Chapter 20
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This chapter is rated M for suicidal thoughts and attempt. Just to let you all know in case people dislike reading that kind of stuff.
Faye POV
Destrey's voice was horrified.
"I-I'm not ready, I'm too young." I stammer. Trying to find an excuse. I just couldn't say it to his face.
"I just don't think I'm ready yet."
He nodded in understanding. His face relaxed. A little. Not a lot.
"I-I need to go visit Dior-"
He opened his mouth to speak but I spoke again
"I don't want to be followed; I need to do this by myself."
"I'll take you hom-"
"No, I'll go home by myself. You can finish your work here, I heard them talking, you can come over for dinner tonight."
He couldn't argue with me.
I smile and leave him on the roof.
I start running down the stairs.
Why do I feel like I am being followed?
I look over my shoulder. Nothing. Just imagining. Again.
I run out into the street. In the busy streets of Paris. I hear people bargaining on goods and other supplies. But all the noise I can't hear. My world is completely silent.
I felt so small in this world.
What did the world have to offer me?
The world didn't matter to me. Because I wouldn't ever get what I wanted in this world.
All I wanted was love. From the man I loved.
But he didn't love me.
So what was this life worth?
Because I didn't feel like living, because it wasn't worth it anymore.
Because he didn't love me.
Why would I try living through it?
I had to get home. I knew what I had to do.
My life was ruined from the moment I saw him.
Because I loved him.
Why did he even have to appear in my life?
Now I am nothing. Soon I will be nothing.
Because he didn't love me.
God, why did this have to happen to me?
Erik POV
I knew where she would come. It just was a matter of time now. All I had to do was wait.
Faye POV
I got home, and thankfully no one was home. I scribbled this note to Charles and Destrey and I was out the door.
Dear Charles and Destrey,
You are probably wondering about my whereabouts at the moment, well you need not worry any longer. I won't be a bother to you both any longer but I must speak plainly. This life is worth nothing to me now.
Destrey, I'm sorry I cannot marry you because I don't love you. I'm sorry. I don't deserve you anyway. Forgive me.
Charles, please stop worrying about me, I'm perfectly capable to take care of myself. I will be in the care of God the Father. I will be with Dior. This is what I WANT. Forget me and live on your life. Find a nice girl to marry, and forget I ever lived. Forgive me.
You both have been awfully good to me. But please don't try to find me. That's all I ask of you.
Love,
Faye
Tears have fall down my cheeks as my shaking hand writes down my name. For the last time.
I look at the shack. This would be my last time in the shack. Take it all in. One last time.
I found a rope. Because my knife was no longer with me. I guess this will have to do.
I begin my death march. A song is in my head as I slowly go on my way. I sing it softly to myself. For this would be my last song I sing on this earth.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me…
The tears started to flow once more, as I come toward my fate.
Why is the world so big and I felt so insignificant?
I walk swiftly into the cemetery. For the time has come. This pain I felt was unbearable. I couldn't stand it any longer.
I know I never knew him long, but he intrigued me. He cared for me. Even in that short amount of time. I thought maybe, but it was a definite no now.
I walk up to Dior's grave and remember that time. Not so long ago, I came here seeking adventure, friendship, and love. But it all ended into nothingness. What a naïve girl I was!
I wouldn't ever be loved.
He wouldn't care.
I look towards Dior's grave and mumble
"Goodbye."
I tie the rope around my neck. My hands are trembling and I'm scared.
I walk to a tree and climb up it and tie a knot on the branch.
I look down. Take a deep breath and say what I've wanted to say for a very long time. I might as well confess my love.
"Goodbye Erik." Even though we will never meet again. God, though I wish, at least one last time.
"I-I love-" I get ready to fall. I close my eyes, trying to think of some happy moment I couldn't place.
I let go. I am ready to join Dior. I am at peace. I am ready to move on.
Suddenly, I feel pulled up by my waist by two strong arms and a handkerchief over my face.
I struggle, but again to no avail.
A dark, harsh, mesmerizing voice said as I unwillingly breathed in
"You will never have the need to say goodbye."
And everything turned into darkness…
Song: My Immortal: Evanescence
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I don't think I will make my deadline... sorry!