"Would you care to explain to me why Ebony keeps on calling me 'Vampire'?"
Luna and Ginny looked up from where they were talking, and saw that their friend Harry was flopping down onto the grass next to them.
"Ebony?" Luna looked quizzical.
"New student," Ginny clarified. "Slytherin, seventh year. If what Ron says is anything to go by, she's crazy."
"People say that I'm crazy, too," Luna said thoughtfully. "Maybe she's nice. You never know."
"No, no," said Harry, "Ebony's not 'weird and abnormal, but in a cool way' crazy. Ebony is 'go get the straightjacket and cattle prod right now' crazy."
"What'd she do?" Ginny asked.
"Well, she talks in spelling mistakes," Harry replied, counting on his fingers, "doesn't wear the uniform, calls Hermione 'B'loody Mary', thinks that Malfoy is her boyfriend despite him swearing that he has never met her before, never shuts up about these Muggle bands called Good Charlotte and MCR, and now she's calling me Vampire and wondering why my scar isn't shaped like a star or something anymore."
"Anymore?"
"She thinks that Ron changed it for me. Believe me, if Ron could do anything about my scar, I would've had him do it a long time ago." He paused. "Also, she thinks that I'm a Slytherin and a Satanist."
"How odd," said Luna. "Perhaps she's mentally ill."
"Perhaps? I thought we just established that she is."
Before Luna could reply, Evory walked up to them. She was wearing a pleated lime green skirt with black skulls and crossbones all over it. Her fuchsia blouse matched the color of her nail polish that day, which was decorated by stick-on diamonds. Her cross earrings were made of real silver, as was her occult star necklace. Her tights were black, as were her combat boots. Ebony's normally dark hair was dyed bright red.
"Is this Ebony?" Luna whispered.
"Yep," Harry nodded.
"Ug, Vampire, wht're u doin hanging owt with deese preps?" Ebony asked.
"My name is not Vampire," Harry said, "and these are my friends, Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley."
Trying to be polite, Ginny said, "I'm Ron's sister."
"Diablo doesn't haff a sistr."
"…Diablo?"
"Ur Brittany, u fuckin prep. God, u ma I sic."
"Ginny's name isn't Brittany," said Luna, "it's Ginevra."
"Who da fuk r u?"
"Luna."
"Whatevr. C'mon, Vampir."
Ebony grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him up to his feet. Then, much to his horror, she kissed him, despite his obvious objections.
"Lemme go—oof!" Harry grunted, trying to push her off. He was cut off by their lips meeting once again.
Ginny got up and pulled them apart. Before she could give Enoby a piece of her mind, Ebony slapped Harry right across the face.
"What the bloody hell was that for?" Harry exclaimed.
"U KNOW THAT I LUBV DRAGO!" she screamed. "HOW DAR U KIZ MEE!1"
She ran away, sobbing tears of blood.
Ginny, Harry, and Luna watched, jaws dropped.
Luna was the first to speak.
"Where might we purchase a straightjacket and cattle prod?"