Beans and Paintball Guns

Dear Journal,

So we were at the campfire pit, and the only one who seemed to be in a good mood was Owen. I kept looking to Duncan. He looks normal now. What was that this morning?

So all Chris fed us this morning was beans. Beans, beans, just cans of unopened beans were just being tossed in the air, but Owen, again, was the only one who seemed happy about it.

As soon as he said we were going hunting, he held up a paintball gun, and I saw half of the crowd of campers eyes light up. I've never used a paintball gun before, so… Is that lame? Chris shot Harold with it, and it looked pretty painful. Bridgette asked if we wouldn't be hunting animals and he said no, and I felt better for her. That made her a whole lot more comfortable, and a much better effort for our team.

I really want to win this, unless you couldn't tell. Chris calls it a 'Paintball Deer Hunt'. Creative. He says we should meet him in the woods.

I'm going to take this diary. I never know if I might have a chance to write more.

Bambi is kinda PO'd

Dear Journal,

So we get to woods, and we see Chris standing there with a big wall with paintball guns being held by hooks. He told us he was going to break the teams down.

He told us our hunters (the Killer Bass) were Bridgette, Geoff and Harold, and they all got neon green guns. The Gopher hunters were Owen, Lashawnna, Lindsay and Beth, with red paintball guns.

He then told us that the rest of us were the deer. I finally got how this all came together now. Our hunters hunted their deer, vice versa. Heather and Duncan were not so happy. He said that there was no way he was a deer. Chris put on his 'gear' for him, right in front of everybody- a little red nose, antlers, and little white fluffy tails. Duncan's face only got redder as Owen called him Bambi. Duncan got up in his face and everything.

He seems angrier than usual.

I'm going to watch him.

But anyway, we were walking through the woods- Sadie, DJ, Duncan and I. DJ just skipped off like a real deer, Sadie walked off on her own, and then Duncan looked at me. He smiled for the first time this morning. I thought he might say something really meaningful, to convince me that he liked me back, but all he said was that I looked cute in my deer outfit, and then walked on.

I don't know why, but I'm disappointed. I feel like Duncan is angry because I saw him kind of lose it this morning. Whatever, I'm just going to walk around and hope I don't get shot… Well, that was a weird sentence.

We're A Team So Don't Get Shot Please

Dear Journal,

I saw Owen chasing DJ up the cliff. I really hope DJ doesn't get shot (I'm not being racist). You have to have the game in mind, the challenge in your head at all times.

So I've just been walking around, passing trees, over and over again. I saw Heather once, but she just told me that she wishes she was on our team so she wouldn't have to be with such lame stupid idiots that inhabited her side of the camp.

I don't know about those Gophers, but the Killer Bass are a team. We all told each other that at least one of us has to make it to the final five (hopefully that means me!).

This is so boring. I thought this challenge was going to pump me up, but really it's just making me wishing something would go wrong… I have a feeling I shouldn't have said that.

Kisses on the cheek, and well, Balls

Dear Journal,

Oh, it was soooooo bad!

It was worse than when we lost the first challenge, when I fell asleep on Duncan, when he scared me with that hook man story, worse than all of that combined! It was so BAD.

The whole camp saw it! Now I'm dead! They all know, and they're going to use it against me. They will never leave me alone about it ever again.

Well, I guess I ought to start at the beginning.

As I told you, I was just kind of walking through the forest, but then I saw Duncan looking still kind of pissed off but he didn't see me.

I thought he looked kind of cute, mad but natural, loose. And then I realized that he spray painting a tree, with a skull symbol none the less! I was going to tell him to stop and that he was harming nature, but as I came closer to him, I smelled something really gross.

I asked him what the raging stink was and why he smelled worse than usual- I'm still going on the defensive here guys. His eyes landed on me, and for I second I saw him smile, but it disappeared as soon as it came along. My heart pounded in my chest, but once he told me it was just Owen's stink, he kind of ruined the moment.

I wondered if he knew that if he had came up and kissed me right then, he would have had me. He could have totally claimed me as his own in that moment, held me forever, because I was just drowning.

But it was ruined. Over. I would push him away.

I told him I was going back to camp because the challenge must be over, and I kind of wanted him to walk with me- I know! What is wrong with me, but Duncan had to be stubborn.

He told me I was going in the wrong direction, and I just had to tell him I'm a C.I.T. because I'm just that retarded that it's the only thing I know how to say during a time like this, and I'm pretty sure it's not doing me any good in the why-the-hell-won't-you-listen-to-me-and-just-realize-I'm-right department. We shot each other these evil looks and then started walking our own walks until we ran into each other.

So I'm standing there thinking that OK, Duncan has had his fun and I told him to let me go. Then I realized he couldn't even if he wanted to, because we were stuck. Our antlers were totally stuck together, and I felt like giving up right then, and I asked him what we were supposed to do.

You know what he asked me? Do you really want to know? Yes, I'm very sure you do! He asked me if I wanted to make out.

I swear my mouth went so dry at that question. I had to look at him with this blank stare, my face completely red and I told him we needed to get back to camp. I prayed that any camera men weren't there. I was already embarrassed as hell that Duncan was there.

So since you can't take off your antlers because that's the rules of the challenge (Duncan looked kind of pissed when I said that), we were both stuck together fighting over which way to go back to camp. Duncan told me if I kissed him we could go my way. I was tempted, but said no. He said just one on the cheek would do it.

I did it too! I kissed Duncan on the cheek, tried to act irritated. I just kind of watched in amusement as Duncan blushed SUPER RED! It was so… I don't know. Cute. Empowering. And it was great, because things suddenly were going vice versa.

But when we finally got back to camp, everyone was standing there, giggling at us. Owen told Duncan he was sly, and Duncan made some rude comment about how I couldn't keep my antlers off him. I thought he was going to say something about me kissing him on the cheek. So I did the one thing you should never ever do, but I did it anyway.

I kind of kicked Duncan in his froot loops. You know- his kiwis. His coconuts.

HIS BALLS! I kicked Duncan's balls. There you go. He totally fell to the ground and then Bridgette and Geoff finally decided it would be a bright idea to separate us.

Chris told me to calm down, and then I saw Cody. He was torn up! I don't know what happened to him, but it must have sucked.

And then said that we won the challenge! Apparently the Gophers had shot their own team, some of who weren't even deer (how that happened I'll never know). I was so happy.

And then I looked at Duncan and I knew he was probably pissed at me, he probably still is. But hey! I'm pissed too! He was being a jerk and…

Maybe I should go apologize. I feel really bad. I'll be right back!

I Put Duncan in his (Insert Curse) Place

Dear Journal,

Ugh! That idiot!

Why does he continue to disappoint me? I want to have a good reason to like him, but he keeps putting it into question with STUPID, completely IDIOTIC behavior. And I am so tired of being left angry and confused when it comes to every single conversation I try to have with him.

HE IS SO IMPOSSIBLE! GOSH!

I have to calm down. I sound like Harold.

OK, so everyone was still at the campfire, and I tried to talk Duncan and he looked so pitiful, sitting there, holding his crotch. Of course, the sap I am, and the complete verbal idiot I tend to be around him, I asked if he needed some help.

He told me I could squeeze them and maybe that would make him feel better. And the look on his face was enough to make me want to kick him again, that dumbass smirk! What an asshole.

And then everyone started laughing and my face went RED. Red. Like a freaking tomato! And I was so scared that Duncan would say something about that kiss. I leaned down and whispered, furiously, that if he said a goddamn word I'd do more than kick them next time.

And do you know what that idiot, what that –pardon me, but- fucking retarded ass wipe said?

He said, very loud, that I can do whatever I want. He said, "Yes, I know, the woods at twelve, I'll bring the condoms", and everyone, even Bridgette, burst out in uncontrollable laughter. And in that moment, I died a bit.

In a moment, everyone but Bridgette, Geoff, and DJ left the campfire. They were all still laughing, but walked off. I sat there, my breathes ragged, the people left at the campfire still stifling laughter, Duncan saying, "Sweetheart, I'll let you do anything to me".

I died a bit more, and then I raised hell.

I smacked Duncan so hard he fell off the tree stump. I think I may have damaged him for life, but all I did was say, "Mother fucking ASSHOLE! You goddamned SONOFABITCH!" And everyone went dead silent. Chris walked up and said that we all needed to calm down, but I was PISSED. I told Chris that if Duncan could lie and claim that I wanted to have sex with him, I was allowed to kick his ass.

Chris backed off, saying that as long as I didn't kill him, I was in line.

I smirked at Duncan, who was still groining from being slapped right after being kicked in the balls. I told him that I'll meet him in the woods.

When he learns something called RESPECT.

I walked away and now I'm sitting here writing. And I don't feel bad at all.

Well, at least not that much.

At Least More Than A Little Bit

Dear Journal,

Bridgette tells me that Duncan must like me a lot, because he didn't get mad for the slapping thing at all. He just said that he shouldn't have expected any less from 'My Princess'. Bridgette just kept giggling out of her mind.

I am not that amused about the whole situation.

I told Bridgette that I don't like him. And then she told me that I ought to stop lying to myself because once he gets voted off I'm going to feel really bad. I thought about that, and I'm kinda scared. If Duncan does get voted off, I'll be scarred, because, I mean, I do like him. More than a little.

And I'm not lying to myself! I'm not. No, not at all. I only like Duncan because this is a phase, and I'm gonna get over it.

I've got my own challenges to do, and I can't worry about Duncan screwing his parts up. I don't like him for real.

Not at all. Well, at least not more than a little bit.

Challenges AKA Busy and Stupid

Dear Journal,

I woke up this morning to some yelling in the boys cabin. They were all arguing about something with Harold, and I'm totally worn out from screaming at Duncan yesterday.

Whatever. Chris says it's challenge day and that means we need to meet him at the beach ASAP. If I could get some damn sleep, maybe I would understand everyone here. But I don't. So I'm super tired. Bridgette is saying we have to go.

I'm gonna bring this with me. I feel like today is gonna be a busy day, but as challenge day, it's always busy. Busy and stupid. I just hope it's not a completely idiotic challenge like the last one.

Sophisticated is the Word

Dear Journal,

I'm actually amazed with this! It's a cooking challenge! It's one of the most sophisticated things we've done yet, and I didn't think I would ever be able to use the word sophisticated on this show, ever. I'm serious.

But we said that Geoff would our top chef, and I thank the lord for that, because I don't really do that much cooking. I mean, I can use a stove and oven and everything, but I'm not your biggest expert on this stuff.

OK, the guys have got everything off the truck (Which I could have sworn I saw a dolphin driving…). Gotta get it to the kitchen to start cooking some good food. Never thought I'd say that here either.

Anyone But Him and Anyone But Me

Dear Journal,

Ugh! Why me?

Of course, the world is gonna turn on me. Because that's the way these things work.

So we get to the stupid kitchen, right? And then DJ pairs off with Bridgette, Harold pairs off with Sadie, and of course. Of course the only person left is him.

I had to object, because for one- I'm supposed to angry with him! Why would they pair us up? Why?

And Duncan and Geoff just fanned their eyelashes and said, come on, take one for the team, Courtney. Although Geoff looked sincere, Duncan just looked devilish.

And I just got kicked out of the confessional for taking up "too much time". What? I get kicked out of the confessional for that and Duncan doesn't even get a warning for everything he's done to me?

And now I have to cook with a pig. I'm going to rip my eyes out if he calls me princess one more time. Anyone but him. Anyone!

Custard and Harold's Tidy-Whitey's

Dear Journal,

OK. You can say 'hello' to your new top dog.

Yeah, that's right. I threw the big bowl of custard at Duncan's face. And even if we have to rush to make some more again, I. DON'T. CARE. Because I pissed Duncan off.

I feel like I should be on the red carpet or something. I want an award for doing that! I just can't stop myself from smiling. Duncan pissed me off, and for once, finally, I got the last word.

Am I getting too excited over all this?

Nope. I deserve this moment. I've been waiting for this moment for quite a while.

Also: The kitchen is a sanitary place, or at least, it should be, right? So tell me why Harold finds it OK to come in with nothing but his tidy-whiteys on? Just a question that I think should really be answered.

Ugh. Even though I'm happy about winning that argument, I can't get the image of Harold's underwear out of my mind. His legs were so gross and skinny and I really, really, didn't need to see that.

Thinking about that and all this food makes me sick. Bleh.