My Danna's So Pretty: Part VI

Recap: Sasori, Deidara, and Kiara-Belle went out when they were bored, and they ran into Renji, or affectionately known as 'asshat' by Sasori. Sasori and Deidara left Kiara-Belle and Renji alone for a bit, and when they came back, they were a item. Deidara asked Sasori whether he cared about him, to which Sasori didn't respond, but he did. Later that night, Deidara woke up, and began thinking about his new-found feelings and 'relationship' with Sasori. Meanwhile, he gets his toothpick, but chews on it too hard and gets splinters. Sasori wakes up, and helps Deidara get the splinters out of his tongue, after a bit of arguing. After that, they share some time together, and they went up sharing the same bed (No smut, you perverts! xD)

Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody

Disclaimer I: Don't own ANYTHING in this story, except for Boom, KB, Renji and Renji. I don't own my cousin. -coughNEJIcough-

Disclaimer II: Writers Block has GONE! Now I can work freely again! Yosh! Oh yeah, and 'What a sexy beast™' by Gabby S, my bestie.

By aBoOm-Un

Deidara mumbled in his sleep, and snuggled up to the warm object in his sleep. He slowly opened his eyes, to see Sasori lying next to him, frowning slightly at him. "Y'know, you should really be less touchy, Deidara. You must have kicked me, what was it… 25 times in your sleep? Not funny, y'know."

Deidara yawned, and rubbed his eyes. "Hmmm, sorry Sasori no Danna, un. I move a lot, un…"

Sasori smirked slightly at his dumb partner, and kissed him softly on the cheek. "God, you're annoying."

Deidara giggled slightly, and smiled at Sasori. "Today's the day, un."

"…Yeah." Deidara sighed deeply, and looked Sasori straight in the eye.

"I don't wanna do this either, Sasori no Danna, un. But, do I have a choice, un? Nope. So, maybe we should just get it over with, un…"

"At least enjoy one more day here, Deidara." Sasori cut in, looking straight at Deidara. Deidara eyed him suspiciously, and said, "Why do you wanna stay here, un?"

Sasori sighed, and stared out the window. "Dunno. This place has a lot of memories now."

"Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike, un?" Deidara crooned, placing a hand on Sasori's shoulder. Sasori didn't respond at first. He just continued to stare out the window, but then sighed, and smiled lightly at Deidara.

"Dunno. It just does." Deidara smiled at him, and nodded his head in response. He then rested his head on Sasori's shoulder, and laughed softly.

"Danna, you never answered my question, un."

"Hnuh?" Sasori turned wildly around to look at Deidara, who was grinning. Sasori's eyes widened dangerously, and hissed, "Do I need to tell or say, lackey?"

"No reas… Wait, what the hell do you mean, 'LACKEY', un?!?!" Deidara screeched, pointing at Sasori. Sasori smirked in reply, and gazed off into the distance, humming a light tune under his breath. Deidara gritted his teeth, and screeched, "YOU'RE GOING DOWN, FOOL!" Deidara lunged at Sasori (who was now laughing his ass off) and tackled him. Deidara sat on Sasori's chest, his eyes blazing. Sasori was laughing his ass off, and Deidara suddenly poked him in the neck. HARD.

"GODDAMMIT, DEIDARA!!!" Sasori yelled angrily, rubbing his neck. Deidara giggled, and poked once more in the neck. Sasori grabbed his finger, and flipped Deidara around, who Sasori was now sitting on, his eyes wide and gleaming evilly. Deidara stopped grinning, and his face froze. Sasori finally noticed the position they were in. Sasori was straddling Deidara's chest, and he had his hands on Deidara's shoulders. Sasori was leaning close to Deidara, who was simply lying there, barely moving. Sasori and Deidara both went pink to red at the same time.

"So… We should get changed, un…"

"You're right…"

Sasori climbed off of Deidara, and went over to the wardrobe. He pulled out a pair of blue pants and a black t-shirt, and snapped slightly at Deidara, "Are you gonna change, or are you gonna stand there, gawking at me when I get changed, you brat?!"

Deidara smirked. "Can I do both, un?"

Sasori went red, and gritted his teeth. "Damn him to hell…"

Deidara poked his tongue out, and huffed, "Fine, fine. Have it your way, un." Deidara walked over to the closet, and pulled on a pair on a pair of khaki shorts, along with a silver top. Sasori glared at Deidara, who yawned, and said, "I'm hungry. I'm getting breakfast of Kiara-Belle-san, un. Catcha later, Sasori no Danna, un."

"O-okay." Deidara walked out of the door, pulling it shut behind him. Sasori sighed deeply, and slid down against the wardrobe. "God, I need a break from trauma…" Sasori pulled on the pants and tee, and walked out the door, to see Deidara and blonde-haired Renji standing in the hallway, chatting like good buddies. Sasori narrowed his eyes, but put on a fake smile, and said loudly, "Renji-san! I haven't seen you in a bit!"

Renji raised a golden eyebrow. "I saw you two days ago, Raisos-san…"

Sasori anime-sweatdropped. Deidara's face dropped. Renji looked confused. "Errr… It felt like an eternity not seeing you Renji-san, un..." Deidara mumbled, putting his hands behind his back. Renji's amber eyes brightened, and he knelt down in front of Deidara, and kissed his hand.

"Oh, Seiya-chan… You have NO idea how painful it was without you, my darling…" Renji crooned, planting kisses up Deidara's arm. Deidara cringed slightly, but let out a forced (yet realistic) giggle, and blushed. Sasori glared at Renji, but he also glared at Deidara.

"Wait… What did Deidara do?"

"He liked it…"

"It was an act…"

"But he liked it…"

"Why do I care so much about an act?"

"Because seeing Deidara in another man's arms is just too much to bear?"

Sasori couldn't answer his own question. Yes, he had grown accustom to Deidara's 'love' for him, but… The question was… Did he return it? Was it worth it?

"Can you live without him?"

Sasori bit his lip. He couldn't imagine what life would be like without his 'lackey'… No… Lackey isn't the word.

"How about, 'love-muffin'? Or sexy beast?"

"Quiet, you!!"

Sasori frowned. He swore, sometimes he didn't even know who he was…

…

When Renji gave Deidara one final kiss and walked off, Deidara turned to face Sasori. Deidara couldn't say a word however, because Sasori had smacked his lips onto his own. Deidara, half in shock, half in ecstasy, groaned quietly and leant into Sasori, who pulled away, and let Deidara rest his head on his chest.

"Goddammit Deidara, at least pretend that you didn't enjoy it…"

"Why, un?"

Sasori stayed silent. Deidara opened his mouth for a response, but Sasori captured his lips in his own once more, and Deidara just melted. It was romantic, passionate, yet somehow waffy at the same time…

"Kinda like the movies Makoto-chan lends from the video store…"

Deidara sighed in pleasure, and pulled away from Sasori. Sasori looked upset when he pulled away, but smiled at Deidara lovingly. Deidara smiled right back at him, and said, "What was that for, un? Special occasion, or summat, un?" Sasori frowned slightly, but then smiled again.

"Why isn't he talking to me?" Deidara's heart dropped.

"What if he wants to…? Break up? SPLOMG! He wouldn't!"

Deidara gasped, and took a step back from Deidara. Sasori raised an eyebrow. "What? I don't have herpes, Deidara…"

"I didn't think you had herpes, un!" Deidara squeaked, blushing furiously. "Why aren't you talking to me, un?"

Sasori blinked twice. "I just did, though…"

"BUT YOU SAID SOMETHING THAT WAS OOC FOR YOU, UN!!!" Deidara wailed, waving his arms about. Sasori anime-sweatdropped and grabbed Deidara's arm.

"Deidara, stop that…"

"Nay, un!" NEIN!!!"

Sasori began to bribe Deidara with trinkets and tit-bits galore, but Deidara was still freaking out.

Gritting his teeth in frustration, Sasori threw a diamond-studded collar on the floor, along with a drawing of a key, a universal remote, a woman's fur coat, a red, smoking envelope, a flower, dying little girl, and a sparrow, as well as a chest full of Mako, and an oversized sword.

Sasori wailed loudly, "I'll give you a lap-dance even, just PLEASE, shut up!!!"

Deidara stopped wailing, and Sasori stopped trying to bribe him. Deidara stared at Sasori, who started to sweat. Deidara grinned evilly. "Is it still too late to get that lap-dance, Sasori no Danna, un?"

Now, this was awkward. It was probably the first time in Sasori's life when he so badly got a nosebleed he passed out and stayed out cold for about 3 hours, and it was also when Deidara finally won over his Danna, in anything. (For that, he danced about the time Sasori was out cold, told Kiara-Belle, both Renji's, and three poor old dears that just happened to be passing by when a very masculine young lady came charging out of an alleyway building and began dancing with them. Also, the young lady had mouths on her HANDS. That successfully knocked out one, made another run in fear, her pants (which looked like they were made out of rubber) squelching slightly (making Deidara recoil in horror) and made one try to bring Deidara back to her house (For that, Deidara let out a high-pitched scream, ran in circles, grabbed a baseball bat, and smashed the poor old dear over the head, when she actually just wanted to ask Deidara to come back to her house for some tea and cookies, which just so happened to be Deidara's favorite kind, triple choc chip with a double white-chocolate glaze, which he later found out, much to his dismay.)

When Sasori woke up three hours later, Kiara-Belle was comforting Deidara, who was wailing loudly and illegibly, (However, Sasori caught on a couple of words, such as 'old lady', 'squelch' and 'cookie'.) Sasori groaned, and rubbed his head. "God… What happened? Where am I?"

"You got a nosebleed, and you fainted from blood losssssssssssss!" Kiara-Belle giggled, rubbing Deidara's back, who was still wailing over his lost cookie. She then crooned to Deidara, "Shhh its ok… I'll make some cookies for you later…"

"IT'S NOT THE SAME, UN!" Deidara screeched, slamming his head against the bedside table. Sasori rolled his eyes, and groaned, "Deidara, it isn't that bad…"

"BUT IT IS, UN!!!" He shrieked, putting his head in his hands. Sasori gritted his teeth, and pulled Deidara into an embrace. Deidara hiccupped, wiped his eyes, and grinned. Sasori's face dropped.

"Oh… FUC…"

"SASORI NO DANNA, UN!!!"

Deidara squeezed Sasori, much to both Sasori and Kiara-Belle's horror. Kiara-Belle quickly squeezed her nose, and ran out of the room in a hurry, while Sasori attempted to push Deidara off of him.

"You're choking me!!! Get off, brat!"

"I love you too, un!"

Sasori stopped trying to push Deidara away, as Deidara's words replayed over and over in his head.

"I love you too!"

Now, it had been AGES since Sasori heard those words… The last time he heard it was when he was when he was just a boy, when his parents weren't puppets…

…Well, turned into puppets. Yet.

He sighed, and many thoughts ran through his head. One thought to tell him the same back, one to reject him and get on with life, and one to (strangely enough) steal his cookies… Sasori sighed. It was FAR too risky to do anything. So, he just simply pushed Deidara off of him, and brushed off invisible dirt, a habit of Sasori's whenever he's nervous. Sasori laughed nervously, and said, "Errr… Deidara, shouldn't we do some stuff before you… Errr… 'Face your destiny'?" Deidara grinned, and said chose his words slowly, but carefully.

"Do you wanna spend the day with me, Sasori no Danna, un?"

Sasori rolled his eyes, and said, "Do I care?"

Deidara pouted, "You're s'posed to, un!"

"…Damn you and your crazy logic…"

Deidara grinned, knowing he had won. Sasori sighed deeply, and said, "Fine. Let's go." Deidara beamed, and took Sasori's hand into his own, and pulled him out of the door.

…

Sasori had to admit it, he had lots of fun today. Deidara had first off pulled him away to walk in the old park he loved as a child, which lead the Iwa nin breaking down in the middle of the park, sobbing over his lost childhood innocence, which left Sasori getting disgusted looks from passersby, even when he was hastily patting him on the back. Sasori ended up having to hug him (In PUBLIC, people!!) which lead to Deidara snuggling up to him, which resulted in Sasori pushing the Iwa nin away, making him put on a 'victim' act, leading to breaking down (once more) in the park, making Sasori actually have to KISS him, which created a LOT of strange looks from passersby. Some said, "Awww…," some hit their boyfriends over the head, and others cringed.

("Either way, Boom wanted some more kissy action, oh yesh… -drools-")

Anyway, that didn't matter, because Sasori and Deidara were both back in their hotel room. Deidara, after the toothpick incident, had tried to get splinters again (For obvious reasons… -cough-) but Sasori threw the toothpick out of the window, but kissed him anyways, because…

("…Sasori wanted some luvin' and so did Boom, oh yesh…" Boom licked her lips, tore her eyes away from her laptop, and smirked at Sasori and Deidara, who were currently playing poker in the middle of her bedroom. Sasori said blankly, "Pink carpet, Boom? You truly are on crack…" Boom grinned, and said, "I chose it when I was 5 years old, dreamboat." Boom batted her eyelashes, only to be blown up for the good of the Earth by Deidara 2 seconds later…

-cough-)

Sasori saw the indescribable look of sadness on Deidara's face when he chucked it out of the window, and he didn't want Deidara to go all crying on him again, like he did 2 days ago.

("When Sasori and Deidara first got to Iwagakure!" Boom shouted, slamming the laptop shut. Sasori and Deidara winced, and soon after, Deidara sighed, and put his cards down. "Hahahah… Redeem and strip, Seiya…" Sasori smirked at Deidara who started fuming, and he pulled off his shirt.

"Burn in hell, un…")

Deidara flopped onto his bed, and reached for his toothpick once more. He sniffed, but then grabbed a flower from the coffee table, and popped it into his mouth. Sasori raised an eyebrow, but then sighed, and rolled off of his bed, and walked over to Deidara. "Take it out of your mouth, brat."

"No way, un! Since you threw away my toothpick, I need a substitute, un!"

"You don't need to chew on ANYTHING, you freakin' loon! So, TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!!"

"Nein, Sasori no Danna, un!"

"You're not GERMAN, so don't speak it! Do I have to wrestle the flower out of your mouth?"

"Hm… You raise a fine point there, Sasori no Danna, un. And the answer is… Yes, you do. Un." Deidara grinned, and crooned, "Or are you afraid, un?" He poked his tongue out at Sasori, and pulled his top slightly down his shoulder. When Sasori gave him the strangest look he could muster, he began to laugh so hard he knocked the wind out of himself, and fell off the bed, to proceed to roll on the floor with laughter. Sasori glared at Deidara with an intense force, to which Deidara responded with poking his tongue out.

"You have a horrible mind, Deidara…"

"I know, un… Nyahaha…" Sasori's face dropped, and he swayed slightly on the spot.

"I think I'm gonna puke…"

("Like I did on Jetstar!" Boom squealed, getting strange looks from her classmates. Boom looked over at Tashy's computer, to see pictures of all the Naruto characters. Alex was chatting with the guys, and Gabby was frowning at her screen with killer intent. –coughcough-)

Sasori's knees buckled, and he slid onto the floor, face down. The bomb master raised a fine eyebrow, and giggled slightly. "You're so silly, un!"

Sasori collapsed onto the floor, groaning slightly. Deidara sighed, crouched down besides him, and ran a hand through his hair.

"Sasori no Danna… You overreact so much, un. RELAX." Deidara said softly. He gently touched Sasori's (Handsome!) face, and crooned, "You'll get wrinkles."

Sasori smiled lightly, and sat up. He lightly kissed him on the cheek, and said with concern, "Are you sure you want to do this, Deidara? We could always reconsider…"

Deidara stopped him in his sentence. "Sasori no Danna, I can do this. Don't worry." Sasori smiled at him, and uttered some words both of them never expected him to say…

"…I… I l-love you, Deidara."

…

Deidara couldn't speak. He opened his mouth, but absolutely nothing came out. He stared at Sasori, who was smiling at him. Deidara managed to get out, "D-Danna… I… Y-You… What?"

Sasori smiled, he seemed more confident that he had said it once now. "Deidara, did you catch it the first time, or what? I love you."

Deidara was still in shock, but his mouth curved into a wide smile. "Sasori no Danna… I… I love you too, un. I never thought you'd ever say that, un." Sasori smirked at him, and punched him on the arm.

"Who do you take me for? Itachi?"

Deidara laughed, and squeezed him slightly. "Hmm… You seemed like it, though, un."

Sasori's smile dropped, and he glared at Deidara, who grinned sheepishly, and hugged him a bit tighter. "Do you WANT me to suffocate?"

"N-No! Never, un!"

"…Then let go."

Deidara reluctantly let go of Sasori, and folded him arms. "So, what now?" Sasori sighed deeply.

"We wait until nightfall. That's when you'll strike."

"I'm the crouching tiger, and your hidden dragon, un?!"

"…Sure, whatever." Deidara absolutely beamed. His face then dropped.

"What do I have to do, un?"

"…" Sasori didn't respond. Deidara's heart sank to the floor.

"So… I have to… Like, y'know, un… Do… that?" Sasori must've choked on his own spit, because he gasped in horror, and then the next thing Deidara knew, was that he was pinned up again the wall, Sasori holding him by the neck.

"WHAT?! Deidara, don't even DARE think like that!!!" Sasori shouted into his face. Deidara stared at him in shock, and then Sasori's face softened and he continued on a softer note.

"Deidara… I would never let that happen to you. Ever." Deidara smiled at him, and laughed lightly.

"Sasori no Danna… I'm gonna have to, un. There's no fighting fate is there, un?" Sasori sighed deeply, and looked at the floor.

"Deidara… I always imagined… That… Yeah… Y'know… I'd…"

Deidara raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. He had no idea what Sasori was talking about.

("BOOM IS ANGRY WITH DEIDARA!!!" Boom thundered, glaring at Deidara, then bursting into tears. Deidara raised an eyebrow, and took a worried glance at Sasori, who shrugged.)

…

Sasori cleared his throat, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyways… Let's go out again. Enjoy ourselves… While we still can."

Deidara said softly, "You wanna spend that much time with me, Sasori no Danna?"

"…Yes."

That was all Sasori said. Deidara didn't mind though. He just wanted to spend time with Sasori. Because every moment with Deidara made him feel at peace…

…Until he remembered that he had to seduce a perverted weirdo 2 hours later. He shuddered, and took Sasori's hand in his.

"D-Danna…"

"Hm?"

"I… I don't wanna do this…"

Deidara was overcome by a strong feeling of sadness. Deidara leant slightly into Sasori, and buried his face in Sasori's chest. he shut his eyes tightly, and tried very hard to keep it all in…

…He failed miserably.

Deidara let out a whimper, and tears began to run freely down his face. "D-Danna! I-I… I c-can't do t-this… I-It's j-just too… Too…" He let out a wail, and began sobbing into Sasori's chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Sasori stiffened as Deidara wailed, but awkwardly wrapped his arms around him, and kissed him on the top of the head.

"Deidara… You don't have to do this…"

"B-But I do, un… I… I c-can't let t-the Akatsuki d-down, un…"

"Oh for GOD's sake Deidara, I don't give a rat's ass about what the bloody Akatsuki think! If you don't want to, you don't have to!!!" Sasori shouted at Deidara, his hands firmly on his shoulders. He then swallowed, and said softly, "I never want you to be hurt, Deidara. EVER. I hate to see you suffer… It kills me. Literally. It makes me feel… It makes me feel as if a part of me died. Deidara, I don't think your understanding what I'm saying… I love you too much for this. I DON'T want you to do this. I want you and me… I want us to be happy, no matter what happens. Trust me." Sasori gently kissed Deidara's forehead. Deidara smiled lightly, and wiped a few remainders of tears from his eyes.

"Mmmm… Un." Sasori chuckled slightly.

"Poor darlin'. You need a sugar rush?" He said mockingly, folding his arms, and smirking. Deidara opened his mouth in happiness, but he then frowned.

"Hey! That's an INSULT, un!"

"…No kidding."

Deidara gave him a watery smile, and laughed softly. "You're so mean to me, un."

"I know that."

"…Shall we go, ma'am, un?"

"…YOU'RE the uke, yo."

"Heh…Wait, what do you mean, I'M the uke, un?!?"

"…Let's go, Deidara!"

Sasori took Deidara's hand and pulled him out of the door. Deidara opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it quickly.

…

As soon as Sasori and Deidara got out of the door, Sasori was hailed by Renji.

"Yo, Jackass. What chocolate does KB-chan like?"

"I dunno, asshat. Why would you ask me?"

"…Turkish Delight, un."

Renji's deep jade eyes widened, and he said cheerfully, "No way! I know where to get some great Turkish Delight, yo! Cheers, Seiya!"

Deidara grinned cheerfully, and Sasori frowned. "YOU keep flirting to KB, asshat."

Renji frowned. "What, you still wanna keep your incest act up, jackass?"

"…Yeah."

Renji blanched. "YOU sir, are a sick freak. Seiya, why do you put up with him? I mean, he's into incest, yo!"

Deidara frowned slightly. "I don't hate it, but I don't like it either, un."

Renji recoiled. "You people are FREAKS! Anyway, I'm out. Seiya, jackass… Catcha."

Renji walked off, strutting as he went. Deidara frowned slightly, and Sasori stuck his finger up at Renji.

"I hate you, asshat…" He muttered, waving the finger around at his back. Deidara frowned, and pulled Sasori out the door. He began to mutter, "You shouldn't do that, un…" But all of a sudden, Deidara had a weirdo standing in front of them.

…

"…Who the bloody hell are you?!" Sasori said heatedly, glaring at the girl in front of them. She had shortish-brown hair, and was wearing an orange, furry jacket.

"I am Stephanie!" She shouted with gusto. She then pointed at Deidara and Sasori dramatically. "And I request that you two make-out for a fanart!"

"Wha..? Oh, HELL NO, un!" Deidara shouted, a large blush spreading onto his cheeks. "Go spread your Yaoi love somewhere else!"

"…Damn. Oh well, there's always Gaara and Lee!" Stephanie said loudly, grinning wildly. She then turned to the waiting crowd behind her. "Sorry guys, no SasoDei!" She shouted, a sad look on her face, which soon turned to a large grin. "So now, we go get GaaraLee! Onwards, my loyal subjects! We attack at dawn!" A low rumble of "YOSH!" by the fangirls, and they all sprinted off into the sunset (which magically appeared) with many fangirl (and occasional boy) squeals. Sasori and Deidara both anime-sweatdropped simultaneously.

("With Boom standing next to them!" Boom squealed, waving her hands madly, while reading SasoDei fics. Deidara leant over her shoulder, and said slowly, "So… You just threw your cousin into the story for no particular reason." Boom grinned, and said, "Yosh! Now…" –insert random Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango cameo here-)

Inuyasha blinked twice, while holding Tessaiga. "What in bloody hell?!" He shouted, putting Tessaiga back into its sheath. Miroku took one look at Deidara, grinned, and all of a sudden, was by Deidara in a heartbeat, holding his hands.

"Young-lady-who-I-just-met, will you bear my children?" He said, his eyes sparkling. Deidara blinked, and opened his mouth in frustration, but Sasori cut in.

"NO, she bloody-hell WON'T bear your children, lech! So GET LOST!!!" Sasori shouted. However, Miroku was knocked out by Sango two seconds later by Hiraikotsu.

"That bastard!" Sango seethed, punching the air. "How DARE he come onto other women… When we're getting frickin' MARRIED, for God's sake…" Deidara sweatdropped, and before they could say anything more, Sasori had dragged Deidara off.

"For God's sake, where the hell are all these weirdoes's coming from, un?" Deidara seethed, grasping Sasori's hand tightly. Sasori shrugged, and squeezed Deidara's hand in return.

"Sasori no Danna… Just a question, am I like a girlfriend, or boyfriend to you?" Sasori raised an eyebrow, and began humming under his breath.

"I know it sounds so old, but Cupid got me in a chokehold…" Sasori hummed tonelessly under his breath. Deidara glared, and Sasori smirked at Deidara's response.

(Boom sighed dreamily. "I love that song…" Deidara glared at Boom, and Sasori hid his face in his cloak, trying to stifle his laughter. "Who gets the joke?" Boom giggled, throwing a book at her brother Matt, who was playing guitar.)

Deidara and Sasori walked in silence for a bit, until they reached a small bridge, which connected Iwagakure to a small park. The walkway was lined with Cherry Blossom trees, and small petals were flying everywhere. Deidara smiled gently, and said sadly, "This is so weird, un. This is gonna be a major turning point in my life…"

Sasori sighed. "No shit, Sherlock. You have to seduce a man." Deidara screwed up his face.

"You're s'posed to SUPPORT me through this, un!"

"… Oh. My. God. No way! I s'pose I also have to kiss your feet…"

"You bitch, un! I hope you burn in hell, un! I'll KILL you, you heathen sack of shit!!"

"I'll kill you too, darlin'. I'll kill you too."

"Wha..? Oh, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, un!"

"…Now you sound like Hidan."

Somewhere far, far away from your house…

Approximately 500 kilometers away, Hidan let out a large sneeze. "Bloody hell, who the hell is talking about me now?!" He seethed, glaring at Kakuzu. Kakuzu was sitting cross-legged on his bed, and seemed to be meditating.

"Deidara-chan… Deidara-chan…" He muttered under his breath, unconsciously licking his lips. Hidan grinned evilly.

"You gay, pissy faggot. You are SUCH a pussy."

Deidara sighed, and leant back onto the railing of the bridge. The wind blew his hair back, and Deidara stared up at the sky.

"I always thought you'd be my first, un." Sasori choked on his own spit.

"D-Deidara! I-I… N-Never… You… I… I…" Sasori went a deep shade of crimson, and felt himself feeling… Things he shouldn't be feeling, and we'll just leave it at that… Deidara wasn't blind. He could see Sasori's face slowing turning red, and he could see the discomfort in his eyes. And Deidara… He was likin' it…

Deidara lent up and kissed Sasori. As soon as Deidara kissed him, Sasori grabbed Deidara, and pushed him up against him. Deidara squeaked slightly, and pulled away from Sasori.

"D-Danna!"

"Hmm?" Sasori gave Deidara a somewhat smug look, and rested his forehead on Deidara's. "Y'know, you're really cute when you make noises like that." Sasori murmured, looking straight into Deidara's eyes. Deidara went a faint pink, and then frowned in embarrassment.

"Sasori no Danna! We're s'posed to be siblings, un!"

"Hmmm… I know."

Deidara gasped slightly, and took a step back. "Danna! You perv, un!"

"…Is there a problem with that?"

"…No."

"That's what I assumed, Deidara. Love, love, love." Sasori kissed him once on the cheek. Deidara smiled, and buried his face into Sasori's neck. Sasori looked back into the town.

"Deidara, it's 5 o'clock."

Deidara stiffened. "So… It's time, un?" Sasori simply nodded, a solemn look on his face. Deidara sighed, and looked at the floor.

"Just remember… I love you, Sasori no Danna."

"…Y…Yeah." Sasori mumbled, taking a sympathetic glance at Deidara. Deidara smiled weakly, and said in a watery voice, "I'll see you in a couple of hours… I'll see you back at the Inn…"

Before Sasori could say a word, Deidara had walked away, with a sweeping motion from his hand, back in the direction towards the Inn. Sasori sighed deeply, and continued to walk around.

"Damn… Deidara is such a sexy beast…"

"What makes you say that?"

"I'm just responding to your hormones, idiot."

"…I have hormones? How come I wasn't informed of this earlier?"

"How the hell am I s'posed to know? I'm YOU, idiot!"

"You're… Me?"

"I'm your conscious-thingy. Everybody has one."

Sasori rolled his eyes, but then sadly sighed.

"May as well just go back to the Inn, block out noises from Renji shoving himself up Deidara's ass, and try to get some sleep before it's time to capture Raijuu…"

Sasori exhaled, and slowly dragged his feet back to the Inn. As he walked into the inn, he refused to even acknowledge Kiara-Belle and Renji, whose jade eyes were narrowed at him. Renji then kissed Kiara-Belle on the forehead, but continued to glare at Sasori. When Sasori gave no response, Renji raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

Sasori trudged into his room. Sasori, looking at the floor, failed to notice Deidara, who was standing in front of him.

"Itai! Hm? Sasori no Danna, what are you doing back, un?" Deidara's eyes were wide. He was wearing a rather –ahem- low-cut v neck, and a mini-skirt, shockingly. Sasori gagged, and took 3 steps back. "Sasori no Danna? Are you alright, un?" Deidara said, his voice laced with concern.

Sasori choked out, "D-Deidara… Way to be the s-seductress… You look like a whore…"

Deidara grinned. "Good! That means no screwing around, un!" Sasori stiffly nodded, not saying a word.

"…I best be off, Sasori no Danna, un. Wish me luck, un!" Deidara gave Sasori a tight-lipped smile, and walked out of the doorway, straight past Sasori. Sasori looked back over his shoulder, and walked through the doorway. Sasori pulled the door shut behind him, and flopped down onto his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, and let his thoughts wander.

"How can you let the person you care about do this?"

"…"

"Answer me, bitch."

"What would happen if I don't?"

"I'd have to flood your mind with images that could make THE Uchiha Itachi faint."

"Try me, bitch."

Well, let's just say the next few scenes are a bit vivid, gross, and actually disturbing enough to send me into a coma. So, for your sanity and innocence, I will not tell you what 'Sasori' made Sasori see. Let's just say that Sasori screamed very loudly, and collapsed over 4 times, and we'll just keep it that, shall we?

After 15 minutes, Sasori finally stopped screaming, and fell backwards onto his bed, breathing heavily. Sasori blankly stared up at the ceiling, and thought back over the day.

"You really didn't want him to do this, did you?"

"…What makes you say that?"

"You've been stalling all day…"

("No, that's just Boom trying to drag out the chapter…")

"Well, what do you expect me to say? No, I want Deidara to be practically raped by a freak?"

"…You're a puppet, Sasori. You're not human… Not puppet… No emotions…"

"Lies! Lies I say!"

Sasori frowned. He looked over at the clock, which read 7:30pm. He let out a groan, and rolled over onto his side.

"Five hours of nothingness…"

Renji let out a lust-filled groan, as his mischievous hand drifted down. Deidara shut his eyes tightly, and let out a noise which sounded cross between a sob and a dying cat. He lifted Renji's shirt off his head, his golden hair plastered to his forehead. Renji shut his smouldering amber eyes, and kissed Deidara in a big, sloppy kiss. Deidara gagged as he felt Renji's tongue slide down his throat, but managed to keep from puking, and forcefully kissed him back.

"You owe me BIG time, you shitcake of a leader…"

As soon as Deidara pulled of Renji's shirt, he poked him in the bellybutton…

…Nothing happened.

Deidara's eyes widened. He poked him another 3 times in the bellybutton, and then wailed, "Why isn't Raijuu coming out, un?! Renji?!"

Renji, who was now pulled out of his 'sexy' mode, blinked, but then burst into laughter.

Renji propped himself up onto his elbows, and then giggled. "Seiya-chan, is that all you wanted? Because, I'm gonna have to make it up to you. I don't have Raijuu… You know Renji, who is with Kiara-Belle? HE has Raijuu. Not me."

…'Cause I'm such an evil bitch. –insert maniac laughter here-