- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] -
GA: Rose
GA: What Is The Precise Nature Of Your Relationship With The John Human
TT: Uh
TT: Yes, hello.
TT: Nice to see you again, no I'm fine, how are you?
GA: There Is No Need To Point Out That I Am Being Brusque In My Greetings Through Use Of Sarcasm
GA: Doing So Was Completely Intentional
TT: You figure it's a good idea to start our eighteenth conversation by immediately asking me intimate personal details?
GA: I Was Hoping We Could Talk About Several Items Of Cultural Import That Have Been Gnawing At Me
GA: And That By Approaching The Subject Directly I Would Dispel Any Later Awkwardness Caused By The Nature Of My Questions
GA: And Yours In Turn To Me
GA: Also I Must Admit To A Certain Amount Of Cold Feet
TT: And you chose to do this while I was engaged with two Giclopsi and a ten-storey Lesser Shoggoth wearing a foot-tall princess hat?
GA: Essentially
TT: Why?
GA: Arent You Still Typing
TT: ...
TT: All right.
TT: What did you want to ask?
GA: Several Things If You Have The Time
TT: I suppose. The Shoggoth's pustules keep bursting into Garnet Imps and their defence level is frustrating.
GA: I Would Like To Think My Conversations Do Not Have To Be Accompanied By Macabre Busywork To Keep Your Interest At This Point
TT: You're right, I apologize.
GA: Its Fine
GA: Several Of The Topics I Would Like To Broach Run The Risk Of Provoking Similar Insult
GA: Though Such Insult Would Be Likewise Unintentional
GA: So Long As We Keep In Mind That We Ask In The Name Of Mutual Understanding There Is Really No Harm Whatsoever
GA: If Thats All Right
TT: Questions like whether or not Egbert is my boyfriend.
GA: Is That The Label You Would Use
TT: No, no, wait.
TT: Start over.
TT: What is it, precisely, that you're trying to ask?
GA: This Particular Question Pertains To My Confusion Over Your Team's Mutual Non-Biological Relationships
GA: As I Understand You Have Known One Another For Quite Some Time
TT: Yes, several years.
GA: Precisely
TT: ...
TT: This appears to be one of those situations where I am unable to understand a high-concept thought because of a basic misunderstanding.
TT: I will attempt to circumvent by answering an different question in hopes it illuminates the issue.
TT: If I had to ascribe a label, I would call John, Jade and Dave my closest friends.
TT: Well, prior to the apocalypse, I suppose. The qualifier has lost some meaning.
GA: So You Do Not Cast Romantic Aspirations On Any Of Them
TT: No.
TT: Did I or one of them give some impression to the contrary?
GA: No Your Relationships Just Seem Too Tightly Bound By My Reading
TT: Perhaps I should turn the question back on you?
TT: How would you define your relationship with, say...
TT: terminallyCapricious.
GA: With Gamzee
TT: Yes.
TT: I gauge your relationship is not romantic, and that is the context in which I would use "friend."
GA: Ah, I See Our Discrepancy
GA: You Are Correct In That My Relationship With Tc Is Not Romantic But I Would Not Call Him My Friend
TT: Perhaps I have selected a bad example?
GA: No
GA: Well Yes Gamzee Is A Bad Example In That He Would Be Happy To Call All Of Us Friends But Allow Me To Explain
GA: Trolls Do Not Form Friendships
GA: It Is Not An Relationship We Form Naturally Except In A Few Genetic Aberrations
GA: To Want Friends Is More A Form Of Troll Disease
TT: No friends?
TT: Ever?
GA: That Is Correct
TT: But
GA: What Is It
TT: I'm sorry, I am simply trying to absorb this.
TT: If I may say so in the interest of scientific neutrality, I may be experiencing a reaction akin to yours on learning Humans only have a single romantic relationship.
GA: You Find The Difference That Fundamental
TT: Yes, certainly.
TT: Friendship is a key relationship in human culture.
TT: Alternating position with familial depending on specific culture and generation.
TT: Neither of which you experience.
GA: Correct
TT: At all?
GA: As I Said
GA: No
TT: Not even for your... and now I am at a loss of words... for your co-Sburb players?
GA: Sgrub
GA: And No
GA: Well Technically Arachnidsgrip Was Once My Moirail As Far As Relationships Are Concerned
GA: But I Fear That Romance Has Long Since Reached Its End
TT: What word would you use to describe the rest?
TT: I'm sorry, I've started my inquiries out of turn.
GA: No I Understand
GA: As For My Allies Karkat Remains My Leader And Thus Deserving Of Highest Respect
GA: And I Suppose I Have A Lingering Sense Of Feudal Duty Towards Cuttlefishculler
GA: But By And Large I Suppose I Consider The Others Merely Acquaintances Or Allies
GA: Under Normal Circumstances Our Mutual Relation Would Break Off Once Our Mission
GA: Or Insurrection
GA: Had Ended
TT: What you're going through is hardly normal circumstances.
GA: Certainly But You Cannot Expect Generations Of Social Structure To Collapse Immediate Under Unusual Weight
GA: There May Be Some Trolls Capable Of Forming Friendships Such As Tc But I Do Not Expect Such A Change Within Our Generation
GA: The Social Imperative Of Romantic Relationships Over Non Has Extended For Too Long For That
TT: Does this have something to do with kismeses killing one another and limiting the pool of potential mates?
GA: Yes Exactly
GA: You Are Already Grasping It
GA: If It Helps Your Visuaulization I Personally Have Never Felt Friend-Feelings Toward Another Troll
TT: So your only interpersonal relationships are the formal ones you form for romantic purposes?
GA: Essentially Though Formative Relationships Exist
GA: Prospective Matesprits Moirails Etc
TT: Yes, like the first few dates, or casual dating, on Earth.
TT: I believe I understand though I admit to having a great deal of trouble wrapping my head around it.
TT: But this is curious. You have several times insinuated that you hoped for a chance to extend our personal relationship in the future.
TT: Which I reciprocated.
TT: Am I now to understand that you said this with ulterior motives?
GA: Pardon
GA: Your Mood Appears Soured
GA: Have I Provoked
TT: Seeing as how all Troll relationships extend into romantic branches!
GA: Well Certainly
GA: Wait
GA: I Believe I Am Coming Understand The Source Of Your Anger
TT: THAT is the
TT: oiewrfw
TT: THAT is the IMPS!
GA: Well Yes I Also Had Trouble Restraining My Anger While Being Dogpiled
GA: But All The Same You Made The Misassumption That My Proposal Was Intended Towards Friendship
GA: I'm Very Sorry
GA: That Was Never
GA: Ah
GA: My Intention
GA: As I Truly Hope You Can Now See
GA: Rose
TT: I
TT: Back.
TT: Give me a moment.
GA: I Understand
GA: Your Screen Is Visibly Unusable
TT: Yes but also to gather my thoguhtad.
TT: *Thoughts.
TT: Why haven't I learned to carry a wiping cloth with me?
TT: No, I feel I'm the one who should apologize.
TT: We've both just been the victims of the misapprehensions you were worried of at the start of this conversation.
TT: But I'm clearly the one more at fault.
GA: How So
TT: Beyond the immediate rude reaction?
TT: For which I am quite ashamed and beg your forgiveness.
GA: No Offense Is Taken
GA: I Did Say I Expected Such Misunderstandings
GA: By Making These Trips Here We Avoid Making Them At A More Critical Moment
TT: All the same. But more than that:
TT: Your assessment that I could be a valid partner in a romantic partnership is far more valid than my baseless assessment that you could be a partner in a human friendship.
TT: Pardon, that sounded callous.
GA: Do You Think So
TT: I do. I insinuated that you are not capable of friendship.
GA: At The Risk Of Sounding Rude Through Repetition
GA: I Am Not
TT: So you say.
TT: All the same, love, hate, restraint and support are things human are capable of.
TT: My goodness. I feel like I could not be approaching this more clinically.
TT: Your... and now I cannot say "friendship"... Our conversations over the past few days have meant a great deal to me.
TT: If you were/are... uh...
TT: honestly offering a chance at a relationship, I would be honoured to seek some more mature relationship with you in the future.
TT: If you can give me time to settle naturally into a quadrant.
GA: Of Course
GA: I Had Never Assumed Otherwise
GA: In Truth I Was Afraid You Might Not Be Capable Of Some Quadrants In A Reverse Of Our Current Discussion
TT: Possible. The actions seem valid but I cannot vouch for the emotional response.
GA: I Would Certainly Hope You Dont Feel Pressured To Do So
TT: Not at all. Your perspective on the relationship hasn't changed, and I have never felt pressured before.
GA: I Suppose
GA: I Must Confess That This Is A Great Emotional Relief
GA: You Had Frightened Me For A Moment
TT: I'm sorry, it is not a very good new beginning for our yet-unqualified relationship.
TT: My Turn
TT: Erm.
GA: Heh
TT: Earlier I used the word "honoured" to describe my feelings, but this seems so...
TT: Emotionally detached?
GA: Perhaps But Do You Really Feel A Need To Assign An Emotion At Present
GA: After All If We Do Feel Close Enough To Form A Tighter Bond In The Future There Are Four Different Regions In Which To Form That Bond
GA: One Of Which Varies Immensely In Nature Depending On The Kismesissitude It Coaches
TT: I see. It felt it important to not be rude from the beginning, you understand.
GA: Naturally
GA: And If I May Ask You A Related Question In Turn
TT: Go ahead.
GA: Your Closest Friends
GA: What Word Would You Use To Describe Your Feelings Towards Them
TT: "Love"
GA: Would You
GA: Hm
TT: What is it?
GA: I Had Simply Truly Realized How Fundamental The Bond Was To You
GA: If You Feel It Deserves So Lofty A Verb
GA: And Yet It Is Completely Alien To Me
TT: I have a similar misunderstanding of kismesissitude.
TT: It is a hurdle we'll all overcome in the end.
TT: I certainly hope none of our differences will strike as an obstacle. Especially not between you and I.
GA: Yes
GA: Thank You
TT: I would like to ask you another question if that is all right, but I fear there will be a delay.
TT: The Shoggoth's transparent core is about to burst.
TT: And I am about to discover what horrible prize I will find admit the grist.
TT: With any luck it will simply expel another Ogre but I have seen far worse from these pi?tas.
GA: I Understand
GA: I Once Discovered A Greater Rust Shoggoth Concealing A Lesser Containing A Gicops
GA: I Insisted My Companions Bathe Afterwards From All The Mess
GA: They Were Not Cooperative
TT: I can only imagine the smell.
GA: I Advise You Do Not.
TT: Noted.
TT: Here we go.
TT: ...Damn.
TT: Excuse me.
GA: See You Soon
"roz wwe need to talk"
Rose jumped a foot and, seeing as how she was on her bed at the time, bounced for a bit in a way too comedic to match her shock. It took her a moment to realize Eridan was not actually in her room. Of course he wasn't: the doors were all fingerprint locked. Unfortunately, it only helped to a point: the humans had only been granted a section of Aradia's part of the lab, and so the transportalizer had been left unlocked and anyone could march up to the door and start knocking at any hour of the night. Rose had expected him all day, since Kanaya had filled her in on the details of what she had truly done when she had confronted Vriska, Eridan and Tavros in the lab two days prior. And if any of them was going to interrupt her in the middle of the night, it was going to be Eridan.
"Eridan," she shouted, "I don't care! Can't you come back in the morning?"
"No way Roz!" he replied. The puberty-granted vocal undercurrent made it sound eerily like Eridan was sitting in Rose's lap, which was more than she could stand while still in bed. She jumped to her feet more than a little squirming just to get the feeling off out of her mind. He continued: "I don't see why I should have to keep to your schedule when you could just as easily keep to mine."
"Oh, we're making a great first impression, aren't we Eridan?" Rose muttered. She briefly considered changing out of her pyjamas: her old once-purposefully now-unintentionally mutilated Squiddles t-shirt paired with a set of old flannel bottoms. Eridan pounded again on the door, and Rose decided taht any second spent not curbing Eridan was just going to make things progressively worse and worse. She went to the door and hit the button to slide it up.
"What?" she demanded.
"Well, uh..." he said. He was still fully dressed, fairly standard for the Trolls, but had been completely taken aback by her prompt response. He proceeded to provide further elucidation: "kinda... embarasin"
It might have only been the fact that he had interrupted a rare pleasant night's rest, but Rose was too cross to care. "You're here about Vriska," she said, trying not to sound like she was going to enjoy the taste as she chewed him out for it.
"Oh, you know?" he said, suddenly eager. "Wow, okay, then we can get right on it! Come on, we can talk strategy."
Rose shut the door on him. It rolled down on its rotors and Eridan, scrambling, caught it with his hand. Eridan's muscles flexed and the door halted with a metallic shriek that ran through the walls in every direction. Eridan then fought a howling grind as the gears pushed back against him, to no avail. Rose jammed the up button, and the whole affair slammed into the roof faster than she had ever seen it manage.
"Eridan!" she snapped, not that it mattered as he did not seem at all perturbed. She really had to keep in mind that behind his whining, Eridan was just as top-echeladder and mature as Vriska.
"Rose, are you okay?" called Jade through their shared wall.
"I'm fine Jade, go back to bed!" Rose turned back to Eridan and, seeing him trying to cross into her room, slammed a hand into the doorframe. "If the next words out of your mouth aren't 'I'll get Equius,' they had better be fast ones."
Seeing Rose enraged at him seemed to remind Eridan exactly why he had came, and a hand crept up to his mouth. He began to chew at his nails, a deeply tranced look coming over his face. "Roz, you've really got to see things my way here. im completely fuckin helpless don't you see? Weren't you ever been in love as a grub?"
Rose lowered her guard slightly. "How do you mean?"
"I mean your first love is like the one that never goes away. It could be a sweep and whenever you're in the room with them it's like it's the first time all over again. It's like when you first met them. They never looked so fuckin beautiful like they do then, and you just want to sweep them of their feet."
He could not have looked less like a heartbroken teddy bear. "Oh my god," Rose whispered.
"Yeah, I know," he said.
Rose did not finish her sentence out loud. Oh my god. Poor Feferi, she thought. "So I guess getting throttled and almost impaled on a teammate has made you all hot and bothered for our blue-blooded friend?"
"Exactly. I can't stop thinking about the day we met and she sank my ship, this fuckin landwweller just sailing up and sinking me like it wwas the simplest thing in the wworld and laughin like a bloody hellmurderin lusus beast. That's when I knew we'd be destined for a rivalry of legends."
"And then she broke up with you," Rose summarized, turning her back on him to pull out a proper set of clothes.
"Well... yeah. So?" He followed her in and rested a hand on the foot of her bed so he could lean to his comfort. "I figure with your brains we can come up with a plan to kick her once we've got her down and she and I'll be back locking swords before you know it!"
Rose was absolutely certain even kismesis was not supposed to be this creepy. And speaking of creepy... "Turn around, would you?"
"Wha?"
She held up her clothes with one hand and gestured a spin at him with the other. He frowned.
"Roz, I'm not interested in your gross Human bits. I'm here to talk about Mindfang."
"Look," Rose said, "if you want my advice, stop calling her that and then turn around."
To her relief, he did, though that did not stop him from complaining. "Look, it's not my fault I keep calling her by her FLARP name. I didn't know her real name for about a full fucking sweep, all right? That's a long time."
"Doesn't it bother you that you're turning to a 'gross Human' for advice?"
"Well," he said, shuffling his feet. "I sort of figure that she's a landdweller and so are you, and you've had more water in your past than the rest of them... 'cept Gam but can you imagine?"
"Flattered."
"Ugh," said the muffled voice of Jade through a wall and shouting into her pillow. "Eridan, leave Rose alone and go to bed!"
"It's all right, Jade," Rose said, pulling on the rest of her purple dress to complete her rush. "We were just leaving. C'mon, you," she added, grabbing his arm. At a loss at how to protect her door without being able to close it, she reached into her sylladex and packed it with a heavy stone artefact left over from the game. With a doubled pace, Rose headed toward the transporalizer.
"Isn't there some less destructive way you could tell Vriska you dislike her?" Rose asked as they walked.
"Clearly you humans aren't romantics."
"Not really," she admitted, "but I have a vested interest in us surviving to meet Jack Noir and not killing each other first."
"roz i'm on my fuckin knees here" he said, and to her surprise he actually did kneel. "I really need this to keep myself sane, you don't know what it's like to sit back and realize you've done nothing but fuck over all your chances and... you're just walking away, aren't you?" He had to jog to catch up.
"The way I see it, Eridan," Rose said, not looking at him any more. "You and Vriska have both done a perfect job of alienating everyone else in your lives. You truly are made for one another, and clearly you don't need my help. So, yes," she said, stepping onto the transportalizer. "I'm going to go with no.'"
Eridan screwed up his face, the frills at the sides of his face twitching. "No wh-"
Rose vanished into the air, and any smug joy she had over spiting Eridan evaporated as she was enwrapped in the shadow-frost of the void. She shut her eyes. Rose did not know how the transportalizers worked but she had the sneaking suspicion from repeat uses that it was connected to the furthest ring. Even with her eyes closed the voices hissed at her louder than ever, short promises that in the language of the elder gods could be squeezed into the second of transportalization.
"I can give you power," said one, and she wondered if he knew anything else to promise as he had never said anything else. "So direct," said a female, "so forceful. Always with demands and demands. Sit, Rose, relax, there is no need to hurry..." . And "Life," "Life," "An inch, an inch! You can still have life!" had become very popular lately. Or maybe it was the cold.
She was still catching her breath, pinching between her eyes, when Eridan popped into full volume behind her. "No what?" he repeated.
"W-w-whoa!" she shouted back, and, taking advantage of his surprised reaction, took a deep breath. "I mean I'm not going to be your auspitice, Eridan. I don't get it, I can't do it, I won't! Especially not for you and Vriska, you're both dug your own graves on this one."
Eridan seemed to lose track of his mouth, which had dropped at being refused by a lowblood landdweller, Rose presumed, or something equally asinine. "I... uh..."
"Look, Eridan, just give me some space, okay, I'm not feeling very well. I need some space."
And all at once there was no space. From the other side of the room, Karkat and John appeared in turn from Karkat's transportalizer and Dave and Terezi emerged from the centre. Everyone was talking for a moment, an impenetrable wall of sound, until they all noticed one another and stopped almost at once.
Of course Karkat spoke first. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU TWO GOING?"
"Duh, drawing a mural," Terezi said, hoisting the box of paints she was carrying. Rose did not like this. Karkat and Terezi, if they had ever borne one another affection, had been boiling over from the moment the Humans had arrived. The moulting Trolls were bad enough, but it would be a terrible idea to forget just how dangerous the others could be. Even being near them could be dangerous. Rose had once helped them fight off a group of imps Nepeta had found in a vault, and had seen Sollux locking his items in encrypted safes and flinging them at targets. If any of their sylladexes could be weaponized, and Rose did not want to be near Terezi while she was carrying heavy, metal cans of paint. Looking from her to Dave, Rose saw that her friend was lugging about a mixed box of crayons, chalk and pencil crayons. The two of them must have just been at the alchemiter, making dupes. She couldn't help but notice how Dave was towering over Terezi these days.
"Well like that wasn't fucking obvious, but I asked where you were going."
Terezi tried to shrug. "My room."
So he started shouting, and Eridan, not wanting to be ignored, began to pick up the shouting at Rose's back. Terezi kept up the volume on her own past a wicked smile that Rose suspected was at least partially forced.
"SO NOW YOU'RE JUST ALL HANGING OUT IN YOUR ROOM IN YOUR TIME OFF, IS IT?"
"He's in my room all the time! M4YB3 1F YOU C4R3D 3NOUGH TO CH3CK UP YOU'D H4V3 NOT1C3D"
"roz I really dont think you realize just how fuckin serious this is I mean you're really just not letting into your fuckin head is all"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" the three Humans said, essentially at once. They coordinated quickly with John, who subtly directed Dave to Karkat, Rose to Terezi and himself to Eridan. It was not quite perfect ("STOP TALKING DOWN TO ME OR I'LL GUT YOU FROM END TO END." "Can't help it man, you're so adorably fun-sized." "...What did you call me?") they pulled the three of them down to the ground. Karkat, having seemingly decided he had had more than enough, pushed past them with his perpetual scowl and headed back to the lab. Terezi, deciding this was the funniest thing she had seen all day, let out a shrieking laugh that hung in the air long after she had transportalized away. Eridan stayed.
"Eridan," John said, "Look, I think Rose is really busy now, so maybe you should just, uh..." He shoved him towards his portal. "Just go away for a bit."
"Hey, I don't have to put up with this kind of treat-" he started, and then abruptly disappeared. Rose waited for a moment to see if he would return, but it seemed that, for the time, he had given up. All at once, the three of them collapsed to the floor in a fit of relieved laughter at their own expense.
"Ohhh my..." Rose groaned. "Why do they have to be so stupid sometimes?"
"I don't know, Lalonde," Dave said. "Let's turn it over to Egbert, he's our resident expert on stupid."
John just laughed, and it was hard not to join in. After a time, he clapped his knees. "Look at us, huh? If Jade were here it'd be the old team again."
"Yeah," Rose laughed. "Maybe we should call her down."
"No way," Dave said, "it's five-thirty or some shit. Let her sleep."
Was it really? Where she might have previously found that distressing, Rose now found it kind of amusing. There was an uplifting atmosphere there with the two of them, though it definitely would have been better with Jade. Rose had missed this. Dave was busy those days, and Rose was not sure when she would catch him next, but John and Karkat's movies were close enough to platonic to let her barge in, maybe. It would be nice to relax.
But first: "Dave, seriously though, you've got to say something to Terezi."
"Yeah," John said. "I don't want to turn this into a thing. Karkat's kind of hated your guts since that 'alien girl trying to get my bone' remark."
Rose raised an eyebrow. "Your what?"
"Hey," Dave said, hands raised. "We're just friends, okay? That's all. And I'm not going to let your hatefriend screw with that because he thinks he's king shit on this rock."
Rose furrowed her brow. "Strider, that's just the thing. You might think that but I don't think Terezi... uh... can be friends with you." Had he really not noticed? For Rose, Terezi had been one of the two things that had convinced her that Kanaya was right. Her overtures towards Dave were far too, to borrow a term: flushed. While Rose suspected Terezi might have at least once been flirting for fun, or to tweak her matesprit, things had clearly gotten to the knife-edge bordering acquaintance and "completely of hand." Based on the look on Dave's face, he wasn't buying it, but Rose could not shake the weight of the eighteenth conversation. It was really way too early in the morning to be doing this. Too tired to dance the mine field of that conversation, she leaned over and hugged him. "Don't you be stupid, Strider. I'm serious."
"Yeah," said John. "I'm the stupid one, remember?"
"And you smell like a sweaty pig," she added as she let go. "Seriously, Strider, she sees with her nose."
"Hey, just helping the lady see me coming!" he said with a roll of his eyes. "Rose," he said as she stepped towards the transportalizer. "Hey!" She stopped. "I got this, okay? You can trust me."
She smiled again. It was so much easier to smile with them than with Eridan. "I do." Taking a step onto the platform, she tugged at her sleeve so he could see. "You need new clothes," she whispered. And as he was checking his short cuffs, she vanished.
The voices picked up again, but Rose shrugged them off with ease. Power, Life, Fame. Live forever, turn grey. It was so much easier for Rose to ignore to them when she coming straight off of her friends. It was so much easier when she wasn't half-drowned in a pool of intentional hate. What was Eridan thinking? Wasn't their little society fragile enough?
But a familiar whisper tugged at her. Many of the voices were all familiar, in a sense. Some of them belonged to people that were dead and gone, some of her own imagination, but they were all just wrong enough that they clearly belonged to Gods of neither sex nor humanity. But one voice, one of a young man she had never met, took the neutral gender twist to a new level. He was perfectly alluring. It only got through because Rose had been expecting it, or maybe in a fit of self-betrayal, invited it. She had never bothered to fully translate what the voice from eldritch, because she was afraid of the details, but it always came to bother her when she talked to Dave, John, Kanaya or Jade. To taunt her about the people she loved, and to make suggestions. It made her hate her own puberty more than she ever had Eridan's.
"Fuck you," she whispered back, and opened her eyes. Karkat was looking up at her over the back of his couch.
"You see, that's why I like you, Lalonde."
Rose rolled her eyes and stepped off the platform, off to find somewhere in the lab that might keep her warm.