My Danna's So Pretty: Part VII
THE FINAL PART!!!
Recap: Sasori said "I love you" to Deidara, and Deidara discovered that the Akatsuki made him track down the wrong Renji. That's about it. (Despite the chapter being about 5,000 words long… -sweatdrop-)
Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody
Disclaimer I: Don't own ANYTHING in this story, except for the plotline, Boom, KB, Renji and Renji.
By aBoOm-Un
Deidara couldn't speak. Deidara couldn't move. Hell, he couldn't even breathe. He stared incredulously at Renji, and after a minute or two, he managed to choke out, "W-Wrong p-p-person?!"
Renji nodded intently. "Yep. Everybody thinks that I'm the one who has Raijuu because I resemble the beast, but I'm not his host." He then laughed slightly. "Do you know how many ninjas came to get Raijuu out of me? That's why I'm so glad to come across someone like you, Seiya-chan."
Deidara stared down at Renji, from his position of him lying on top of him. His face darkened.
"Seiya-chan?" Renji queried with a worried look on his face.
Deidara said darkly, "I have to leave…"
"Seiya-chan!"
Deidara ignored Renji's calls, and walked out of the room, his face possibly even darker than it could ever be. He slammed the door shut, and slowly walked back towards his room, slowly dragging his feet along the polished floor. He pushed his door open, to see Sasori lying down on his bed, snoring slightly. Deidara smiled softly, and walked over to where he was lying down, and sat down on the bed beside him. Sasori mumbled something in his sleep, and rolled over, so he was now facing Deidara. He slowly opened his eyes, and yawned. He then said, "Dei… Deidara? What's happened? Where's Raijuu?"
Deidara smiled, and said, "Doesn't matter, un. What happened was…" Sasori raised an eyebrow.
"Yes?"
Deidara sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Wrong Renji, un. That's it in a nutshell, un…" Sasori stared blankly at Deidara.
"No. Freaking. Way." Deidara nodded.
"It's really stupid, ne? Un?"
"I can't believe it…" Sasori sighed, flipping his hair back. "So, what do we do now?" Deidara's face turned into a frown.
"Well, I'm gonna have to do the same thing to the PROPER Renji, un…"
"What?! NO! You've already SCREWED one Renji; we don't need two screwed..!"
"I didn't screw him, un…"
"Really?" Sasori's eyes sparkled.
"Not too late to fulfill that dream of yours, no?"
Sasori smirked evilly at Deidara.
GLOMP. "Heeeeee!"
…
(-cough- "Heheh... Oh my." Boom stammered, blushing furiously.)
"Ahh… Danna, un…"
("..! Wait a mo… This wasn't in the script!" Boom said quickly, flicking through the many pages. She then looked at Sasori and Deidara, and grinned widely.
"Well HOTDAMN!")
Many Hours Later…
Deidara stepped out of the small cubicle after a very long shower. He sighed, and reached for a towel. Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. "Ooh, you won't need THAT, missy…" Sasori grinned widely, pulling Deidara towards him.
"..! S a s o r i… n o… D a n n a… UN!!!" Deidara squeaked, red in the face. Sasori gave Deidara a smug grin.
"Yes'm?"
"Can you let me at least get cha... Danna, DON'T GO THERE, UN!!!" Deidara yelled, and he tried to squirm away from Sasori, whose mind was in dirty places…
"Mm. Squirm a bit more, Deidara. It feels good."
Deidara stopped moving, and glared at Sasori. "That's it. I'm getting changed and going, un."
Deidara walked over to the closet, and pulled on a top and pants, Sasori watching him the entire time. "Aiii… Sasori no Danna, will you stop staring, un?"
Sasori shrugged. "Nah. I'm fine."
Deidara glared at Sasori, a blush on his face. "You bloody perv, un."
"That I am! That I am!"
Deidara fumed under his breath, and sighed, "Whatever. I'm out, un." He slammed the door behind him. Sasori smirked, and flopped down onto the daybed. He didn't bother to follow Deidara.
Deidara stomped off down the hallway, fuming angrily. As he walked down the hallway, Renji came out of his room. "Seiya-chan!"
Deidara inwardly groaned. "Crap, not you…"
Renji said, "Seiya-chan, my 'Megumi', my sweet… I'm so very sorry I don't have Raijuu, but I will make it up to you! Oh-my-sweet-flower, I'm so sorry, I'm so bloody sorry! I can change!"
Deidara frowned at him. Renji fell onto his knees, and kissed his hand. "Please, I will make it up to you, my angel!"
A vein popped. "Oh my GOD!! I can't take this anymore! I got what I wanted out of Sasori, and I'm bloody SICK of Iwagakure!! I'll FINISH THIS NOW!!!"
Deidara slapped Renji away, and stomped down the hallway. "Seiya-chan!" Deidara ignored him, and stormed into the entrance hall, to see Renji and Kiara-Belle cuddling on the loveseat. Renji looked up with a frown, but it turned into a slight smile. "Seiya-chan! How are yo.. Mmmmph!"
Renji couldn't speak. Kiara-Belle screamed. Deidara didn't say anything.
…Because Deidara had just crashed his lips into Renji's, out of the blue.
Renji's jade eyes were wide with shock, but then furrowed into a frown. Deidara pushed his tongue into Renji's mouth, and began to worm around. Renji gagged, and tried to push Deidara off of him. Deidara refused to however, and proceeded to lift off his shirt. Renji glared at him, and then punched him in the face.
With extreme strength.
Think Shippuden Sakura type of strong.
Times by 5.
Then with added brass knuckles.
Deidara went flying across the room, and crashed into a wall. He stood up, and spat out some blood. He then let out a roar of fury, and charged at Renji.
"STOP!" Kiara-Belle shrieked, jumping in the way of Renji. "Stop! What the hell is going on? Seiya, you're STILL going on about your mission?!"
Deidara glared at her, and spat venomously, "I have to complete the mission! I don't care if I ruin lives, I'll do this mission!"
Kiara-Belle's face dropped, and she stared at the ground. She then said in a whisper, "You'd rather pull apart lives, than leave them the way they already are?"
Deidara's face dropped. Kiara-Belle's voice had dropped to a deadly whisper. "You would prefer to kill then spare a life?"
Kiara-Belle than screamed loudly, "And I thought you had at least one bit of good in you, Deidara of the Akatsuki!!"
…
Deidara's eyes widened, and Sasori charged into the room. "Whoa! What's going on, Seiya?!" He said in awe. Kiara-Belle spun around, and pointed an accusing finger at Sasori. "And you think you're so great, Akasuna no Sasori!"
Renji's eyes widened. "Wait, so you're saying Raisos and Seiya are Akasuna no Sasori AND Deidara from the Akatsuki?!"
Deidara grinned evilly. "Hah! You people are so stupid, you can't even tell the difference between a young woman and an S-ranked criminal, un!"
Renji glared full force at Sasori and Deidara, but then his face darkened. He then began to chuckle. Deidara raised an eyebrow, and folded his arms. "What's so funny, un?"
Renji smirked, and said darkly, "You're the stupid one. You just confessed to a 'Gen ANBU' squad leader. The best ANBU squad in all of Iwagakure."
Deidara's face dropped to the floor. Renji ripped of his grey muscle-shirt, and khaki pants, to reveal a black ANBU outfit. The top was a black muscle-shirt with shoulder-plates, and he was wearing dark, tight pants with brown combat-boots. Onto his back was strapped a katana sheath. All of a sudden, a strong wind began to blow, and it blew his long brown hair into the breeze.
"Such a man!" Kiara-Belle swooned, falling back onto the loveseat. Sasori and Deidara simultaneously sweatdropped. Renji pulled out his katana, and grinned. "Killing time…"
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!"
Sasori and Deidara charged out of the Inn, Renji hot on their heels.
"Come back here, you little shits!!" Renji yelled, taking a slice at Deidara's back. It was a direct slash, and went down Deidara's back. It left a large cut, and his shirt began to fold down.
"Crap…" Deidara hissed, running as fast as he could. Sasori was gritting his teeth, and also running quickly. As they neared the gate, they saw Takeshi sitting by the gate. He looked up from the magazine he was reading, and smiled widely. He raised his hand in greeting.
It was also just at that moment Deidara's shirt peeled away. Takeshi's eyes widened, and looked from Sasori to Deidara, then back again.
"Crap… Crap… Crap… He's gonna capture us!!" Sasori shouted frantically in his head. Then, Takeshi stopped flickering his eyesight from Sasori to Deidara, and came to rest on Deidara's now-bare chest. Then he licked his lips.
"Crap…"
As Deidara and Sasori ran past him, Takeshi's hand reached out and grabbed Deidara's ϋber long ponytail.
"Arrrggghhh!" Deidara shouted while being flung back. When Deidara was pulled back, he grabbed the back of Sasori's shirt, and they both went flying into the wall. They both landed in a large heap on the floor. After a moment of daze, they proceeded to roll away, up, and then run again…
Nope, that wasn't happening.
Takeshi sat on Deidara's chest, and hissed, "You're not going ANYWHERE, tiger…"
Deidara's eyes widened. "Holy shit, un!! I'ma… I'ma…Err… FLAT-CHESTED! Yeah, flat-chested, un!"
Takeshi purred, "Nonsense, darlin'… You're a man… And I'm likin' it…" Sasori jumped to his feet, and grabbed Deidara's hair.
"Goddammit, NO TIME Deidara!!" He yelled angrily. He yanked on Deidara's hair ("Holy CRAP, un!") and they both began to run again.
"Wait! Deidara!" Takeshi yelled from after them.
"Catcha later, manwife!" Deidara screamed behind him. And with that, Deidara and Sasori sprinted off. Renji had decided to let them go free.
"But why, Renji-sama?" Kiara-Belle pouted, stamping her foot. Renji shrugged.
"The bigger start they get, the more fun the chase."
"You're SO manly!" Kiara-Belle swooned, wrapping her arms around Renji. Renji smirked, and looked off into the direction Deidara and Sasori were running off into.
"We'll meet again one day, you queer weirdoes."
Meanwhile, back at the oMg-So-EvIl Akatsuki Lair…
Makoto was batting her eyelashes and scooting closer to Kisame, all with a flirty smile on her face. Kisame (the poor darlin') had absolutely NO idea what she was trying to do, and Itachi was watching from the background with bemusement.
"Kisame-sama…You know we got a good thing going…" Makoto murmured, scooting closer still to sharkman. Kisame blinked twice, and Itachi sat there, a blank expression on his face. (Damn, you can tell these guys have never had a girlfriend…) Makoto leant in, and was about to kiss Kisame…
BANG.
Makoto let out a scream as Deidara and Sasori blasted through the wall, sending rubble and sandstone everywhere. Deidara skidded across the floor, and Sasori jumped out of the hole into the room.
"You FRICKIN IDIOTS!!! CAN'T YOU FRICKIN' ASSWIPES SEE KISAME-SAMA AND I ARE BUSY!!!" She screamed, pointing at Deidara and Sasori. Deidara blinked, and Kisame said weakly in the background, "We were busy?"
Makoto continued to screamed at them, until Itachi calmly said, "Where's Raijuu?"
Kisame blinked. Makoto stopped screaming, and then blinked. Deidara blinked. Sasori blinked. Itachi calmly sat there in his brooding, badass ways. The oMg-So-EvIl Akatsuki Leader walked into the room.
"Sir!"
"Un!"
"That's a very good question, Itachi-san. Where is Raijuu, Deidara, Sasori?"
"Errr… Sir, that's the thing…"
"Queer Renji…"
"We didn't get Raijuu…"
"Queer Renji!"
"You gave us the wrong Renji to track…"
"Queer Renji!"
The Leader raised an eyebrow. "So… The wrong Renji, you say?"
Sasori nodded. "Yeah."
Kisame and Makoto both looked at each other, and both simultaneously burst into hysterics. The Leader smirked, and Itachi's eyes went very wide. Itachi smirked, and his face morphed into something along the lines of psychotic maniac. He then buried his head into the collar of his cloak, but after a bit, he couldn't hold it in.
Itachi (uncharacteristically) burst into laughter, and slumped back against the wall, laughing loudly. This only made Kisame and Makoto laugh harder, making Makoto collapse into Kisame's shoulder, and made him collapse onto the floor, almost sobbing in hysterics. The Leader's smirk turned into a smile, which turned into quiet laughter. Deidara and Sasori looked as if they were prepared to kill all of them, until Deidara screamed, "IT'S NOT FRICKIN' FUNNY, UN!!!"
Makoto screamed with laughter, and after a bit, both she and Kisame's laughter turned into laughing/sobbing noises, and eventually, tears of laughter slid down their faces. Itachi laughed hard, and the Leader stopped laughing after a bit, sighed, and commanded them all to stop laughing. Kisame snickered a bit, but stopped after a bit.
"Alright, Deidara, Sasori. Because of your screw-up of Raijuu, I'm assigning you to a new Bijuu to capture. Maybe I needa take this down a notch… Alright. Your task is to capture…"
Sasori pressed on. "Yes..?"
"The one-tail, or Shukaku. The host is Subaku no Gaara. You will be leaving in two weeks."
…
.xXx. Owari .xXx.
Thank you to all of my loyal readers! I especially wanna thank HyuugaAngels, Skilled defence, Ringa's dream, SeleneSoulwar, Deidara-sempai, Sabaku no Kurai, and all my other loyal reviewers! I love you all so much, and thank you!! –cries- If you all are good little reviewers, I'll throw in a spin-off chapter… Keep your eyes peeled!
Love always,
-aBoOm-Un
xoxoxoxoxo
:EDIT: Oh. My. God. 95 reviews, 7956 hits, 41 favorites, 26 alerts. I only signed up here in April 2007, people!! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. –happy tears-