that wall, anyway? Why do I have to crash through it?"

"Have you ever heard the saying, 'There's no treasure in Anhk-Morpork because, if there were, someone would have already stolen it'?"

"Uh, sure."

"On the other side of that wall is the vault of the Thieves' Guild. Everything that's been stolen in this city is just the other side of those bricks."

Tickles blinked. Tickles pondered. Tickles charged!

۞

"Tickles? Tickles? Wake up."

"Mmmm? Huh?"

"Wake up. Time to go."

"Hey! Why am I hitched to a wagon?'

Ali Badhboi and his men grinned. "Take a look inside the wagon."

Tickles squirmed around and lifted up his massive head. "Holy peanuts from the gods!" The wagon was filled with treasure chests, stacks of gold bars, gobs of jewelry, oil paintings, bags of coins, bundles of cash, wicker baskets filled with jade, towering marble statues, jeweled armor, a couple of crystal chandeliers, a silver saddle, and an octorine something or other.

"Time to go."

"Well, YEAH!" Tickles responded clambering up to his feet.

Ali Badhboi yelled up to Crackers. "Is that guard still staying inside?"

"He's in there, all right," gloated the dragon. "I can hear him trembling."

"Let's move out!"

Tickles started pulling the massive wagon towards the docks. The thieves ran and jumped into the moving wagon. As Crackers spread his giant wings, Irene Ironfist ran up his back and threw her arms around his snake-like neck. He lifted off, circled once and then falling into line, gliding silently behind the wagon.

As the neared the port, a line of archers moved into the street to block their path.

Crackers winged ahead and loosed a warning breath of fiery air.

The archers left.

The treasure wagon pulled up onto the docks and halted just below the gangplank. The thieves jumped down from the wagon and began toting the loot up into the ship.

Doc, Slick and Lefty appeared from across the plaza and hurried over to help.

The two trolls lumbered down from their guard posts, lifted massive amounts of treasure and hefted in back into the ship.

Ferrari's other men appeared and began carrying as well.

Overhead, Irene Ironfist on Crackers circled, keeping a lookout for anyone who thought about intervening.

Sinwell the Sailor again took up command of the ship on the quarterdeck. Redbeard grasped the great wheel. In the crow's nest, Amir the Corsair took up his position as lookout.

The gangplank was pulled up; the lines were cast off; and the ship glided quietly out into the slow moving river.

Ali Badhboi was given a muster list of the crew. Four were missing. The Crystal of Katoosh was quickly brought up from the wardroom.

"Magic Crystal, some of our people are missing. Tell us where they are," commanded Ali Badhboi. "Never mind Sireen de Wowwow; she elected to stay behind. What about Sloe Djinn Fez?"

"Blown up," reported the Crystal. "He was the explosion that ripped apart the Pink Pussycat Club."

"Oh no," breathed Ali Badhboi. "That's awful." He looked around at his shocked crew. "We'll have services for him once we've reached the open sea. What about Thug?"

The Crystal answered, "He elected to stay behind with his family."

"Family? I didn't know he had a family here. Well, good for him. That leaves more treasure for the rest of us. And what about Oh-Oh the monkey?"

"Imprisoned, sir, in the Anhk-Morpork City Zoo."

Ali Badhboi goggled. "Didn't we originally come here to get one of our crewmen out of the city zoo? Now, we have to go back and do it ALL OVER AGAIN!"

"No worries, sir," said Crackers. "I know the way. I can go fetch him back by myself."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be happy too." The giant red dragon spread his wings and flew off into the first glimmer of dawn.

So with the dragon off on his rescue mission, the rest of the crew took the last of the treasure down into the hold and toted the Crystal of Katoosh back down to the wardroom.

۞

Sergeant Fred Colon saw the first streaks of pink appear on the early morning horizon of the Sto Lat Plains. He crushed out his cigarette and prepared to head back to the station to check out and then head back home for a good meal and a well-earned snooze.

He noticed a ship slipping silently beneath the great

Anhk-Morpork Bridge. She was the Devil Wind, the same ship he had seen sailing up the river several hours earlier. She'd obviously had an uneventful trip.

That was the way Fred like things, nice and quiet.

THE END

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