~July 1996~

It had been years since Remus had last come and visited the grave of his old lover. Only three, but it felt like a lifetime. Since he had last been there so many things had happened; he found that Peter was still alive, Voldemort had returned and almost killed Harry, Voldemort had broken into the Ministry of Magic in search of a prophecy, and now they were in a war. All that in three years. It felt like it had been at the beginning of the First Wizarding War. But this time, there was something knew going on in his life. And he had to tell Sirius now.

Remus followed the path with a red rose in hand. He was wearing a suit, a nice one at that, and shoes that looked new. He squatted down, trying to be careful not to ruin it. It was about ten in the morning. "Hello, Sirius," he whispered. As usual he traced the name and set down the rose. He smiled a little bit. "It's been about three or four years since I came here last. Since then I quit my job at Hogwarts and I'm now working with the Order to get werewolves on our side. There's another war brewing. I promise I'll be careful and not get myself killed." A wider smile was on his face now.

"I don't know how much I'm going to be able to come and visit you now that the war's going on and that I'm…. I'll explain more of that later." Remus looked at the earth and closed his eyes. If he concentrated hard enough he could still smell the aftershave Sirius always used or hear his laugh when Remus had either done something stupid or something that Sirius loved him to do. A tear slipped out and a pang of sadness went through him. Rather quickly he wiped it away as he always did.

Silence overtook the cemetery. It was summer, but there was no one out there. Wizards and Muggles alike knew things were stirring about. The Muggles had no idea there was a war going on around them to protect them as well as the people in jeopardy on the Wizarding side. Remus knew that he was fighting for his fallen friends. Already there had been great losses on both sides. Many brilliant witches and wizards were dying each day from fighting for what they stand for. It scared him knowing that many of them were just seventeen. Some were younger than that.

And one of them was Harry Potter. At that moment they were planning on how to get him free. Remus knew the boy was going to go and fight in the battle alongside his two friends Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. It was truly just like the Marauder's fates all over again. That, admittedly, scared him; three more brilliant wizarding youth could be lost. He knew the fate of the word rested on Harry's shoulders. If only he would let the Order help with that so he wouldn't be all alone. But, just as James was, the boy was stubborn. Harry would fight alongside the adults who were seniors in the battles.

"Harry's going to be fighting; him and his friends. We're back at fighting yet again. The Weasley's have so many more now. There are so many more people fighting. But there are even more on You-Know-Who's side. We have about as much of a chance as we did when we were fighting the first time. I'm afraid, Sirius. I'm afraid that something's going to happen. Mostly I'm afraid something's going to happen to Tonks," he whispered, saying his thoughts out loud.

Oh, Tonks. In a few hours everything really would change for him. His life would be rearranged from how he knew it. The small flat that he lived in half of the time would become a home to someone else. It was almost too much for even him to think about. Was he even ready for this? Wasn't it the woman to get cold feet? He had always been the woman role of the relationship when it had been him and Sirius. He sighed quietly. There was so much for him to consider even though it was already happening and set into motion. Remus knew it was too late to go back, even though he would never consider going back on his word now.

The reason he was there was to say a last good-bye. Tonks knew about his past with Sirius, who was her cousin, so she understood how he felt. She was very open and understanding. She was too good for him, which was something they argued over a lot of the time. They would fight over that for a long time if they had it his way, but she won at last because he gave up on fighting this pointless battle. Maybe the reason he had fallen so hard for her was because she was like a younger version of Sirius. Tonks was outgoing, loud, funny, and loyal, extremely loyal. She was maybe a bit clumsy, but that's what made her endearing to him.

"I'm getting married today," he finally said. "Yeah, the guy who was voted most likely to not get married ever is getting married. And no, it's not to another bloke. I always thought I would be with a bloke, but it's not. It's to your cousin, Nymphadora Tonks. She's about ten years younger than me. Andromeda's daughter; I know that you have to know her, or at least know her name." Remus could feel the butterflies in his stomach as he spoke about her.

Was this how he had felt all those years ago when he had thought, let alone speak, about Sirius? He could barely remember it because it had been just so long ago. All he knew was that he missed feeling it towards someone. Tonks was around now and he knew she loved him with all of her heart, even though she shouldn't love a monster like him. Against everything he said, she loved him and he loved her too. Now he saw that it was all worth it for her.

"You'd like her. She's so nice, Sirius. I'm sure that she'd like you too. I think I love her, Sirius. I know that I told you that I really didn't believe in love, but I think I do. All I know is that I loved you when you were alive and that I love her right here and now. Hell, I still love you Sirius." In a heartbeat he would run into that man's arms if he had a chance. "I really do have to let go now. Of you I mean; I have to let go of you Sirius. I did say that I was going to about—what?—sixteen or seventeen years now. I just couldn't do it."

With his always light fingers he traced the name. These days he traced the outline of Tonks's face while she was sleeping or the curves of her body when he was holding her with the same fingers. She was perfect to him. There was nothing he would change about her. The favorite part of her was her hair and how it could change on a whim. When she was upset there was no control over it whatsoever, making it flash to different colors at rapid rates that he didn't even try to follow. The only other time was when they were making love. It always fascinated him at how it changed with how close she was to having an orgasm.

On the subject of love making, it always felt that they were making love. Not just having sex or fucking, being put in the crudest of terms, but actually making love. There was that spark between them every time that it happened. He had the feeling that he would never tire of feeling that way. Remus slowly dropped his hand to the dirt. "I love you, Sirius. And I will see you one day; not today, especially on my wedding day. I'll come by when I can to keep you posted on how the war's going. I'll keep safe the best that I can. I'll keep you in my thoughts as I always do. Tell James and Lily, if you can, that I'm finally getting hitched."

Remus couldn't help but grin. He was getting married. He, Remus John Lupin, was getting married to a brilliant girl that was probably half his age. He knew that if Sirius was around still he'd be making fun of him or they'd still be together rather than him getting married. Either way he saw it, it would be a good life. "I'll try to come around as often as I can. No promises though. Wish me luck, Sirius. Try to put some pull in up there that I don't screw any of this up, because I'm sure that I can screw it up in a very quick manner."

He closed his eyes and continued to just smile. It was the first time in ages he had really had a chance, or reason, to smile as much as he was at that moment. In his years he had seen marriage go wrong. His parents weren't the best people to throw together but they tried to make it work, even when his father was drunk or when his mother was in the hospital for harming herself. Thanks to those experiences he was going to make sure that this marriage, his own marriage, wasn't going to end up like that. It scared him how much he wanted this to keep going.

Despite all that he still hungered for Sirius's touch. And he needed that boy's love. Remus took a deep breath in and out. Still in that squat position he leaned forward until his lips barely brushed against the cold stone. It was all he had left of the boy; a grave and memories. The memories were starting to fade away the older he got. Remus knew that one day he would only faintly remember those feelings he had for the boy that had held his affection for over half of his life. "Good-bye," he breathed out.

Taking another deep breath in and out he stood up, brushing himself off of whatever dirt he had gotten on himself. As he turned to walk away the rose stood out against the bleak darkness that surrounded the graveyard. It was the one beacon of life. The rose was dying yet fighting so hard to live, and that was really how life worked. Every day you fought to survive until you just give up and can't do it anymore. Remus smiled a little at the thought. He looked up at the sky, knowing, and hoping, that Sirius was cheering him on as he did the biggest thing he could ever do.

A/N

Oh my. This one had me almost crying. Hope everyone who reads it, enjoys it! There are two more chapters left. Remember to review!