"Tobi! Get off me, un!"
"Sorry, Sempai, no can do. It's time fore Tobi to read you your bedtime story again!"
The blonde bomber struggled, but he couldn't throw Tobi off. Soon enough his wrists and ankles were fastened tight with a strong rope once more.
"Kakuzu-san! Can you sew Sempai's mouths up now?" Tobi called out. A tall, intimidating figure entered the room, shooting thick threads at Deidara's hands.
"Kakuzu-teme, you're a traitor, un," Deidara said while glaring at the man. "How would you like to be subjected to Tobi? And leader-sama wonders why I want to remain partners with Sasori-Dana, un. Maybe I should his inflict stories upon yo-mmph" Deidara was cut off as Kakuzu's threads shut his lips up.
"Kakuzu-san, you didn't have to sew up that mouth," Tobi said. "Sempai is allowed to talk, Tobi just doesn't want him blowing things up."
"His talking was annoying me."
"Oh, okay then. Would Kakuzu-san like to listen to the story too?"
Kakuzu didn't even grace Tobi with an answer, instead walking out the door.
"Hmm, let's see…How about a story with Kakuzu as a main character?" Tobi asked. Deidara just glared in response, still struggling to escape from the ropes that bound him. But Tobi had done a good job, and so had Kakuzu as Deidara couldn't open any of his mouths.
"Goldilocks and the three bears…Sleeping beauty… Oh, what about Rumplestiltskin? Kakuzu-san seems a lot like Rumplestiltskin. Yes, Tobi will read that one."
"Once upon a time in a land far away there lived a poor abdomen and his daughter. The man was very vain, and he boasted to all his friends about how great his daughter was. He told many tales about her great beauty and her loveliness in the hope that a wealthy young lad would ask for her hand in marriage.
"But one day the man took his boasting too far. He claimed that his daughter-" Here Tobi paused.
"Hey, Sempai, would you like to be the pretty girl again?" He asked. Deidara glared at him before shaking his head furiously. He would have yelled insults at the masked man but he couldn't as his mouth was sewn shut.
"Yeah, Sempai is right. Tobi will make Itachi-san the pretty girl this time.
"He claimed that his daughter, Itachi, could spin straw into gold. His friends were doubtful, but the man was very convincing, and soon the news had spread: a abdomen's daughter could spin straw into gold!
"Now the man was beginning to realise that his boast might have been a bad idea, but he couldn't admit to having lied without losing face. So he allowed the rumours to spread.
"The story was spread throughout the kingdom until it reached the ears of the king himself. When the king heard this remarkable tale, he was astounded. "Why, this is amazing!" He exclaimed. "If this remarkable girl really can spin straw into gold, then I will marry her, and make her my Queen!"
"And so the poor girl was taken to the palace, where she was put in a room containing only a spinning wheel, and a few bundles of straw. As the king locked the door, he told her, "You have until morning to spin that straw into gold. But if you fail, you shall die."
"As the door clanged shut behind her, Itachi burst into tears. "Oh no," she wailed, Whatever shall I do? I am not able to spin straw into gold! I will surely die!"
"Then, in a puff of smoke, a little man appeared. "What is the matter?" He asked. Sobbing, the girl explained her impossible task.
"The little man laughed at her predicament. "But that is easily solved," he said. "If you give me something of yours - say that gold ring there - then I will happily spin this straw gold for you.
"The man knew that the gold he would spin wasn't real gold, but it would be similar enough to fool the king. The greedy little man knew that the ring was worth much more than the trick gold that he would spin.
"Itachi was only too glad to make the exchange, and long before sunrise, the little man had done as he had promised, and disappeared.
"The king was delighted when he saw the gold thread, and immediately wanted more. He decided he would trick Itachi into spinning more straw. "I am not convinced. If you do this twice more then we can be certain that this wasn't a trick."
"The next night, the little man returned. Once again, he spun straw into gold-looking thread, this time in return for a valuable necklace. The king once again was pleased, and demanded that it be done a third time.
"That night, however, Itachi had nothing valuable left to give. The strange little man thought for a time. "I know!" He said. "When you are Queen, you must give me your firstborn child. People will pay a lot for the child of royalty."
"Itachi was desperate, so she agreed to the little mans demands. Once again, by the time the king arrived in the room, all the straw had been turned into gold. He still didn't know that he had been tricked, and he married Itachi within the month; and so the plain miller's daughter became Queen Itachi.
"Time passed, and Itachi soon forgot about her promise. She was delighted when she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl; her firstborn.
"One night the little man appeared once more. "I have come for your firstborn," He told the queen.
Itachi begged him to reconsider offering him jewels and tittles, but the man was adamant. He knew that the son of a King was worth more than what the queen could give him. Finally, he grew tired of Itachi's weeping, and decided to play a game.
" "Alright then, you have one chance. I will go home tonight, and I will come back tomorrow night, at which time you can attempt to guess my name. At sunrise I will leave again. I will do this for three nights, and when those three nights is up, if you have not guessed my name, then I shall take your child and all the jewels you offered me."
"Itachi had no choice. For the next two nights she guessed all the names she could think of, but to no avail. On the third day, she was desperate; she new no more names.
"But late that afternoon a soldier came to her to tell her of a strange story. He said that he had been walking through the forest early that morning when he had seen a strange little man dancing around a campfire singing. He had sung
"The queen will give her jewels to me,
Along with her new born ba-aaby,
She will never win my game,
For Kakuzu is my name."
"Queen Itachi was ecstatic. That night, when the little man returned, the queen pretended to still be clueless about his name. "Hmm, let me see…Is it Takeo?" the man shook his head. "What about Ao? No? Then…I don't suppose that it would be…Kakuzu?"
"Kakuzu was dumbfounded. In his rage, he stamped his foot, but he was too strong. His foot went right through the floorboard, and was never seen again."
"What was that about me?" Kakuzu asked. Tobi jumped.
"Ahh, it was nothing, Kakuzu-san. Tobi is a good boy, Tobi would never say anything about you." He waved his arms around in a panic, almost hitting the tied-up Deidara as he did so.
"Good. I am just here to tell you that you might want to un-sew Deidara, Tobi. I might have accidentally used my new poison-threads that I have been working on. You should see Sasori about that…I haven't perfected them, so I don't have a cure…"
And with that, he uncaringly walked out of the room, leaving a panicking Tobi and Deidara inside. He heard Deidara yell at him, as Tobi unstitched the bombers mouth, "What do you mean, poisoned, un? Am I going to die?"
"I wish," the Rumpelstiltskin-stand-in muttered.