MONTH 1 gone~

MONTH 2 gone~

MONTH 3 gone~

MOTNH 4 gone~

I found myself lying on the sand. Beside me was Pete, sitting up. I tried to copy him but Toshiya held my arms tightly. He was so charming than ever. I relaxed again on the sand, on his arms.

"It's been so hard." He whispered on my ear. I nodded politely, still looking at Pete. He was just staring at the ocean, like he even doesn't care. I know he hates me now. He doesn't like Toshiya for me. Does he?

"Look, it's been four months since the accident, but yet, you still haven't move on." Toshiya hugged me tightly. I felt more comfortable than ever. I closed my eyes with confusion. I started digging into my recent thoughts. What does he mean by accident?

"It wasn't that. It's natural." I looked at him. He winced and I know he's hurt. I sat up and tried to remember the pain that would never, ever strike me again.

"Hey, you okay?" He immediately sounded worried. I nodded. I noticed Pete not in his place. He was walking away, with his blonde hair going with the wind. I stared at him and watched him disappear. Toshiya pulled my face to his and leaned forward to kiss me. I feel awkward, but it just makes sense. He's mine and I'm his.

"Feeling better?" He asked me. I nodded and looked again for Pete. He didn't even say goodbye.

Pete. He'd been acting weirdly for the last two months, after I dated Toshiya and my recovery from the surgery. Since then, he'd never said anything, but he's always there, watching after me. I am sure something's wrong but when I ask him, he just stares at me. He sometimes creep me out. Before the two months I saw him again, I haven't seen him after the surgery. He didn't even bother visiting me in the hospital, Toshiya always did. I tried asking his mother Aunt Lyka, she just shakes her head and gives me a cold kiss on the cheek, to say good bye. I admit, yes I got mad at him, until now. I really miss him, no buts.

The store had closed down, finally. No one managed it, of course, I am on the bed for four months, and Pete, he never returned to work, but at least my wait is over. It'll be my last wish if I will ever have one. Like it would be my last wish.

Kyoko, she'd given up, she's a real bitch. Toshiya said she wasn't even his girl, and he barely even knows her. Everyone was just teasing them, that they look perfect for each other. But they never were together. When I heard this, I told him Pete told me that they broke up, so that means, they had something. But he clarified it and said that wasn't true. What he said was he wanted to ask me on a date and Pete said he doesn't have a chance. But then I remembered, that's the day I had an operation. But my hopes are up, until now. We're together! My wait is over.

I feel a slight pain whenever Toshiya refuses to talk too much about Kyoko, it was like he doesn't even want to let me think he was lying to me, but I am sure he wouldn't. If he is, Pete will absolutely tell me, would he? Could he?

Pete. I think he already have a girlfriend, whom he's busy with. I often see him around, but not like before. Before, he buys me snacks and accessories, he brings me to lunch or dinner, he joins me in my room after school and tutor me. He'd changed a lot, after the transplant. After I renewed my heart. I know my heart is new but it doesn't mean I feel different, I'm still the old me. The old me that will always love my best friend forever, whatever happens. I actually love Pete, from the very beginning. But yes, I know, he actually hates me now. Silence means yes. I tried to ask him, but he just gives me a cold stare.

What's wrong with my best friend? Then I realized, I've noticed him since 7th grade.

I came home running, with tears on my face. Why didn't I tell him that I love him? I know it'll be stupid enough if I tell him that. I have Toshiya, and I really do like him. But maybe if I will tell Pete, he might talk to me again, but would he? I am sure he would not even want to see me. What a fool I've been! What should I do? Where is he? Should I tell him? Or, should I just keep quiet and keep my best friend?

I ran to my room feeling more confused than ever. I saw Toshiya sitting at the edge of my bed, holding a picture of me and Pete. He looked lonely and sad, it's like there's something he needs to tell me.

He looked up and became unhappier than ever. He looked like someone died, but who could it be? I haven't heard any deaths, haven't I?

"Tesusa." he said with a soft voice. I walked towards him and hugged him. I sat on his lap as he pulled me closer; he brushed his lips onto my hair and hugged me tightly. I felt uncomfortable and escaped from his hug. I felt scared and afraid. I don't know why.

"What's wrong?" he asked me. I shrugged and felt awkward. I took a deep breath and, I think I should tell him.

"Toshiya," I hesitated. I don't know how to start. Should I tell him or not?

"Yeah?" I tried to open my mouth, but my voice won't let me speak. I think I should give up.

"I think I am in love with someone else." I blurted out, after some minutes. I saw his face tightened. He looked at me with exasperation. I feel the tension; I think he thinks I am a cheater.

"With whom?" He put down our picture and tried to calm himself. I think it'll be hard telling him that it's Pete. It's harder. Because it's Pete.

"Tell me. I won't be angry." he assured me. I secured a right distance. I don't know what will happen next.

"I don't know...Pete?"

I saw him flinched with anguish. His fists were clenched, he was about to do something that will hurt me, but he was just standing there, crying.

"I'm sorry. But I just realize-" I tried to explain, but he slammed his hands on the table and looked at me. It was an intimidating stare.

"Are you hurting yourself? Tes! Live in reality!" I didn't get what he'd meant. Does he mean, Pete is taken? Pete is with yet, another girl? What?

I cried. I broke down and gave up. I should've kept it to myself, what am I thinking? Pete is a smart and good looking guy, no wonder he's got a girlfriend.

I don't know if I could even face Pete anymore, it really hurts. It had pained me twice than the attack.

"I am sorry." I said with grief. I shouldn't have told him that. I should've lied.

"Tesusa, can't you just accept it? If you can't, I will help you. I know it hurts."

"Accept what?" Now I am confused. What does he mean? He's making me think too hard, I might have a brain attack.

He shook his head with grimace. He sighed, stepped forward, and held my shoulders. I could the tears in his eyes.

"How many times should I tell you that Pete is not here? That Pete will not be ever coming back?" he shouted.

Did Pete leave our place? Did they just move? I don't know. I am confused. Then Toshiya stared directly at my eyes. I remembered when Pete did that to me, and asking me if I am okay. My eyes leaked like a faucet.

"Tesusa, Pete gave you his heart. Pete is dead, Tesusa. He's gone." he said softly. When I heard it, I didn't believe him first. What does he mean, gone? His heart in me? What? Pete is dead, what? But, I just saw him yesterday, what? My mind was out of consideration. Nothing's processing correctly in my mind. Could he repeat it again?

"He died when we brought you to the hospital. He was bumped by a racing car when he was retrieving you iPod, which you dropped when you were unconscious. Tesusa, his heart's in you."

Hallucination. Is that it? The Pete who wasn't saying anything is all my hallucinations? Imaginations? Am I crazy? This can't be, I lost my best friend? Because of my stupid iPod? Because of me?

"You're lying." I concluded. I laughed. What a good joke! He can't be my imagination! He can't be gone! He can't be!

"But Tesusa..."

"You're lying!" I ran out crying harder. He can't die! He is my best friend, he'll forever be! What should I do now? Why didn't anyone tell me? Why didn't they? Why just now? Why did they keep this from me?

Did they try to tell me that he's gone, but nothing entered my mind, because I don't want to hear it? What? I believed on what I am seeing? I feel cheated, I feel betrayed. I am so stupid, I am. What is this? Why is this happening? Where is my best friend?

Now, I stand here, facing the grave. Written there is "Pete Pumps. Born June 17, 1994. Died June 16, 2010. From your loving family." He didn't even have the chance to become sixteen.

I still haven't accepted the fact he's 6 ft underground. But what could I do? Toshiya is beside, holding an umbrella. I went down and dropped a flower on the ground, and whispered "I love you." And from there, I realized, someone needs to sacrifice to make everyone happy. And when you love someone, you need to sacrifice everything for them. He died with purpose, to make me live. He loves me. And even though I know he's not coming back, he'll always be with me, and in me. His heart will always be mine, will forever be inside of me.

END