KUROSAKI ICHIGO

It's been weeks since I last saw you. I recall that a lay in your arms, bleeding until I lost consciousness. I could hardly remember your face then, but I felt your hot tears as they fell on my face. I went into a deep sleep. I had no dream, but a feeling lingered within me. I couldn't understand what it was, but now I think I do. My heart was telling me you were leaving. I tried awakening myself but my senses were dead from the world. But I could've sworn I heard soft whispers, and I felt someone hold my hand. Was it you?

You left without saying goodbye to me face to face – again. Why?

Is there something that I've done? Is there something you've done? Tell me.

I wanted to follow you, but I couldn't find any traces of you. Nobody knew where you went. You've disappeared again.

Will you ever come back? I sit here agitated waiting for you to give me an explanation.

I feel the reiatsu of a hollow. I know you'll be there – I was wrong. All I saw were your robes billowing behind you. I tried to call your name, but my throat closed and I couldn't even choke it out. Then you left, without a word.

Hours turned to days and days to weeks, where are you? I haven't seen your face in a while. I think I've forgotten how you look like – no I haven't. I can't. Why would I? That face that lived in my closet for so long and soon lived normally in my house – then left.

The wind comes and blows on my face, just like you, except I can't feel your touch. You pass through the crowds and buildings invisible, like a ghost. Were you even here? You breeze in and out that I can't even feel your presence. All I feel is ice – cold and severing.

This feeling left with me, pierces me more than any other sword that has ever cut me. This coldness freezes me over, numbing my senses. I think that the rain was better than this frozen wasteland, don't you? This is not you. You are snow: gentle and cool.

You wrote me another letter. The reasons you wrote are vague. They don't make sense. They go different directions. Is there something you're afraid to tell me? Or is it you can't? If you can't tell me what your true reasons are face to face, how could I consider you a precious friend? Is that how you want me to respond to this?

If only you would tell me, maybe you'd be here right now, with all of our friends – with me. You would be happy. But who knows you might be happier wherever you are than here.

You're drifting farther. If this is your goal, well two can play that game. But I won't. I'll reach for you and search for you even to the farthest lands or the deepest waters. I refuse to let you go. I won't let you distance yourself anymore. You have changed me more than you'll ever imagine, and I haven't finished thanking you yet – not that I could ever thank you enough. It's because of you that I can protect everyone. You gave me that power. Protecting you is the very least I can do.

I'm hurting as much as you are. Losing a precious friend like you is losing a part of me. I know that deep within yourself, you're hurting because not even you yourself like what you're doing. But why do you want to suffer? Do you need to atone for anything? I don't think you do.

I don't understand this now, but maybe someday I will. Till then, I'll be calling for you – reaching for you. So please, answer me – reach back for me.

No matter what happens, our bond will never be broken – whether you like it or not, Rukia.

KUCHIKI RUKIA

I haven't seen your face in a while. Though I can't complain; I would stay in front, my back turned to you, or behind your back facing me.

I try to make myself invisible like the wind. Coming and going as I please, not making any contact – if possible.

You look like you haven't changed at all. With the glimpses I catch each time we turn opposite directions, you look the same, with that expression of feeling some unseen annoyance. You still are the same obnoxious boy I met; with the way you handle each obstacle in front of you, so overconfident. You still are the same boy – no, I am wrong. You are not the same boy I've met – you're now a man.

If I leave you wondering why, I'm sorry. This is how I see it fit to pay for all the suffering I've caused you. It may seem cold, but I control ice. This cold isolation is nothing but second nature to me. I want to isolate myself, not you. In isolation, I can become stronger, because there is no one else I could focus on besides myself. If I have to be a ghost just to be strong enough to protect you, I will – if it is the only way. And it is the only way. This is my way of atoning for everything. If I could've been stronger, then you wouldn't have become a Death God and suffered. If only I were a little stronger, I could've protected those who I care about – I could've protected you the most.

You've grown a lot even without me by your side, but you never needed me to begin with. You were strong all along. I was just there to push you, nothing more. I have to push you once more, but this time, I have to push you away.

As much as I would want to reconnect with you, I can't – I won't. It's for our sakes that I do this. If you haven't noticed, I've caused you more suffering than anyone could ever have. I've caused you more scars than any sword could ever cause. I've caused you more damage both heart and soul than any other being. Your blood to the point of death for the likes of me, you don't deserve this kind of punishment for awakening your own power. This is not what you deserve for rescuing me. Looking back, I wish you would've let me die; at least no more troubles will go your way.

It is selfish of me to decide this, but this is what I choose. I cannot bear to see your body turn to shreds because of my mistakes. I want you to keep breathing, dreaming – living! I want you to live and enjoy life – live it to the fullest. And when your time comes you can say that you have had a happy life. Rather than being sliced every few weeks because of something I can't handle. That is why, I choose to leave.

By now, I'm sure you've read my letter. It has no sense, yes. I don't want you to know what I'm doing. I want to do this on my own. I don't want to burden you or others anymore. My silly shortcomings have caused everyone pain that seem irreversible. That is why; it is time I suffer the same pain I caused.

I have to pull up my share of fights. I have to protect you. I want to be strong enough to stand next to you and go through the same troubles as you do. I don't want to watch your back. I don't want to watch you cling to life. I want to be there to shield you from any more pain. It's my turn to protect you.

I won't see you longer than I expected. Each day that passes that I am not there, I slowly turn empty. I suffer in silence being away from all of you. This is nothing compared to everything I've caused, yet why do I feel like I cannot go on? I cannot help it, I am weak. Though you disagree, and I have always told you that I am strong enough to hold my own in battle. I was only fooling myself, and you into thinking I am strong. I admit I cannot save myself with pure skill alone. I always needed luck. If I am not strong enough to save myself, I will never be able to save you or anyone else.

I promise you, I will be stronger. It's my turn to do the protecting. It's my turn to suffer. Once I'm done, we can return to how things used to be. We can laugh, spend time with our friends and finally I will be there to carry your burdens.

I won't let a day pass that I do not improve. I know you understand this. If I may ask you a favor, will you do it? Will you wait for me, Ichigo?

Running away from the streets we knew

-Sidewalks
Story of the year