Chapter 8: Worries

I was worried about Claire now more than ever. She could walk now but the doctor said she still shouldn't walk too much. Ever since Eli asked her about Noah she barely says anything. She won't talk to anyone. Most days she just stares out her window. I have to watch her to make sure she eats. One day I got angry when she didn't answer me. "What's wrong Claire? You've hardly talked in months." We were in the living room. She wouldn't look at me. It was hurting because if I knew what the problem was I could help. I jumped up from my seat on the couch. "Dammit Claire! How am I supposed to take care of you when you won't talk to me?" "I NEVER asked you to take care of me Quil," She said her eyes narrowing. "To be perfectly honest, I wish you had let me die in the hospital. Then maybe things would be easier for you." I growled, "Things wouldn't have been easier for me Claire. It would have meant me ending up being dead. I would have died. For God's sake Claire! You're my freaking imprint!" I knew as soon as I said it I was in even deeper shit. She lifted her eyebrows. "What… in the hell…is an imprint?" I sighed and sat next to her. "An imprint is," I began, "a wolf's soul mate. Imprinting is like when we see her nothing else matters. You would do anything, be anything, for her. Claire…when I first saw you, when you were two, I imprinted on you. Your parents weren't thrilled about it, but they accepted it. You know how Emily was mauled by a bear? Well, that isn't exactly true. Sam did it. He didn't mean to, but he got angry and Em was standing too close. Also, Sam was dating Leah when he met Emily. He imprinted on her. Jared imprinted on Kim, Paul imprinted on Rachel, Jacob on Ness, and I imprinted on you." She hopped up from the couch, "You son of a bitch! I was two! We never had a choice about whom we fell in love with did we? You forced me into this didn't you! You were always hanging around me, never letting me go on dates with boys. Hell, if a boy even liked me you scared him off!" Well, I guess I deserved this. She has been through so much and I tell her about imprinting at the worst possible time. "I hate you Quil! Why didn't you let me die? Damn you Quil! Damn you to Hell!" She limped off to her room. Even after the months she had lived with me she still kept it white. Like she was waiting for it to be someone else's. I hate you Quil! Damn you! Damn you to Hell! It hurt hearing her say she hated me, and to top it off then damning me to Hell was always lovely. BOOM! SMASH! "SHIT!""Claire?" I called. I stood up from the couch and walked towards her room. "Claire, are you okay?" "I'm fine Quil, I just dropped something okay?" "Can I come in?" I asked. "Well, Quil I am going to take a shower to calm down so I really don't think you should," she hollered through the door. I sighed and went back to the living room. I turned on the television and flipped to the syfy channel. They had on a crappy movie about werewolves. I wasn't really paying attention to the movie. I was listening, waiting for the sound of running water. I waited for about five minutes. She should have been in the shower now. I walked to her room and knocked on the door. "Claire?" No response. Then I heard the sound of rope or leather straining. I turned the doorknob but it was locked. I had to fight a little too break the door, but I did it. She was on the floor tightening the belt around her neck. Her face was turning blue and her mouth was making shapes but no noise came out. It took me three long strides to reach her and drop to my knees beside her. I quickly unwound her fingers from the belt and unwound it from her neck. She had passed out and quit breathing so I did CPR. I didn't know if it would work, but I had to do something. During my third set of compressions, I said to her, "Damn you Claire. If you die on me I will follow you and make your afterlife a living hell." Her lids fluttered and she started breathing. I cradled her in my arms and stroked her cheek with my thumb. Her eyes opened slowly. "It hurts," she whispered hoarsely. "Well, I would think if you just tried to strangle yourself it would hurt," I answered. "Not that, Quil. Knowing my family is dead, knowing that I killed them; that's what hurts." My heart squeezed. At the same time my arms tightened around her. "Please don't make me talk about this," she whispered. "I won't make you do anything that you don't want to do. However, you will always have someone with you now. Claire, I can't lose you. That above all other things would kill me," I told her. "I'm really tired. Can you help me to bed Quil?" "Yeah," I whispered to her. I picked her up and carried her to the bed. "Just turn around for a minute so I can change clothes." I did as she asked. "Okay, I'm decent." She had changed into a white undershirt and black running shorts. I could see the scars from her cutting herself. I reached out and touched them. They still brought tears to my eyes every time I saw them. "Quil," she reached up and touched my face, "don't be sad." "Yeah. You should go to bed now I guess," I said. I bent and kissed her forehead. I had reached her door, "Well, that's gonna have to be fixed," I muttered to the broken frame. "Hey, Quil?" "Yeah," I said turning around. "I love you, and I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it," she whispered. "I love you too sweetheart, now get some rest. Don't worry about it," I said to her. I did a quick once over to see if there was any hint of her hurting herself further. When I was sure she wouldn't, I left her bedroom in silence. I went straight to my room changed into a pair of sweatpants, and crawled into bed. Since Claire had moved in, I stopped sleeping in just my boxers; instead I had on a pair of sweatpants that I would wear. I still didn't wear a shirt but that was better than what I used to wear. I closed my eyes, and focused on her scent. I took deep breaths and soon that familiar black blanket covered me.