Ch 4

So I thought I would update a little early for you since I have a crazy weekend ahead of me and won't be able to post on Sunday. (Also I'm in a good mood from the Brittana last night).

Thanks to all those who have helped me with this and to everyone who's read so far.

Enjoy.

As Rachel walks through the hallway to her locker before her first class, she can't help but think of all that's happened since she last walked into school on Friday morning. Sure, she was in a terrible mood that day but the amount of people who now seem to be worried about her has grown exponentially since then.

She feels as though every person's eyes are on her, following her as she makes her way down the hall. She hears the noise level dull and whispers take the normally loud chatter's place as she passes groups of people congregating by their lockers. She shakes her head to clear it and the noise level returns to normal. It's all in your head, Rachel. Stop being so paranoid. She does however happen to miss the two people in the hallway who are whispering as they follow her movement to her locker.

Brittany and Santana are huddled together at their side-by-side lockers tracking Rachel's progress down the hall. The two cheerios originally had lockers on opposite ends of the hallway, however Santana wouldn't accept anything that kept her unnecessarily far from her girlfriend. So, naturally, she threatened the little AV club nerd with a locker next to Brittany's to switch lockers with her. That had proved to be a very fruitful 'negotiation' as the proximity of the girls' lockers allowed for extensive PDA and, on occasion, quiet conversations like the one they're currently having about Rachel Berry.

As they reach a mutual decision, Brittany leans in to give Santana a quick peck before slamming her locker shut and bouncing away to meet Rachel. Santana smiles as she watches Brittany bound animatedly down the hall towards the shorter girl they've been making plans to watch over, her heart swelling with pride at how selfless and caring her girlfriend is.

x x x

Rachel is unloading her homework from her backpack and grabbing what she needs from her locker for her first period class when Brittany appears next to her.

"Hi Rachel!" The corners of Brittany's eyes crinkle as she flashes Rachel a huge smile while grabbing Rachel's backpack to help her.

"Good morning Brittany." Rachel replies, finding it incredibly easy to smile back at the bubbly blonde. They both have English together first period, so she's thankful for the cheerleader's willingness to walk to class with her. Rachel's not very used to Cheerios' acceptance of being seen with her. They usually treat her like a social leper, although Brittany has always been the nicest to her out of everyone. Rachel always had a sneaking suspicion that they might have been friends if it weren't for Santana's influence over the blonde, but after Saturday morning Rachel isn't even sure what to think of Santana anymore. As if on cue, Rachel feels a soft nudge to her side and turns around just in time to see Santana look over her shoulder and smile before joining Quinn and walking away down the hallway to class together. The corner of Rachel's mouth quirks up in a small smile. She doesn't want to postulate and be incorrect, but she thinks she just might have Santana in her corner.

The warning bell rings and Brittany closes Rachel's locker for her before grabbing her hand and pulling her down the hallway toward their class. They walk together in silence but Brittany never lets go of Rachel's hand, squeezing it tight as they weave through the crowds in the hallways and stairwells to make sure they don't lose each other. Just before they reach the door to their classroom, Rachel's phone vibrates. She retrieves it from her pocket with the hand not attached to Brittany's and flips it around to look at the screen. She can hear her heartbeat rushing in her ears along with the echo of loud voices in the hallway and Brittany calling her name. She yanks her hand back from Brittany and turns away, hurtling around corners and down hallways. There are suddenly too many voices and sounds and bodies and people. She runs toward the one place she knows she can be alone.

x x x

Santana and Quinn sit in the back row of their biology classroom. The two are lab partners and their combined death glares directed at their classmates ensure their seats in the back, which allow them to gossip and plan parties, world domination, and other things without their teacher Mrs. Carlson noticing. They aren't ten minutes into class when Santana's phone vibrates with a text from Brittany.

S, Rachel ran away from me in the hall and she hasn't come to class yet. :(

The smile fades from Santana's face. She jumps as she looks up from her phone and finds Quinn staring intently at her.

"Why is Brittany texting you about Rachel?" Quinn whispers, pretending to take notes but keeping her eyes locked with Santana's. She spent her entire weekend trying to keep Rachel out of her mind because for some reason every mention of the girl starts her body humming with excitement. It's unnerving. But now suddenly Brittany and Santana are texting each other about her? Her curiosity outweighs her desire to banish thoughts of Rachel from her mind.

"I don't know, they've been kind of hanging out lately, I guess." Santana mumbles back as her thumbs fly over the keypad on her screen, typing her reply to Brittany.

"Is something wrong? With Rachel, I mean?" Even though she's trying not to draw attention to the fact that she's suddenly interested in Rachel, she can't help her curiosity. Not to mention she's been especially worried about the girl since her breakdown in the bathroom on Friday and it's been all she can do not to check on her herself.

The incredulous look Santana gives her in response to her question reminds Quinn that she needs to work as hard as she can to remain stealthy. "Since when do you care about Berry, Q?"

Quinn recoils and decides it's probably best to stay out of this from now on. She doesn't want to give Santana any ammunition against her; their positions at the top of McKinley's social food chain are precarious. That is until she notices the flash of concern that crosses Santana's face as she checks her phone again. "I don't, I just… I mean, she hasn't really been herself lately." She asks it almost like a question, baiting Santana.

"Yeah? What have you seen?" Santana whispers, glancing up to the front of the classroom to make sure Mrs. Carlson is still oblivious to the conversation happening in the back row.

The serious tone of Santana's voice and the knowledge in her eyes tell Quinn all she needs to know. Santana knows something. She relays the events of her encounter with Rachel in the bathroom on Friday afternoon as quickly as she can, eager to find out what Santana is thinking.

When Quinn is finished, she notices Santana biting her lip, looking down at the table in thought. She looks like she's processing. What Quinn doesn't know is that Santana is figuring out exactly how much to divulge to her. Santana feels surprisingly protective of the girl after the events of the weekend and doesn't know how much she can trust Quinn with that information. Santana makes a decision: until she has a better grasp on what's going on with Rachel and until she knows exactly what Quinn's intentions are, she's keeping what she knows to herself.

"Oh. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. She's probably just upset about glee or something." Santana mutters as she returns to her phone, typing another text to Brittany.

Quinn's eyes narrow. She knows Santana is leaving something out. Something important. But as much as she wants to grill her until she can get some answers, doing so would give her away. As far as McKinley high is concerned, Quinn Fabray doesn't have feelings. And she's not about to do anything to change that impression. Admitting that she seems to have a soft spot for someone as low on the food chain as Rachel Berry is probably the worst thing she could do for her reputation.

Thinking of Rachel again sends another inadmissible tingle of anticipation through Quinn's body. She can't believe how much she finds herself caring about the midget. One thirty second encounter with the girl in a disgusting bathroom and suddenly she's the topic of most of Quinn's thoughts. She thinks a large portion of her protective feelings toward Rachel are probably stemming from her guilt at torturing the girl for the last couple of years. Now Quinn just wants to be close to her. Befriend her. Earn her trust.

Jesus, Fabray. When did you start going soft?

x x x

Rachel makes it to the choir room after breaking away from Brittany and sprinting through the halls as fast as she's able. Rather than slowing down, she begins pacing as soon as the door closes behind her. She looks at her phone again.

What's wrong? Are you ignoring me? I want to see you… lunch today? -Jesse

She matches the steps of her frantic pacing to the beats of her heart, turning sharp corners before retracing her steps. She hasn't deleted his text from yesterday yet, so her eyes dart between the two white bubbles on her iPhone. I've missed you. Are you ignoring me? I want to see you. I've missed you. Oh god. He can't be serious. What's wrong? What's wrong? After all these months with no contact she's received two texts from him in less than 24 hours. She thought she was handling things. She thought she was ok. But then her crazy mood happened last Friday for no reason and then the whole damn fiasco of her trying to use Noah to fix things… And now he's texting her. On top of everything else? She can't handle this.

"Why do you care so much? Why is it such a big deal? He doesn't even think anything is wrong." Rachel begins mumbling under her breath as she paces back and forth across the room. "Clearly you've been overreacting. What, does he not remember the last time we saw each other? Never mind the fact that nobody can touch you, J- he wants to have lunch. Lunch. God, Rachel. You can't even say his name and he expects you to be in the same room with him." Rachel's tone and speed build as she gets more and more agitated. Finally she shrieks and flings her phone across the room, throwing herself into a chair and fisting her hands in her hair.

She jumps at the sound of a voice in the room with her. "Rachel?"

x x x

Will Schuester has been in his office all morning. He got up and came to school early so that he could grade the juniors' Spanish tests while he had some peace and quiet in his office. He enjoyed a fairly silent morning, which is why he startled a little bit when Rachel Berry first burst through the choir room doors. He kept quiet because he really didn't want to get sucked into a conversation with the girl when he had so much work to do. But now, sitting at his desk, he can't help but realize that Rachel probably doesn't think anyone can hear her. He can hear her mumbling under her breath and he leans a little to the right to see her pacing back and forth, staring at her phone. When she yells and throws her phone at the wall he jumps in his seat and decides it's probably time to intervene.

He steps into the choir room, calling her name softly. When she startles and looks up at him, the look of absolute despair and confusion on her face stops him before he can ask her what's wrong. All the things he was going to say suddenly leave his head; the poor girl looks so conflicted he doesn't even know how to begin helping her. He suddenly feels terrible as he remembers the last few interactions he's had with Rachel. He's fairly certain they involved quite a bit of yelling on his part and he bites the inside of his cheek as he's flooded with shame. Seeing her here looking so broken and clearly distressed, he remembers that while she often acts like a bossy, controlling thirty year old, she's just a kid.

He sits down on a chair next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Hey Rachel…" he doesn't miss the way her back stiffens and she leans just a tiny bit away from him. He quickly removes his hand as he takes note of her reaction. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" He inquires gently, not wanting to scare the girl away.

"No, thank you Mr. Schuester. I was simply looking for a place to be alone for a few moments as I'm rather overwhelmed with school today." She turns her head towards him, looking very much like she's searching his face to see if he's bought her excuse. He hasn't.

"Rachel, it's barely first period. I understand if you find it a little difficult to talk… especially to me, but I'm here to help you. I care about you." He hopes he's adequately communicating his sincerity to her. His relationship with Rachel has always been a little rocky at best but she's just so determined and abrasive sometimes, he really can't help it.

At this she actually smiles mockingly. "Really, Mr. Schue? You care about me?" Her bitter laughter bites down to his core and he flinches a little. "Please enlighten me then as to the reasoning behind sitting back and watching while everyone in Glee club makes fun of me and puts me down every single day. In fact, you actually encourage them to rip my solos away from me. Glee club is all I have. Music, singing… it's everything. Nobody else cares nearly as much as I do yet you put them all on a pedestal." Rachel pushes herself up out of her chair and whirls around to face Mr. Schue, gleaming tears pooling at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks.

"You preach all the time about us being a family and standing up for each other, but the one person you never stand up for is me. The only reason you're being nice to me right now is because you were here and you can't avoid it. Well, you know what Mr. Schue? I don't need your help." Rachel turns around and stomps away before he even has a chance to respond, leaving him staring, shocked, at the choir room door as it slams shut behind her.

The worst part about it is that she's right. The sinking feeling in his stomach only intensifies as he realizes that Rachel has noticed all along his unfavorable treatment of her. He always rationalized it to himself by thinking that Rachel would call him out on it if she ever noticed. He justified it by telling himself that she acted so grown up she should know better. But sitting here in the choir room looking into the girl's eyes he realizes what a mistake he's made. He's damaged his relationship with a student so much that in their time of need he can't even be of any assistance. He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs.

A sharp buzzing attracts his attention to the corner of the room. He notices Rachel's phone facedown on the floor, vibrating, and walks over to pick it up, telling himself he'll keep it in his desk and return it to her during Spanish class today. However, his curiosity gets the best of him and he flips it over, dragging his finger across the screen to unlock it and read her latest message.

Fine. I don't know why you're not texting me back but I'm coming to McKinley for lunch today. I want to talk to you. -Jesse

x x x

Surprisingly, blowing up at Mr. Schue was just the catharsis Rachel needed. Since storming out of the choir room she's realized she feels a lot calmer than she did all weekend. She's often imagined a big impassioned speech in which she would lament her treatment by the Glee club and following which Mr. Schuester would offer her all subsequent solos. It wasn't quite all she had imagined but she's fairly certain she got her point across; she's also thrilled to have something else to focus on. Rachel has always been fairly adept at compartmentalizing her feelings and keeping her emotions about certain events locked away in various parts of her mind, but when things build up like they did over the weekend she has a lot of trouble keeping her demons at bay. Being able to think about something like how frustrated and irritated she is with Mr. Schue is a fantastic distraction.

Rachel suddenly halts her thoughts and stops dead in the middle of the hallway when she realizes where she's walking. Goddamnit. She's on her way to her first period class. Where Brittany is probably waiting for her. Waiting for her after she fled suddenly with no explanation before they even made it in the door. Rachel winces. Either she's getting much worse at holding her feelings and reactions inside, or certain people are getting more and more intuitive. Maybe it's a combination of the two, but either way she can't afford to arouse much more suspicion.

She sighs and begins walking again, trying to construct an elaborate excuse that will occupy the cheerleader. I really, really had to pee. And it took me 30 minutes. Uh… no. Rachel huffs in annoyance. I… just remembered I forgot to… feed my… cat? No, Brittany will probably get excited and try to set up a playdate with Lord Tubbington. She snorts. That would be an interesting one. Oh! I realized I forgot my homework in my locker. She is fairly certain that Brittany has never actually done any homework… ever, so it won't seem odd to her that Rachel suddenly neglected to bring imaginary homework to class. Bingo.

She reaches their classroom with a smile on her face, armed with arguably the lamest excuse ever constructed. As long as it keeps Brittany from the truth, she doesn't mind. She pushes open the classroom door, making eye contact and giving Brittany a small wave. Today is looking up.

x x x

Rachel makes it through the rest of the morning without any difficulty. Brittany seems to have anchored herself to Rachel's side, but she's finding she doesn't mind having the blonde follow her everywhere. Brittany's bubbly personality and almost constant chatter keep her from worrying about the dark corners of her mind that she's usually afraid of. Plus, she likes the company.

When they arrive to the lunchroom after their fifth period class Brittany pauses and glances around the room looking slightly conflicted. Rachel realizes the problem when she notices the girl looking back and forth between her and the cheerios' lunch table, biting her lip.

Rachel nudges her slightly with her arm. "You know Brittany, I'm grateful that you've been spending so much time with me today but you should go eat lunch with them," she tilts her head indicating the Cheerios' table. "Santana probably misses you."

Brittany's eyes light up as soon as she says Santana's name and Rachel feels simultaneously happy and envious. She's happy for Brittany and Santana finally getting together after watching them dance around each other for ages, but that feeling is always accompanied by a pang of jealousy. She's never had that. Someone with whom to share her secrets and her feelings and her time. Someone to always be there for her. Someone who will smile like that in reaction to hearing her name.

She's pulled back from her reverie as Brittany gives her a quick hug, apparently agreeing with Rachel's suggestion as she turns and runs to join Santana at their lunch table. Rachel wraps her arms around herself, suddenly self-conscious. She feels the spaces on either side of her widening and the eyes of everyone in the lunchroom turning to look at her. She misses her protective buffer. Why couldn't she be selfish and ask Brittany to stay?

Rachel steps backwards slowly until the backs of her knees hit the bench of a thankfully empty lunch table. She lets out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding, crosses her legs demurely and looks quietly around the lunchroom pretending to be interested in the activity around her. She sees Brittany saving Santana and Quinn's places at the Cheerios' table while the girls get their food. She sees the other gleeks spread throughout the room at various tables, laughing and happy. Then it happens.

She sees him. He's silhouetted in the doorway; lit from behind by the sunlight reflecting off the blacktop of the parking lot. His eyes, probably adjusting to the dimmer fluorescent lighting of the lunchroom, scan the room slowly, searching. Searching for her. Her body reacts a solid five seconds behind her mind. Her brain is screaming at her to get up and run but she sits rooted to the chilled plastic of the lunch table bench beneath her. Her motor neurons suddenly catch up and she flings herself up onto her feet, stumbling a few steps before fast-walking towards the exit to the hallway. As much as her instincts are telling her to run, she knows she can't afford to draw any attention to herself.

But it's already too late. He's seen her. The walkway to the exit she's trying to reach will put her directly in his path. She stops abruptly. She can't handle talking to him. Even seeing him is sending her body into a frenzy. She spins around but before she can change directions Jesse is suddenly standing in front of her, grabbing her arm to keep her from running away. It's probably not intended to be threatening or intimidating but her mind is in overdrive, clouded by the smell of his aftershave and the feel of his hands' rough calluses on her skin again. Rachel can feel herself starting to panic. Not here. Please, not here.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees a flash of red and white barreling towards them before Jesse's hand is quickly torn from her body.

"Yo! St. James! The fuck do you think you're doing?"

Santana's angry shout is the last thing Rachel hears before she collapses.

Please take the time to review if you can. Even just a word or two.

I like to know that people are out there reading this... it keeps me writing.

And come find me on Tumblr! Three3littlebirds.