No Longer A Killer Bass Girl

Dear Journal,

I'm going home!

And right now, I'm staining this journal. Stupid tears, stupid me, stupid green jelly! I'm so stupid! Stupid, stupid…

I got up there, and Gwen said that it was probably warm by now. Ugh- forget feeling sorry for her- she was trying to make me give up. I told her otherwise- I wasn't going to quit.

And Duncan, he cheered for me. I almost smiled, but I was so nervous, I couldn't feel my face.

When I got to the top, I put my hands on my knees. Was I really going to do this?

And then Duncan yells, "Like you said Courtney, its okay if you can't do it!" I went weak in the knees for three reasons: one, I was terribly nervous. Two, Duncan had tried to help me. And three- he said my name. My real name.

And then Bridgette totally ruined it by saying, "It is? But we'll lose the challenge!" Way to be supportive. I think Geoff is wearing off on her…

But then, I couldn't jump. I said I was coming down, and watch as my teammates hung their heads down in shame. Oh, it was so bad! I cost us the challenge- I lost. I was a failure, and loser. It hurt to think that, but it was true.

When I headed down, I felt the tears coming and walked away, swallowing my pride- or what was left of it, at least. I'm such a loser, a goner- and no longer a killer bass.

Someone Broke The Rules?

Dear Journal,

It makes no sense at all.

How am I still here? Still writing in this journal? Still in the competition?

It had been between Bridgette, Tyler and I to be voted off- due to the fact that none of us preformed our challenges. Then Bridgette got a marshmallow, and I was very close to fainting. I've never failed this badly in life, and I'm Courtney! I mean… I don't fail! I don't fall this hard, and not be able to get back up.

And then, I almost fell off the stump. He said my name! He threw a white sweet treat at me! I. Did. Not. FAIL!

But I wasn't happy. I mean, I'm still not happy. I might be competitive, and yes, I do anything to win… but that wasn't fair. It seemed as if someone had cheated, like someone broke the rules. I felt dirty just thinking about it.

And people made fun of Tyler with chicken jokes. Would they do that if I was voted off? Jell-O jokes? I shook my head, and told all them to stop it. It hurt. I was seeing it from his point of view. And it wasn't fun.

I didn't break the rules… did I? No, I did not.

Someone else did.

I don't know who, but someone must have messed with the votes. Maybe someone really wanted Tyler gone. Maybe the person who wanted me gone is plotting right now! Maybe there are a lot of people who I might think I know, but don't.

I guess now I have to figure this out. Before I rip my head off in anger and defeat. And right now, I'm pretty close.

Little 'chats' With Duncan

Dear Journal,

I'm speechless. That's probably the reason I'm writing this down. Because I can't talk right now- let's be glad I can breathe. I mean, I'm shocked, stunned, and bewildered! It makes no sense in the slightest.

On my search to figure things out, Bridgette informed me that Duncan had talked to her about something before the challenge. She said he told her not to vote me off, because if she did, he was threatening to convince everyone to vote her off. She told me she was planning on voting for Tyler anyway, but that Duncan had confirmed her vote.

And now, after talking to everyone here, all of the Killer Bass tell me they each had a little 'chat' with Duncan.

Why does he want me here? So he can tease me more? I'm a CIT- I can handle things on my own. I don't need his help to stay on the island.

Wait… so that means Duncan broke the rules! You're not allowed to threaten or persuade someone's vote like that! Cheater! He cheated! He cheated! I have to talk to him. You never break the rules, especially when I'm involved.

The Name Game Really Works!

Dear Journal,

After confronting Duncan, I've realized something. Maybe I was putting out the wrong emotion. I was looking at this all wrong.

When I ask at first, he denied it all. Of course, I wasn't taking his crap, and told him I had asked around, and everyone claimed that he had threatened, even his close friend Geoff and DJ, who had a very hard time admitting. I wasn't letting him off that easily.

Duncan said that maybe it seemed a bit unfair that I was going to go home just due to the fact that Chris had tripled the points for my challenge.

Being the arguer and wanting them all, I couldn't just drop it. I told him that maybe he should stick to his own business, and that it would be better for both of us if he left me alone.

Then it happened.

I don't think I've ever seen it before.

Duncan was mad.

Now yes, I've seen him irritated. But never actually, truly angry.

He didn't yell, which surprised me, because I know I would have. He kept his voice leveled and calm, but it had an edge. His eyebrows were narrowed. "If I had stuck to my own business, Courtney, would you still be here? And why question a good deed when you can just say thank you?"

I mean how was I supposed to respond to that? I think I even gulped! So all I could say was thanks.

I had expected him to storm off, but his hard face just melted into a smirk. "You're welcome Princess." He started walking off, but he stopped and turned back to me. "I think that if you wanna get on my ass for not leaving you alone; think about how you never give me any peace either, Sweetheart. Thankfully, I enjoy your company, so I'm not complaining."

And then he was gone.

I think I've figured out something about my name. Duncan only uses it when he wants to have a big effect on my mood. Just like during the phobia challenge, when I was afraid of jumping, he used my name. And the current situation- my name was found.

I don't even know if Duncan realized it.

All I knew was one thing.

It worked.

Memories in the Making For Money

Dear Journal,

So, I woke up this morning, and I'm already putting on a life jacket. We never get a break, do we?

We apparently have to go to some place called Boney Island. Chris claims it's cursed, and Owen thinks that's awesome. Am I the only one who thinks he was dropped on his head multiple times as a child?

I think I'll probably take this journal with me on the canoe. I'd like to get every fact, every detail, every moment recorded just right. I mean, these are memories in the making people. It'll probably sell at a huge price, with millions of copies being sold all around the world when I become president.

Oh, That's SOOO Bad!

Dear Journal,

Poor Geoff.

Everyone knows he likes Bridgette already. And now he just ruined it, totally messed it up- big time.

First, I think I sort of ruined his chances of getting anywhere with her this time. When Bridgette had been waving for me to be her canoe partner, I'm pretty sure Geoff had believed she was asking for him. At least until she asked, quite obviously, very loudly if I would be her partner. When I agreed, I saw Geoff's face fall. Even though he got to go with DJ, I feel sorry for the guy.

Next when we got in the canoe, she looked fidgety. "I have to tell you something." When I asked what her problem was, she stated that it was Geoff.

I just knew this wouldn't be good.

He made her a heart shaped change holder, with their faces in a picture- badly photo shopped by Geoff and a pair of scissors. She said something had even been engraved in the back- 'I hope you think of me every time you drop loose change into this."

Oh.

That's so bad!

I had slapped my hand to my forehead it was so bad.

If he and Bridgette had ever had anything between them before- it was screwed now- gone.

I think I'm getting caught up in this, though, because I'm afraid of what Duncan said to me. I don't want it to be true. I want to be right. I wish last night had never happened. So I could have just left him alone. Because I'm feeling things, and it's making me all queasy.

…But Geoff- it was so bad!

I wonder why Duncan is canoeing with Sadie and Harold- he hates them, doesn't he?

Well, I bet he just wants to go with anyone other than me. I questioned something nice he did for me.

I kept trying to look at him, but I felt ashamed. His words from last night are stuck in my head. He probably see's me as some snotty chick now.

He probably hates me.

My stomach keeps flipping when I think of that. I don't want him to see me that way. I don't know why, but for some reason, I liked it better when he teased me.

I liked it better when he didn't ignore me like I told him to.

No One is on My Side

Dear Journal,

So, we were paddling there, after Bridgette's very pathetic story about Geoff, and some really heavy fog was coming in. Then we came up to 'Boney Island', and it actually was kind of creepy. There was a huge skull on the side of the mountain there.

I thought about Duncan, but then forced it away from my mind. Duncan was ignoring me- so I would ignore him too.

So then, Izzy has to make some comments about it. 'Oh did you see that skull? It's like this place is haunted!' I think she was trying to provoke us. Well, it worked. I was a bit scared.

So we picked up our canoes and started running. I wanted to make it out of here as fast as I could.

Thankfully, we got in front of the other team thanks to some birds chasing them. Someone threw some bread- I wonder where they got that- and distracted them, though.

So we came to a fork in the road, and DJ asked everyone which way we were gonna go. I choose left, because left was always pretty lucky, right? But then Geoff had to argue and say we take the one on the right. And then stupid Bridgette had to say 'the right trail is wider', and support Geoff's idea. Was no one on my side anymore?

And then, halfway through the right trail, Geoff went and hurt himself- how, I'll never know. But Bridgette, the little sap she is, went to his rescue. I didn't believe this for a minute. When he said to go on without him, I started walking. What? He was holding us back.

I heard someone snicker then, and I saw it was Duncan. He looked to Geoff, then back to me, and winked. We that supposed to be some kind of code? As if reading my mind, he nodded. And I got it. This was some stupid ploy for Geoff and Bridgette's relationship. But Geoff really looked hurt.

But Duncan was communicating with me again, and I felt happy. He wasn't mad at me anymore. Thank goodness.

So then, Harold and DJ had to carry Geoff on top of their canoe. It slowed us down a bit, but I guess it was okay.

The Gophers were already here when we got to the end. They already have a bunch of firewood and stuff. Now were just in a rush to see who can make the biggest one. I shouldn't be writing in this, but no one will figure out that's what I'm doing.

Right now, I'm just hoping we don't lose. Because the only person who seems to be okay with me is Duncan. And that could mean that I could be voted off.

Acceptance and Canoeing With No Paddles

Dear Journal,

After we got fire wood, guess what? Duncan pulled a lighter out! I wasn't sure if that was against the rules or not, but I didn't care. It was our only shot. We made a fire before the Gophers could even get a spark.

But, we were working as a team again. Even Geoff helped get fire wood… which looked really painful.

When DJ encouraged Bridgette to help Geoff with his leg, I finally got it. No one had planned on this, but it was still a plot to get them together. …Why couldn't I think of that?

Our fire still didn't look big enough though. So as soon as I said something about it, Harold went and took the dang canoe paddles, and he threw them into the fire! How were we supposed to paddle back now?

Then I realized something. Now, if we lost, it would be Harold's fault. And I wouldn't get voted off!

And then something totally huge exploded over where the Gophers were! It was their fire! How they did, I would never know, but it was huge! So the Gophers won that.

It looked like we were going to lose now. We had no paddles, and no ideas. At least we didn't until Izzy recommended we have someone push them from behind. So we needed someone big enough to do just that. It had to be DJ.

DJ didn't want to, but then I had to point out that Harold's thin arms weren't going to cut it. And then I heard another snicker. I looked to Duncan, and he smiled at me. And I felt my face heat up and my heart pound a million times faster.

But I don't like him… right?

So then, DJ said he would do it. And then, he was swimming us home, fast too! I was cheering, and I didn't know why, but I felt elated. It wasn't because we could win, or because DJ concurred him fear. I think it was because I realized something. I liked Duncan.

But I couldn't tell him that. Not yet.

But I did. I liked him.

We sailed past the other team and then- even though we crashed- we won! We won! And I was so happy.

So I'm not gonna get voted off, and we won again. Maybe our losing streak is finally over!

Can't Admit it Yet

Dear Journal,

I heard that Izzy wasn't really voted off, but ran away because the RCMP was on her trail. I didn't think any of that crap she was saying was really true until now.

So Bridgette broke her little present from Geoff. She seemed really sad about it, and asked if I had any glue. Wasn't she complaining about it before? I told her I wouldn't waste my time fixing that thing. She mumbled something, but I didn't pay attention.

I feel asleep very happy. It was like I had finally seen what I was missing.

I just hoped that nobody realized that liked him. Not yet. I was ready to admit it to myself, but not to other people.

Duncan Has A Nightmare

Dear Journal,

Everything was pretty peaceful in the morning. I got up earlier than the other campers, because I was in such a good mood for the past few days. So, everything was pretty great until Chris decided to fly the helicopter over the camp. Then all hell broke loose.

First, I heard someone scream "Hit the deck!" Duncan. He sounded scared, like more scared than the whole 'Celine Dion standee' thing. He said like that they were coming, that they had found us. I don't know who he was talking about, but I came out of the cabin to the guys side and asked what the hell was going on.

Geoff and DJ just gave me weird looks and pointed at Duncan. And you'll never believe this. Duncan was sitting there, shivering, and hiding under the bed. I don't know what his problem was. At first I thought it was funny, but then Duncan turned to me and the expression on his face told me he was so serious that laughing at him would be like digging up someone's grave.

From the other cabin, I heard some girl shout that Chris was getting on her last nerve, and then some bickering. Our girls cabin is so much more peaceful, probably for the fact that we only have three girls left.

But anyway, Heather was totally holding up the bathroom this morning, so I just followed Gwen's example and went in the woods.

Now Chris wants us to come to the campfire for the most 'extreme hunting challenge ever'. Whatever. Bridgette looked pretty shaky about that, her being a vegetarian and all. I hope we don't really have to shoot anything.