Sollux remembered the first time he had experienced any major emotional upheavals. The first clear instance he could discern from the chaotic, angry mess that was his mind had been when he was barely over one sweep old. He could not recall, from the haze the years had placed over the memory, exactly what he had been feeling before the event itself, but he knew it was something benign and meaningless. His staggering interest in the thoughts and desires of his one-sweep-old self were not what kept the memory alive.

Instead it was the color of his guardian's eyes.

He couldn't remember what triggered it. All he remembered was that his lusus had gone out of control, as all lusi were known to do. It was probably something as trivial as missing a meal. Sollux had learned early on that hunger or the satiation thereof was largely what dominated his guardian's moods.

But for whatever the reason, his bicyclops had chosen that particular moment to have a fit. It crashed around Sollux's hive, tearing at the walls, its normally vacant expression now consumed with rage. As Sollux tried to calm the beast, it rounded on him as if to attack. Instead, the head bearing the red eye opened its mouth and turned on its blue twin, sinking its fangs into its own neck.

The fight that broke out after that was surprisingly subdued. Sollux had recoiled in horror as the red eyed head of his guardian proceeded to attempt to devour the blue. And even as its attacker punctured its skull over and over again with its fangs, the blue eyed head remained vacant and silent. Its mouth hung open slightly, blood dribbling out of it, but it did nothing to defend itself.

Red devouring blue. That was how he remembered it. He then remembered his own eyes clouding with that crimson blaze as he tried to hurl tiny bursts of energy into his guardian's legs. He remembered going blind with that red as he screamed at the bleeding and vacant of the two heads to turn and fight. And yet it could not fight. Nor could the other half of Sollux's brain, as he was sent spiraling into a rage to match that of his lusus.

His head splitting with energy, he fell onto his knees and screamed, light searing from his eyes.

In the end, however, the blue head had just been biding its time. Once the fit of rage had exhausted the last of the red's strength, it settled back onto its respective shoulder, its eye vacant and its mouth hanging open, slathered in the blood of its twin. That was when the blue head turned. Slowly. Lethargically. It reached over and clamped its jaws around its red twin's neck.

The memory became hazy at that point, however, as Sollux remembered being curled on the floor, his cheeks wet with tears. The noises muffled by his own wails as he begged his lusus to stop. As the fear of being abandoned to the culling prongs overwhelmed him. That was how he found himself after all the rage had burst out of him. Paralyzed with emptiness. With a raw open wound of fear and sadness.

As he sobbed into his hands he remembered how the room looked. How the colors had been blurred by his tears. But never his guardians' eyes. They never ran together to make purple. Even through the haze of memory Sollux could see the lights running together. A marbling of blue and red. Intertwined, but never coalescing into one.

It was how he came to be able to deal with things. To embrace them, even. Others were made of different parts, certainly, but joined together in one comprehensive whole. For him, as he grew to understand, there would never be that sense of wholeness. Duality, for him, was not so much a quirk as it was a means of existence. For all the voices screaming in his head, perhaps the most mysterious would always be his own. That other half of himself, the one he could never truly see or touch. The half that, if he was not careful, would reach over and devour him.

Sollux had quickly found that it was eat or be eaten. And since that quiet part of his mind always played his foil, he came to prefer taking the more aggressive role. Better to be angry and fight off the occasional bout of inexplicable moroseness than to simply sit and ferment in his own gloom before letting a fit of rage spur him into action.

For the most part this was what worked for him. It allowed him to take an active role in his own existence, strange as it was, and live, for the most part, as normally as any other troll with only one cohesive brain.

But where ignoring that silent part of himself in favor of the vigor of rage did not serve him well was in matters of the heart.

His experience with Aradia still haunted him. She had been the first he had ever felt a stirring of red emotions for. At the time he had been certain that their timid relationship would evolve into something truly flushed. After all, the red aspect had been the side of his mind he had chosen to embrace. Surely feelings of such a similar hue would follow.

And they did at first. His angry and moody disposition had made her smile, and her smiles had made his furious heart beat faster. He never got out of his hive much, always preferring the company of his grubtop to that of other trolls, but if it was to visit her, he would give in. He remembered how much he hated mucking around in her stupid dirt pits, but how much he loved seeing her eyes light up whenever she found some shiny scrap of metal that may or may not have had its origins in some ancient civilization. He remembered the first time she offered him her hand after one of their archeological escapades, and the way he refused her on account of how dirty they both were. He remembered how she grabbed his hand anyway, pulling him back to her hive so they could have lunch.

Most of all, he remembered how sure he had been. Despite having grown up in his own head and making an uneasy truce with that detached shadow in his mind, he was sure things with Aradia were going to be that way forever. All dirt and clasped hands and smiles. Simple.

But the other half of him was never content to lie dormant forever.

And suddenly her smiles weren't as sweet. Digging no longer gave him begrudging enjoyment. It made no difference if he could see the sparkle in her eyes. His heart didn't stir when she squeezed his hand. But it was not Aradia who had changed. It was him. The indifference attacked him from behind and consumed him before he even had a chance to register what had happened.

Aradia was not sure how to handle it at first, just as Sollux himself was unsure. She attempted to go on as if everything were the same, but little by little, he noticed the light leaving her eyes. Perhaps she realized before he did that she was simply unable to make that part of him happy. That detached and ugly part that he had tried to shove away.

And so he had to push himself from her. Even after he had resumed his position of power in his own head, and those flushed feelings returned in full force, the damage had already been done. Aradia had been hurt, and he couldn't stand to put her through it again. So he left behind the dirt and the hand holding, as well as any hope of ever maintaining a quadrant.

Perhaps it was because of that understanding that he allowed himself to give into that black lust. Because no matter what Eridan or his batshit future self said, he knew that a quadrant wouldn't be possible—that the feeling wouldn't last.

And it didn't.

But he never expected the feelings that replaced the blackness to be so blindingly red.

He pressed into Eridan's lips as his mind was devoured. Steam curled around him as the sea dweller's lips parted to meet him like it was the most natural thing in the world. As if he had expected it. Eridan's fingers were still clamped around his wrist, but they did not try to stop his hand as it dipped lower, releasing the sponge to curl around Eridan's bulge.

Eridan lifted his arms from the water then, hooking them around Sollux's neck as the troll brushed his fingers over Eridan, feeling him harden beneath his hand. Sollux used his other hand to tangle his fingers in Eridan's hair and deepen their kiss, his tongue sliding over the sharp fangs that had bitten at him just moments before.

As Sollux continued to rub at the sea dweller, Eridan's legs shifted in the tub. He drew his knees up as his hips responded to Sollux's touch, rising to meet the land dweller as his grip tightened slightly and his thumb brushed over Eridan's tip. The sea dweller groaned into their kiss, and the vibrations tickled in the back of Sollux's throat. His tongue ran over those fangs again as he continued to rub, insatiable.

Eridan's grip on the back of Sollux's neck tightened suddenly, and he pulled. Sollux hardly fought as he lost his balance on the edge of the tub and went splashing into the water, fully clothed, on top of the sea dweller. He never broke their kiss, however, as he adjusted himself on top of Eridan, his fingers stroking troll's length.

He wasn't sure how long he was consumed by the madness. By that quiet part of him that reared up and decided it wasn't content with sitting still. By an insatiable desire to see Eridan arch his body against him and cry out with pleasure. But it was too long.

He backed out of the tub so suddenly and violently he was sent sprawling to the tile on his back, water pooling around him.

Eridan sat up, peering over the edge of the ablution trap at him.

"Well, Sol, if it was like that, you should have just mentioned something," he said. The broken look that Sol had worked so hard to plaster over the sea dweller's face had not completely dissolved, but Eridan definitely looked more confused than vacant now, and some of the color had returned to his cheeks.

Sollux held his hand in front of his face, his teeth bared. Red light snapped in front of his eyes. "What the fuck ith wrong with you?" he burst out.

Eridan frowned, his eyes now less confused and decidedly more indignant. "You're askin' me that question after your vulgar display?"

"Yeth!" Sollux bellowed, tearing his hand away and slamming it back on the tile. "Why the fuck would you let me do that? What in the thtinking birth canal of the mother grub would ever make you be okay with what jutht happened here?"

Eridan was visibly taken aback. His eyes slid away from Sollux for a moment, fixing instead on the floor a few feet away from him.

"Well I don't know what you want me to say, Sol, seein' as how you're the one that's comin' on to me. I suppose it's only natural for you to be confused considerin' the potency with which I was exudin' the black attractions prior to this. To be honest, I'm a bit bewildered by your response, but I guess if this is where your land dwellin' heart has seen fit to settle, then I could probably find it in me to get the red passions brewin'—"

"No," Sollux snapped, whipping a hand in front of his face as if to physically dismiss Eridan's words. "That ith not how quadrantth workth you twithe thodden incoherent piethe of thea thludge."

Eridan's cheeks tinged a darker shade of purple and his grip on the edge of the tub tightened. "I'm just tryin' to figure out where I stand with you, Sol, and we're still at a point in our lives where things are confused and malleable, romantically speakin', and I'm just tryin' to come to some sort of accordance with you—"

"Nothingth confuthed or malleable," Sollux shouted, getting to his feet, shaking from both dampness and rage. "You fall into a quadrant and you fucking thtay in that quadrant and you live out the retht of your putridly happy exithtenthe in the thame goddamned quadrant filling the thame goddamned pail over and over again until you rot in your huthk and your carcath ith devoured by a behemoth."

He grabbed his hair, shaking, as Eridan regarded him with scorn and what may or may not have been a touch of fear.

"Your place on the hemospectrum leaves you in no position to be makin' such bold suppositions about the nature a quadrants or the fillin' thereof," the sea dweller replied indignantly.

"Fuck you," Sollux retorted. "Fuck you and your thtupid dethperate dick finned fathe. I hate you. I hate you in a completely platonic fashion that ith in no way interthected by any red feelingth that you in no way rethiprocate on any level."

"Well those are bold statements you're makin' about the nature a my feelings considerin' how complex of an individual I—"

"Thtop being okay with thith!" Sollux screamed, energy searing out of his eyes as he wrenched his hands up in front of him, consuming the ablution trap with light and ripping it from the ground. Water spilled onto the tile, the sea dweller tumbling out along with it.

Shivering, Eridan regarded Sollux balefully as he attempted to get to his feet while covering himself at the same time. As amusing as the sight was, Sollux was in no mood for it. He was in no mood to even look at the sea dweller any longer. Instead he tore away from him, sweeping his hand backwards as he went, using a burst of psionic energy to send the idiot's clothes flying up at him, his rings and glasses skittering across the slick tile. He then slammed his feet onto the transportalizer, and let the light whisk him away.

He did not know where he was going, but it was only when he reached a section of the lab riddled with tubes of floating creatures that he realized what he needed to do. Remembering ruefully that he had left his grubtop in the bathroom with Eridan, he wheeled himself around and headed back for the main section of the lab.

As he stomped into the computer room, still dripping, he found the place abuzz with activity. Terezi was arguing with a furious Karkat, a grin affixed to her face. Vriska was busy leering at her own monitor, her eight pupils dilated with some unknown excitement. Nepeta and Equius were arguing about something concerning the girl's blue hat, and Tavros was talking in low tones with Gamzee, his wheelchair sitting beside him as he reclined in the horn pile next to the taller troll.

He saw Aradia's hard metal husk standing beside her monitor, as ever. His heart jerked painfully, and his fists clenched.

It was supposed to be one quadrant. One quadrant with one troll who you then proceeded to share the rest of your uncomplicated life with. He had given up so much for that life. Dirty fingernails and grub sandwiches and soft smiles. No one was going to make him rethink that. No one was going to make him rue the decisions he'd made for the greater good.

"Sollux?"

He spun around, droplets of water flying from his hair and splattering on the goggles of the girl gazing up at him. She giggled, and wiped the lenses clean.

"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a horrorterror. Was it my stupid fishy moirail again?" She grinned before faltering and looking away, a pink blush coloring her cheeks. "Or, well, I guess he's not my moirail anymore. But I still have a hard time thinking of him any other way!"

"I don't want to talk about him," Sollux snapped.

"Well that's fine!" Feferi assured him, clutching his fingers with both hands and smiling. "I wouldn't want to ruin our frondship over something so silly as your duels." Her eyes became a bit less light as she continued, her smile a bit subdued. "But after you promised that you were going to kill him this time, I guess I just have to wonder what happened to him. Even if he was always saying nasty things about people and being rude in general, he was still my old moirail and we went through a lot together."

Sollux suddenly remembered his old promise with a tightening in his gut that felt like a muddled stew of anger and shame. As much as he wanted to lie, he knew that Eridan would likely be dragging his soaking ass back to the main room to cry on Karkat's shoulder as soon as he got his clothes back on.

All the more reason to vacate the premises as quickly as possible.

"The printhe of idiotth ith thtill alive," he replied at last, his tone sour.

Her eyes lightened mischievously. "Oh, so does all this grouchiness just have to do with you losing?" she needled.

"The fuck it doeth," Sollux snapped. "I handed hith ath to him on a thilver nutrition plateau and he'll probably be nurthing hith injurieth for thweepth to come."

"Well, then that means you won!" she replied, giving his hand an excited little shake as she continued to clutch it. "But you seem even crankier than usual, even though you just enjoyed a great victory. Which makes it seem to me like there are some feelings you need to glub about!"

"I don't want to glub about anything," he said, jerking his hand away from her. "I don't want to do anything that hath any relation to any thort of aquatically themed activity. I am officially done with all thingth of an aquatic nature. Done."

Feferi blinked and stepped back, her smile still in place, but decidedly less exuberant. "Well Mr. Grumpy-fins, I can't exactly reel in all these fish puns. They're cute! And they're also a part of who I am. Maybe if you tried one, you wouldn't feel so bitter about aquatic activities like glubbing about feelings!"

"I theriouthly don't have time for thith right now," Sollux replied before walking past the girl and to his computer. He couldn't stop her from following him, however, and she crouched at his elbow as he dropped into his chair, shoving at his mouse to make his monitor blink to life.

"Whale, since you don't feel like glubbing about feelings or trying out some fish puns for yourself, I think you should at least know about all the exciting things that have been going on since you went to duel with my silly old moirail," she said, her eyes bright as she stared up at him.

He sighed heavily as he brought up the screen where he'd left the encryption on his own private transtimeline bulletin. He began to try and decode it again as Feferi continued to speak, unabated.

"It looks like we've found the universe we were meant to have after defeating the king. And it's full of really exciting things! Like these strange pink aliens called humans! They're a lot of fun, and everyone is really excited to be talking to them and doing something other than fighting and carping all the time. Except Karcrab, who thinks it's all a bad idea, but he's just a gloomy shell stuffer who doesn't like to do anything fun!"

Sollux tried his best to block out her words. He just didn't care. He didn't care about the aliens inhabiting the universe they were meant to have. In fact, it just made him angrier. If they had been allowed to get out of this lab and get away from each other and drain the stagnation that had settled over them, he would have never been tempted to open the transtimeline bulletin in the first place. He would have never been conned into dueling with that glubbing idiot. And he would have never just used a fish pun in his own personal internal monologue. He slammed a hand to his forehead, grabbing a fistful of hair.

Feferi's smile reversed, and she gave Sollux's ear a hard tug. "I'm starting to think we need to reevaluate your attitude mister! Something is obviously really wrong, but you won't take the chip off your nub and tell me." She crossed her arms. "I'm starting to think all this dueling with Eridan is making him rub off on you."

Sollux's hands slipped on the keyboard and he whirled to face Feferi, his fangs bared. "Eridan ithn't rubbing me anywhere, okay?" he burst out.

A few computers away, Kanaya gave him an infuriatingly knowing glance.

Sollux stood up so fast he knocked his chair over. "I am going to put my fitht through thith computer. I thwear to god, not one of you moronth ith capable of not mithreading anything I thay tho I'm jutht going to go ahead and thtart phythically dethroying shit becauthe there ith no pothible way that can be mithinterpreted."

"No one is saying anything, Sollux," Kanaya replied calmly as she continued to type. "That aside, if it is your wish to avoid being misconstrued, then perhaps jumping so conspicuously to your own defense is not in your best interest. It tends to leave the impression that there is indeed something there that you wish to protect from prying eyes."

Sollux rounded on her. "You can thtuff your thelf-pertheived thagathity right back down your meal tunnel. Who even invited you into thith converthation? I don't remember ever athking for you to thtick your prongth into our dithcussion."

"No, you are correct," Kanaya replied, not even looking away from her monitor once. "You did not ask for my intervention. But from where I happen to be perched it does look as though you are expecting an interjection of some kind. I am simply advising you to perhaps put reasonable effort into pursuing your own solutions before you resort to any unnecessary destruction while you find yourself consumed with impatience. There always remains the possibility that the other party will elect to defer indefinitely from stepping forward and providing you with emotional relief."

"Thinthe you're clearly tho fucking invethted in my buthineth, I wath actually in the protheth of thorting out my shit by mythelf. I am the one who keepth getting interrupted by moronth who can't jutht leave me alone for two goddamned thecondth. Tho I am going to jack thomeoneth grubtop and take it back to my room becauthe it ith obviouth that I can't conduct my buthineth in peathe here."

Kanaya pushed her closed lunchtop over to Sollux, still insistent on keeping her eyes glued to her own monitor. "Take mine. But I still believe it would be better for you to confront your issues in person."

"Maybe that'th what I plan on doing," Sollux snapped, snatching up the lunchtop before stalking back towards the transportalizer at the center of the room.

"Sollux, wait," Feferi said, standing and grabbing at his wrist before he'd gone more than a few steps. "You seem reel upset right now and even though you're usually a bit grumpy, you've never said no to glubbing at me before, no matter what the feeling might have been about. I'm starting to get worried that it's something serious, and that just makes it twice as stupid not to talk about!"

"I know what I'm doing," Sollux replied, pulling his hand away. "And it'th not thomething that any amount of fishnoithe ith going to fixth. I'm taking Kanaya'th advithe and addrething thith right now inthtead of thitting on my ath and waiting for it to continue to thpiral down the load gaper."

"It sounds to me more like you're about to do something really stupid. I also think that you're probably not planning to take Kanaya's advice at all, and you're just trying to use that as an excuse to go to your room and avoid your problems." She was getting angry now, and that was a feat for Feferi. If Sollux hadn't already been a confused slurry of emotions, perhaps her tone would have given him pause. But seeing the slightly indignant expression come over her face with its royally tinged blood and finned ears now just brought another sea dweller to his mind.

He pushed past her. Her gaze followed him, but she remained where she was.

He was going to go to his room, yes. But he wasn't planning on staying there. Not if he had anything to say about it.

It was time to find out if his future self had been telling the truth.