Mentally
What really goes through Coricopat and Tantomile's heads at the ball?
Thankyous to all my reviewers!
Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!
Challenge! Can you spot the Pink Panther quote?
A/N 1: If the brackets are doubled they are having a private thought.
A/N 2: I suggest you watch the DVD before reading the rest of the chapters, cos I'm not putting
who sings what line.
A/N 3: You'll have to forgive me if I get lyrics wrong!
{Coricopat} = Mental thoughts.
[Tantomile] = Mental thoughts.
Coricopat's movements.
Tantomile's movements.
Every thing else.
Chapter 5: The Naming of Cats.
{Hey whats Asparagus doing?}
[Watch and see!]
"There's a man over there!"
{Holy Crap! Where?}
"With a look of surprise.
As much as to say, well now how about that!"
{How about what?}
[Shut up and listen to Munkustrap!]
"Do I actually see?"
{You have eyes don't you?}
"With my own very eyes,"
{Well they wouldn't be any one else's eyes would they?}
[It's a figure of speech, Cori.]
{Oh.}
"A man..."
{HOLY CRAP! WHERE?}
[*Resisting slapping Cori* OVER THERE!]
{I don't see him!}
[*Sigh* Let him finish his sentence.]
"...who's not heard,
of a Jellicle cat?"
{Jellicle cat? Whats that?}
[Why do I even bother?]
"Whats a Jellicle cat?"
{My question exactly!}
[It's a line of the song Cori.]
"Whats a Jellicle cat?"
{Well come on! Answer the question!}
[WE are Jellicle cats! Duh!]
"The naming of cats is a difficult matter,"
{It is?}
[It is.]
"It isn't just one of your holiday games,"
{It isn't?}
[It isn't.]
"You may think at first,"
[I think 'think' is a bit of a strong word when referring this lot!]
"I'm as mad as a Hatter,"
[[I know who I think is as mad as a Hatter!]
"When I tell you a cat, must have three different names."
{That is so annoying! Especially when you owner gives you a real stupid name, for example Tanti's is-}
[STOP RIGHT THERE! DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD!]
"First of all there's the name that the family use daily:
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo..."
{Annoying bastard that flirts with everything that moves.}
"...or James.
Such as Victor or Jonathon, George or Bill Bailey – all of them sensible everyday names."
[I only know one of them.]
{Who?}
[The annoying bastard.}
{Oh.}
[Duh!]
"There are fancier names, if you think they sound sweeter."
[Depends what they are.}
{I wonder if they're as stupid as yours?}
[I'm warning you...]
"Some for the gentlemen some for the dames,
Such as Plato,"
{He's pretty cool, bi, but cool.}
"Admetus,"
{He's a spazz!}
[He is NOT!]
{He talks to mirrors and inanimate objects!}
[So do you!]
{*Whistles*}
"Electra,"
[M' best bud!]
"Demeter."
{[Paranoid.]}
"But all of them sensible everyday names."
[Sensible?!]
"But I tell you, a cat, needs a name that's particular,"
[We don't need them, we just want them so we sound cooler.]
"A name that's peculiar and more dignified."
[Dignified? Dignified?! Does 'Tantomile' sound dignified to you?!]
{Whoa sis, calm down.}
[CALM DOWN?! I WILL NOT BLOODY CALM DOWN!]
{I'll tell Addie that you-}
[I'm calm, completely and utterly calm.]
"Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular?"
[Sheer will-power.]
{But that takes WORK!}
Rolls eyes.
"Or spread out his whiskers or cherish his pride?"
{Easily.}
[You haven't got any pride, you soled it on e-bay for-]
{*Starts singing* A rare mint snow globe, a used pink bathrobe, a smurf TV tray. I bought it on e-}
[Stop singing.]
Of names of this kind I can give you a quorum:
Such as Munkustrap,"
{Stick-up-ass protector with no sense of humour.}
[Cori, that's not nice.]
"Quaxo,"
{*French accent* Wired tuxedo person.}
[Not nice.]
"or Coricopat."
{Devilishly handsome, babe mag-}
[Crazy, deranged, lunatic with a jig but no saw.]
"Such as Bombalurina,"
{*Drools and has nasty thoughts*}
[Sluttish whore.]
{You're just saying that cos she's got Addie all-}
Pointed glare.
"...or else Jellylorum."
[Kind motherly person.]
"Names that never belong to more than one cat."
{So how come there are two Asparaguses?}
[I'll tell you later.]
"But above and beyond there's still one name left over,"
{The most embarrassing name of all!}
"And that is the name that you never will guess.
The name that no human research can discover."
[Yeah! Cos they don't speak cat!]
"But the cat himself knows and will never confess."
[HIMSELF?! Sexist much?]
{Ahhh lighten up!}
"When you notice a cat in profound meditation, the reason I tell you is always the same.
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation,
Of the thought,
Of the thought,
Of the thought,
Of his name.
[of course if it's Cori we're talking about it would be: His mind is engaged in a rapt mental game of thumb wars because cats don't have thumbs.]
"His ineffable.
Effable.
Eff and ineffable.
Deep,"
{And embarrassing?}
"And inscrutable,"
{Close enough!}
"Singular.
Name, name ,name, name, name, name (etc)"
Did ya spot it?