Chapter 18

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The next day I didn't see Sophie. I knew she didn't want to see me and I wasn't going to push her. So last night after I'd walked home by myself along the promenade I went to the nearest off license and brought myself a bottle of vodka. It wasn't something I'd usually do but I had wanted to take the edge off. Now the already difficult decision of going to University had seemed like the wrong one but I could never had known would have happened to me on this holiday.

"It's scorching outside, Sian. You not going out?" Mum asked as she reappeared from the bathroom, pulling the towel tighter around her hair as she dried it. She was dressed to go out as usual and I was really beginning to envy my mum's ability to just go out because here I was, the eighteen year old in the prime of her youth, stuck with nothing to do. I did suppose however that I could lounge by the pool because that was what this weather was good for and it would really be my last chance before I had to go home. Eight PM. My flight. Back home.

"I might," I said simply as I leant over and picked my phone up off the table, bringing it closer to me. I'd got Sophie's number and had ended up texting her last night saying how sorry I was. I had been a little tipsy so it wouldn't surprise me at all if she was had trouble deciphering it between all the spelling mistakes and grammar issues. She hadn't texted back. Didn't surprise me, really.

"Well I'm going to the pool so you know where I am if you need me," I heard my mum say before a hand brushed over the top of my head. "We've only got a day left, darlin'," She said before sighing and leaning down, pressing her lips to the top of my head. The holiday was obviously doing well on her affection metre. I smiled softly and nodded.

"Have fun, mum," I said quickly before I heard her toss the towel aside and go for her back, closing the door behind her as she left. She didn't have to remind me that everything had gone wrong and I had so little time to fix it. Stupid, stupid girl, Sian! IThe voice teased again. I brought my phone up and dragged my finger across the screen to unlock it. The picture of me and Sophie posing for a photo was my background and I couldn't help but smile and run my finger over her gorgeous face. Problem is, my phone is an iPhone, and I ended up opening about two apps in doing so. How could I have messed what we had up so quickly?

I then wondered if going around to her flat would be weird and end up with me getting a door to the face or a slap from none other than Rosie. She had looked so defensive of her sister and I couldn't blame her. I, myself, would give life and limb to defend her. I'd realised that now, even if I hadn't wanted to. I stood up and pushed my phone into the pocket of my shorts and walked over to the window, crossing my arms as I gazed out. The sun did look so damn beautiful on that water and everyone was out there milling around. I wanted to join them but I didn't want to go out without Sophie. I know it sounded weird but things were so much funner with her around and it was a little bit weird to walk around by myself aimlessly for the rest of the day. I supposed I could go shopping.

Maybe even get Sophie a gift but I knew a gift wouldn't solve the rift between us. It was literally going to be distance. When mum had taken me down to Cardiff and we'd looked around it had been so nice and it had hit me as somewhere I wanted to be straight away. The dorms were reasonable and secretly it had always been something I'd wanted to do as I grew up. I had wanted to move away from Southport because when you stay in one place too long your head begins to travel further and you create dreams and you create wishes. I wanted to travel when I was a kid. I wanted to go to Australia and New Zealand then America and I'd do it all without a care in the world.

Except I'd realised that money was what got you everything you wanted. I wanted to be a kid again and go back to when things were easy like cookies and milk and swings and roundabouts not drugs and booze and decisions and headfucks. But this was life. Sighing, I walked over to the counter and grabbed my bag and pulled out my purse. I tucked it into my pocket then made toward the door, deciding that going out alone was purely going out with someone...that didn't talk much. Oh get your head out your arse, Powers!

I spent the rest of that day in a quaint little bar by the bay. I ordered a rather delicious looking martini and just sat there, gazing out at the ocean as the sun set. It was unbelievably gorgeous but I couldn't help but think that it would be so much better if a certain someone was here with me. On one stupid occasion during that day I'd stood up and shouted at some brunette with the name Sophie. It hadn't been her though and that was when I knew what she meant to me. As I lay in bed that night I couldn't sleep. It's funny, really.

I'd met Sophie only fourteen days ago and already I could guess that I was falling for her. I wasn't going to class myself as a lesbian because what I was did not matter. It never would. Not as long as I had Sophie. I flung the covers back and leapt from my bed. I didn't even bother to change out of my tank top and hot pants as I raced along the corridor toward Sophie's room. I needed to see her. No one understands, really. The way she smiled made me dizzy and the way she touched me made me tingle. I didn't care who I woke up as I stood outside her door and thundered my hand against the wood. "Sophie!" I yelled, desperate to just see the brunette who over this holiday had begun to become my everything. I'd spent so much time with her that today without her had felt wrong.

The door took a long time to open and when it did, I always smiled at the sight of the gorgeous sleepy looking brunette. She blinked and grasped the edge of the door but I slammed my foot in front of it before she could close it.

"Let me talk to you," I whispered, reaching out for her hand but she yanked it away.

"Sian," She breathed. "Please, I don't want to get my hopes up for something that you can't give me," She stammered, obviously becoming upset again by it all. I frowned and ran my hand down my face.

"And what do you want, Sophie?" I asked her quietly, hearing the desperation in my voice.

"Goodnight, Sian," She whispered, her gaze dropping to the floor. I pulled my foot back regretfully and just watched the girl disappear behind it. I felt anger rise inside me at her reluctance and took a step back, swallowing hard as my hand moved to my forehead.

For every door that closes another opens but the one I wanted to go through had just shut in my face.

"Passports please," The man asked as we passed through the first stage of the airport. I loved the airport. It was just a different kind of place. I gave the male, who was identified by his name badge as Julio, my passport and waited. After a couple more security checks we could be through to the massive expanse of overpriced shops and food resturants. It was only five PM now but me and mum had decided it was time to make our way to the airport and just make sure we had enough time.

It was after at least another half an hour that we'd deposited our bags and found a corner of the waiting lounge to sit in. It was quite nice to think that on the day we were leaving the sky had darkened unusually and now when I looked outside I didn't feel that depressing feel when you left somewhere sunny. I certainly hadn't got it when I'd left England.

"I'm just gonna go for a walk," I said quietly to my mum as she delved into her bag for a magazine and soon covered herself behind it. With a roll of my eyes I walked away, walking over to the large windows ,that also acted as walls, of the airport looking over an area of the town. I could feel my eyes heating up again as I thought about the past two weeks and what had happened and how surely, with Sophie not wanting anything to do with me...

I'd left my heart in Costa Blanca.

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