Demons and Dragons and Rangers, Oh my!
Chapter 4: Magicians and their quests
Bartimaeus
So here I am, mighty Bartimaeus, confidante of kings, builder of legends, he who raised the walls of Uruk itself. Flying through the sleet. In the name of diplomacy. This was a task for a human! What would require the many mighty skills of a swashbuckling djinni such as myself? Leading armies into impossible odds, stealing magical artifacts, even exterminating bandits works! Sitting around and bickering with stuck up human officials? NO. Not at all. Any old lawyer would work! Even a human (This proves its insignificance)! Magicians and their quests! I ask you! What person in their right mind would such an imposing figure as myself to negotiate a peace treaty? Subjugate a nation, that I could understand, but a peace treaty? "What person in their right mind". Thus the problem reveals itself. After all, what magician is in their right mind? Claiming that dragons exist and humans can cast spells. Crazy old ma- WHAT THE [profanity removed]? There is a [profanity removed] ing dragon flying at me! Checking all seven planes… oh God. The graybeard was speaking the truth. It was a dragon on all seven planes. But but but but but HOW? I've been around the block quite a few times and never, in all my years, have I seen a dragon. Then I remembered my form (currently a creature with the body of a man, but head and feet of a falcon). I quickly changed into a massive verdigris-colored dragon. Wait a second. That dragon had a rider! Suddenly a consciousness started butting up against my mind. Idiot. Last time somebody tried to break my mind I broke them, and then made them jump into a pool of acid. I returned the favor with a mental battering ram comprised of the message: Prepare to die, foolish mortal! I brushed aside the dragon's defenses and began examining his memories. While doing so, my/ the dragons rider's consciousness took over my body. Immediately I sent a message to him announcing "I will release your dragon if you release me." In seconds my consciousness was safe inside my own body. The rider bellowed across to where I hung suspended in midair, "What manner of being are you, a creature that can sweep aside the defenses of a well trained dragon, that can… Change your body?" Time to tell this insolent little human who he was dealing with. "I am the mighty god of war, Al-Sakkhar! And what are you, little dragon, who presumes to attempt to break my mind? Had you penetrated my defenses, you would be a mumbling beast! My consciousness is too vast for any being to understand, so how would a hatchling dragon even contemplate survival? I have come to your land of Alagaesia to teach your leader humility. He must delegate with King Duncan of Araluen, and agree to a peace treaty. If I return to Alagaesia and he has not yet signed this peace treaty, I will unleash havoc like none have ever seen! Fare thee well, Dragon Rider!" With this I turned into a cloud of smoke, then a lightning bolt. Faquarl and I had been having an argument during our last mutual captivity about whether phoenixes or lightning bolts are faster. Lightning bolts are obviously faster. As was about to be proven. As I zoomed away, I imagined the awestruck look on the dragon's face. Then I slammed headfirst into a tree. I tried flying through the tree. No cigar. I tried backing out of the tree. No cigar. I was about to change into, say, Ptolemy, and pull myself out when I realized that the tree would crush my head. Darn good thing there was no cigar. I finally realized that at the moment, I was being of pure electrical energy. So I zapped the tree. NO CIGAR. Then the arrogant voice I would know anywhere spoke in a mocking tone, "Dear me, a damsel in distress. It would seem she has gotten herself stuck in a tree, the incompetent little thing. Now, damsel, how did you get stuck there?" "Oh, you know full well who I am and how I got here, Faquarl. Help a djinni out." I snapped. With an expression of astonishment he said "A djinni? Surely not… but it is! The mighty Bartimaeus is stuck in a tree"! Now adopting his normal tone of voice as he pulled me out, "See Bartimaeus, how many times must I tell you? Lightning bolts get you stuck in trees. Look, it's even an elm! Just like I told you would happen." "Just help me out and we can be on our separate ways." I grumbled. He did yank me out, at which point I became the Arab from before but then explained "Actually, your way and my way are one and the same. Blunt old graybeard sound familiar? Well, I was sent down here to see why you were so slow to return. I tried to explain that you are always brutally sluggish, but he was deadest on the idea that you had been captured. By the way, I discovered his son's birthname. But make sure you don't tell him. He would shoot you on the spot. Actually, make a point of telling him." Great. Now I had to deal with Faquarl on a regular basis. All I said, of course, was "Good to know. It's good to have a fellow high level djinni watching your back." "Don't pretend that you aren't peeved that you now have a constant reminder of you inferiority." He snapped. I blasted him quite a few yards with a Detonation and took off as a phoenix. Faquarl got up faster than I expected and took off after me as a lightning bolt. And slammed headfirst into an ancient oak tree. I didn't even look back.