Sharlee watched the two men emerge from the bathroom.
Gibbs was still almost dragging Tony, who was pale faced and disoriented.
"Sit," Gibbs commanded, letting Tony drop down into the chair next to the desk.
He saw Sharlee had already poured the coffee for them, and he put the cup with cream in it in front of Tony.
"Drink that," Gibbs urged the younger man, who stared at it at first, blinking, and then lifted his hand slowly, to do what he was told.
Sharlee was sitting on the bed, relaxing, just observing them.
Tony finally looked up at her, as Gibbs ransacked his duffel bag for some dry clothes and wordlessly went to the bathroom to change.
He drank the whole first cup down, since it wasn't too hot, and Sharlee got up and poured him another cup, adding three heaping spoons of sugar and cream.
"You remembered, after all this time," he said softly, as she stirred it with a spoon.
She smiled a little and looked at him. "You don't think Ms. Sharlee forgets a thing, do you really, Dee?"
He smiled back at her, eyes misting up once more.
She put the spoon down, and gently stroked his hair.
"I remember how you take your coffee, just like I remember that amazing human being who emptied out his bank account to help a streetwalker with two kids get out of a bad neighborhood."
Tony looked at her, with some surprise in his tired eyes.
"But," he said hoarsely,"how-"
"Dee, I know people. I always have. Some things are easy to figure out." She stared at him for a moment, seeing Gibbs lingering in the doorway of the bathroom from the corner of her eye.
"Just like now," she continued softly. "I know this isn't you, Dee."
He suddenly looked away, with shame in his eyes.
"Sharlee," he said in almost a whisper, and looked back at her, raising his brows, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"
"Oh hush." She patted him. "I'm just glad you're okay and your friend came after you, Dee. Paolo was pretty shook up before..."
Gibbs seemed to jerk back his head slightly, in surprise at the mention of a man...and then he shook his head, remembering the young man he passed on the way to Tony's room. He sighed shakily.
Tony tensed a little, but said nothing, choosing to sip down more coffee.
"Now," she said in the same relaxed tone, "did you bring those pills with you, or did one of my people supply you? Because you know, Dee, that could get me into some deep shit with my business. And I pride myself on being legit. Someone gave me a chance to do something' right years ago. And I don't wanna' screw it up now, do I?"
Gibbs smiled and shook his head again. Damn. She was good. And she knew Tony.
Tony seemed to tremble a little. But then he simply said, "Natalia."
She nodded.
"Okay," she said, and then sat down in the other chair near the desk.
Gibbs continued to watch the scene unfolding, with a mix of admiration for her, and fear for Tony, knowing more what he had subjected himself to, and that he was a loose cannon.
"Dee?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Do you remember anything that happened this morning?"
Tony slowly put the coffee cup down, hoping they wouldn't see how badly his hands started to shake.
He remembered. And he knew he'd had a flashback, and was too drugged to communicate with Sharlee's boy to how badly he needed it to stop...
His breath was becoming shallow and his heart started to pound.
"I..." he closed his eyes for a moment, as he tried to shake off the fog from his mind. He had to get out of this conversation. He was afraid he might have an episode in front of her...
"It's okay, Dee. You can tell me. I'm your friend and I just wanna' help you."
Suddenly his head snapped up a little.
"Are you Sharlee? My friend? I mean...you think you know me...but do you really? Did you? Even back then?"
She frowned, her dark eyes boring into his now less bloodshot ones.
"Yessir." She said it with conviction, instinctively knowing he needed to hear it. "Without a doubt."
He stared at her another minute, and seemed confused, finally looking away with a sigh.
"Somethin' happened," she said in a low, quiet voice. "Somethin' made you feel like… you don't know who you are anymore."
More than one thing, he thought bitterly. He still wouldn't look at her, but she could see him struggling to keep his composure, to not give anything away.
The room remained silent for a bit, and then she sighed, and shifted, crossing her legs in the chair.
"I tell you what, Dee, you're not the only one."
Tony's eyes finally met hers again.
She continued, "Lotsa' things happen to people. Bad things. Confusing things. Sometimes...you don't know who you are anymore when you look in the mirra'. But...you're still in there. The lives you touch, the people connected to your heart...they're all in there. That's the truth, Dee. The rest is just shit you gotta' figure a way to swalla' down and get past."
He was listening, she could tell. But she was skating on the edge of a soapbox now, and decided to get off, before he lost the train of thought to anger.
"Drink your coffee. Your boss wants to get moving. I can see the veins comin' out his head from here."
Tony nodded, and wordlessly resumed consuming the coffee.
Sharlee looked over his shoulder, to Gibbs, surprised to see the man's blue eyes bright with subtle moisture, as he gave her a little smile that told her what he'd thought of her words.
They got on the road, in Gibbs' rental car.
Tony looked horrible. He was pale, and had dark circles under his eyes.
They'd said goodbye to Sharlee, who had given them both back-breaking hugs. She also made Tony promise he would come back to visit when he was feeling better. And Tony snorted when Gibbs jumped, as Sharlee grabbed his ass while giving him his goodbye hug.
But once in the car, there was silence, as Tony simply looked out the window, and eventually closed his eyes.
After they'd left Nevada state lines, Tony suddenly picked his head up.
"Boss?"
"DiNozzo."
"We didn't go to the airport."
"Yeah, I know."
"Uh, why?"
"Two reasons. You're smart. figure em' out."
"You don't want our names on flights, so we can't be tracked."
"Mm-hmm."
"And you...like long, boring roads?" Tony said, now irritated because it meant he was going to be stuck for a while with Gibbs. And he needed...to be alone. Didn't he?
Gibbs smirked, and looked at him for just a moment, before concentrating on the road again.
"No. I thought a few days together might be a good idea. Give you a chance to...regroup."
"Is that the word for it," Tony said flatly, and then looked back out his window. He knew what Gibbs really meant was that he was going to basically be a thorn in his side until he caved and told him what was in the letter.
Up until now, he hadn't been able to talk about it, because it was so painful. Saying it out loud…felt like it would be the end of him. Now...he could add spite for a reason not to tell Gibbs...
He snorted at himself in disgust. Maybe he was just acting like a five year old.
"Aw, come on, DiNozzo. They've got great movies at Super Eights." He was trying to bait the younger man, knowing he would cringe at staying in such a dumpy motel. Of course, it would likely be a Holiday Inn...but, he didn't need to tell Tony that.
But Tony just sighed, and closed his eyes again, falling into a deep sleep.
Gibbs pulled over for gas in West Valley City, Utah, and Tony still didn't wake up.
He bought a few snacks and drinks, and used a pay phone to call in to Fornell and to McGee, letting them know that he and Tony were alright and on the road.
He left his cell on so McGee could track them in an emergency, but took no chances having it actively signaling their location with a dial-in.
When he got into the car, he gently closed the door. He expected Tony to be still asleep. And he was. But it didn't look restful.
He was twitching a little, and was covered in a light sweat, breathing erratically.
Gibbs knew what this was. Another one of Tony's nightmares.
He put a hand on Tony's shoulder.
"Tony," he called gently.
A desperate moan came from him, indicating Gibbs hadn't gotten him out of the dream.
"Tony!" he said loudly, and the younger man jumped, with a gasp, and opened his eyes.
Before he could really get his wits about him, Tony pulled away from the touch, as a strange cacophony of terrifying images were still fading from his mind. There was a lot of blood… the piano keys again...and hands on his skin...
He shuddered, still breathing heavily, and then looked at Gibbs.
"You okay?" Gibbs asked.
Tony frowned and looked away, rubbing his eyes and murmuring, "M'fine."
"Yeah," Gibbs muttered, starting the car, "right."
After showing his badge and paying in cash for the room in Akron, Colorado, the manager decided it was okay not to have any credit card information (for incidentals) go through on the hotel system.
Tony wanted to ask for his own room. But knew better. He was going to be lucky if Gibbs didn't cuff him before they went to sleep. He wished he had his car. Gibbs had insisted on leaving it with Sharlee and having her ship it back in a week.
When they got into the room, Tony threw his bag into a corner disgustedly and flopped onto the bed.
He stared at the ceiling while Gibbs got settled.
"M'I gonna need to cuff you tonight?" Gibbs asked while he walked around the room, "or are you gonna' stay put?"
Tony chuckled bitterly. "I was wondering if you'd do that. But…ah, I'd rather not…be restrained, if it's okay with you."
Gibbs let the words sink in a little before responding.
He stopped what he was doing, and stood, looking at the younger man.
"You…let that guy…"
Tony was embarrassed, but more angry than anything else.
"We're not talking about this," he said in a low warning, looking back up at the cieling.
"The Hell we're not!" Gibbs said loudly.
Tony suddenly sat up, fury exploding from him, "Yes! I not only "let" him, I paid him to!" He saw Gibbs pale a little. "I PAID him to do it! What does it matter?"
Gibbs saw the bolts coming undone, and the rage in Tony's eyes. He vaguely wondered if they were going to get into a physical skirmish…
"You're a FEDERAL AGENT for chrissakes ! You KNOW better Tony! Don't you think this has gone far enough?" Gibbs was yelling, but the tone was not just frustrated…he was imploring…
Tony stood up, and got right in Gibbs' face. He was trembling with adrenaline, staring at Gibbs with a look he had never seen in the green eyes. He wasn't even sure what emotion was behind it.
But all Tony said was, "No." And then stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
He locked it, feeling at this point it would be the only space he could get away from Gibbs. He wanted to bolt from the room, or hit Gibbs. But he knew neither was going to be an acceptable…or successful option.
He sank down, resting his head on his knees and wept silently, feeling hatred inside him, uncertain as to whom it was directed at.