Chapter 12

The sound of the near by cracking fire lightly woke Hermione from her slumber but she refused to open her eyes. She wanted to go back to sleep. She was comfortable and warm.

She smiled suddenly when she realized why she was so warm and comfortable. She opened her eyes slightly and looked up at Ron's sleeping face. His features were relaxed. He looked so peaceful and content.

Maybe there is hope. She thought as she closed her eyes and placed her head back on Ron's chest. She snuggled closer to him and placed a hand on his stomach. She inhaled deeply his scent of cinnamon. She sighed and relaxed her mind, welcoming the waves of sleep that would befall her soon.

A bounding from the boys' staircase brought Ron out of the recesses of sleep. He groaned when he heard the voice of his sister call to Harry. Doesn't she realize that other people sleep in this dorm too? He thought to himself, not fully awake. But suddenly he became aware of a hand on his stomach and a head on his chest and was shocked wide awake. He opened his eyes and looked down at Hermione sleeping.

She looks so peaceful and happy. Ron thought, completely forgetting about Ginny, as he noticed the small curve of her lips. It made him smile. She didn't have anything to worry about, no nightmares to taunt or scare. Her world was good. She was safe.

He squeezed her a little harder as he lightly brushed his lips on the top of her head. If only we could be like this all the time. He thought as he closed his eyes to fall back asleep.

But just as Ron was sinking into the folds of sleep, Harry came bounding down the boys' staircase with his broom in hand. Ron was about to ignore him, when Harry yelled up the girls staircase, causing Hermione to wake with a start and push against him. He was forced over the edge of the couch and fell to the floor with a thud and a groan.

Hermione immediately sat up and moved to the edge of the couch. "Ron, are you okay?" she asked, worriedly.

Harry, puzzled, turned toward the couch. Not seeing anyone, he walked around it and found Ron on the floor between the couch and coffee table and Hermione leaning over the edge of the cushion, looking down at the red head.

"What are you two doing?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

Hermione's head whipped up. Her cheeks flushed as she realized what Harry was thinking, and immediately looked away. She sat up quietly and leaned against the back of the couch.

"Well we were sleeping until you so rudely awakened us." Ron said with a grumble as he threw the blanket that had fallen to the floor with him up on the couch by Hermione's feet. He had been really comfortable, even with his back on the edge of the couch.

"Did you two sleep down here?" Harry asked as Ron stood up.

"Yeah, have you got a problem with that?" Ron asked defensively.

Harry glared at his friend. "Have I ever had a problem with you sleeping down here? Geez mate, relax. I don't really give a damn where you sleep. I was just curious if you had both been down here all night." Harry retorted, a hint of annoyance in his voice. He knew Ron's defensive mode had kicked in.

At that moment Hermione chimed in. "After we played chess, neither of us was tired yet so we read for a bit. We must have both fallen asleep." She said, looking up at the two boys. Harry glanced down at her. She looked embarrassed, slightly ashamed.

Before Harry could speak, Ginny came thumping down the stairs, her broom in hand. Harry and Ron turned to look at her and she stopped at the bottom.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing, Gin. Come on lets hit the pitch." Harry said walking toward the portrait hole.

"Okay," she replied, a little confused, as she walked to meet Harry by the door. They both left and Ron sat back down on the couch next to Hermione.

After a moment of self reflection with his head in his hands, he leaned back and turned to look at Hermione.

"How did you sleep?" he asked with a smile. "Any nightmares?"

Hermione looked up and shock her head. "Nope, no nightmares. You?"

"Nope. No nightmares, but I thought for moment when I woke up that I was dreaming of sleeping next to the most beautiful brunette." Ron said, with a grin. "Oh wait, that wasn't a dream."

Hermione blushed. She didn't speak for a moment as thoughts raced through her mind. Tell him now. You know he feels the same. Kiss him. You know you want to. But in the end her logic won out.

"I think I'll go change and grab some breakfast." She said standing up.

Ron looked up at her, a slight frown on his lips. "Are you okay Hermione? You seem a bit off."

Hermione nodded. "Yeah I'm fine. Just a little hungry," she lied, heading for the girls stairs. She wanted so badly to tell him but she couldn't. She felt like crying, because she didn't think she'd ever be able to. It didn't seem like they would ever get together. Things were never right for them; something was always in the way. Maybe they weren't meant for one another.

Ron stood up and looked after her. "Right. I think I am too. Do you want to grab a quick bite and then go for a walk by the lake?" he called.

Hermione turned. She looked into his pleading eyes and couldn't help but say yes. "Yeah, okay. Just give me a minute or two to change and wash up. I'll meet you in the great hall." She replied, and then quickly made her way up to her dorm.

Ron watched her go then headed to his dorm to change and comb his hair.

As Hermione climbed the stairs, a few tears escaped. Why do I care about him so much? Not only was it breaking her heart, it was ruining her sleep because she couldn't keep the nightmares at bay. She knew Ginny was right about the nightmares. She didn't have to worry about him if he was next to her. Two nights in a row she had slept next to him and had no nightmares. It wasn't necessarily a researched study but it was more then enough evidence for her. She had searched yesterday for another answer but had found only more proof. The only way to stop the nightmares was to sleep next to Ron every night to make sure he was safe.

But that was impossible without telling him. And telling him was apparently out of the question as she couldn't make herself do it. It seemed so easy in retrospect but it wasn't in reality. She had run through possible ways of telling him but every time she tried, he flashed a smile and she was afraid again. She lost her nerve. This morning had been a perfect moment, but to tell him, might ruin their Christmas. There was always something that it might ruin.

"Why is this so bloody hard? It's so bloody stupid!" She shouted as she pushed open her dormitory door. She was being stupid. It was so unlike her to be like this. She had never had trouble with Viktor. She had always been able to tell him what she was feeling or what she wanted. She had, after all, been the one to instigate the break up.

It's because you never loved him the way you love Ron. That's the whole reason you broke up with Viktor in the first place. Because you finally quit denying it and realized that you loved Ron.

Hermione grumbled as she opened her trunk and threw her clothes about, looking for something warm to wear outside on her walk with Ron.

"Oh god what did I agree too?" She suddenly asked herself, freezing on the spot. More time alone with Ron was not necessarily what she needed right now. Not when she was in this emotional mood that could turn her from happy to crying in a minute's time. It wasn't that she didn't want to be around Ron; she loved to be around him. It was just that being around him could make her the happiest person in the world like she had felt this morning when she had first awoken but sometimes being around him and not being with him twisted and tangled her heart until it hurt so horribly bad.

I guess I'll just grin and bare it. Might as well get some practice in. It looks like it's gonna be that way forever. Hermione said to herself as she pulled out one of her Weasley sweaters. She held it up and smiled. Mrs. Weasley already thought of her as part of the family. If only some day it could be true.

Hermione sighed as she pulled out a pair of pants and her warmest cloak and dressed, daydreaming about being a real member of the Weasley family.

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Ron sat near his usual spot along the Gryffindor table, waiting for Hermione. He had filled his plate and had succeeded in clearing most of it.

Just as he was about to take his last bite of eggs and move on to a piece of toast, Hermione floated up with her wool cloak over one arm and sat down across from him. She placed the cloak next to her on the bench.

"Sorry it took me so long. I couldn't find my cloak." She said reaching for the bacon.

Ron smiled at her. "No problem. I was just occupying myself with food." He replied. Hermione looked up at him and smiled.

Before Hermione had barely begun on her plate, Harry and Ginny entered the Great Hall and sat down next to her.

"Morning all," Ginny chimed, reaching for the bowl of cheesy potatoes.

"How was your morning match?" Hermione asked looking between Ginny and Harry.

"She kicked my arse," Harry replied biting into a piece of buttered toast.

"She seems to be doing that a lot mate," Ron interjected. Harry glared at him but Ginny smiled. "By the way mate, I'm sorry for this morning. You know the whole problem sleeping issues makes me irritable."

Harry nodded. "It's okay mate. I know what's going on. You just gotta learn to control yourself." he replied.

Ron nodded. "I know. I'm trying," he responded. Turning the subject to something else, he brought up the walk around the lake. "Hermione and I were going to go for a walk down by the lake, would you two care to join us?"

Ginny looked up from her plate and turned to Harry. Harry smiled at her then turned back to Ron. "I think we would love to."

"Great." Ron replied with a smile.

At that moment, Dumbledore entered the hall and smiled at the small group of students and staff left.

"Good morning and Merry Christmas to all of you. I hope you all have a wonderful day and I hope to see you all tonight at seven for our own little Christmas feast." He stated with a smile and a twinkle in his eye. He was trying to be cheerful, and make the day cheerful for all those who had remained at the school for one reason or another. After scanning the room, he turned and made his way up to the staff table to enjoy some breakfast of his own.

"I completely forgot it was Christmas Eve." Hermione said looking around the group.

"Me too," Ginny said. She had almost forgotten all about it. It just didn't seem quite like Christmas without all of her family. "Happy Christmas Harry!" She turned to him and kissed him on the cheek.

Harry smiled. "Happy Christmas Ginny." He replied, taking her hand and kissing it.

"Happy Christmas Harry, Ginny." Ron said nodding toward them. It didn't really feel like a special day. It seemed just like every other day without his family near. It kind of made him wish he was home. But he soon remembered that even at home, it would not be like Christmas. Not with so many missing. He suddenly looked across the table at Hermione. She felt his eyes on her and looked up. "Merry Christmas Hermione."

Hermione smiled at him. "Merry Christmas Ron." She said in return.

"It sure doesn't feel like Christmas," Harry put in. The others all turned to him, and Ron nodded.

"Things are just so different this year. I remember our fourth year and that stupid Yule Ball. No one left school except for one or two. Now only one or two are left." Ron said, suddenly realizing what he had said. "I mean stayed behind at school." He looked around the group.

Harry nodded. Things were different this year. People were missing, not just from the school but from their lives. It was hard to believe it was the happiest time of the year.

"Well I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm ready for a Christmas walk around the lake." Harry said with a smile. He was trying to cheer the mood not just for himself but for Ginny and Ron, who were both missing their father this holiday season, and Hermione who wasn't with her family either.

Hermione stood up with a smile. "I think I'm ready too Harry." She said, swinging her legs over the bench. She picked up her cloak and threw it around her, tying it at her neck. Harry smiled at her and held out his arm to her.

"How about you two?" Harry asked before they headed for the door. Ginny and Ron both looked up and realized what was going on. Both had been reminiscing about their father.

"Yeah, I'm coming." Ron said standing up and throwing his cloak on.

"Yeah, I'm ready." Ginny said in a slightly distracted voice. She stood up, just as Ron tied his cloak.

"Wanna walk with me a bit Ginny?" Ron asked knowing Ginny was missing Christmas at home like him. "Maybe we can talk about home."

Ginny turned and looked up at her brother. She gave a small smile. "That would be nice." She replied. Ron smiled at her and held out his arm for her. She took it and the quartet headed for the lake.

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Outside it had begun to snow lightly, adding to the inches already on the ground. Hermione pulled up her hood as she and Harry stepped toward the lake.

"Hermione, how are you doing?" Harry asked.

Hermione looked over at him. "I'm doing fine Harry. How are you?" she replied with a smile.

"I'm doing okay. It's different this year, not being with at the Weasley's and all. But I've got Ginny, and that's the one big reason I liked going over there." Harry said with a wink. Hermione grinned.

"It is different, your right, but you're here and so are Ron and Ginny. That's what makes Christmas for me." She said brightly.

Silence fell between them for a moment or two as they walked. After a while, Harry cleared his throat. "Speaking of Ron, why did you look so embarrassed this morning yet ashamed when you explained about you and Ron?" he asked.

Hermione looked away at the lake for a moment. She knew she could trust Harry but it was still difficult to voice. She glanced behind them and saw that Ron and Ginny were quite a ways behind them, busy with their own conversation.

"I was embarrassed because you had found us. Nothing happened, mind you, but it still felt like something had. Nothing will ever happen because neither one of us can voice what we feel. I just can't let it out. I've tried Harry. I have. But something always stops me; something always keeps me from telling him. I want to. I want to be with him always. I know Ginny's right when she says that the dreams stop when he's next to me because I know he's safe. I haven't had nightmares these past two nights because he was right next to me." She looked over at Harry then, a blush coming to her already rosie cheeks. "I want him to be next to me. It makes me feel safe. He makes me feel safe."

Harry smiled at her. "Hermione, you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I know you love Ron. And I can understand about feeling safe next to him. It may seem silly, but I feel safe next to Ginny. I don't have to worry about her and I'm reminded that the war is over, and that she will always be in my life." Harry said, pausing for a moment to look at an owl overhead. "I plan on asking her to marry me Hermione."

Hermione immediately looked over at him. He smiled at her. "Oh Harry!" She shrieked.

"Shhh, Hermione. I want it to be a surprise. Even Ron doesn't know." Harry said glancing back at Ginny. She was still deep in conversation with Ron.

"When are you going to ask her?"

"Tomorrow."

Hermione's smiled widened. "Oh Harry I'm so happy for you. She'll say yes. I know she will." She said excitement in her voice.

Harry grinned wider. "I know she will too."

The couple then walked for a while in silence. After a moment or two Harry turned to Hermione. "'Mione, I want you to promise me something." He asked seriously.

Hermione turned to him, her brow furrowed. "What it is Harry?" she asked concerned.

"I want you to tell Ron tomorrow how you feel about him. No matter what. You two can't go on living like this. Not just because of your nightmares and his but because you love each other. Really love each other. You have to tell him. He's strong, you and I both know that, but when it comes to you, he tends to make an arse of himself. You two are meant for each other, I know you are, Ginny knows you are, you know you are." Harry said squeezing her arm. "You love him Hermione, just tell him. I know you can do it."

Hermione looked at him. "But Harry, I'm afraid. Afraid of his reply, or that he'll close up."

Harry squeezed her arm reassuringly. "It'll be okay. You don't have to be afraid. It's Ron. He's been in love with you since the first time you talked to him on the train to Hogwarts, though he may not have showed it. He may have shut it out during the war, lived in constant fear of death, and put up a barrier, but he will come out of it. He's afraid too, it's part of why he won't go back to normal, why he won't tell you that he loves you." Harry said his voice full of assurance.

Hermione looked away from him, out at the lake. He was right. She knew he was. And promising that she would tell Ron was probably the only way she would ever tell him. She owed Harry her life many times over. The least she could do was promise him this one little thing.

She turned back to him. "Alright Harry, I promise." She said watching Harry smile.

"Come on Hermione, it won't be that bad. At least I'm not asking you to take on Bellatrix again." He joked, elbowing her gently in the ribs.

Hermione gave a small forced laugh. "Yeah, you're right." She replied, not quite as sure as Harry.

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"It doesn't feel like Christmas not being home at the Burrow." Ginny commented as she and Ron walked along behind Harry and Hermione.

"It wouldn't feel like Christmas if we were at home without Dad there." Ron said with a sigh.

Ginny squeezed her brother's arm. "I miss him too Ron." Ginny murmured. Ron fell silent, his mind falling back to what had happened to his father.

Both Arthur and Molly had been fighting with the rest of the Order during the final battle. While Ron, Hermione, and Harry were busy with Bellatrix and the Dark Lord, the Order had been taking on Lucius, Crabbe, Goyle, and many other Death Eaters. Arthur had been dueling with Lucius, when Crabbe had pushed him onto his back, leaving him open for the curse that Lucius shot at him. Molly rushed to him and transported him to St. Mungo's right away. They attended him the best they could, but there was nothing they could do for him. Molly was the only one next to him when he died, his sons and daughter still fighting for the cause.

"He didn't deserve to die. I should have been there to save him." Ron muttered to himself. Ginny looked over at him. He was doing it again. Blaming himself for those who hadn't been saved.

Ginny smacked Ron on the shoulder. "Ronald Billius Weasley, you've got to bloody stop this. You're either blaming yourself for those who didn't come back or still trying to save those who don't need to be saved. Quit living in the war. Join us in the present. You're driving us all mad." Ginny said strongly.

"It's easy to say but not easy to do. Gin, I just can't help but remember what happened. I don't know how you can forget." Ron replied.

"I haven't forgotten. I can't forget either but I don't go around moping and living completely in the past. I remember it yes, but I don't dwell on it. You've got to stop it and see what's in the here and now or you'll miss the greatest thing that could ever happen to you." Ginny stated simply.

"Bloody hell, don't get started on Hermione. I don't want to talk about that." Ron said kicking the snow up with one foot. He knew what Ginny meant by the greatest thing that could ever happen to him. He, too, sometimes thought that she just might be the greatest thing to happen to him. After all, she had so far helped him to become a better person, in more ways then one.

Ginny let go of his arm and put her hands on her hips as she glared at him. "Well that's just too bloody bad. If you keep this up, she'll never trust you. She'll never tell you how she feels about you. And we all know there's no way in this world that you'd tell her. You're too much of a scared-y cat." At that Ron looked up at her and scowled. "Don't give me that look. You know I'm right. Sure you were courageous and brave during the war, but now that life is trying to get back to normal, you've turned into a little frightened kitten."

"Geez Gin you sure know how to make a man feel good about himself." Ron said sarcastically. "And it's the bloody dreams that keep me on my toes. I can't get out of the war because it hasn't left me."

"And what could you do to make them go away?" Ginny probed, staring at her brother.

Ron stared back. "You and I both know what I could do, should do but can't and won't do. You know I can't tell her. I don't want to lose her." He muttered, glancing toward Hermione who walked ahead of them with Harry.

"Good god Ron, if you keep this up you will lose her. And they'll be no way to get her back. Think about it, what if she had died and you had never told her how you felt? What if you don't tell her and she dies? How would you feel if she was no longer here and you had never gotten the chance to be with her?" Ginny walked over to her brother and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Don't let your love pass you by because you suddenly lost the courage you had just found. You don't have to lose her Ron, but you've got to tell her. You two can't keep avoiding it forever. If you do, neither one of you will ever be happy. And neither one of you will ever get any sleep."

Ron looked up at his sister and she gave him a small smile. "Well aren't you a regular old smarty pants." Ron grumbled. "Alright Gin, I see and understand your points. I'll try and get my head in the present, and I will tell Hermione, but at my own pace."

"You have until the end of the year. If you don't do it by then, I will do it for you." Ginny interrupted. Ron looked up into her face and knew she was serious.

He sighed. "Alright, by the end of the year," Ron replied.

"Good." Ginny said with a smile, taking Ron's arm again and dragging him along.

As Ron thought for a moment about his deal with his sister, he realized she was right. He had to tell Hermione and he couldn't wait any longer. He would do it before New Years. In a way he was kind of thankful to Ginny because she was forcing him to just do it, and yet at the same time his repetitive worries held strong. What if she doesn't love me? What if she can't love me? What if it ruins our friendship? What if we fall out of love?

Suddenly Ron was hit with a snowball straight in the side of the head. He looked around and found a laughing Hermione standing next to Harry, who was holding a snowball. He shook his head, glared at Harry, let go of Ginny and bent down to pack a snowball. When it was good and tight, he stood up and flung it at Harry, who ducked and caused it to hit Hermione. She then picked up some snow, packed it and threw it at him. But her aim was off and it hit Ginny in the leg.

"That's it. Snowball fight!!" Ginny screamed as the four packed and threw snow as fast as they could between ducking and dodging.

AN: Chapter edited 6-18-07