Disclaimer: Not mine.

#1: Master the art of Kung Fu

Many men would agree that having the daylights beaten out of you by a female is just downright shameful. As Tony ended up on the ground for the sixth time in as many minutes, he added a footnote: having the daylights beaten out of you by any female who is not a former Mossad assassin is shameful.

"I'm starting to regret this," he groaned, pulling himself up, bruised appendages protesting.

"What was that?" Ziva smirked from above him, barely even breaking a sweat. "Maybe if you had listened to me and participated in some of the meditation, or at least the stretching, for John's sake-"

"Pete's sake, David."

She gave him an annoyed look, but helped him to his feet. "Again. This will be your seventh try, maybe-"

Her sentence was caught off as Tony sprang at her, trying to catch her off guard. She let him think he was going to finally win, deftly avoiding his strikes at the last second. A feint was aimed at his clavicle, a distraction from the small foot darting towards that painful place between a man's legs. He was not about to fall for such a trick, and swiftly slid to the side, attempting to put her off-balance. She was a master, though, and knew not to put all her force behind the strike. She tossed some easy punches at him, which were blocked, before spinning around in a fast circle for a kick that was sure to knock him to the floor.

By this time, however, Tony had given up all pretenses of fighting like a kung fu master. So the moment her body began to twist, and though she was still watching him, he grabbed her tiny waist and slung her over his shoulder.

"Tony!" she exclaimed, too stunned to struggle. "Put me down!"

"Uh uh. Not until I get some payback." With that she regained her senses, and started pounding on his back. Even though it hurt like heck whenever a fist caught a soon-to-be bruise, he persevered while selecting a particularly nasty form of revenge.

Tony briefly let go of Ziva's legs, emitting a small yelp from her, and then grabbed them again. Her head was now about level with his backside. It was then that she caught on to what he was about to do.

"I am going to kill you, Tony! Do not-"

So he did. One gross bubble of pent-up gas escaped his system and engulfed his partner's head with a stench any skunk would be proud of.

Between subsequent coughs and gags, Ziva rasped out, "You are a dead man, DiNozzo!"

A/N: Thanks for reading! Do not forget to review with more requests!