My Danna's So Pretty: Part II
Recap: Zetsu has recently told our beloved Akatsuki guys that their latest mission is to capture the Raijuu, or Six-Tails. Raijuu sleeps in peoples belly-buttons, and they would just stab Raijuu's host through the gut, but the host of Raijuu is the only person who knows where Houkou, also known as the Five-Tails is. So, what do they do? Why, they send Deidara to go seduce the information out, then poke him in the navel! Fool-proof!
Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody
Disclaimer I: Don't own. If I did, Deidara would be ALL MINE.
Disclaimer II: This takes place when Deidara is younger. It explains his crazy attitude.
Disclaimer III: Yes, Renji's looks is loosely based on Ed from FMA. Well, his looks anyway…
Disclaimer IV: No, I DON'T own Ed from FMA either…
Disclaimer V: Hehehe… If some smart people out there know about Raijuu, they would know that Raijuu's fur is golden-yellow, so that's why I had to put a disclaimer up about not owning Ed, or his looks…
Disclaimer VI: This is all so pointless… Oh yeah, thanks for 7 reviews for the story one day after I published it!
By aBoOm-Un
"Mmmm… So, what's in the scroll, un?" Deidara queried, leaning over Sasori's shoulder. His goofy grin he had only 4 hours ago (A/n; Where the story started off…) had faded from sight, and was now replaced by an anxious frown. Sasori looked over at his blonde partner, and couldn't help but feel ever-so-slightly sorry for him. Hell, he looked like a GIRL. Not that he didn't before or anything, but Sasori just felt sorry for him…
… And he didn't even know why.
Deidara looked at the scroll in Sasori's hands, sighed and then rested his chin on Sasori's shoulder.
"Open the scroll then, un…"
Sasori nodded, made a hand sign, and muttered, "Kai…" The seal on the scroll exploded, and Sasori unfurled it, reading what was inside. "Hmmm…"
"What's it say then, un?" Deidara asked, lifting his head of Sasori's shoulder, taking a deep breath in, expecting the worst.
Sasori let out a noise which sounded like "Hmmm…" and ran his finger of the writing. He then read out, "Your mission is to find the host of Raijuu. His name is Renji, and he has long dirty blonde hair, amber eyes, and is apparently quite the womanizer…"
"Crap…" Deidara muttered under his breath. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, and looked at Sasori. "So… What do I have to do to find him Sasori no Danna, un?" Sasori smiled slightly, and said to Deidara in an approving tone, "You're being very mature about this, Deidara…"
"Aiiii, you would try to be mature as well if you were in a situation like this, un…"
Sasori suddenly saw a bright light surrounding Deidara…
… "Hm? What's this, un?" Deidara said rather loudly, jumping over Sasori's shoulder to touch a small seal on the scroll. Sasori looked at Deidara strangely with an eyebrow raised, so Deidara sighed rather loudly, tossed his hair back over his own shoulder, and pointed to the seal.
"That, un." Sasori's eyebrows were now in danger of disappearing into his hair…
Deidara let out a nervous laugh, and said, "I'm practicing being a girl, un…" Deidara began to rub the back of his neck, embarrassed. Sasori smirked at his partner, and released the seal.
"Kai!"
When Sasori released the seal, there was an explosion. It wasn't a normal one, though… Because when he released it, things began falling out the sky… The things were…
"CLOTHES?!?!" Deidara shrieked in an insanely high voice, waving his arms wildly in the air. "CLOTHES?!?! Is our leader on CRACK, UN!?!?!" Sasori's left eye twitched madly, as he stared at the clothes falling out of the sky. When it finally stopped raining clothes after about 3 minutes, a small note fluttered down in front of Deidara and Sasori. Deidara snatched it while it spun down to Earth, and read it out a loud…
"Hope you like the clothes, Deidei-chan!"
- Loves From Your Leader, Itachi, Kisame, Zetsu, Hidan and Kakuzu.
Deidara's right eye twitched madly, before he tore the note in half, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it onto the ground. Sasori bent over and picked up a top which had recently fell out the sky. It was a sparkly, bright pink halter-neck dress top. Sasori grinned evilly, and said, "You're gonna be SO pretty, Deidei-chan…"
Deidara glared at full intensity at his partner, and then let out a roar of fury.
"You're SO DEAD WHEN WE GET BACK, HIDAN, UN!!!"
Meanwhile, back at the Akatsuki Lair…
Hidan was laughing his head off, while Kisame, Zetsu, Leader-sama and the unknown member laughed right along with him. Itachi just sat back, before commenting, "What a glorious waste of time that was…"
Back to the darlings…
Sasori groaned in annoyance as he picked up some clothes, while Deidara was wildly flinging his fists everywhere, his face red with embarrassment. Because Deidara wouldn't stop waving his arms around, he was attracting attention from passersby… And it was at that moment Sasori realized he was still in his Akatsuki cloak.
"Holy crap!"
Sasori ripped off his cloak, and spun around to shove it into Hiroku, but to his ever-growing frustration…
"Oh yeah… No Hiroku, un."
Sasori now looked as if he was about to burst into tears. He felt so… Naked! He was now wearing nothing but a mesh-top and a pair of three-quarter pants. He was used to also having the cloak, aaaaand being inside Hiroku, but now… Oh god!
Sasori grimaced slightly, while he shoved the clothes and cloak into a small backpack. Deidara made a questioning face at him, so Sasori sighed and said sadly, "Now I know how YOU feel, Deidara…" Deidara smirked slightly, and said, "Sooo… Sasori no Danna, shouldn't we look at the mission, un?"
"What's the point? With no Hiroku… I'm DOOMED! Doomed for all eternity! People ogling my… Prettiness!" Sasori wailed, throwing his hands up to the sky. Deidara rolled his eyes, and buried his face into his hands, groaning.
"You think YOU have problems?!"
"Yes Goddammit, YES!!!" Sasori screeched, doing a crazy pirouette of frustration. By this time, Deidara was trying to stay as calm as possible, while poor Sasori was on the brink of hysteria. "For the love of Kami, Sasori no Danna, SHUT UP!!!"
Sasori shut up ever so slightly, as he stared at Deidara confusedly. Then, reality settled in…
… He was acting like a complete idiot.
Sasori's eye twitched, and he then screamed at Deidara, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!?!"
"About WHAT, UN?!?!"
"Me being stupid, you freakin' idiot!"
"Why am I the idiot, un?"
"Because you look like a freakin' CHICK!!!"
"Gaaahhh! I would have rather gone with KAKUZUthen you on this mission, un! And he wanted to jump me!"
Sasori opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Deidara glared at his partner, and grabbed the mission scroll of the ground. Deidara ran through the scroll, his eyes narrowed. "Che… We have to go back to Iwagakure, un. Crap." Sasori raised an eyebrow and said in a steely tone, "Why should I care about that, idiot?"
Deidara glared at Sasori, and shoved a picture into Sasori's hands. "THIS is what I have to seduce, un…" Sasori looked at the picture Deidara had shoved into his hands, and raised an eyebrow. All Deidara did was look away, and heave out a sigh.
The dude in the picture, Sasori noticed, was supposedly what the girls would call 'hot'. He had short bangs which fell over his eyes, and his long, messy, dirty-blonde hair ran down his back up to about the middle of his back. His eyes were brilliant amber, and his teeth were brilliant white. Kinda like that dork from Konoha he saw once… The one in green spandex. Deidara looked over Sasori's shoulder at the picture, and sighed.
"Judging by the guy's looks, he'll easily go for me, un…"
Sasori suddenly had a mental image of lots of kids running around with long, dirty-blonde hair with blue eyes. He shook those images out of his mind, and frowned slightly.
"Mm? Sasori no Danna, you alright, un?" Sasori turned to look at Deidara, who had a look of… Concern on his face? Sasori smiled weakly, and responded, "Yeah… So, shall we head off then?"
"Yeah, un…"
Sasori smirked when Deidara looked sadly at his Danna. After all, this was the worst thing that could happen to Deidara…
And with that, they set off to Iwagakure, Deidara's old home.
"Alright, so from now on, I am your brother, Raisos. We are wanderers, and are looking for a place to stay…"
"Alright, but what's my new name, un?"
"Your name shall now be… Erm… Seiya. Yeah, Seiya…"
"Seiya? Nice name, un… Oh, and Raisos? What the hell is THAT?"
"Hey, I want my name to be as close as Sasori as possible?"
"Are you really that vain, Sasori no Danna, un?"
Sasori stopped walking with Deidara, but suddenly pulled out a kunai and twirled it around his finger. He then muttered, "You are SO DEAD, Seiya-chan…"
"Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"
On this fateful day, Deidara leant NEVER to call his Danna vain EVER again…
Deidara rubbed his head tentatively, gently fingering the now-large bruise on his head. "What was that for, Sasori no Danna?" Sasori smirked at his blonde partner, and continued walking.
"Y'know, if this happened earlier, Deidara would have sat on the floor by now and dug his hands into the ground…"
Sasori groaned as he remembered the memories. He slapped his forehead, and let out a moan.
"Hm? Sasori no Danna, don't do that, un! It sounds like you're having an orgasm, un…" Deidara stopped rambling when Sasori stopped in his tracks and he turned his evil aura on.
"…un?"
Deidara now lay in a smoldering heap on the ground, with Sasori standing above him. "So SEIYA-CHAN, what have you learnt today?"
"Sasori no Danna is asexual, un!"
"Wrong answer, SWEETHEART…"
""CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP, UN!!!"
"Ouchie, un…"
"So, WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNT TODAY?!?!"
"Sasori no Danna gets PMS every 23rd of October, un!"
"Are you ASKING for a death-sentence?"
"… No, un…"
"Well, what have you learnt then?"
"Sasori no Danna is pretty goddamn scary when it comes to being pretty…"
"… Good enough…"
Sasori and Deidara continued on their way, despite the fact Deidara now had a black-eye and possibly a few broken limbs…
…
When they finally reached Iwagakure, Deidara and Sasori were shoving each other backwards and forwards continuously. No, it wasn't meant to hurt the other, it was just to irritate the other and to burn the time. Yes, they had been doing that for about 3 hours now… As they tried to walk through the gate, two shinobi jumped in front of them.
"Halt! What's your entrance…"
The two shinobi stared at Deidara, who had a black eye, and his arms were hanging loosely out the socket. Sasori nudged him, so Deidara said blindly, "Wha..? Oh yeah, un…" Deidara put on his best girl impersonation accent, and whimpered with his eyes full of (fake) tears, "Oh, help us please, un! We can't find anywhere to stay, and all the villages won't let us in, un!"
Sasori pushed in quickly, "She's also pregnant!" The two shinobi raised their eyebrows at Sasori's current appearance. His face was smudged with dirt, dust, and Kami knows what else, and his hands had dried up blood on them, from when he attacked Deidara. His eyes were slightly unfocused, and he looked all 'round freakish.
Deidara quickly put in, "He has problems when he's dehydrated, un… He loses consciousness, and goes senile, un! Yes, he's old…" Deidara put in warningly in his feminine voice, noting the two shinobi's faces. They stared blankly at Deidara and Sasori for a moment, and said, "O-kay… What are your names, strangers?"
"Dei… Oops, Seiya! My name is Seiya, un!" Deidara said hurriedly, when Sasori poked him in the ribs. "And my brother is called Raisos, un." The shinobi on the left raised an eyebrow, folded his arms, huffed and then said, "I believe Seiya, but Raisos sounds like a name made up on the spot because he's an S Class Nin trying to get into Iwagakure because of some crazy reason…"
Sasori anime-sweatdropped. "Crap!"
Deidara looked at Sasori, but then laughed. "Oh, no no no, un!" He laughed. "Raisos is my brother who needs water! NOW." He said hardly, slightly glaring at the guards. They both anime-sweatdropped, and opened the gate. Deidara giggled, and said, "Thank you, guys!" They then proceeded to walk through the gate, but…
"Wait! Seiya-san!"
Deidara spun around to see one of the guards running up to him. "You don't even know my name!" Deidara raised an eyebrow, and said, "Yeah… So what is it, then?" The guard stopped in his tracks, and went slightly red. He turned away slightly, and said in a quieter voice, "My… My name is Gavin, Seiya-san… And my guard-friend is Takeshi." Takeshi raised a hand, and said, "Yo."
Deidara raised an eyebrow, but then smiled, and said, "Hey Gavin, Takeshi." Takeshi smiled, but Gavin looked like he was on the verge of fainting of happiness. Sasori looked at Takeshi, and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Why didn't you faint as well?" Sasori asked, his voice somewhat icy.
Takeshi blinked twice, then burst into laughter. "Oh no, silly! I wouldn't! I'm gay."
Sasori's eye twitched, and Deidara laughed nervously. "A-hah-ah..! Errr, Takeshi, Gavin, Raisos and I have to go…"
"Don't go just yet, Seiya-san!" Gavin had now grabbed Deidara's arm. Deidara's left eye twitched slightly, and said in the sweetest voice he could muster, "PLEASE let go of my arm, Gavin-san…"
Gavin gulped, and said slowly, "Gavin… san?" What happened next, came as a shock to everybody.
(Warning! Next paragraph contains violence and cussing! … And a bit of sexual stuff…)
Gavin exploded, and quite literally. His head literally blew up from all the blood rising to his head, creating quite a large mess. Bits of Gavin's brain fell all over Takeshi, Sasori and Deidara. Sasori stood there, as he was used to it. Hell, you would be to if YOU worked in the Akatsuki! Deidara was also used to it, but then Deidara realized he was supposed to be a girl, so he let out a scream of horror, and jumped straight into Sasori's arms, squealing in (supposed…) fright. Sasori raised an eyebrow,
But…
Deidara in his arms…
Actually really felt nice.
REALLY nice.
Now, Sasori is a puppet. We KNOW that already. But, Sasori still had human emotions… And a heart. And a dick. ("A tiny one, if that!" Hidan stated once, then laughed his ass off… coughNOTTRUEcough) so…
Add them all together…
And…
You…
Get…
FIREWORKS! (xD)
Now Sasori wasn't oblivious to this, so he dumped Deidara on the ground before his poor, currently transvestite, young partner could notice anything.
"Oi! That hurt, un!"
"What the HELL!?!?!"
Sasori was confused. VERY confused. This had never happened before…
Never…
So
Why
Was
It
Happening
Now?
When
Deidara
Was
Dressed
Like
A
Bloody
Tramp?
Sasori was broken out of his thoughts when Deidara grabbed him by the collar of his mesh-top and said, "OI! What the hell was that for, un?" Before Sasori could open his mouth and answer, he got shut up by something he had never really paid attention to…
Deidara's eyes.
His beautiful, beautiful blue eyes.
His amazing, amazing blue eyes.
His pretty, pretty blue eyes.
His sexy, sexy blue eyes…
You get the drift…
They were catching the sun, which made them seem as if they were sparkling sapphires, submerged in icy water…
Wait… What the hell was Sasori thinking? Eyes are eyes. Nothing more. Not bloody 'sparkling sapphires submerged in icy water' bullcrap! Without even thinking, Sasori yelled straight into Deidara's face.
"BECAUSE WHY THE HELL SHOULD I SUPPORT YOUR WEIGHT WHEN ALL YOU DO IS IRRITATE ME?!?!"
Deidara's grip on Sasori's collar slacked, and Deidara 's face was unreadable. One part of him looked like he was gonna yell back in Sasori's face, another looked like he was about to burst into tears. Also, another part of him looked as if he was gonna totally BOMB HIZ A55, and the other side looked as if he wanted to make up with Sasori and bend down and kiss his shoes.
To Sasori's eternal horror, Deidara did the second thing on Sasori's list, and burst into tears.
"Y-You… You B-BASTARD! I-I-I c-can't believe y-you would s-say that! OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE!" Deidara sobbed, burying 'her' face into his hands.
Now, Sasori isn't stupid. He knows his limits. He knew when Deidara was fake crying. And this was one of the times. Unfortunately, Takeshi didn't.
"Oh, Seiya-san! Don't cry!" Takeshi shushed 'her', rubbing 'her' back soothingly. Takeshi sent an evil glare at Sasori, who felt a sudden pain shoot through his chest. Sasori blinked confusedly, and ran his hand over his chest. Why was it hurting? There was nothing in there…
…Except for a heart.
Sasori blinked twice, and looked down at his chest. He was confused. What was this? What was this foreign pain in his chest? What was this thing that was making him feel bad about Deidara?
He sighed, and said something he thought he would never say… EVER.
"Sorry, Seiya-neechan."
Deidara pulled his head out from his hands. His eyebrow was in danger of disappearing into his hair, and he had stopped 'crying'.
"What was that, Raisos?"
Sasori sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "…Sorry, Seiya-neechan." Deidara broke into a grin, and squealed, "Oh, NIISAN!" Deidara tackled him into a hug, making Sasori go rigid.
"Ok, now the pain is traveling downwards… Wait, WHAT?!?!"
Sasori laughed nervously, and pulled away from Deidara, who was grinning madly. Takeshi sighed, wiped a tear away from his left eye, and said, "I love happy endings!"
Sasori and Deidara looked at each other and anime-sweatdropped.
When Takeshi was done, he said, "Well, you guys take care, and enjoy your stay in Iwagakure!" Deidara grinned, and said, "We will! Take care, Takeshi! Kisses!" Deidara blew a kiss to Takeshi, while waving and giggling as they entered Iwagakure. When Deidara was done doing that, he let out a huge sigh, and whispered to Sasori, "I thought that would never end…" Sasori smirked at him, and when they entered Iwagakure, many people stopped what they were doing and stared at Deidara.
The thing was, those people were guys…
As Deidara and Sasori walked the streets to find an inn, Deidara ignored the pickup lines and wolf-whistles being thrown at him. (Not literally…) Deidara didn't seem to mind…
… So why was it whenever a guy came onto Deidara, Deidara didn't really care, but Sasori couldn't help his eyebrows furrowing into a frown?
Oh my god! Sasori is developing FEELINGS!!! Le gasp! Yeah… So, Deidara and Sasori ran into trouble with men, Deidara still hasn't seduced a man, but Sasori is feeling jealousy, Kakuzu DIDN'T get Deidara, and aBoOm-Un got a slight romance fix… But OH YES, there will be a LOT more romance in this story… You know the drill!
Love always,
-aBoOm-Un