Chapter 7: Apologies
Quil's POV
I couldn't look at them. I didn't want them to see me like this, but I knew they already had. Paul touched my arm and I looked up. He looked tired, worried, anxious, and sad. Embry tossed a pair of shorts into my face. I stood up and pulled them on, then started walking back to my house. I heard them following, so I turned around. "Guys, I'm okay. I'll call you if I need you," I said softly. My eyes and throat hurt like the fires of Hades. Embry turned back almost immediately but Paul lingered. Paul had also become Alpha since Sam stepped down. Rachel was still only twenty five to his twenty eight. He gave me the once over before following suit. I walked up the porch steps, each step seeming to get heavier. I trudged silently through the small house to the last room on the right side of the hall. I knocked on her door, there was no reply. I waltzed in and saw her staring through the window just in time to see it start pouring down. I made my way toward her. She just stayed in the same position. I knelt by her, and grabbed her hand. I cupped her face with my free hand and tugged her face until her eyes met mine. Her expression was blank. Just like her room. I rubbed her cheek with my thumb. Nothing happened, not even a blink. "Claire, why? Why did you do that? I know what you went through now," I said softly. "But, why do that instead of just talking to me? Surely that isn't better than talking to someone?" Silence. Not one word. "It's just easier," she whispered quietly, closing her eyes. "Claire, open your eyes. Please? I know it may be easier, but life is hard sometimes and you just have to work through the bumps. Even if the bumps in the road are huge, you can always find someone who can help you through them." Her eyes snapped open then. "Really? And who might this person be and where could I find them? I should have died that night Quil, but I didn't. You cannot sit there and tell me that that wasn't messed up! God, you don't understand. Don't even pretend to try," tears were running down her cheeks now. I gathered her in my arms and cradled her in my lap as we sat on the floor. I rubbed her back and smoothed her hair. "Shhhh," I whispered my voice trembling, "Oh Claire. Honey, shhh. It's okay now. I'm here, I'm here. Nothing's going to hurt you," "Can y-y-you m-m-make me for-r-g-get?" she asked suddenly still crying. "I don't know sweetie. I really don't. I can't promise that it will stop hurting, but I can promise I'll be here to help you," We sat like that for a while. I started rocking her and our stomachs growled. "I'm not sorry," Claire said after a few minutes. "It hurt a little but I felt relief Quil. For the first time in weeks I felt relief." I started shaking a little bit. I took deep breaths. Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale. "Frankly, Claire, I don't give a damn if you felt relief doing that. You are not, do you hear me, NOT going to do that again. If I have to stay here 24/7 and bring you with me everywhere, so help me God I will." "You can't stop me," she said. Anger clouded her face. She yanked up her sleeve and her teeth closed around a cut before I could stop her. Blood poured from the cut once again. I growled and rolled her onto her back. I held her arms above her head with one hand. I was situated between her legs, using my elbows to keep my full weight off of her, but still touching, I said slowly, "You are not cutting yourself again. I will not allow you too. You are not to hurt yourself again." "Oh, yeah?" she asked rolling her eyes, "What are you gonna do about it? Yell at me? Yeah Quil that'll have me shaking in my casts." She closed her eyes, and took deep breaths. I couldn't help it. I was mad, and I needed her to know I loved her. No matter what I would always love her. I crushed her lips with mine. She tried to wriggle out from under me. I wouldn't let her. I forced her mouth open and tasted her. She began to relax and kiss me back. I let her arms go, and moved my hands to tangle my fingers in her hair. She arched her back against me. I moaned into her mouth. I moved one hand to her hip. She gasped. "I," I said releasing my mouth from hers, "better not find out you are hurting yourself again or else there will be Hell to pay. You understand me?" I said placing a kiss on her lips after every word. "I understand you talk too much," she breathed. I laughed then grew serious. "I mean it," I whispered. "It was bad enough for me to see you in the hospital Claire. All bloody and broken," my voice cracked and wobbled and tears filled my eyes. I bent my head and laid it on her chest. "It was horrible. I can't bear to know you are hurting yourself Claire. That takes strength that I don't have. Even as a werewolf," My shoulders shook, and I couldn't be strong for her anymore. I let out my breath with a sob. The sobs kept coming, and I felt her run her hands through my hair. I slid my arms under her back to wrap around the tops of her shoulders. Her chest shuddered with her own sobs. I pulled her tighter against me. Still using my forearms from under her to bear some of my weight, I slacked letting most of my weight fall on her but still light enough she could breath easily. When our crying calmed and our sobs ceased I moved my arms to roll her shirt up. There was wrapping against her stomach my stomach clenched at the sight. She moved to pull the shirt back over, but I stopped her. I looked into her eyes, "No, Claire, I want to see you. I don't care about that," I gestured to the gauze, "or that," now pointing to her legs. "Claire, I love you. No matter what, okay?" She looked at me, her eyes filled with tears but she nodded. I lifted up and kissed her again. I rested my head on her chest and listened to her heart. Her hands combed through my hair again. I heard a car pull into the driveway, I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled her closer. "Quil," Emily's voice said through the door. "Are you going to make the poor girl starve?" I growled. As if I would EVER let my imprint starve. "We'll be right out Em," Claire said. I kissed her gently one more time and rolled off her. She sat up, and winced. I knew I couldn't have helped it. I just picked her up and put her in her chair. "Come out when you are ready," I whispered into her ear. She nodded. I walked out of the room and into the kitchen where Emily was stirring pots and pans of what looked like spaghetti. I turned instantly at the sound of wheels against the floor. I saw Claire coming towards me. Then, Eli ran up to her and said, "Where's NoNo?" Claire's eyes filled, "She's gone," she whispered. She rolled quietly back to her room. I headed in her direction when a hand stopped me. "Leave her be," Emily said quietly tears streaming down her face.
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