Author's Note: This one is self explanatory. Set in current season seven canon. Full title is "Frosty the Snowman ... Is a Ridiculously Inaccurate Song."
Frosty the Snowman
Was a jolly happy soul
"That is ridiculous Booth. Snowmen do not have souls."
"Well this one does."
"You cannot just say that and make it be true anymore than you can say that this steering wheel has a soul."
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal
"Button noses and coal eyes would be wholly inadequate sensory organs."
Frosty the Snowman
Is a fairytale they say
"See, Bones, they say that it's just a fairy tale."
He was made of snow
But the children know
How he came to life one day
"Now they're saying that it's true again. I do not want our daughter thinking that snowmen can 'come to life.'"
There must have been some magic
In that old silk hat they found
"See Bones it's just magic."
"There is no such thing as magic Booth."
"Can you not just go with it?"
"If I knew where the baby's ears were currently located I would attempt to cover them."
For when they placed it on his head
He began to dance around
"How exactly would a snowman dance? His mid section could potentially slide off of his lower section as he twisted. Even if it were possible for him to dance, it would be a very dangerous activity in which he could engage."
Frosty the Snowman
Was alive as he could be
"This entire song is based on the notion that a snowman can come to life. It's a ludicrous concept."
And the children say
He could laugh and play
Just the same as you and me
"No comment on that one Bones?"
"They're going to need to further define play for me to make an accurate assessment of a snowman's ability to participate."
Frosty the Snowman
Knew the sun was hot that day
So he said let's run
And we'll have some fun
Now before I melt away
"Being able to discern that the warm rays from the sun would melt his snow body would take quite advanced mental facilities that I do not imagine even a snowman that had learned to dance would be able to take full advantage of."
Down to the village
With a broomstick in his hand
Running here and there all around the square
Saying catch me if you can
"Now they're simply teaching small children to run with sharp objects in their hands. That is not wise."
"No running with broomsticks, I got it."
He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop
"If the snowman is soliciting young children to follow him to parts unknown then perhaps they should report him to the police."
And he only paused a moment when
He heard him holler stop
"Now the cop is being irresponsible, he should at least run a background check on the snowman."
"If I am ever approached by children following a snowman with a broomstick down the street, I will definitely check it out."
"Thank you."
Frosty the Snowman
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye
Saying don't you cry
I'll be back again someday
"You should not make promises to children that you are unable to keep. Once the snowman melts he will be unable to return. Even if the children build a new snowman, it would be an entirely different being."
"You just can't let it go, can you?"
Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go
Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Over the hills of snow
"Thumpety is not even a word."
Booth breathed a sigh of relief as the song ended until the first few strands of the next song began to play.
"Oh, come on, a reindeer cannot have a glowing nose nor could it ever properly guide a flying sleigh. Which in and of itself is aerodynamically impossible."
"Maybe we should just turn the radio off for a while Bones."