"Hi, bro," Drake said nonchalantly, brushing his way past Josh who stood in the door way to get to the couch.

"Hi," Josh replied, still confused, shutting the door and taking a deep breath before turning around to face Drake. He was shaking just a little bit and his pupils were larger than normal, but he didn't understand how Mindy knew about the drugs when he didn't. "What was…why…Mindy?"

"I ran into her last week. You got any cheese doodles?" Drake asked, leaning back on the couch and hugging a pillow to his chest.

"No, I do not! You can't be dropped off at my house at 2AM by my ex-girlfriend and ask for cheese doodles and expect me not to be angry at you and let this all slide! What's going on? Did you sleep with her?"

He began to brace himself in case Drake said yes, and knowing his brother, he knew he'd probably enticed Mindy to get into bed with him, but knowing Mindy, she probably said no. He was torn between the two as he waited a long moment for Drake to respond. Josh and Mindy had broken up years ago, but she was his first love; a piece of him had never gotten over her as often happens with first loves, and the thought of she and Drake sleeping together ripped him apart. He knew that they were different people now, and he had a girlfriend he loved very much, but a small part of his heart still had Mindy's name written on it. He knew it was silly, but there was something about a first love that never left a person. When he saw her tonight for the first time in years, still looking beautiful despite the lack of sleep she wore on her face, he had an urge to talk to her and ask her about her life now. He hadn't felt that in years and it was scary; he had a girlfriend. A lovely, wonderful girlfriend.

He knew that there was no way he was still in love with her, but he was so confused as to why she and Drake had suddenly hit it off. They were such different people; in his head, he couldn't see any possible way that they would mesh. Couldn't Drake have told him he'd run into Mindy before she showed up on his doorstep at 2AM?

"No, I didn't sleep with her." Drake rolled his eyes.

Josh let out a long sigh; he hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until that moment. "Then what the hell happened? Where did you see her? Why did you call her of all people for a ride tonight? Get your head out of your ass!"

"I ran into her when I was leaving a club, so she drove me home."

"Why would she say you're high? Were you? Are you right now?"

Josh was frantically pacing back and forth unable to sit down; that made Drake nervous. The reason he had never come clean about his drug use to his family was because he couldn't bear how disappointed they'd be in him. As much as his parents would be upset, it was Josh's reaction he dreaded the most. They were brothers. They were best friends. They remained close even as adults, and Drake should've been able to tell his brother anything, but he couldn't even think about how hurt Josh would be that Drake kept this a secret for so many years.

"Were you high and are you high right now? What didn't you understand, Drake?" Josh yelled, raking his hand fiercely through his hair.

"Yes to both."

"Fuck." It sounded especially harsh as Josh said it because he didn't usually swear. "Fuck."

"I'm sorry," Drake said softly, not knowing what to say, but knowing that most definitely was not enough.

Josh finally sat down in an armchair folding his hands calmly on his knee. "How long? How long have you been doing this?" He hoped that Drake would say only a few months, but a feeling in the pit of his stomach told him otherwise.

Drake gulped, feeling the guilt start to take him over. "Um, back when I was at Spin City…" His voice was beginning to shake as he spoke. He could see that Josh was doing his best to remain calm, but the vein on his neck was pulsing heavily.

"What do you take?" Josh asked through a clenched jaw.

"Um, coke and pot and sometimes Vicodin and Valium…" The look the clouded over Josh's face made Drake's heart ache.

Josh watched as Drake became smaller and smaller with every word he spoke. "Explain." Josh's voice was low and even.

It all came out at that moment. Everything Drake had told Mindy was put out into the open bit by bit – the failed record deal, the men who could easily supply Drake with drugs, the songs that had no emotion, the sinking feeling Drake felt as it all happened…everything. It wasn't as easy to confess all of it this time; he was fighting tears by the time he finished, letting a few spill down his cheeks.

"Oh my god," Josh said in disbelief, leaning forward in the chair and rubbing his face in his hands. "Oh my god."

"Don't tell Mom and Dad," Drake added softly, wiping a glistening tear from his face.

Josh laughed viciously, standing up and throwing his hands in the air. "We're not in high school anymore, Drake! We're adults! Do you think if I tell them you'll get grounded or something? You're not fifteen anymore! I know your life isn't going as planned, and I'm truly sorry for that, but god, this isn't the way to handle it! Grow up! I can't save your ass all the time like I used to. I just can't do it. I have my own issues and things I need to worry about for myself, so I can't take on all your shit, too!

"I know you say you're not a hardcore druggie – fine – but the fact that you do drugs says you need help! Go get help, Drake! Stop sitting around and hoping someone will come save you because it doesn't work that way! It doesn't work that way at all. I'll make a deal with you – if you promise me that you'll go get help and actually do it, I won't tell Mom and Dad. If you lie to me, I'm telling them and letting you fight for yourself."

"Okay." Drake had never seen his brother so angry. They had a huge falling out in high school where Josh didn't talk to him for a week, but he already knew that this was different. The hurt that clouded Josh's eyes cut Drake deep, and he was sure that it would haunt him for the rest of his life. Josh had given Drake many free passes when he didn't deserve them, and they both knew that. Drake was petrified that this was the breaking point; he couldn't bear to think of that. He didn't want to lose the only person who ever really understood him. "I'll get help."

"Why didn't you tell me before? Why didn't you think to tell me? I could've tried to help out so you wouldn't end up like you are now!"

Josh still wasn't sitting down, and the pacing was making Drake's stomach churn. He put the pillow over his face before letting out a long breath. "Because I knew it would hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you."

"Well, waiting eight years wasn't really the way to go about not hurting me!" Josh fumed. "How can you be so stupid? You're a fucking moron." The second Josh said that, he regretted it, but he wasn't going to apologize; he had nothing to apologize for. Drake, however, could say he was sorry for the rest of his life and Josh wasn't sure if even that would be enough.

"I know," Drake said gently, taking the pillow from his face. "I'll get help. Mindy said I need it, too."

"Why Mindy?" Josh questioned. "Why of all the people in the world was it Mindy? Are you just looking for good people to fuck over?" He didn't want Drake to hurt her. The part of his heart with Mindy's name etched in stone never wanted to see her hurt or upset, and Josh didn't even want to think about Drake possibly causing that pain.

"It wasn't a big deal. I swear, Josh, it's not like you think it was." Drake sat up and ran a hand through his hair nervously. He hoped that Josh would believe him when he said nothing happened, but after tonight, he wasn't so sure. "I was coming out of a club, and we crossed paths going to our cars. I talked to her for a few minutes and started to go, but she saw that I was high and said she'd give me a ride home. Then she ended up going through my shit – really, who does that? – and found my stash, and she spent the night."

"And you didn't sleep with her?" Josh's eyebrow was raised so high that it was barely visible.

Drake shook his head. "I'm telling you, man, I didn't. I tried. Honestly, I tried, but I didn't. We talked all night, and then she fell asleep on the couch with me. That's all. Nothing else happened."

Josh nodded, and Drake hoped that he knew he was telling the truth.

"I like her. I didn't think I would cause I know we always hated each other, but she's really nice once you talk to her for a little bit. I see what you saw in her."

Josh felt his heart tear a little as Drake admitted he liked Mindy, and he retreated back to the chair, averting his eyes to the floor. "Don't fuck her over."

"What?" Drake asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"That's what you do to every other girl!" Josh raged. "You decide they aren't good enough anymore and throw them to the wayside! Don't do this to Mindy! She deserves better than that!"

"You know that's not true, Josh! You know that Caroline left me and I was devastated! And that's when I turned to drugs the most and…"

"I don't want to hear it," Josh said dejectedly holding his hand up to halt Drake. He shook his head as he looked at his brother disappointedly. "I really can't take any more of this tonight. We can talk tomorrow, I guess. Goodnight." He snatched Drake's phone off the coffee table.

"Goodnight," Drake replied barely above a whisper as he watched Josh head up the stairs. He groaned as he buried his face in the pillow. He'd never meant to hurt Josh like this.

He heard Josh's bedroom door slam and winced. He'd never felt so alone.