Chapter 5

After dinner that night, Ron sat down in front of the fire with a cup of tea to think.

He thought about the war. About his nightmares and the fears they revealed. His fear was obvious. It had been for awhile now. He was afraid of losing Hermione. He knew that losing her would cause his break down. She was a big part of his life. She had been for many years. He didn't know if he could live without her and he didn't really want to find out. He wanted to be with her. He never wanted to her to leave his sight. But graduation was fast approaching and with that they would head in different directions. She wanted to become a professor so she would go to Wizard University and he still didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. He just knew that he wanted her to be in it.

No matter how strong his feelings were for her, he had still not told her. They both had come close to losing their lives and even that had not scared it out of him. He didn't know why he hadn't told her. He had wanted to so many times but it never came out. Not even in the thick of battle.

"Bloody hell, I'm such a coward." He muttered to himself as he took a drink from his mug. He couldn't believe that something was holding him back when he felt this strongly for her.

"You're not a coward." Harry's voice came from behind him and Ron turned to look. Ron scoffed at his best friend then turned back to the flames. "Fine don't believe me. But you're not." Harry said sitting down across from his best friend.

Neither one spoke for a few minutes, they just sat in silence, staring at the flames. Finally Harry broke the stillness of the air.

"How are you Ron?" he asked watching his red haired friend.

"Yeah fine mate. Never been better." Ron replied, his voice full of sarcasm.

"Don't be a git Ron." Harry commanded. "I know something is wrong. Tell me what it is. I'm your best mate. I was there too. What you feel is probably what I did and sometimes still do. So tell me Ron!"

Ron looked up at his friend, a look of shame taking over his face. "I can't," he murmured, his eyes searching his empty tea mug.

"Why can't you?" Harry pushed. He was determined to get something out of Ron.

Ron hung his head. "I just can't Harry. I don't know why I can't. I know what haunts me and the fears my dreams tell me but I just can't let it out of me. Something in my head is preventing me from letting it all out. I feel like we're still at war, fighting and dodging to stay alive, emotions and feelings don't matter. It's turning me into a coward Harry because I can't tell her that I love her!" Ron said through gritted teeth as the grasp on his mug tightened.

Harry looked at his friend. Names didn't have to be shared to know who her was. Harry had known for a long time how his best friend felt about a certain brown haired, brown eyed girl they both called friend. He knew Ron was kind of shy when it came to girls and hadn't had many good experiences with them. But Ron was not the person just to sit back and not do something. At least not after how he had acted during the war.

"Ron not being able to tell her doesn't make you a coward. You're just nervous and you still seem to be living in survival mode. I've seen you fight in the thick of battle. You looked death right in the face, risking your life for me, for her, for your sister, for so many. You never ran away. You never once showed cowardness. You gave many of us more courage when we were losing ours. You never once showed us you were scared.

"But Ron everyone gets scared once and awhile. Everyone fears something different and when faced with the fear certain normal functions of the brain quit. I think because you can't stop having these dreams your body still thinks you're fighting. It hasn't switched off of survival mode yet. If you can find the thing that will stop the dreams then you will be able to relax and eventually tell her." Harry expressed.

Ron looked up at Harry. "I was scared Harry. Scared just like the rest of you. And these dreams, they keep me reliving the past. I can't make them stop. I've tried everything. Madam Promfrey has even given me a Dreamless Sleep potion but they still seem to break through." His voice contained a bit of anger as he spoke.

Harry looked at him. "They are telling you something then; giving you a hint on how to make them stop. What happens in them?" Harry asked leaning forward on his chair a little.

Ron immediately glanced up at him. Harry knew from the look in his eyes that he wasn't going to tell him.

"Fine. Don't tell me. But I can guess what they are about." Harry said strongly. "They involve the war and Hermione don't they?"

Ron looked down and nodded. Suddenly, he felt like telling Harry about the dreams. "I can't help but see her die or disappear," he muttered, feeling something inside him break and relax.

"It's hard Ron. I've had lots of those dreams. Dreams where I lose you or Ginny or Hermione or Lupin or Hagrid or even myself. They were hard to get rid of. Especially the ones involving Ginny. Because I love her so much, they were the worst to bare. But since she came to stay with me, I've stopped having them. I think because I know she's there next to me even when I'm not conscious, I know she's safe and the dreams can't come true." Ron looked up at Harry as Harry revealed things he had not shared with him. "As long as she's there by my side, I know she's safe."

Ron nodded. "I wish I could feel that way. I always wake up nervous and my heart racing. I want to know if she is okay but I can't go and find her without her knowing something is going on. And I can't tell her about my dreams because then she will know how much I really care about her."

"And would that be all that bad?" Harry asked.

Ron stopped. "No," he muttered.

"Well then tell her."

"It's complicated Harry. We've been friends for so long. If I tell her now, things will never be the same. I don't want to lose her completely just because I love her. I'd rather love her from afar and have her never know. At least then I can still be around her and spend time with her." Ron confessed.

Harry sighed. "Well Ron. It looks like you've already chosen your path. You don't want to tell her for fear that she does not return your love but you are tried of living in these nightmares. I can't help you. All I can say is, she is the answer to your nightmares and if you ever want them to stop, you are going to have to find some way to know that she is okay every minute of everyday. She's your answer Ron." Harry said as he stood up.

Ron looked up at Harry and knew it was true. "But I can't Harry..." Ron mumbled.

"Then you will be cursed to relive your visions." Harry said, almost Dumbledore like, as he walked away from Ron toward the dorm stairs.

Suddenly Ron's anger flared. He knew Harry was right but something was still holding him back. Something inside his heart that kept telling him that she couldn't love a man like him and that he was a fool to think she ever would. Frustration raged in his veins and in an act of desperation, Ron threw his mug at the bricks of the fireplace. The mug shattered when it hit and Ron sighed. He stood up, muttered "reparo", picked up the mug and headed for the exit of the common room.

AN: Chapter edited 6-3-07