This will (hopefully) be the only sort of author's note that I'll make. I just want to say that I greatly appreciate the feedback I've gotten so far, and that I'm glad to find that there are others who enjoy this crazy pairing as much as I do. Also, this story updates weekly at the very latest, so always keep your eyes peeled for additional chapters. Thanks!

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Eridan wasn't sure how long he sat on the cold tile of the lab's deeper level where he and Sol had dueled. All he knew was that after a while the purple blood dripping down his face had dried into a flakey crust, and that his clothes had become stiff from the evaporated slime.

He opened his hands and looked down at them. His palms had been painted purple and peppered with shards of glass. Tears still dribbling on the end of his nose, he pulled his lips back to bare his fangs and began gnawing the glass from his flesh. The taste of his own blood crept over his tongue as he chewed, more tears dripping down his cheeks every time he blinked.

Sol was such an asshole.

Eridan kept repeating the phrase to himself. It had been a sort of mantra to keep the realization that lurked in his chest at bay. Yet it remained, a black poison threatening to find even the smallest hole in his defenses and leak into his heart. Because if he didn't keep himself hating Sol with every thought and feeling in his body, he would let that realization take over. That realization that he was every bit as desperate and sad and pathetic and lonely as Sol said. That realization that all his grand schemes were just shams to hide his inadequacies, and that those shams were as transparent as glass to everyone he presented them to.

He squeezed his eyes shut, more tears sliding down his nose.

Sol was such an asshole.

Sol was such an asshole.

Sol was such a mustard blooded asshole that his assholery was not even worth the effort it took to think of it. His yellowy asshole-isms were trite and unsophisticated. His barbs were about as sharp as the nubby daggerlances of fresh made FLARPers who were setting off on their first campaign.

And yet he had allowed himself to be pierced by them. He had allowed himself, a highborn sea dweller who handled the most powerful weapon and held the most quadrants of anyone in their pathetic little group, to be wounded by a nubby little daggerlance wielded by an upjumped grub who thought he could FLARP.

No. He shoved the thought away so hard that he could feel it stumbling in his mind. He was the best FLARPer. He was the only one who knew how to play the game properly with any sort of decent gaming etiquette. And he would be damned if he was going to let Orphaner Dualscar be vanquished by a shitty daggerlance, especially since that was the most pathetic weapon ever.

Eridan began chewing the glass out of his palm with fresh fury, tearing away more flesh than glass. Blood dribbled down his chin and exploded in his mouth, but it meant little and less to him. He relished in it. In the purple taste of it. For that was who he was. The rich and noble blood of the sea dwelling caste. He was Orphaner Dualscar, the black dread of the waves, whose conquests of battle and romance knew no superior. He was destined for greatness.

Eridan let that destiny cloak his heart like a shield against the black realization still throbbing in his chest. He rose, clutching his rifle in dripping hands, blood oozing from between his bared fangs.

Sol wasn't going to win that easily.

Eridan stalked toward the transportalizer, his cloak batting against his calves stiffly as he moved. He just needed to change his tactics. He had to come to the next duel armed to the teeth. And not in a physical sense. Ahab's Crosshairs was all he needed to best Sol's crummy psionics. The battle itself was far from a concern for Dualscar. It was a different sort of armament that he required. A weapon that could be spoken. A weapon that could knock away Sol's offending daggerlance, still wet with his beautiful purple blood, and pierce the land dweller straight through the heart.

He needed Sol's weakness.

Eridan walked onto the transportalizer and kept walking, even as the room flashed and shifted around him, materializing into the main lab. It was mostly full, but mostly quiet. Sol's disgusting yellow blood was slicked across the floor, but the troll that had leaked it was nowhere to be found. That was just as well. Sol would just ruin things for him at this point.

No, his true target was Kar.

Even though he was still sour over Kar's rushed refusal to Eridan's charitable offer to form a quadrant with him, the ornery mucus licker still had his uses. And since Eridan had deigned to let Kar practice his romantic counseling on him before, he didn't doubt that Kar would jump at the chance to do it again. Kar always grumbled about it, but Eridan was quite sure that no one provided the troll with nearly as many great romantic conundrums than he did.

He spotted Kar pounding at his computer while being pestered by Ter. He cared little and less for the teal blood. At least Kar had his uses, issues of caste aside. He stalked toward them, knowing he presented an ominous figure, what with his regal figure now drenched in purple blood.

When the two turned to look at him, however, the expressions of shock and awe that he had expected—deserved, really—never came. Instead they simply looked disgusted.

"What in the name of the mothergrub's stinking birth canal happened to you?" Kar demanded, nose crinkled and nubby fangs bared. "Sollux said he fucked you up, but I was expecting maybe one or two noteworthy wounds. You look like you tried to wrestled a fucking needlebeast. Seriously, this is starting to make me physically ill, looking at that much purple."

"Normally your words smell like plum pudding, but now I'll have to associate them with rancid grub guts." Terezi snickered, her fangs were bared in equal parts mirth and revulsion. "Blood never smells too good in person. Especially not yours." She leaned closer and sniffed again. "And you have faded lime jelly all over you too. What was that?"

"I don't have time to play olfactory charades with you, Ter, I mean, I've got some pretty heavy shit goin' on here and I need some advice from someone who actually has a proper interest in quadrants like he should," Eridan snapped, flicking his wrist at Ter to wave her off like the annoying bloodbiter she was.

Her fanged smile widened and her red glasses flashed as she picked up her cane and stood. "Well, I can tell when I'm not wanted at the awesome fruit pudding romance bash. You two have fun chatting while I go over here and play with these boring pink monkeys." She gave Kar a knowing sniff before going back to her own computer.

Kar himself glared after her with narrowed eyes. "You know what? Fuck it," he announced to no one in particular, not even casting Eridan so much as a half hearted glance. "Fuck all the morons that I have to endure who stomp around making a huge fucking show of asking for advice, only so that they can regurgitate it all over me and point and laugh at my bile slicked face. Seriously, there's like a fucking parade of you dumbasses just lining up to puke my pieces of wisdom back over me, and I just keep letting you step up to the goddamned stage. It's like I enjoy it. I should just stick a funnel in my mouth so you can vomit directly into it, so I don't miss a single drop, since I like seeing my advice chewed up and slimed on so fucking much."

He turned his gaze to Eridan at last. "Hi. What the fuck are you doing still standing there?"

Eridan sighed indignantly, putting one hand on his hip and slamming the butt of his rifle on the tile with his other. "Really, Kar, you could at least show a decent amount of sympathy, I kinda just went through a really shitty and humiliatin' experience and I'm tryin' to open myself up to you but all you can do is rant about regurgitation. I mean, you're lucky I even bother with you at all, you're a fuckin' disgustin' individual."

"See, that's exactly what I mean," Kar snarled. "You assholes think I just love handing out advice. Well, when you consistently eat it up like so much goddamned fresh-baked grubloaf only to shit the undigested contents directly back into my mouth, it loses some of it's appeal. I mean, as attractive as I'm sure that sounds, the enjoyment level is actually pretty fucking low."

"Seriously, Kar, you need to find yourself a better metaphor, I'm in no fuckin' state to deal with your verbal trash right now," Eridan replied.

"It's always some goddamned 'state' for you," Kar rebuked, the anger in his already furious voice managing to increase. "Seriously, can you exile yourself from the country of Dumbass-ia where all these fucking states exist? I mean, if it's possible for you to work the legal system like that in your make believe wizard world, please do it. Because you move from state to goddamned state but talking to you never becomes any less of a chore. I think if you just got out of that dumbshit country I could actually stand talking to you for more than a few seconds."

"You don't have to drag wizards into this Kar. It doesn't even hurt my feelings when you slander them like that since I know as well as you do that they're faker than fairies and boy skylarks. Which is almost so fake that it's real, except it isn't."

Kar grabbed his head, releasing a potent expletive before he let go. His already wild hair became even more tangled, giving him a crazed look. "Fuck the wizards, nobody cares about them. I don't even know why I brought them up because I know for you it's like laying a slab of fucking cheese in front of a squeakbeast. That's all they fucking notice. Not the iron jaws of the trap swinging shut on their necks, no, just that giant goddamned slab of cheese." He took a few breaths and put a hand over his face. "I don't even know why I'm talking about this with you."

"I don't really know why you are either, I had a completely different agenda when I came over here, but you just keep sittin' there and ignorin' it. Like, I don't even know how you can do that, seein' as how big of an agenda it is."

He was beginning to get thoroughly irritated. Normally he'd enjoy a little verbal sparring with Kar before they sunk their fangs into the heart of the matter, but Eridan was too distraught to really find any enjoyment in the exchange, ironic or otherwise.

"All right, I fucking give up because you are without parallel the most obtuse and fucking moronic member of the moron gang. Which is everyone, by the way. Everyone is in the moron gang. And you are the fucking king pin." Kar had to pause for a beat before he finally did relent. "So what do you want? What is this agenda that is so large that it's managed to surpass the girth of your fucking head?"

"I think I've been takin' this approach to antagonizin' Sol all wrong," Eridan confessed, ignoring the other barbs. Though Kar was more creative in his insults, Eridan had an easier time brushing them off than he had with Sol. He refrained from sitting and stewing over why that could be the case, instead preferring to continue on in his more vengeful vein.

"No shit, really?" Kar said in mock bewilderment. "Your approach to antagonizing someone was wrong? Just give me a moment while my fucking bone bulge explodes with shock. I mean, really, the weight of this revelation is so heavy upon my fragile breast that I just might asphyxiate."

"Well, yeah, I agree that it is pretty weird, since I usually have a fuckin' amazing grasp on what's suitably antagonizin' and shit, but this time it doesn't seem to be workin'," Eridan mused, letting his eyes wander off as images of Sol's angry face flashed before him once more. He had been spitting the words in his anger, and yet somehow Eridan had failed to take his usual disdainful enjoyment out of it.

"Wow, amazing, tell me more," Kar replied, his voice deadpan as he leaned against his desk, his cheek cupped in his hand. "I am just bubbling with fucking interest over here, as always."

"I'm goin' to be honest with you, Kar," Eridan admitted, shifting his eyes downward. He told himself he was just doing it to be suitably humble against Kar's enormous egotism, but he couldn't keep the shame from sticking in his throat. "I'm plannin' this whole caliginous setup as a ruse. Caliginous spars are like my specialty, so I figured I could get Sol to fall for me and leave Fef open again…" The shame in his throat began to burn, and speaking suddenly came hard. "I'm just really out a sorts with Fef leavin' me and me not havin' a proper moirail to gauge where I'm at with everyone anymore. I'm just really lonely Kar and it fuckin' sucks."

Great. How he'd managed to let his infallible shield of confidence and aristocracy fall to the burning in his throat, he'd never know. But he suddenly found himself scrubbing furiously at his eyes. He felt that damned shitty daggerlance scraping between his ribs again, bleeding him of any of his pride.

Sol was such an asshole. It was all him. All Sol. Sol was such an asshole. Such an asshole such an asshole such an asshole.

He sobbed openly.

"Fuck," Kar said, the rancor evaporating from his tone instantly. He stood quickly and put an arm around Eridan's shoulder, ushering the sea dweller into a more secluded nook of the lab. He didn't take him through the transportalizer, but there was an area behind the horn pile that was safe from prying eyes. He sat Eridan down and crouched next to him, his expression still irked but much less harsh.

"If this was really about Feferi again, you should've just said so, you great big dumbass," he said. "But we've been over this, all right? She probably just wasn't right for you. I mean, I know it's really fucking hard getting over that whole notion that our species touts about serendipity and fate and all that fucking bullshit. I know how much it seems like you guys were hatched for each other, but sometimes two grubs just end up going different ways. Stop crying, you're making me feel like a real douchebag and I hate being accountable for my rage. So really, knock it the fuck off."

Eridan scrubbed at his eyes again, but the tears had been unleashed and there was no reigning them back in now. "I'm sorry Kar, I'm so pathetic and I fuckin' know it. I know there's probably no chance with her anymore, and he said that. Sol fuckin' said it and I fuckin' knew it, but I just… I got so angry. I shouldn't let him fuckin' get to me like that. I mean, I'm so much fuckin' better than him that it's kinda laughable. His shitty little daggerlances shouldn't even touch me, I mean, I'm fuckin' Dualscar dammit."

He dissolved into more tears and Kar patted him begrudgingly, his eyes flicking from side to side.

"Shhhh. Shush. Seriously, shut the fuck up you ever loving asshole," he said in the most comforting voice he could muster. "I'll admit that I have no idea what that last little addition of daggerlances was about, but we can at least both agree that that's a really shitty weapon from an even shittier weapons class. But honestly, Sollux is right. He's a big bipolar asshole who can't tell his hands from his keyboard half the time, but he's right in this insignificant instance. Feferi's just not interested anymore Eridan, and you should probably let that prospect drop like the ten ton block of 'fuck no' that it is."

"I know I should," Eridan replied. "You're always fuckin' right Kar, and it's kinda infuriatin'."

"Yeah, you say that, but you're just going to turn around and fucking start up this whole 'agenda to get Feeeeeeeeeef back again' bullshit the minute I turn around," Kar replied. "That's what all that vomit talk was about earlier, since I always have to fucking explain myself to your moronic ass all the time. It's about how your going to eat my advice and say how wonderful it tastes, but you never fucking take it to heart. I ask myself once again why I even bother."

"I get a lot out of bein' able to talk to you, Kar," Eridan sniffled. "I mean, that's why I offered to be your moirail before, because we have such a good mutual understanding goin' on here."

"Okay, I remember the solicitation being a lot redder and more uncomfortable than that, but go on," Kar said, his voice edged with irritation.

"Whatever, like I haven't let that prospect drop so hard that it made a dent in the floor. I mean, that whole moirailliegance is so far from my thoughts I've barely thought about it since it came up, like it was an effort to remember it just now, but you can think what you want," Eridan replied indignantly, Kar's second spurn stinging just as smartly as his first one had.

"Let's talk about Sollux again. What an asshole, right? Haaaaaaaaaaa I like calling Sollux an asshole," Kar proclaimed loudly.

"Yeah, whatever, consider the subject fuckin' changed," Eridan replied sourly. "Anyway, I'm not thinkin' a bein' a pathetic asshole and tryin' to get that whole ruse to work again. The thought a lettin' that mustard-blooded freak share a black quadrant with me is enough to make my gills shudder, actually. But he fuckin' insulted me Kar. He spurned my duel and I let him get to me with really shitty verbal attacks. Like, I can't just fuckin' let that go, it's a point a pride now. I'm a fuckin' sea dweller, I mean, I'm so much better than that."

"The point, please," Kar sighed. "As much as I love listening to you bash our asshole hacker friend."

"I was gettin' to it," Eridan snapped. "Like I like wastin' my royal breath on his stupid ass anyway. I wanted to ask you how to properly antagonize him. Since I was obviously missin' something before. I don't really know how that's possible, since antagonizin' is pretty much what I was born to do. Antagonizin' and killin' and pretty much all things associated with caliginous quarrels."

"Okay, but we're in agreement that this is not a caliginous quarrel, right?" Kar said, holding up his hands as if to slow Eridan down. "Either this is a case of completely fucking platonic vengeance or I go back over to my computer to give my past self a hard time for being a complete dumbshit."

"Yes, Kar, I mean, do you even listen to me or what?" Eridan sighed. "I just want to know how to shoot him through the heart with my awesome rifle. I mean, figuratively speakin' a course."

Kar rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. "You're lucky the jackass pissed me off or I'd tell you to fuck yourself. But you, as always, need a fucking full course on the subject of reading people, so I'll fucking help you out like the saint I am."

"Thanks Kar, I really appreciate it."

"Yeah, like fuck you do, you just appreciate that I'm a big asshole who tells you how to mentally obliterate his friends," Kar retorted. "But the thing you need to know about Sollux is that he's kind of…unstable. And what I mean by that is that he's completely off the fucking wall sometimes to the point that trying to say two words to him is like trying to force feed flank steak to the rear end of a hoofbeast."

"Okay, I really have no clue what you mean by that," Eridan admitted, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his cape around them.

"What do I mean by that… God, I can't believe I'm saying this, but do you remember Aradia?"

"No, why would I give a shit about that creepy ghost broad?"

"This was before she was all that creepy, but this is kind of what I mean about a full course on learning how to read people. Sometimes you have to give a shit about things for the sake of properly antagonizing the targeted party. But it's useless trying to reason with you, so just forget it. Anyway, Aradia. Sollux was with her at one point. And so he talked to me about it, because I have a huge 'fuck me with your romantic problems' written over my seedflap, as everyone in this lab seems to know. But his whole problem was that he was too unstable to follow through on making the red quadrant official. She wanted it, and he did too. But he couldn't make it happen, because his brain is just that fucking messed up. Do you understand where I'm going with this?"

Eridan actually tried to put some thought into it. "What, could he only put himself in the quadrant half the time?"

Kar laughed and put a hand over his face. "As fucking moronic as it sounds when you say it in your aristocratic sea garbling voice, yeah, that's just fucking it. He kept flopping between feeling red for her one day and feeling nothing the next. He eventually took up the self-loathing martyr role like he usually does and just denied her his feelings all together to spare her his inability to manage a quadrant efficiently."

"So, even with Fef…?" Eridan prodded, unable to keep the hopeful tone out of his voice.

"She's never coming back to you. Please get that through your monstrously huge and aquatically grotesque spine bulge. But yeah, even with Fef. He's told me that she's been flopping in and out of a certain quadrant too. And no, I'm not going to tell you which one, asshole, because I've already told you too much about Sollux's private life as it is. But he hasn't been able to maintain feelings for her either, and so he hasn't really reciprocated anything. I mean, if you took one moment of your obscenely royal sea dwelling time and actually paid a lick of attention to the people you try to antagonize, you would've figured this shit out ages ago. Seriously, you're a fucking hopeless basket case and I don't even know why I still try with you."

He went on, but Eridan was deaf to the rest of his insults. The black poison hanging heavy in his chest had begun to dissipate, to be replaced by a dizzyingly buoyant hope. It was as if Kar really had presented him with Ahab's Crosshairs. A figurative one, of course, but no less deadly, he was sure. It sparkled in his outstretched hands, the light in its barrel roiling with a foreboding energy.

He would kill Sol with this gun first, and then again with the second. Only the second gun would be the true Ahab's Crosshairs, and the hole he'd put through Sollux's chest would be very, very real.

He stood, unable to keep the grin from spreading over his lips.

"Whoa, what are you doing?" Kar asked suddenly. "I wasn't done flaying your self esteem from the most tender parts of your spirit to prevent you from going and doing something stupid. Please tell me that you're not about to go and do something stupid."

"I'm just thinkin' I need to ask Sol for a rematch."