Chapter Two
Trying My Best
I own nothing! No song lyrics or anything at all! Enjoy! :)
Its been about two weeks since the funeral, and it feels as though everything is the same, yet everything is different. I remember how Jade would call me every morning, just to see if anything exciting was happening. Or if I needed a ride to school or something. Sometimes I wish I was in the car the day of her death. That way, we could have died together, and be together. On the other hand, where everything feels the same, is the scenery around school. All the bright colors and cheerfulness. People seem to already be forgetting the tragedy. Its odd, because sometimes I'll forget everything, and smile at my friends goofiness. Then, I'll catch myself about to ask them if they've seen Jade. Thats when I have to leave, to make sure they don't seem me break down. About a day after the funeral, the janitor cleaned out her locker, and gave all her stuff to her mom. Mrs. West hasn't been handling this well at all. We read a book in english class once, and one of the lines was, 'A parent should never have to bury their child'. Its true. Its painfully true. I lean my head on my locker, blocking out the world. I take deep breaths, in and out. Luckily, I'm the only one in the hall.
"Dude, you okay?" My friend Matt asks me. Okay, maybe I'm not the only one in the hall. Sue me. Matt and I have known each other forever, but never really hung out a lot. I still consider the dude my friend...but he always seemed to stuck me the wrong way. I don't know if it was his spiky red hair, or the chocker he's been wearing since middle school. He's one of the kids who's only in Hollywood Arts because his family donates costumes for musicals and stuff.
"I will be," I say, which is half true. I run my hand through my hair, breathing again.
"You still grieving about Jade? Me too. She was so fine," He says, getting an evil, dirty looking smile across his face. I feel my blood boil. I throw my books down, and spin him against the lockers. I feel his shirt collar tight in my fist. There's a little voice in the back my head, telling me what I'm doing is wrong. I usually listen to that voice, but not today. Not here, not now.
"Care to repeat that comment?" I ask, biting my teeth together. I watch the fear melt right out of his eyes.
"Dude, I'm sorry! Let's be cool about this!" He says, and realize him from my grip.
"No, I'm sorry. I lost my temper. Won't happen again," I say, looking away from him. I hear him sigh, and walk away. Not able to move my feet, I sit on the floor of the hallway. I close my eyes, and lightly hit my head against the decorated lockers.
"Hey, idiot!" Jade calls out to me from across the gym. I know she's calling for me, because she's in one of those moods.
"What!" I yell back, loud enough to hear over the music. I feel the eyes of most everyone in the room. Some slow country song is playing, about some guy drinking his money away because his wife left him. I watch Jade walk, no, stride over in her green dress like she owns the place.
"Guess what?" She says, in a sassy attitude.
"What?" I ask, wondering where she's going with this.
"Hey idiot, I love you," She says, as she grabs my cheeks and pulls me in for a kiss. It feels like fireworks. Millions of different colored fireworks. Like the grand finale on the forth of July. That moment at the end, where you know its ending, but you would do anything in your power to stop it from ending. I feel her pull away. We look into each others eyes, thankful that its the two of us who share this memory.
"Son, wake up. Son? Son!" I hear some janitor yell, hitting me with the end of his broom. I gather up my stuff, feeling the eyes of every student in the hallway. Everyones been watching me lately. As if, waiting to see if I break down. I stand up, trying to gather up all the pride I have left. I walk down the hall, not knowing where to go from here. I go to the auditorium, where I always do my best thinking. I throw my backpack to an empty chair, and jump up on to the stage. I feel all the lights beating down on me. I turn my head to see a piano, which is staring right back at me. I walk over, and play the beginning to Avril Lavigne's "Slipped Away". I don't mean to play it, it just comes out of fingers and onto the keys. I sing the intro, and the first chorus. I learned this song in my modern music class last semester. I loved the way it sounded, but I never really could relate to it emotionally. Now, its the definition of my life.
"Now your gone, now your gone. There you go, there you go" I belt out.
"Somewhere I can't bring you back," I hear a voice from the other side of stage. I look to see Tori, standing in the doorway. I watch her walk over to where I'm sitting at the piano. She sits down next to me.
"I know Jade and I could have been great friends," Tori says, staring at the keys.
"I do too. She always liked you. You know, once she got to know you. Not at first. She gated you when you first came here," I say. She gives a small smile.
"I think everyone knew that," She chuckles. I can feel her eyes on me. I keep looking ahead. "You don't have to be strong all the time, Beck," She whispers softly.
And with that, I break down. I cry on her shoulder. I try to speak, but all of my words come out unidentifiable.
I'm trying my best to be the brave one. To be the rock everybody relies on. I've always been the guy who looks on the bright side, the guy who always sees a brighter day in the future. I don't see a better day this time. I don't see a reason on why Jade had to leave. Why did she have to leave so soon? We both had so many plans. Plans that weren't supposed to fizzle out into nothing.
I guess I can say goodbye to those plans.