Find Forgiveness Within You
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Please make yourself comfortable and enjoy this next chapter ! It's the best yet, in my opinion.
Chapter 4: Love and Hate, It's All the Same
Rachel was trying to convince her twin sister, Ava not to go to Puck's party, but her stubborn sister wouldn't listen.
"Just because you're a loser, doesn't mean I have to be!"
Rachel sighs and gives in. "Fine, go. But can I at least help you get ready?"
Ava twirls around and jumps with joy. "Thanks, Rachel. I appreciate it and of course you can help. Can I ask you something?"
Rachel nods.
"Do you love Blaine?"
Rachel smiles and answers, "Yeah, I love with him with all my heart. He's everything I've always wanted."
Ava looks at her sister smiling and can't help, but feel envious. "How do you do it? You don't even try and the most popular guy ends up wanting you. No offense Rachel, but you aren't exactly the typical girl he goes for. He could be playing a prank on you. You know how jocks are."
Rachel looks at her sister and frowns. "Why would you say that? I'm not his type because I'm not some dumb, slutty, blonde. Ava, you are such a bitch. Blaine loves me and he would never hurt me."
Ava glares at her sister and yells, "Well, you're an idiot if you really think he's into you. He's totally into Brittany. Why don't you just dump him before he hurts you?"
"I don't believe you. Blaine would never be into Brittany!"
Before Ava could reply, Rachel storms out and runs into her room. Rachel calls Blaine and he comes over. He's dressed in a green polo and dark jeans with black and white chucks. His black curls are perfectly tamed by gel.
"Why are you all dressed up?" Rachel asked with a confused expression.
"Puck invited us to his party. Don't you remember? By the looks of your pajamas, I'm going to take a guess and say you aren't going."
"Of course I'm not going and you shouldn't either. You know how crazy Puck's parties get." She said self righteously.
"That's the point, Rach. We're supposed to get crazy."
She turned away angrily, thinking of the things Ava said. "Do you like Brittany?"
Blaine looked confused and replied, "I've known her my whole entire life and she's pretty cool. Weren't you two like best friends?"
"Why don't you just tell me the truth? You're only with me because your friends bet you to, right?" She said angrily.
"What are you talking about?"
She lets out a frustrated sigh and answers furiously, "You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's pretty obvious that I'm not the typical girl you usually date. So, save yourself the trouble."
"Seriously, what is this about? Did Puck say something to you?" He asked with frustration and concern.
"No, I'm just tired of it. We aren't right for each other. So, go to the party because we're through."
He was practically fuming, but without another word he stormed out and left her with tears streaming down her face.
When Rachel woke up, she felt moisture on her cheeks. Why did she have to relive her past? She hadn't had that dream in years. Ava didn't deserve those words.
She takes a hot shower and relaxes as the beads of water hit her back. Being back here in Lima, Ohio, was turning out to be a living hell, Blaine, the bastard who killed her sister still managed to bring her to tears. He still managed to make her want him more than anything.
She gets dressed and goes downstairs and finds her mother sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for her.
"Good morning, Sweetie. You have a good night's sleep?" Shelby asked sweetly.
"Yeah, I did. What about you, Mom?"
"Great. So, are you going out with Brittany and Santana today?"
She knew if she said yes her mother would be thrilled so she nodded.
"Oh, I forgot. I was supposed to meet them thirty minutes ago. See you later, Mom. I love you." She lied and rushed out the house.
Today would have been Brittany and Blaine's wedding, but the wedding was cancelled. No one knows why and no one dared to ask why. All anyone knew was that late last night; the Pierce's called the whole town to inform them the wedding was off. Maybe, Rachel shouldn't be so happy, but she was.
Rachel drove over to Brittany's to find out what happened. Maybe Blaine realized what a phony Britt was. She really wanted to know, but at the same time she didn't. Once she got to Brittany's, she composed herself and then went to the door.
Just when she was about to knock, the door swings open and Brittany's beaming.
"Rachel, I'm so glad you're here."
Rachel smiled. "Why are you so happy? You're wedding was just cancelled."
Brittany laughed and answered confidently, "Well, what would people think of me if I bear a child in less than a year? Blaine convinced me that our wedding shouldn't be a shot gun wedding. So, I called it off."
Rachel tried to stay calm. "You're pregnant?"
Brittany smiled evilly. "Yes, I am."
Rachel laughed nervously and answered with fake enthusiasm all the while slowly dying inside. "Congratulations. I'm so happy for you."
They hug and then Brittany drags her in for lunch. While they're eating, Brittany discusses baby names. When Santana arrives, Rachel doesn't even notice and she usually does, considering the fact that they hate each other. Though she is there physically, her mind is somewhere else.
"Rach, what do you think?" Brittany asked.
"Huh? What?"
"She asked you what you think of the name, Barbara, Schnozz." Santana said rudely.
Barbara was the name she hoped to give to her first-born, baby girl. "That's a beautiful name."
Brittany jumps with joy. "I thought so."
Santana and Brittany continue talking for another two hours. Rachel gives them an excuse about how her mom needs her at home. They don't even notice that she's gone. They were never really her friends to begin with.
Being with them reminded her of Kurt, Quinn, and Mercedes. Those were her true friends. After that night, she stopped talking to all of them. She knew it wasn't their fault, but she blamed everyone.
She drove over to the Hummel's place. It was still the same. She remembered having sleepovers and talking about how dumb jocks were until there was Blaine. Finn and Blaine became buddies, but she never knew how. Finn was the star before Blaine came to McKinley High.
She knocked on the door and came face to chest with Finn. "Hey."
He looked shocked, but happy at the same time. "Rachel, I can't believe you're here. I mean, everyone said you were back, but Kurt said you would never stay."
She smiled genuinely. "Is Kurt home?"
He smiled and answered, "Yeah let me go get him."
After about two minutes of waiting, Kurt appeared at the door. "Hey."
"Hi."
"Can I come inside?" She asked nervously.
He moved aside to let her in. She sits down on the brown, leather love seat and Kurt sits across from her. They both stare at anything, but each other, when the silence gets to be too much.
"Rachel . . ."
"Kurt . . ."
They said in unison.
"Why are you here, Rachel?"
"I missed you, Kurt. I know I was terribly to you. I just didn't know how to cope. Ava was my twin and I know we had our differences, but I loved her all the same. I was angry with everyone." She confessed as her tears fell.
Kurt goes over to sit by her and envelopes her in his arms. "Rachel, I forgive you. I know it was hard for you, but Quinn, Mercedes, and I were here to help you."
She looks up and shakes her head. "You guys don't understand. Blaine killed Ava and being in this town where it happened was unbearable."
"Rachel, it was an accident. You have to forgive him or else you'll never be happy."
She starts to cry even harder. "Kurt, I want to forgive him, but every time I see him, it hurts."
He doesn't push her any further, he just cries with her. They sit like that for five minutes until Finn comes in with Blaine. Blaine looks over at the pair crying and feels his heart break, knowing he was the reason. No one said a word for a whole minute until Blaine walks over to where Rachel was sitting.
"Rachel, I'm so sorry." Blaine says with tears glistening in his eyes.
"Sorry doesn't bring her back to life." She turned away from him.
Kurt and Finn, sensing the tension decide to go out leaving the ex lovers together.
"I know Rach. I know I can't bring her back, but I want to. I
Want you to look at me the way you use to. I want you to love me."
She turned to him and began yelling, "Love you? I hate you! You ruined my life!"
While she was yelling, he pulls her into his arms. She fights it at first, but gives in.
"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." She cries.
He holds her tightly in his arms. When she looks up at him, she kisses him roughly. She jumps onto his lap and he runs his hands down her sides. She grabs the hem of his t-shirt and pulls it over his head. He removes her blouse and cups her breasts that are secured in her bra.
Their movements are fast and hungry, like they've been waiting to do this their whole lives. She reaches for his belt and unbuckles it. He removes her skirt and along with it her bra and panties. He watched her sitting on his lap naked, looking vulnerable yet beautiful.
He takes off his jeans and boxers, and then sets her down on the couch. He lays above her, careful not to hurt her. It's like the very first time again. He tries to slow it down by kissing her slowly.
She kisses him back hungrily. She loses patience so she rolls over to get on top. She didn't bother with a condom because at that moment, she just needed him. She rides him slowly, but the anger comes back and the speed increases.
He groans as she rides him. He rolls over so he's on top again and takes control. He looks into her eyes while he thrusts into her letting her know he still loves her.
With one last thrust they both come apart. He doesn't pull out of her and she doesn't move. They lay there holding each other, savoring the moment. Rachel eventually pushes him off of her and gets dressed.
"That shouldn't have happened." She says quietly.
He looks over at her and sees that she's completely calm. "So, you're going to pretend that it didn't happen."
She looks at him and whispers, "Yes. We both have to. You're going to be a father and you're with Brittany. I respect that and I don't want anything to do with you."
When they are done dressing, Rachel starts to leave. She doesn't even look back; looking back would only make it worse. Blaine let her go even though he wanted to kiss her senseless. But again, Rachel was the impossible and she would never give in.