Chapter 8

I'm so sorry this has taken so long! I had finals and incidents at work but now I'm on break and finally had time to write.

Here's Chapter 8. Enjoy.

It's been two weeks since Quinn ran out on Rachel. Two weeks since she was flooded with the all-encompassing urge to kiss her. Another girl. She can never forgive herself for getting so invested in Rachel's life. The next morning Quinn had been so mortified by her behavior… she needed to erase what almost happened. She needed to erase her thoughts. So she drove to Finn's house and surprised him.

He answers the door less than ten seconds after she presses the doorbell. He's flushed and out of breath but she doesn't wait. Quinn launches herself into his arms and presses her lips against his. It had to be him. It had to be Finn. He wants her, and he's been making it extra clear lately.

When their lips meet, Finn startles and doesn't respond, but it only takes a few short seconds before he's kissing her back. Her stomach plummets. She doesn't feel anything. She felt more alive in the moments before she almost kissed Rachel than she does now. The feel of Rachel's breath on her cheek, those chocolate brown eyes peeking from behind thick, dark lashes… Finn isn't even a blip on the radar in comparison. Quinn kisses Finn back furiously. She has to feel something. He's a boy. She's supposed to feel things for boys. Not girls. And certainly not Rachel.

When she realizes what this might mean, she wants to cry. It's all making sense. Her protective urges toward Rachel, her desire to be closer to her, the sudden touchy-feely inclinations and her flustered reactions when she tries to converse with Rachel. Oh god. She likes Rachel. She LIKES Rachel. It's kind of pathetic and entirely screwed up that she's having this revelation while Finn is slobbering on her chin and licking her teeth but she doesn't even register that. Instead, she wants to die. She's never questioned her sexual orientation before. She's never had to. She was going to grow up and get married and have babies and grow old with the man of her dreams. This… this never factored in. She pitied people like Kurt and Santana and all they had to go through but she never identified with it. She never thought she'd have to. This has to be a phase. A fluke. Something about Rachel… but it will pass.

She's made her decision. She pulls away from Finn and surreptitiously wipes his drool from her chin.

"Let's go out."

"What?"

"You were right, we should date. Let's go out."

"O-okay?" Finn stammers, still surprised by the kiss and unable to believe his luck.

"Pick me up at seven tomorrow. Don't be late."

Quinn has never felt so hopeless. She forces herself through dates with Finn now. When did dating boys become a chore? The amount of time she had to spend with him through the rest of spring break was excruciating. She tries to let him kiss her without making a face. Sometimes it makes her want to break down and cry, and then she berates herself later. She wants so badly to feel something for him but ever since her revelation about Rachel, the other girl is all she can see. So, naturally, she's been avoiding her since that night. However, the first day back at school after break was a challenge.

She walks down the halls, head held high. Word travels fast and the whole school already knows she's dating Finn. She's still on top, and to remind herself of that she's ordered a barrage of slushie attacks against Rachel. She convinces herself that it's to remind everyone of her place at the school but she knows it's a test. She's testing her willpower… and maybe torturing herself a little at the same time.

Sure enough, the moment she rounds the corner and is met with the tableau of two hulking jocks bearing down on Rachel with slushie cups in hand under her orders, her heart falls. It's physically paining her to keep an impassive face. She braces herself as the football players toss the freezing cupfuls of ice and syrup at Rachel. They high five each other and turn away, winking at Quinn as they walk past.

Rachel's head lifts, strings of clumped hair clinging to her cheeks. Their eyes meet. Quinn watches the sticky red ice dripping down her face and running in rivulets down her neck, soaking into her schoolbooks and dripping from the torn corner of her notebook to land in a steadily growing puddle at her feet. Her heart breaks. The look in Rachel's eyes… God. It's like she's expected it all along. It's all Quinn can do to keep from crying. She's amazed she's able to hold herself together long enough to storm past Rachel with an indifferent look plastered across her face before rounding the corner and breaking down.

She called off the slushie attacks after that. She couldn't handle it. But she also knew she couldn't be around Rachel in any capacity. She makes an effort every afternoon during glee to sit as far from the girl as possible, ignoring the fiery glares Santana shoots her way. It's better this way. It might be killing her inside but she just needs to survive it.

x x x

Rachel went through the first days back from break in a daze. She had tried to keep her walls up, keep the three cheerios out, but it wasn't enough. She still let them in just a little bit… but that little bit was enough to tear her up when they left her. She hasn't heard from Quinn since she ran out of Santana's guest bedroom over break. In the first days back at school, she waited for the inevitable blowup. They all knew. It was only a matter of time before the whole school found out.

But it never happened. School started. She was slushied only once by Quinn's orders. It never happened again. If Rachel had to guess, she'd say that had something to do with the look she noticed on Quinn's face as she blinked the corn syrup and food coloring out of her eyes. Her brown eyes met Quinn's hazels for a split second before the other girl stormed past, but Rachel definitely noticed something there. Regret? Longing of some kind? She doesn't really know. She's trying not to think about it.

During the last two weeks, she's had absolutely zero contact with Quinn Fabray. The most Rachel sees of her these days is the swish of her red pleats next to Finn in the hallway or a curtain of blonde hair hiding her face in the front row during glee. Rachel doesn't know whether she should be thankful or worried. On one hand, it was kind of nice having Quinn as a prospective friend. She seemed nice and understanding and like she could genuinely care about Rachel… but maybe that's wishful thinking. On the other hand, she's Quinn Fabray and staying far far away is probably Rachel's safest bet.

That was her plan for all of them. Staying far far away. But somehow Brittany has seriously latched onto her and Rachel doesn't have the heart to try to get rid of her because she's really sweet and mostly oblivious and when nobody's looking she usually holds Rachel's hand. Rachel has kind of a thing for human contact and somehow Brittany figured it out and now at almost every opportunity she'll sneak one of her hands into Rachel's, just to squeeze it and let her know she's there. And of course, with Brittany comes Santana. There was a time where Rachel would have thought of that as a bad thing, however, Santana has been surprisingly gracious lately. Rachel wishes it didn't have to be because she knew things. She would rather Santana didn't feel some kind of obligation or worse, sympathy, towards her because of the secrets she now knows, but she's still grateful to have the girl on her side as long as she keeps the insults and nose jokes to a minimum. She remembers the first time Santana noticed Brittany holding her hand during glee. Rachel's stomach dropped and she braced herself for a blowup, but Santana hardly looked at her. Her gaze went from their joined hands to Brittany's face and she smiled softly, kissed Brittany's shoulder, and linked their pinkies together. Rachel's been realizing lately that there's a lot she doesn't know about Santana Lopez. As much as she seems to come off as a bitch to everyone, Rachel has realized that it's mostly a front she puts up. She's noticed a lot of similarities between her and Santana lately. While Rachel's front isn't bitchy and angry like Santana's, she does turn bossy and difficult and controlling to keep people from getting too close to her when she's feeling vulnerable. Santana does the same, but the one person she never shuts out is Brittany. Somehow the tall dancer became her one weakness and after spending a fair amount of time with the couple it's become quite evident to Rachel. It's kind of cute. Who knew Santana Lopez was human?

Rachel looks up from the suspiciously non-vegan sludge on her plate she's been absentmindedly stabbing with her fork while she was deep in thought. Santana and Brittany just walked in the doors to the lunchroom, causing scared freshmen to duck their heads and various jocks to drool in envy at what they'll never have. Rachel watches as they split; Brittany heads toward her while Santana moves the opposite direction, attempting to intercept Quinn on her way out of the lunch room. Rachel looks questioningly at Brittany as Santana follows the other cheerio into the hallway.

"What's Santana doing?" As close as they've been lately, Santana and Brittany still don't eat lunch with Rachel. Brittany usually acknowledges her somehow but always chooses to sit next to her girlfriend at the table with the other cheerios and jocks.

"She said she had to talk to Quinn about something so I thought I would come sit with you." Despite there being ample space around Rachel's table, Brittany chooses to sit right next to Rachel on the bench, the right side of her body warming at the blonde's close proximity.

"Thanks, Brittany. Did you bring your own lunch? I'm not sure what this is but it looks revolting. I asked the lunch lady if it was vegan but she just winked and gave me another scoop." Rachel makes a face and pushes her lunch tray away to the other side of the table.

"Mhmmm," Brittany smiles, rocking side to side happily. "I have Gushers again and since San isn't here you can have half."

Rachel smiles and once again enjoys the simplicity of being with Brittany.

x x x

Santana appears next to Quinn as she's opening her locker after lunch. Like, literally appears. One minute the space next to her is empty and the next there's an angry brunette leaning against the locker glaring intensely at Quinn.

"The fuck is up with you, Q?"

"What are you talking about, Santana?" Quinn calmly transfers books from her backpack to her locker. She won't let Santana phase her. The girl operates solely on terrifying the shit out of people, and Quinn isn't about to give her that satisfaction.

"I'm talking about your sudden attraction to the ogre and decision to completely ignore Rachel. I mean, what the fuck? I thought we were all on the same page about her. She was all you talked about for weeks. And, god knows why, but she was actually starting to get along with you."

"Rachel and I were never friends." Quinn places her now empty backpack on a hook in her locker and glares right back at Santana.

"Yeah, I'm getting that now. And she won't tell me or Britt but I'm willing to bet it was you that had her slushied the first day back. What the hell is your problem, Fabray?"

"I don't have a problem, Satan" Quinn growls before slamming her locker shut.

"You need to fix your little girlfriend problems. Rachel has enough to deal with without you fucking things up for her."

Quinn whirls around.

"She's not my girlfriend. I'm dating Finn. Just because you're a lesbian doesn't mean you should project that onto everyone else." She turns back around and escapes down the hallway as it begins to fill with people, her heart pounding in her chest. She can't bear to turn around and see the smirk she's certain is plastered onto Santana's face. Fuck.

Where is Finn?

x x x

Rachel realizes this is probably stupid. She knows that Santana would throttle her if she found out what Rachel was about to do. She's been staring at the screen of her phone since she got home from school after skipping glee, trying to figure out exactly what to say. She starts a new text, passing her thumb over the screen to scroll through her contacts until she gets to J. There he is. She hesitates for a moment, thumb trembling as it hovers over the name. This is stupid. Why is she overthinking it? She adds Jesse as the recipient and types out a quick hey, can we talk? pressing send before she can chicken out.

Her heart thuds in her chest as the little progress bar above the text bubble confirms that the message was sent. Her face is hot and she can feel her thundering pulse in every extremity, muscles tensed and hands shaking as she stares at her phone. It takes less than a minute before there's a reply. Two words.

Lima bean.

She's going to do this. She's going to talk to Jesse. She keeps freaking out about it, but it's just Jesse. He was your best friend. She's tired of being scared. He's just a person. He's her friend and a person and she shouldn't be scared and she especially shouldn't be scared of going out to get coffee with him. They'll be surrounded by a bajillion other people getting coffee, for God's sake. She doesn't even know what she'll say, though. The whole situation is so ridiculous. How did this happen? Why does she have so many feelings about something so trivial and STUPID?

She sighs and hoists herself off her bed. She needs to rid herself of this irrational fear. He's just a person.

Her phone vibrates again and she practically leaps on it. But, it's Santana. Whatcha doin tonight, Berry? Leave it to Satan, that voice of reason in her head, to text her as she's about to do something the girl would kill her for thinking about. She ignores the text, although Santana will most likely try to murder her later for not responding. Rachel has more important things to worry about.

Rachel needs to think about what to say to Jesse. She turns her phone to silent as she settles into the drivers' seat of her car. Let's get this over with, she thinks as she pulls out of the driveway.

x x x

Quinn has never been so determined in her life. She's not going to lose her nerve. Here in the dark of her bedroom, with her parents out for the night…

For the last two weeks she's been thinking of Rachel when she should be thinking of Finn. She needs to stop being so distracted, especially after her confrontation with Santana in the hallway today. When her parents mentioned that this month's neighborhood dinner club would be at another couples' house, she jumped at the opportunity and promptly invited Finn over. She needs to refocus her attention solely on him.

She's pulled from her thoughts by Finn's hot, moist breath on her neck. She meets his lips with hers again, pressing his hands down her body, encouraging him to help her out of her shirt. She's constantly amazed by the amount of saliva Finn is able to produce and then leave behind on every part of her body his lips touch. She has to try really hard not to be completely repulsed. Quinn closes her eyes as he pulls her shirt over her head and fumbles with her bra clasp. She squeezes her eyes tighter. She can't lose her nerve, this has to happen. Quinn runs her hands up his broad shoulders and anchors her fingers into Finn's hair, not worrying about the excessive force she's exerting on his scalp. She clenches her fingers tighter, opening her eyes to look down at the head making its way down her body. Finn. It's Finn. He's a boy and this is supposed to feel good. He reaches her stomach and her eyes close again. She may be in bed with Finn but she still can't keep her mind from Rachel.

Fuck. Oh fuck. Oh my god. No.

She uses her knees and arms to push Finn up off of her and she shrieks a little while she hops off the bed.

"Quinn, what the hell?"

"Get out of my house."

"What the- Quinn!" Finn yelps as Quinn tears through the room and throws his clothes, hitting him square in the chest.

"We can't do this anymore. Leave. Seriously." She turns him around, pressing against his back and ushering him out of her room, down the stairs, and onto the front porch, not caring that he's exposed to her neighborhood in the frigid weather wearing just his boxers.

She slams the door in his face and barely makes out a muffled remark about "that time of the month" from behind the door. She doesn't care. She can't believe what just happened. She can't write it off as a fluke or hormones anymore. God… Every touch of Finn's hand on her body brought only one face to mind. Every stroke, every kiss, every look… Finn's eyes morphed into Rachel's. She could almost pretend that his giant hands were Rachel's tiny ones. When she realized what it was she was doing… imagining Rachel in place of Finn… Oh God. She couldn't go through with it anymore. She couldn't look at Finn anymore.

She doesn't just want to be friends with Rachel and it wasn't her hormones that made her want to kiss the girl. Her stomach drops as she realizes what that means. She likes Rachel. Actually likes her. Likes her. A girl. A girl who is completely, one hundred percent straight. This realization coupled with her aversion to boys touching her makes her not straight. Like… really not straight. Oh god.

Thank you guys for sticking with this! I'm starting chapter nine right away and with some encouragement I may have it out before my birthday and Christmas take over my life! My birthday is Saturday- send good Faberry vibes and reviews in lieu of presents, please, and I'll see what I can do.

Thanks for reading!

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