I didn't know what to think. Heck, it wasn't possible to think about it sanely. Running away from Loomis and being by myself was supposed to calm me down not make me think. If I thought then I would snap and I could not snap again. Yes, I was in love with Jace but this could not become an obsession. He had hurt me. I had to get over him. I didn't want to but I needed to.
I was running. I couldn't stop running. All the crazy energy rushing through my veins needed to come out one way or another. I ran until I couldn't take it anymore. It must have been miles. I stopped and felt something crawling up my throat. No one was around. I didn't care. I leaned over and let the puke come out on the forest's green floor.
The truth was I was scared. How could I face Loomis after I had rejected him? How could I ever face Jace again? No, no, no. I couldn't think, I shouldn't think.
By the sun, I could tell that it was about five in the afternoon. I had time. We had planned to go home at seven, so I wouldn't be late if I stayed out here for an hour or two. But where was home? For now I guess it was here, in the backwoods of Idris. A year ago I would have never thought any of this existed nevertheless was possible.
I slowly climbed the closest tree and sat on the thickest limb, about twenty feet off the ground. I needed to give into the viscous feeling in my chest. This craving was killing me. It was excruciatingly painful. I needed to give in and let it out but I couldn't. I knew I had to think everything out but I wouldn't let myself. I needed a plan. I needed knowledge. I needed to break down. It was time to give in. I was alone and the surrounding forest was beautiful. I didn't care if I was lost or not. I would find my way back eventually. I couldn't worry about that. I had bigger problems.
Then, I stared up at the cloudless blue sky and felt the first of many tears fall out of the corner of my eye and slide down my cheek.