Nope No Owning Ouran. Dat down dere though. Dat's mine.

Oh, and before I get blasted. TWO SENTENCES with VERY VAGUE SPOILERS of two scenes in manga volumes 11/12? Hell it's so vague I guarantee you'll probably not notice.

Happy New Year~

"That play was better this year than last year. Hikaru would have liked it," I nibble at a fluffy sweet treat in my hand, Cotton Candy Haruhi called it. It tastes like pure sugar and that should have disgusted me, but it's too addicting to put down.

Haruhi had been reluctant to let me even go near it for some reason, and when I finally pulled away to buy it she groaned. It had been a losing fight from the beginning, and she must have realized this because she'd made no other comment but to say she was leaving to buy a drink. I'd heard her mumble something else about sugar and hyper kids but the cavity-inducing sweet was beginning to make my mind buzz. I'd paid more attention to the flashing lights of the play and blurting out comments.

"You two just like it because it's low quality and you can make fun of it," Haruhi mutters with a roll of her eyes.

"No, no! It's not like that, really," I wave my hand with a laugh. "It is fun to laugh at it for that reason, but last year we tried to pretend we were commoner kids that actually believed everything on the stage was real."

"Is that why you two were so entertained by this place last year?" It was as if a light bulb had gone off in her head.

I shake my head. "We'll be late to the dance tonight if we keep delaying."

"It was your idea to stop and watch…"

"But how could I resist? Between looking at the mass produced clothes and cheap foods, I can't help but to stop and stare. What goes through the mind of a commoner when they buy these things?"

"You don't have to be so rude," she huffed. Instead of going to search she divert us to a bench. "At least let me sit for a while and finish my drink."

Haruhi let out a comfortable sigh beside me and I watch as she blows lightly on her cocoa. She seemed to be focused on the milky drink, but something told me her mind was concentrating on much more than just that. Her eyes bore into the ground directly in front of her in a far away daze. There was always something more on Haruhi's mind than what she lead me to believe.

"It's nice that things are finally starting to slow down, isn't it?" She starts, her voice wispy with emotion. "Everything is starting to feel almost normal again."

My mind went blank at those words.

Normal?

"H-Haruhi…" My voice comes out shaky, and I could feel my body tremble.

I was reminded of how I would feel whenever Hikaru and I would run into our parent's bedroom after a nightmare, scared and helpless. Except this was mid-afternoon, and at a commoners mall there was nothing to be scared of, not unless you count the amazingly low prices. Still, I found my gaze becoming unfocused, and my breath coming in short pants that only grew worse. It was suddenly difficult to perform such a basic action of just sucking in air.

"Is it bad…that I'm having fun without Hikaru?" I look up at her, the cotton candy in my hand long forgotten. I stare at her, but her face is nothing but a blur. Haruhi's innocent words and my harsh breaths were echoing too loudly in my head to concentrate.

Things weren't back to normal, they couldn't be, they never will. Hikaru isn't here. So then why, when we were exploring the festival, had I felt at peace? It felt so good to think only about how much fun parents and their kids were having, and I couldn't help but laugh at the play's stupidity. I hadn't even thought about Hikaru except to vaguely compliment the train wreck of a play.

Haruhi gives me a gentle smile, and rests a hand on my shoulder. It was calming, but her next words were enough to throw me into a panic. "Of course it's okay, Kaoru. I don't think Hikaru could ever blame you for moving on."

"Moving on?" I repeat, my voice rising. I can feel extra eyes turn to stare at me. Now, it's not only Haruhi watching my slow, steady decline, but the commoners as well. My body shakes harder, and Haruhi's grip on me tightens. "But…I…I'm not…I can't…"

Moving on, meant forgetting, right? Moving on, meant accepting that Hikaru would no longer be a part of my life. I can't do that… I can't just forget him. I can't just go on like I never had a brother.

"Kaoru?" Haruhi asks as I drop the sweet treat to the ground, choosing to abandon it and run both hands through my hair. I don't know how long it I sat like that, staring at the ground, not moving, but when I finally look up Haruhi was gazing upon me with concerned eyes. She was mouthing something. Once the panicked thrum of my heart quiet slightly I could finally make out her words. "Breathe, Kaoru. You're giving yourself a panic attack. You need to try to calm down."

"Panic?" I gasp. She nods quickly, and repeats her soothing words of encouragement. "Breathe, just breathe. Please try to calm down." Try to calm down? Impossible.

"You're breathing better now, that's a good sign," Haruhi spoke again. Her small hand rubs gently at my back, and surprisingly enough held the effect she wanted. I was calmer, but my body still shook from the realization.

"Let's go find the next tape, Kaoru."

I nod, and we both stand. Haruhi stood closer to me than normal, her knees were slightly bent, and she put her hands out as if she were trying to keep me steady. I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.

"Haruhi, if I were to faint, which I'm not," I quickly add, "I don't think someone as small as you would be able to catch me. We would both end up getting hurt."

A small blush erupts on her face, and her gaze falls to the ground. I ruffle her hair gently. "Thank you anyway."

"I wasn't sure. You looked unsteady, I didn't want to let you fall." She grumbles, before adding something else underneath her breath. "Besides, I could've caught you."

I shake my head, and wrap my arms around her. She gave a grunt at the sudden weight on top of her head as I lean mine on hers. "You're so cute sometimes, Haruhi. That's why you're second to Hikaru on people who make my day. But," I smile despite the new wound Haruhi had created just when I thought things were getting better. "You're also second on my list of people who say the wrong thing at the wrong time." Haruhi rolls her eyes and, tugging roughly on my hand, leads us away from the bench until I take over as lead.

Now made up for the time I hadn't been thinking of Hikaru. I was flooded with trace memories of the carnival last year. One of the food stands we had made fun of, my mind point out as we passed by. The trash can Hani puked in from eating too many snacks...even though he was warned. I stop and let my hand go limp in Haruhi's.

"I'll be back." I can feel her eyes watching my back as I speed to the stand before me. I stop in front of a tub of water filled with small multicolored bouncy balls and a paper paddle.

"Kid, stop staring," I look up. A gruff man had his gaze fixed on me, arms folded across his chest, and a threatening stance that looked like he'd had to deal with one too many bratty kids. "If you want to play you either pay or get your face out of my tank. It's-"

His voice fades out once I threw out a portion of the money in my wallet. Satisfied that there was no more of his complaining I grab one of the paper paddles. Last year Hikaru got eleven. If I could get twelve...

"Ah."

My heart jolts and I nearly tip over into the tank. Luckily a hand caught, and yanked the shirt back. Although maybe I shouldn't have described that as lucky...The fabric of my shirt cuts into my throat, forcing me to grasp my throat. Painful coughs wrack my body, causing me to heave as I tried to regain my lost air.

"Haruhi..." I croak with a pointed glare.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting you to react like that," she lay her hand on my back and watched me until my coughing grew quieter. "Are you okay? Do you need water?"

"I'll be fine as long as you don't try to choke me again."

She huffs, "I'm sorry. I didn't think you would lose your balance."

For some reason I couldn't even argue with such an answer. That was so...her. Maybe I should make another list for her to be on: People who have the potential to accidentally cause my death. Haruhi Fujioka, first place. Tamaki Suoh, second, and if you I ever got Hani-sempai mad then he would be third. I could picture him crying over my body directly afterward, and then he would probably mourn with strawberry cake.

"I was just trying to say that I remember you two playing this game. Hikaru won, didn't he?" She asks tapping a finger to her chin in thought. I cross my arms across my chest, almost mimicking that old irritable man who owned the game, and tap my foot. "He got eleven I think, and you got-"

"That doesn't matter," I cut her off with haste. I could feel my ears burn at the not so great part of my memory of this game.

"Three," she finishes. I hiss in pain. "It's not that bad. It was your first try."

"Hikaru's, too," I mumble. "I'm going to get twelve this time."

Haruhi frowns. "Haruhi...you don't believe me," I whine.

"What makes you think that?"

"The look on your face."

"Don't be ridiculous, Kaoru! Whatever look I'm giving you doesn't automatically mean I don't believe you." She turns away to grumble. "Geez, why do I put up with you guys. This entire club..."

"It's because we make your boring life fun," I joke as I turn to finally concentrate on the game.

"Fun? You guys have a skewed view of fun," she retorts. "And sometimes the way you guys think-You're never going get any if you dive in like that, the paper will get wet faster and then tear."

I scoop the tool in again, this time trying not to 'dive in.' This grants me two balls, but before I can even get them to my bucket they slip off and slide back into the water. Haruhi sighs beside me. The next time I go to scoop the paddle breaks before the ball can even be lifted.

"Haruhi..." I whine. "Why is this so hard?"

"It's not. Five year old children can get more than you, and surprisingly Hikaru," she pauses, waiting for my reaction. When I make no comment or movement to stop her she continues. "He had more patience than you, that's why you're not getting any. I was expecting that from you, not him."

"He liked the games here more than me."

"Just keep trying, you'll get it eventually. You don't have to like this game to get better at it, but it does help."

But I didn't get better at it, I ended the game with a score worse than last time. Only two, and Haruhi had to help me get one.

"We should probably head to the merry-go-round before it closes," I grumble. Scratching my head I look around. Everything that was here last year had moved. Almost nothing was in the place I remembered. It wasn't until I heard a familiar tune that I stood straight. "It's over here, Haruhi!" I point.

My legs are moving faster than my brain and I barely had time to slow myself down before I ran into the ride's protective gate. Gripping the bars tightly my eyes scan the animals on the ride. With each that passed empty mouthed my mood sank.

"Kaoru, the festival's only been in town a few days. He couldn't have put it on the ride."

Haruhi had a good point, but if not the ride then where? I close my eyes and try to think. It would have to be in a permanent spot, but a spot that had a memory for both of us. Where had we gone around this ride? I suck in a sharp breath and turn around so fast the world seems to swim for a moment.

The clue was just to get me to this place, it had nothing to do with the memory. Glancing to my side I see Haruhi hide a small smile with a poorly faked cough.

So, I am on the right track. We'd already been to the area it was at but I was so transfixed with the game I hadn't noticed. In just a few minutes I'm back at the stand, and nudging small children away so that I can get a full view it's surroundings.

Nothing, but I swear I can feel someone staring at me, probably some angered commoner parents and their children.

It's not here, but it had to be. This is the only other place besides the play that Hikaru and I really enjoyed about this place. My shoulder's slump. I should have known better, nothing about this stand is permanent.

"Kid," the man in charge of the stand calls. "Are you going to play again or what?"

He frowns when I shake my head. I look over to Haruhi but this time she looks away and wanders toward another stand. I guess I wouldn't be getting any hints from her body language then. Crossing my arms in front of my chest I glare at the game. It's here. Haruhi wouldn't have smiled, almost everything that girl does meant something. She hid her emotions so horribly anyone could read her.

I sigh and look up at the man. For some reason he keeps glancing over at me. Was he doing that earlier too? Maybe not, it seemed more like he was trying to chase me away if anything. Now that I was watching him though my body itched with unease. His face looked familiar...maybe? I lean forward slightly to get a better view of him before he turns.

I know him!

My heart beats so fast I sway on my feet.

I know him! He works at our school!

He's one of the janitors. Since Ouran is so large janitors are assigned areas to clean, and this man has the club on his list. Hikaru and I saw him nearly every time club lasted longer than usual and sometimes in the hall during lunch.

The stand isn't permanent but this man is. I grin as a giddy excitement floods through me.

"Sir," I call. He turns to face me. "You work at Ouran High School, right? Have you spoken to someone who looks like me before?"

The man smiles slowly. "And I thought you weren't going to figure it out. Today's the last day of the festival too, you got lucky." Scratching his stubble in thought, the man wandered away and bent down to rummage through what looked like a bag. When he reappeared his smile was gone. He held out the tape. "I'm sorry. He seemed like a good kid, an annoying pest too though. He must've tracked my duty route. Every time the bell rang for lunch he would find me somehow."

Not him, Hikaru wouldn't have that patience. It was probably the information hub known as Kyouya Ohtori.

"Thank you," I whisper as I take the tape. I give him a small bow and then go to find Haruhi.

Hikaru had been disappearing during lunch back then, and he always had an excuse. I had just thought he was developing an overactive bladder, but now it made sense that there was more to it than that.

"You got it," Haruhi noted. "Good, it's the last day and they were going to shut down soon."

I can feel myself nod but my mind is elsewhere. My eyes are fixed on the tape in my hand. The moment we passed by the bench Haruhi and I sat at my mind revisit our conversation. Forgetting Hikaru and relying on memories, that's what life would be like after these tapes finished. Then after that there would be the adapting stage where I learn to pretend I never had a twin.

"Is it really okay?" I murmur.

"What?" she asks.

"That I'm forgetting him."

"He was important to you. It's going to take a lot to make you forget Hikaru."

"Your mom was important to you and you're forgetting things aren't you?"

"Kaoru, I was young. It's different for you since you're old enough to process memories better. You may forget some things but the memories that you have an emotional connection to aren't going anywhere." Haruhi pauses and taps a finger against her chin as she looks down. "Like how I won't forget when my mom taught me my first recipe."

Like the morning I woke up to get a speech from Hikaru after he had dyed his hair, or when I found him at Mori's after our fight.

"Thank you," I whisper, Haruhi nods in response.

I shift awkwardly under her gaze and ruffle my hair. I guess it was stupid to think that Hikaru would be pushed from my mind that fast. There were still so many things I could remember about him, especially since he'd been by my side all my life. The words, 'moving on' still didn't settle with my stomach though. Just thinking of it makes my stomach churn. There had to be a better word.

Adapting. I'm adapting to a life without Hikaru. Even those leave me with a queasy stomach but at least with this I'm not close to displaying what I'd eaten. I need to find something better...

"I'll drop you off at home, Haruhi. Thank you for coming with me. I bet this was a bit of a hassle for you."

Haruhi waves her hand. "I wanted to do this, Kaoru. If it was a hassle I would have stayed behind."

"Still, thank you," I smile. "You did a lot more for me than you had to." Humming to myself, I look down at the tape in my hands. Even though Haruhi had caused so much damage to my psyche in one day, I don't feel as awful as I thought I would. It feels good, like the relief of finishing a major project the night before it's due, but better than that even. "Maybe I'll sleep in our room tonight."

"You haven't been?" Haruhi asks.

I shake my head and look up to meet her eyes. "Not without him there. It feels empty and it's too quiet."

Actually, for the past week I had been trying to teach myself to sleep in our room again. I only got a few hours of sleep in before having to transfer to the bed across the hall. I hate what our room has become without both of us in it, but I love it for all the memories. What scares me the most is that I'll contaminate it if I'm in it too long. Hikaru's scent can only last for a while before it disappears and mine takes over. Then what would I have?

"Maybe I won't," I sigh and stuff the tape in my pocket. "Let's go." Haruhi nods and follows behind me to the car. She's so short she has to run to keep up with my new pace. I only want to go home, listen to this tape and then...I curse. The dance is tonight.

"Kaoru?"

"Hmm?" I answer. She seems taken back and doesn't respond. "I'm not mad at you, Haruhi. It's something else."

"I know. I was going to give you time to think instead of bothering you."

"I'm fine. Just say what you need to say," I snap, turning my head to find the girl that now was irritating me.

Haruhi sighs and just when I think she's finally given up, she speaks. "You should sleep in your old room."

"Is that all you wanted to say?" Honestly she had to have a one track mind. That subject was over the minute we'd started walking, but to her apparently not. She was giving me a look that told me she really was serious about bringing that subject back. "Haruhi, I'll do it later, but not now."

"Kaoru, if you keep saying that you never will."

My fingers curl into fists and my body tightens into one large knot. Stop talking, just stop. I can't handle another one of these conversations in one day. Why did she insist on pushing me? Why is she still talking?

I spin, and grab her shoulders. "Haruhi," my voice is low and steady, but I can already feel my patience thinning. My grip on her shoulders tighten. "What makes you think you can go around saying whatever you want to people? If I couldn't handle you telling me that I was 'moving on' why would I respond well to being pushed into sleeping somewhere I don't want to?" Haruhi's eyes widen as my voice gradually raises. She winces but I can't fathom why, maybe she's finally starting to understand her mistake.

"I'm not sleeping in that room. I'm not moving on, and I don't need you telling me what I should be doing. This isn't your mother who died, Haruhi. This is my twin!" I scream, granting me a jump from the girl under my hands. "Do you remember what you said earlier? You were too young but I'm not. I can't forget Hikaru, so unlike you I can't just throw him aside and pretend everything is okay!"

"Kaoru, you're hurting my shoulder's," she whispers, her voice shaking slightly.

I retract my hands quickly and bend my fingers. There's a dull ache. "Haruhi...I'm sorry. I-"

"You've made your point. I shouldn't push you. It's obviously too soon."

Her face is fixed, serious and unmoving from my outburst despite the obvious pain I'd inflicted. That mask is the only thing that tries to hide her fear. Her body is trembling so badly I'm afraid this time I'M going to have to catch HER if she faints.

"Haruhi, I was just-This is just a lot in one day and-"

"I have to get ready for the dance tonight. Please take me home."

She didn't talk to me the ride home, nor when we got to her house. There was a quick 'thank you' to the driver, but for me only a passing glance.

I had the tape now at least. I slide it in and press play before laying back in my seat. The ride home would be short, but I could at least listen to some of it.

The commoner's carnival. At least I think it's a carnival...we've never really gone to things like that before until Haruhi came around. I was really looking forward to seeing the play but I guess I can't go now.

I stop breathing. Did he know? Had he foreseen something was going to go wrong?

I don't want you pestering me for hints if you see me, but maybe I'll go anyway. I want to beat you at that game again. You were so terrible last year! Maybe next year I'll teach you my trick. The game's really easy if you know how to cheat a little.

I breathe again. He wasn't psychic after all, but now I'm upset for a different reason. The bastard had cheated? No wonder he won by so much.

We should thank Tono one day for making us do things like that. You should, not me, I'd probably end up making a fool of myself. I can only ever talk to you like this, Kaoru. No one else has as much patience with me as much as you.

Oh! Let's not tell Tono until after he graduates. The last thing we need is him gushing about how his devil sons have become angels or something stupid like that.

Sappy talk aside, I think we should have another game within a game!

"NO! No, Hikaru, no. I refuse! I am not going along with that this time!"

No choice! I know you probably won't like this but it'll be fun for me! At the dance in a few weeks I want you to-

Holy Shit I updated this twice in one month? I didn't leave it for another year before posting a chapter! I surprise myself, but you guys did vote and this is what was chosen.

See a reason to vote. I actually do listen~

The poll will be refreshed and NAtD will no longer be on the list until the next poll after that though. I can't do a fic twice in a row or I'll get bored. This chapter was damn hard. I wanted to kick infants (none were harmed in the writing of this chapter).

As always, drop me a line via PM or review! They help me get my idea engine running. Honestly, lately you guys have reviews that make me go 'OMG IDEA!' So keep em comin'~ Until next time...Three Dog out!