My Danna's So Pretty: Part III
Recap: Deidara and Sasori have set off to Iwagakure, where the host of Raijuu is. Sasori and Deidara did a lot of fighting along the way, and Sasori is now called 'Raisos', and Deidara is now called 'Seiya'. They are pretending to be brother and sister, and Sasori has recently been feeling strange around his blonde partner, such as being possessive, and having pains in his chest. Is it love, or is Sasori gonna have a stroke? READ ON TO FIND OUT!
Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody
Disclaimer I: Don't own. If I did, Deidara would be ALL MINE.
Disclaimer II: This takes place when Deidara is younger. It explains his crazy attitude.
Disclaimer III: Brownie points to whoever knows the running line in the story! )
Disclaimer IV: Yes, this chapter sucks. YOUR story would suck too, if you started writing it in School… Laugh at my pathetic attempt of humor. Oh joy.
By aBoOm-Un
"Mmmm… So, where are we gonna stay, un?" Deidara queried, looking around his old village. His left eyebrow was raised, as he spun around, taking in all the old sights. Sasori sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. Sasori looked at his blonde partner, and said, "Wherever we find, Deidara."
"What if it's really run down, un?"
"We go there anyway."
"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Sasori no Danna?" Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"
"Because I say so, that's why! Now shut up!"
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, un!"
Sasori let out a groan, and slapped his forehead in annoyance. Deidara, it turns out, hadn't changed a bit. Gosh. (A/n; OMG! Did I really just say 'Gosh'?)
As Sasori and Deidara continued to ignore (or at least, try) the men of Iwagakure trying to pick up Deidara, Sasori found an old, run-down inn on a back street.
"Perfect…"
"Oi, Deidara. We're staying here." Sasori muttered to his blonde partner, and then pointed out the building from across the road. Deidara groaned in annoyance, but followed his Danna across the road into the back-alley.
"Awww, but Raisos-niisan, un… Why here, un?"
"Nobody will suspect us! Now, MOVE!!!"
Sasori grabbed the poor young man by the wrist, and dragged him along over to the inn.
"Arrrrrrghhhhh! That hurts, un!!!"
"Do I LOOK like I care, Seiya-NEECHAN?!"
"… I would HATE to be your sister in real life, un…"
Sasori twitched. "You're pushing your luck, sweetie…"
"Oh yeah, why do you call me 'sweetie' or 'sweetheart', un? It's creepy… REALLY creepy, un…"
"Do you WANT us to fail the mission, Deidara?" Sasori hissed quietly, but with a touch of murderous intent in his voice. "Because it sounds like you do…"
Deidara's mouth fell open, and he gasped, and said, "You're being mean, un! I'm telling Itachi-san, un!"
"What would he do to help you? After all, you did steal his shampoo…"
"… Good call, Danna, un. For that, you choose where we stay, un."
"Alrighty, we're staying here then."
"Wha…? Oh, DAMMIT, un!!"
Sasori, now smirking, dragged the now-pouting Deidara into the inn.
Ding!
Sasori and Deidara walked into the inn, which was better than Deidara took it for. In the foyer, there was a little, beige two-seater, along the furthest wall from Deidara and Sasori. A small counter was up near the two-seater, where a young lady, about in her twenties sat. She had brown hair, which was tied into two, long pigtails, which fell over her shoulders. She was wearing glasses, while looking at a large folder, filled with files. She looked up, and smiled at the two.
"Hello, and welcome to the Sleazy Inn! My name is Kiara-Belle, and I will help you any way possible!"
Sasori raised an eyebrow at her, while Deidara waved wildly and yelled, "Hey!!!" Kiara-Belle laughed slightly, and said, "Would you like a room?"
Sasori said in a bored tone, "Yeah. You have a spare room, no?"
Kiara-Belle nodded quickly. "Yes! We have many rooms, there's one with two single beds, or one Queen-sized if you'd…"
"What? Oh god, NO!!!" Sasori shouted, waving his arms about wildly. "No way, no!"
Deidara simply folded his arms, and raised an eyebrow at his hysterical Danna.
"You're so silly, Raisos-niisan, un…"
Kiara-Belle gasped, and raised her hands up to her mouth when Deidara uttered these words.
"Oh crap, you're BROTHER AND SISTER?!?! Oh god… Oh god… I'm so sorry… It's just, you two looked really… Well, CUTE together, so I thought that you… Were like… Y'know… Err…"
Deidara raised a hand. "Say no more, say no more, un. People always say that about us, un. Our hair… Well, it looks like mustard and ketchup, which kinda… Y'know…. Reminds people of take-away food. Which… Actually, I don't know why people say we look good together, un!!!" Kiara-Belle and Deidara both burst into laughter simultaneously, which only made them laugh harder. Sasori watched the whole scene before commenting, "You women are WEIRD…"
Deidara and Kiara-Belle both stopped laughing and glared at Sasori. Sasori shut his mouth quickly, deciding that two angry women was a LOT more than he could handle for one day. He coughed twice, and said sheepishly, "Just kidding. Now, Kiara-Belle, do you have a room for us?"
Kiara-Belle smiled happily. "Yes, Raisos-sama! It's down the hall, at the end on the right. These are the keys…" She dropped a pair of keys into Sasori's hand, "And I hope you enjoy your stay! Oh, and I thought I'd let you know, we have one other person in the inn. His name is Renji, and he would love to meet you all."
Sasori's ears perked up (A/n; WTF?) when he heard these words. He looked at Kiara-Belle intently, and said, "Renji? He's here?"
Kiara-Belle laughed again, and said, "Of course he does! He lives here."
Sasori raised an eyebrow. "How do you know him?"
Kiara-Belle sighed, and ran a hand through her long brown hair. "I'm his Tuesday lover." Sasori gaped at her, while Deidara mouthed the words, "Told you so! Womanizer!" to Sasori.
"W-What do you mean, TUESDAY lover?!"
Kiara-Belle smiled sadly, and said, "Renji is quite the womanizer. He has a lover for every day of the week… Except for Sunday. Which just so happens to be today." She threw a warning look at Deidara, who gulped. She smiled bravely, and whispered to Deidara, "Good luck!"
"For what, un?"
Sasori grabbed Deidara by the hand before he could get a response, and dragged him down the hallway. Deidara stopped yammering away and went silent when Sasori grabbed his hand, which was weird as… Strange enough as it was, Deidara's heart slightly sped up when this happened…
Sasori, on the other hand, felt that this entire situation was entire awkward, and made him feel unusually edgy. He could feel blood rising to his face, which he sure as hell DIDN'T need at the moment, which made him walk a bit faster… Although he would never admit it out loud, he enjoyed squeezing that little hand so much…
Sasori pushed the key into the lock, and walked into the room, dragging Deidara behind of him. Sasori stopped walking, and Deidara pulled himself out of his grasp. He then looked around, and said blankly, "Whoa."
The room was small, and had one bathroom. There were two small beds in the middle of the room over against the wall, with a small flower on the pillow. There was a small daybed next to the large window, next to a small table. Deidara grinned, and yelled, "I call this bed!!!" He ran over to the bed next to the day-bed, and jumped onto it, laughing like a lunatic. Sasori sighed, and shook his head.
"Wow… How'd I get stuck with a guy like THIS?!"
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Sasori turned around and opened it, to see a guy holding a large bouquet of pink flowers. The guy had long, blonde hair, and deep amber eyes…
"Hey! You must be Raisos and Seiya, right?" He said eagerly. Sasori raised an eyebrow at him.
"Yes..?"
"Oh, well welcome to the Sleazy Inn!" He stated happily, pushing past Sasori and going straight over to Deidara. Sasori unconsciously furrowed his brow at the intruder…
"Oh, thank you, un!" Deidara said happily, taking the brilliant pink flowers from the man. "And you are, un?"
The man grinned, and put on a pose. "My name is… Renji!" All of a sudden, a strong wind came, and his hair blew back, and a sunset appeared…
Deidara giggled slightly, and tossed his hair slightly. "So Renji, where do you live, un?"
Renji stopped posing, and smiled at Deidara. "Why, fair maiden, I live in this inn! For alas, my evil brother kicked me out of my apartment, and forced me to live on the street… However, Kiara-Belle took me in, and I have lived here ever since! And, I come across lovely young women such as yourself here…" He knelt down and kissed Deidara's hand, which Deidara responded to by giggling a bit, and… Blushing? Sasori frowned angrily at Renji, and coughed twice. Renji stood up quickly, and said, "Would you like to come to my room, Seiya-san, Raisos?"
Sasori frowned, but said, "Fine…"
As Renji pranced out the room, Deidara walked over to Sasori, and hit him on the arm. "Idiot!" He hissed. "How am I gonna seduce him if you keep on interfering, un!?" As Deidara followed Renji, Sasori simply stood there, stunned. He really didn't expect that from Deidara… His heart, the only living thing in his body, twinged slightly. Sasori gritted his teeth slightly, and slapped his hand up to his chest. He looked down at his hand, and shut his eyes tightly. He really didn't need this…
"Raisos-niisan, you comin' or what, un?" A voice broke him out of his thoughts…
… A heavenly voice, the voice of an angel…
BEEP!
"Cut! Alright, what the hell are you doing to me, Boom?" Sasori yelled, throwing the script at aBoOm-Un. "So… You don't like it?" Tears welled up in aBoOm-Un's eyes, as she stifled a sob. Deidara frowned at his Danna, and hugged aBoOm-Un, rubbing her back. "Shhhh, it's ok, Sasori no Danna is being a meanie, un…" He soothed, glaring at Sasori. Sasori glared at Deidara, and aBoOm-Un yelled, "AHA! So you DO like him, after all Sasori!" Sasori's mouth fell to the floor, and he stuttered, "W-Wait! T-That isn't what I mean! Honest!" aBoOm-Un simply smirked as Sasori went from pink to crimson.
BEEP! Sorry for any inconvenience, the story will now commence again.
Sasori shook his head slightly, before looking up in a daze to see Deidara's face, twisted with concern. "Niisan? You alright, un?"
Sasori nodded, and murmured, "Yeah… I'm coming."
Sasori followed Deidara and Renji to the furthest room for theirs. Renji shoved a key into the lock, and they all entered the room. Renji almost instantly jumped onto his bed, and said, "So, Seiya, Raisos. Tell me a bit about yourselves."
Deidara grinned, took a chair by the day-bed, and rubbed his chin. "Where to begin, un…"
Sasori and Renji both sweat-dropped at the same time…
MANY HOURS LATER…
Deidara had finally stopped rambling, and Sasori and Renji finally woke up out of their trance. Deidara pouted, "Were EITHER of you listening to me just now, un?"
Sasori groaned, and ran a hand through his hair. "I've heard the story of you kicking me in your sleep about 60 times by now…"
Deidara put on a pouty face, and said, "Renji-san? You were listening, un… Right?"
Renji said slowly, "Wha..? Oh yeah, of course…"
Deidara beamed, and said, "So, Renji. Tell us a bit about you, un!"
Renji smiled, and sat back. "Ok, well, my family was rich. I lived in an apartment… Ok, it was a penthouse." He said hastily, noting Deidara's raised eyebrow. "Anyway, I've been living here for about 6 years now… Oh, did you know I was the Number One Rookie of my year? Girls loved me, and even some of the guys did… I was the best at Taijutsu, which nobody could master in my year…"
"Well la-di-DA, Mr. Perfect…" Sasori thought to himself.
"Errr… So, Renji. Do you have any Kekkai Genkai?" Sasori queried, leaning forward. Renji, now scowling at Sasori, said simply,
"Yeah. I can read minds."
Sasori's mouth fell open, as his eye twitched as he stared at Renji.
"I was only kidding…" Renji said, anime sweat-dropping.
Sasori's slammed his head down onto the table, shaking it. Deidara raised an eyebrow at his Danna, and then looked at Renji when he let out a sigh.
Renji mumbled, "Nobody ever laughs at my jokes…"
…
"Oh Renji, you're so silly, unnnnn!" Deidara giggled, a bowl of sake tipping in his hand.
Renji, very red in the face, laughed throatily, and said, "Nu-uh! You ARE sexy, Seiya-chaaan!" Deidara blushed, swinging the sake in his hand. They had taken Sasori back to Deidara's room a while ago, and thought they should have some sake. Deidara, slightly tipsy, Renji, major wasted.
"Hey, Seiya-chan?"
"Yeaaaaaaahhhh, Renji-o, un?" Deidara said, giggling at his own pet name for Renji.
"I thunk we shud goo smit!"
"Whaaaaaaaatttt? I don't undershtand joo, unnnnn!!" Deidara giggled hysterically, flinging his sake everywhere.
"I said, I thunk we shud do it!"
Deidara, feeling repulsed, but realizing his plan was going well, smirked at him.
"You're on, bay-beeeee, un!"
…
Sasori, who had just woke up in the other room, felt a sudden chill sweep over him. His thoughts drifted to his blonde partner, who he had just been dreaming about. He sighed loudly, and flopped back onto his bed, trying to drive Deidara out of his mind.
"Arrghhh, goddamn it! Why is he stuck in my head? I mean, he's dressed as a chick, no kidding… But, why have I been feeling this way? WHY?!"
Sasori desperately threw his head from side to side, thinking of long blonde hair, and blue, blue eyes…
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" Sasori yelled, pounding the sheets with his fist. He couldn't stand this, his stupid blonde partner was on the brain!! When another cold chill settled over him, he finally decided that he should go check on him.
MEANWHILE! (Beware of near yuckiness!)
Renji was now trying to pull of Deidara's top, moaning hysterically. Deidara, feeling sickened, pulled away slightly from his reaching hands, desperately trying to go to his happy place. Feeling repulsed, he did the only thing he could do…
… Kiss Renji.
"Just imagine it's Sasori no Danna, un…"
Unconsciously, Deidara kissed Renji a little harder…
Sasori, who was currently walking up the hallway, felt as if something bad was happening… To him. To HIS blonde partner. He sped up his pace…
Renji was pulling off Deidara's top, when…
"RAISOS-NIISAN?!?!" Deidara shrieked, pulling his top up. "What the hell do you think you're doing, un?! Renji-san and I are BUSY, un!!!"
Sasori said stiffly, "We need to talk, Seiya-neechan." Before Deidara could reply, Sasori had grabbed his hand, and pulled him out of the room, completely oblivious to drunk Renji.
When they were back in their room, Deidara hissed at Sasori, "WHAT THE HELL, SASORI NO DANNA?! What do you think you were doing? I was so close!"
Sasori, not being able to hold his new-found emotions in any longer, yelled, "The question Deidara, is what the hell YOU were doing!!!"
Unconsciously, before Deidara could open his mouth to respond to Sasori, Sasori had crashed his lips into Deidara's, taking him by surprise…
… And making his hormones bounce of the walls.
…
OMG! Romance! So sorry, this chapter is so rushed… I needed to update though!! Hope you enjoyed, however. Stay tuned for Saso/Dei waff!
Love always,
-aBoOm-Un