So, bad news, FFn readers: I've decided that two fan-favourite chapters, the recaps, will not be posted over here. The first featured Karkat answering a Strong Bad Email, and the second was along the same vein. Both included recaps of the events that had come before, on reader request at the time. Unfortunately my hands are tied: both are in script format and this site does not allow script format posts. As with colour formatting, those chapters can be found at Archive of Our Own.
GA: For My Next Question I Would Like To Ask You For A Summary Of Human Courtship
GA: As Practiced In Your Region And Demographic As You Have Specified In The Past
TT: That seems fair. I was considering asking you the same but figured covering all four quadrants would just eat up our time.
TT: I figured the information might help stave off certain disasters Im getting the impression are occurring down my social pipeline.
GA: Is This About Karkat
TT: Why, what do you know?
GA: ...
GA: Things
TT: Kanaya.
GA: Perhaps It Would Be Better For You To Speak To Your Friends Directly
TT: Fine. Johns online, Ill bother him.
TT: Did you ask because of whatever it is youre hiding from me?
GA: No
GA: It Was One Of The Original Questions I Hoped To Ask You When I First Contacted You
TT: Mm-hm.
TT: Whos Vriska?
GA: Are You Talking To Your John Friend
TT: Yes.
GA: Arachnidsgrip
TT: Your ex-moirail?
GA: Yes
GA: Why Has She Done Something
GA: She Has Been Acting Very Strange Since The Death Of Her Lusus
GA: I Believe She Is Trying To Repair Her Life But Is Not Honestly Very Good At It
TT: John says shes been flirting with him.
TT: apparently
TT: Adorable but clueless.
GA: Really
TT: He would like to know if I think he should flirt back.
TT: Not really a question I think Im capable of answering without more information.
GA: Are You Asking Me
TT: Oh wait, he means considering some external factor.
TT: Related to me, I sup
TT: ...hold on.
GA: What Is It
TT: Please, just... give me a minute with my tactless leader.
TT: If youre curious perhaps you should go ask YOUR tactless leader.
GA: All Right
TT: Back
GA: Hello
TT: Did you speak with carcinoGeneticist?
GA: No
GA: He Told Me To Leave Because He Was Having A Fight With Himself
GA: And That It Was Very Important That That Brinesucking Asswipe Be Put In His Place
TT: I... see.
GA: How Did Your Conversation Go
TT: Surprisingly...
TT: Touching. John may not be the most mature person I know but he is at least sensitive.
TT: And when not direct he is at least easy to decode.
GA: May I Inquire As To The Nature Of This Discussion
TT: Well...
TT: Yes, I think so. Apparently Karkat has been trying to put the kibosh on Troll/Human relationships.
TT: And has been suggesting preferred substitutes.
GA: Oh No
TT: John wanted to ask about the nature of our relationship.
TT: And since I am in a currently-undefined relationship with you, I figure you have a right to know that old greycaps is trying to muscle in.
GA: You Mean To Say That You Do Not Care
TT: About Karkats attempts to undermine other peoples feelings?
TT: No not particularly.
TT: If he wants to have an ashen crush on the world thats his business. He certainly hates it enough.
TT: So long as you dont mind, I certainly dont.
GA: I Do No Know
GA: He Is My Leader But
GA: I Do Not See How This Means He Knows What Is Best For Me In This Regard
TT: Im glad we can see eye to eye on this.
GA: Heh
TT: Now, where did we leave off?
GA: Wait
GA: What Did You And John Decide
TT: The same thing you and I did. That this was not the time for that kind of discussion and that time together would better tell.
GA: Fair Enough
TT: Are you worried hell play a matesprit rival for you?
GA: Are You Asking About My Intentions
GA: Because Im Trying My Best Not To Have Any At The Moment
GA: Until We Have Met In Person
TT: I believe you. I just wanted to be sure.
GA: And What Do You Think Is Johns Perspective
TT: I think the whole deal is taking him more than a little by surprise.
TT: He found the idea of waiting a great comfort.
TT: In fact, he suggested it independently.
GA: I Take It This Is Hardly The Proper Course Of Human Courtship
TT: No, being ordered into pairings by a teenaged alien god-analogue is not our normal course of action when looking for mates.
TT: But nice segue.
GA: Thank You
TT: Human courtship in my demographic etc, etc, is divided into one or two stages depending on ones end goal.
TT: Generally it begins with dating: one party asks the other out to some event or location of interest.
GA: To What End
TT: Early on, to get to know one another. Later, to just have fun, I suppose.
TT: Come to think of it, its really just an invitation to a private get-together. I suppose as a courtship ritual it draws more of its appeal from intent than the actual structure or activity.
TT: Id never really given it much thought.
TT: Do you have an analog?
GA: Not Really
GA: Kismeses Plan Ambushes In Advance I Suppose
TT: Not really what I was thinking. Id say both parties are usually aware of a date.
GA: Yes It Is Not Really All That Similar
GA: As For Matesprits It Is Not That They Do Not Spend Time Together In Private
GA: More That They Do So More Out Of Hand
TT: I wouldnt say spontaneity is alien to the human system but I think we can assume a certain dissonance.
GA: Would You Say Some Relationships Start Without The Dating Process
TT: Yes, I would.
GA: Rose
TT: ?
GA: I Am Getting The Impression We May Not Be Very Dissimilar On This Topic
TT: Ha, maybe thats for the best, considering.
GA: Yes I Agree
GA: Earlier You Mentioned Human Casual Dating
GA: Does This Mean The Optional Second Stage You Mentioned Is A Formalization
TT: Not my original intent, but good point. Make that two and three.
GA: And Do Humans Sometimes End Up In Competition For The Affection Of The Same Matesprit
GA: *Dating Partner
GA: Before This Formalization
TT: Dont hurt yourself trying to parse it, I dont think there is an English word for members of a couple.
TT: Yes, Id say that happens from time to time.
GA: Given The Formalization Of The Early-Stage Relationships
GA: Is The Object Of Affection Generally Aware Of These Competing Attempts
GA: And
GA: Would You Say The Same Regarding The Competitors
GA: And If So What Is The Procedure For The Competitor That Does Not Succeed
TT: Thats an awfully detailed series of questions, Im not sure Im capable of answering all of them.
GA: These Sorts Of Tangles Often Occur When A Troll Is Courting Both A Matesprit And a Kismesis While The Latter Was Regarding My Curiousity For How A Relationship Falls Apart When Its Not Yet An Actual Relationship As It Is Not Exactly A Situation We Had On Alternia Or Could Have Here In The Lab
TT: Its all right, I didnt need you to explain yourself.
TT: Though now that you have Im more curious than ever.
TT: Are you all right?
GA: Have I Given You Reason To Suspect I Am Not
TT: Defensive replies, left field approach to questioning and that explanation was the longest contiguous block of text Ive ever seen you type.
TT: Typing habits arent exactly sight and sound but I get the impression that this topic bothers you.
GA: Could You Answer The Question
TT: As best I can:
TT: a) Not necessarily b) Same c) I cant imagine there is a procedure.
TT: Hoping to find answers in other cultures?
GA: Rose Please
GA: Youre Blowing This Out Of Proportion
TT: If you say so, Ill believe you. Im concerned is all.
TT: This is my concerned face.
GA: Youre Also Blowing That Out Of Proportion
GA: You Look Like A Sad Nepeta
TT: Im not sure how to take that.
TT: But I suppose I should move on to the next part of your initial question.
GA: Wait
GA: Rose I Know This Is Hard To Understand Through Text But Im Not Upset
GA: And Im Sorry For Implying Such
GA: Well I Technically Am Upset But
GA: Its More Embarrassment Over Still Being Upset
TT: I hope you realize that every tantalizing detail is only making me more eager for the rest of the story.
TT: So many sordid possibilities.
TT: I can already picture the buckets.
GA: All Right
GA: I Will Tell You If You Stop Making Light
TT: Im not making light.
GA: You Are
GA: I Can See Your Face And Youre All Smiles
GA: Youre The Most Horrible Human Being
TT: Youve found me out. Unbelievable.
TT: I admit it. I am a vampire that feeds on despair and suffering.
TT: Especially of innocent alien girls.
TT: But now that youre joking back I find myself powerless.
GA: I Cant Help It If You Keep Making Me Laugh
GA: When I Am Supposed To Be Filled With Righteous Early-Mid-Sweep-Aged Angst
GA: ...
GA: Put Your Damn Tongue Back In Your Mouth
TT: Yes that wasnt very noble or vampiric of me.
TT: So should I assume this tale of yours has something to do with you precariously positioned between two suitors?
GA: No
GA: The Opposite
GA: I Figure I Should Start By Explaining My Ex-Moirail
Youll help? r-rEALLY,
Yes really, Rose said. If you still want my help.
Tavros grinned from ear to ear. Y-yeah, I do! Wow, this is great!
Did you talk to him? Rose took a look about the room but there was no sign of Eridan. In fact, the whole room seemed almost abandoned, save for Tavros and silent Aradia. She wondered at first if it had something to do with Terezi and Daves outburst, but realized that, give or take a few awkward minutes, the movie would have ended just prior and that it would have been the prime chance for a lunch break. And... why arent you at lunch?
Feet still dont work, he said, with a kick of one leg and no motion from the other. As for Eridan... Tavros looked a little downtrodden at first, and Rose scolded herself for doubting him when he perked up a few seconds later. He... still seemed interested! I asked him if he might want to go watch the next movie with me when it starts and he said thatd be good. Tavros then explained his earlier slump: Then I realized I had accidentally created a memo instead of a chat. He took an intense interest in playing with his fingers. I was wondering why it wanted me to name it.
Vriska, Rose concluded with a bit of a growl.
Yeah... she was being really supportive, except... i i DONT THINK SHE WAS ACTUALLY BEING SUPPORTIVE,
Rose sighed into her hands and tried to think around the situation. Tavros, two things. First: you need a nap. I mean really. It had gone beyond easy to notice. His eyelids hung low like heavy drapes and the bags under his eyes were making his everyday downtrodden looks take on the appearance of near fainting. Second...
Up until then, Roses hand had been casually resting on the desk, not far from the hole Tavross foot had made the night before, but she snapped it away when the lip of a plate landed almost on top of it. The plate wobbled to a halt next to the hole, a wildly bouncing whole wheat sandwich atop, hanging on for dear life.
Got your sandwich, Tav, Vriska said from just behind Rose. Rose turned and saw her walking over to her computer, where she grabbed a chair and gave it a shove across the lab. It rolled to a stop just a Roses side. Could you go online and look up what a turkey is? Gamzee says its a bird with a fUcKiNg BeArD and John just thought that was funny, so now I dont know what were eating and Im pretty sure we had better.
Tavros did as he was told, picking up his sandwich and setting it to his left, and Vriska returned, butting intentionally into Rose. Scuze, she said, a look on her face known to many a parent would have recognized as Holy-crap-how-can-you-be-this-stupid. Arent you hungry? she sneered, dropping into her chair and scooting over to Tavros, who was already on Wikipedia. Hah! Vriska said, seeing her first turkey. No way! Fuck, Lalonde! Your planet is just packed with ugly animals, did you know that? All the same, she immediately took a bite out of her sandwich and nodded approvingly.
Rose took a step back, getting only a half shrug from Tavros as communication. She supposed there really was not much more she could do to help Tavros with Vriska sitting right there, but it took her a moment to decide which way shed rather go: to get lunch or to head down to Aradias section of the lab and see how John and Jade were getting on with Dave. A growling stomach made up her mind for her, figuring that her friends might already be eating. She headed off down the hall the Trolls had unlocked beside Gamzees computer.
To hear Eridan tell it, the cafeteria had been the site of the last true climactic battle fought between the Trolls and the Underlings as the Trolls laid claim to the facility. Calling it the climax had a fair deal to do with actual challenge, as it had taken a full seven of them to flush the place, but also thanks to a fantastic incident none of the other six could confirm. Eridan claimed at one point to have fought an Ogre dressed in ragged, Aradia-prototyped robes and dragon scales that had caught fire on the cafeterias range. Despite, the Ogre had apparently just kept coming and even survived multiple shots from his weapon. Whatever the truth of the war stories, the cafeteria still showed heavy signs of battle damage, though the Trolls had largely repaired the appliances, utensils and eating area to a pleasant and usable state, to say nothing of the far wall that would crumble a little every time someone moved a bench anywhere in the room. For sake of easy access to food, they had installed their primary alchemizer and its assorted gizmos in the pantry.
As far as Rose understood the labs layout, the Cafeteria was connected directly to Gamzees expansive sector. Unfortunately, Gamzees was such a confusing place that the only evidence she had for the connection was his word, and she was past trusting his word. More than a few times they had found him with his head stuck in the fridge, or eating ice cream in the middle of the empty dining hall floor, so if it was not connected he was at least good at sneaking past everyone to get inside. Either way, he had more or less declared himself head chef, though his schedule was scattered and ill-planned. Unless Karkat felt industrious enough to swat him awake and into the kitchen, it was more a matter of waiting as far as one felt comfortable past lunch before heading in to do it yourself.
What is up my most loquacious motherfucker?
Hi Gamzee, Rose said, trying to take inventory of the dining hall before she felt she had to make eye contacted out of politeness. Whats for lunch?
Fuck bra, its sandwich day. Rose could not help but notice the active pressure cooker. Weve got turkey and stuff on one hand and some squeezefruit on toast for the other, vegetarian-style.
The kids and Trolls had been doing their best to exchange cuisines for the past few weeks; that Gamzee still had access to new flavours rescued from their respiteblocks continued to surprise Rose. It was one thing to still find new food while shuffling through an eleven-set cookbook from Alternia, but the sheer amount of food her mother and her friends guardians had shoved into their pantries just days before the game began was equal parts reassuring and suspicious. Cake mixes and cereal boxes packed with shuriken aside.
Rose decided to stick to that game plan. I guess Ill have that... what did you call it?
Squeezeberry, he repeated, and produced one from under the counter. It looked more like a speckled pepper to Rose, about half the length of a finger. Pinching it at the base with one hand, Gamzee squelched it with another until it had ejected a viscous orange paste all over the counter. He nodded, lips pursed and eyelids lowered, like an artist proclaiming his latest masterpiece complete.
Rose leaned slightly over the spit guard dividing her from the kitchen to get a closer look at the mess. Uh... sure Gamzee, Ill have one, just... not that one.
Cool, he said, swiping it up and sucking it off his finger. Rose watched for a while as he began to prepare some toast with one hand while absent-mindedly, but dutifully, washing the one that had just been in his mouth. Assured that her sandwich was being prepared by semi-professional Gamzee rather than utterly spaced Gamzee, she returned to taking stock of the adjoining dining hall. At the far side of the room, she spotted Feferi, who was narrating a story to Sollux using the remains of her meal for props, and most of the movie-watching group, who were discussing the plot at the top of their voices. Worst was Nepeta, who had Equius tugging at her trenchcoat to sit back down on the bench instead of the table. John was sitting with the other movie-fans, while Jade and Eridan sat at opposite sides of the room, both a few seats removed from the others who they watched with a certain detachment.
Gamzee, Rose said, turning back and discovering that Gamzees right side was covered from wrist to waist in flour. ...have you seen Dave, Terezi or Kanaya?
Well, my coolest bro was in here to grab some fruit and tell me that he wouldnt be showing up to our jam session tonight, but Im used to that. Fuckers never really around any more, you know? But nah, my stylish fucking sister aint been here since yesterday, and I aint seen Terezi since she blew up all over the lab this morning. Fuck, why is everyone so glum today? TaKe a lOoK ArOuNd aNd sMiLe, YoU KnOw, CaUsE aInT ShIt sO FuCkInG WoNdErFuL? So Im making her some hot dogs to bring up later.
Youre... pardon? Rose stepped a big closer as Feferi and Sollux walked past, back towards the lab, his arm over her shoulders and a laughing look on his face as she continued to tell him something Rose could not really piece together about a family of oysters.
Crazy motherfucker loves my dogs, man. Two hot dogs with hot peppers and enough ketchup to drown the imperial guard.
Rose realized that, yes, one of the three saucepans just sitting on top of the nearby range full of dirty utensils and soap bubbles was actually boiling water. I think I get it. Red, red and red, right?
Nah, my man, you gotta look at the big picture. If yOuR WhOlE FuCkInG WoRlD Is rEd, LiKe, HoW Do yOu kNoW? I got all kinds of awesome bell peppers from Jades house, you have no idea. Its like a motherfucking rainbow on a plate. And cheese. I put it right in the dog because then you cant see it coming and then youre like whoa! Fucking cheese! So awesome. He had walked over to the fridge as he spoke, pulling out the ingredients and laying them on a cutting board as he mentioned them. He held the cheddar up to his face when he found it, boring his soul deep into its very nature. Did you know this used to be milk? he asked. FuCkInG. MiRaClEs.
Youre really putting a lot of effort into this, Rose said, her prying inner psychiatrist latching on to this new information. You must really care.
Fuck, I care if anybody comes in here looking like a rain cloud. Your cute friend wanted to talk so she and I were poking through the books until she decided to make some lemon meringue pie. Did you know, he said, leaning over the spit guard and whispering as though he was spilling government secrets. Did you know that you can make pies out of anything? He gave her a wide-eyed, knowing nod of his head. Then the other day Kitty comes in with six of her dead rats and sniffling like someone just took her favourite jingle toy, so I lit up some sticks in the corner and we had an awesome fucking camp fire. Gamzee pointed to the far end of the dining hall, and Rose made a mental note to tell Sollux that his sprinkler system might not be as fully operational as he had bragged.
So people just come to you for help? Rose asked. Gamzee shook his head.
Nah, man. Well, maybe. I make them lunch. I mean, I dont want to see anyone all upset or soon everybodys upset, but sometimes you just gotta sit down and... coast. Especially dont like seeing all you pretty ladies with a frown. He set his arms, crossed, and met her eyes. ...So something eatin you?
He had transformed into the unbelievable picture of utter seriousness. He even frowned, which Rose had never seen, and his eyes looked in the same direction, which was irregular enough. Seriousness and a sympathetic face on a guy half-covered in flour and his elbow in a puddle of squeezeberry. Rose felt conflictingly torn between laughing and babbling out her day all at once. I guess... she said, Im finding out what you mean about people being upset making everyone upset.
He gave a tilt of his head as though to acquiesce to that, and when it was clear she had said all she was willing, the corner of his lip turned up a bit and Rose finally gave in to her laughter. He grinned a toothy grin and then, screaming like the demon had dropped in uninvited, he leapt into the air when the toast popped up.
MoThErFuCk! He grabbed at the toast with his bare hands, pinching and retracting until he got used enough to the heat to yank each piece out onto the plate he set in front of him, and then began to rummage through the bins below for another squeezeberry. Despite finding his demonstration with no trouble, a pile of fruit was dropped onto the counter in no time, leading to a mixed pool of juices. At last he gave a cry of triumph and emerged with his quarry.
Gamzee, Rose started when he was wrapping up his work. Do you think you could make me a sandwich for Kanaya, too? Shes been looking down since this morning, and maybe I can cheer her up, or at least get her to eat, after Im done talking to Tavros.
Sure thing, bra. No rationing here, she can come down and eat the whole fucking loaf if she wants. That might have been true, but Gamzee did have a certain culinary touch, and Rose knew that any moment after he was left to his own devices he might suddenly give up and wander off. Gamzee pulled out what Rose discovered to be an actual turkey breast, and began to carve it. So whats up with my bro?
Tavros? Oh, he... she lowered her voice to a whisper, not really sure how much was actually official yet. He asked me to help out him with Eridan.
Fuck, really? He slammed his meat knife onto the cutting board with jarring, audible force. Holy shit, were like family then! Next thing you know you'll be his aupistice. Fuck, why didnt you say so?
Oh! Rose looked away from the cutting board with a jerk, her surprise overwhelming her initial fear that Gamzee had just removed his pinky and was having a delayed reaction. You mean... you and Tavros are moirails?
FuCk YeAh! I mean, I said to my bro, I said: My bro, you and me have been bros for sweeps and now that youre raising your voice a little, everyone wants to be your bro! Except Im your bro, bro, and you know Ive got your motherfucking back to the motherfucking end, bro, and I know youve got mine too cause...
Because youre his bro too? Rose supplied..
Nah, like, because this one time he all up and dragged me back to my Hive after I had wandered out in the middle of the day AnD ThOuGhT EvErYtHiNg wAs sOmE KiNdA CaNdY? I mean, who does that? Rose was not sure which part he was asking about but he did not actually seem to be looking for an answer. LoVe iS A FuCkInG MiRaClE. Speaking of which, heres Kanis sandwich. You go fix whatevers going wrong there and everythingll be better in the morning. And hey! he said, as Rose put the sandwiches in her sylladex, deciding to save both for when she met up with Kanaya. If Eridans all cool with you helpin him and Tav, you get them all down here and well have an awesome fucking pie I saw this morning to celebrate being this whole big family thing.
Rose sucked in air through her teeth, though only partially because the idea of being family with Gamzee, even this new, improved, everbodys-confidant, semi-professional Gamzee, was sinking in. Right. Eridan. She had been so eager to help out Tavros that she had not really considered the full consequences that her help was at the mercy of both halves of the relationship. She wondered if Eridan was really going to let her ignore him when it came to Vriska and help out with Tavros. Gamzee must have seen the confliction on her face, because he then added: And if you dont, you just come down and well have some comfort pie. I am totally making this pie, Rose. Just so long as I can find the recipe again, I mean. Fucking things up and vanished on me. He slapped the side of his bookended cookbooks, the last of which read Traditional Autumn Recipies.
Okay, Ill see how it goes with Kanaya, Rose said, suddenly worried about exactly how it was going to go with Kanaya. She had not really had time to analyze the possibilities, what could be wrong, if she had done anything to provoke a problem. In truth, she was going in completely blind, armed only with cold cuts and good intentions. Thanks, Gamzee, youve been a big help, Rose said honestly, and tried to back away.
Rose! said the person she bumped into. Jade clutched at the tip of her hair and separated from her friend, looking more than a little flustered. Are you okay?
Im fine, Rose said, more surprised than anything. You? She nodded. Okay, good. ...Did you and John... talk to Dave?
I dont know if I can really call it that! Jade said with irritation, stomping from tip toe to the ground. He just brushed us aside every time he even had to make eye contact! I think he might be really hurting, Rose, but theres nothing we can really do if hes not going to listen to us. Oh, sure, John says if Dave says hes fine, hes fine, but I think hes not going to let on to something like that!
Yeah, Rose said, Terezi was in a pretty bad way too.
You talked to Terezi?
Yeah, but... you know. Private. Jade nodded. Look, I dont think theres anything we can do about Dave if he doesnt want us to. Why dont you go watch the last few movies with everyone else and, if Dave doesnt come to talk to anyone, lets just one of us find him if hes around at night time, maybe that will help him open up.
But who?
...Not me, Rose said after some thought. Im worried I might slip something Terezi said to me and that would be awful. You and John should decide. Maybe hed rather talk to you to help understand some of his girl trouble, or maybe he and John can, uh... Rose tossed a look over her shoulder to where Gamzee was humming Ive Been Working on the Railroad while hefting a meat tenderizer. Maybe they can be bros about it. I dont know, well have to just take a shot in the dark.
Looking at Gamzee had provided Rose with more than a silly turn of phrase. Seeing Jade at the same time as him, her hair in split ends and her buck teeth biting down on her lower lip, Rose could not help but remember what Gamzee had vaguely confided to her. Maybe it was just her opinion, but she had a good feeling of which Human was the "cute friend." Jade, besides this are... you doing okay here?
Jade nodded. Y-yeah. Id say so. Its a little cold? she suggested, holding one arm of her sweatshirt with the other. Arent you okay?
Rose smiled and nodded, immediately aware that all she had done was to provoke Jades existing worry about their mutual friend. Yeah, Im fine, just making sure. Im gonna go see Kanaya tonight, okay, but we can talk later.
Yeah, Jade said, eyes big behind her glasses and looking a little less like her usual spunky self with one arm held dangling alongside the other. Good luck, then.
Rose really had no idea what she had meant by that.
When Rose returned to the lab she was greeted by a strange sight indeed. A few things had changed to lesser effect: Sollux and Feferi were back at Solluxs computer, but Feferis mood had changed from her bouncy, storytelling self to one of familiar, furtive glances in Aradias direction. Sollux seemed to recognize the problem all his own, and he leaned over and planted a kiss just behind her gills. This sent a visible tremble up Feferi's spine and had her send look of gleeful accusation back at him, to which he replied by passively coding as though nothing had happened. Terezi had returned, and was sitting at her computer, typing quietly, her dragon-topped cane at her side in lieu of the plain, probably still stuck in the floor a few storeys above. But the strange thing had nothing to do with the new arrivals, but rather those Rose had left behind.
So, so, Tavros was saying, his hands gesturing like a conductor over their emptied plates. So Rufio comes in from above and gets the dragon right between the eyes! He mimed this, holding his arms as though ramming in a lance.
Yeah, and then Spinneret comes in from behind and wham! Right on the neck. She made a slashing gesture with her claws in mid-air... And then it goes down hard. ...and brought her fist down on the table with a thwump.
They looked to one another and both nodded enthusiastically, after which Tavros passed over the keyboard and Vriska began to type at a rapid pace. Tavros kept a close watch on his screen, which Rose saw with a crane of her neck was tuned to a word processor, and he read along. No, wait, hold on, he said. I think thats a bit too bloody for Rufio. I mean, its been a big problem but hed still feel sorry for the poor dragon.
No, wait, hold on, Vriska said. Youre right, but I got it. I got it. Check this out. She deleted the last few lines and began to type again. Tavros mood picked up at once and he sort bounced in his chair as much as his one heavy leg would allow. When the paragraph was completed, Vriska returned the keyboard and they began to plot again.
So then, she said, Spinneret gets up on the dragon and shouts We did it! Fist pump. She even took partially to her feet. Or you know, something like that.
And... and then Rufio flies over and like, picks her up, because theyre both all excited. Awkwardly, but not in the way Rose would associate Tavros with awkward but something much closer to the mean, he set an hand on Vriskas shoulder and the other on her side. Rose almost expected a reflex reaction from Vriska, counter or cooperative, but neither came. Instead, she just kept talking.
And shes a lot better with the heights this time, I mean what with the rocket boots, but also with the trust thing.
Right. I should write that down, Tavros said, and let her go, returning to the keyboard, all of which Vriska took with a business-sense Rose had not really expected from her.
No, no, she said. With an i.
Right, Tavros said, and finished what he was typing and turned back to her. Automatically, Vriska lifted up the arm to expose the side he had previously been holding. When he experienced another awkward pause, she could not help but to break down laughing. w-wHAT IS IT,
Oh dont make that face, Vriska said. I just feel silly all... dangling. She held out her arm at a right angle and let the hand swing there, and then even Tavros laughed. Feferi tossed the improving co-authors a glowing look over her shoulder, and Rose was almost certain she heard a frustrated groan from Terezi, who Rose caught returning to her seat proper after whatever glares she had shot them. Tavros confidence restored, he took her back in his arms and she wrapped hers about his as though she was really, if delicately, hanging to him for dear life. And then...
And then, Tavros said, in all the excitement, he uh... he kisses her.
There was the briefest, pregnant pause between them, before Tavros tipped his head and horns and kissed Vriska gently on the cheek.
He was on the far side from Rose, and so she could just barely make out a moment where Vriskas eyes fell distant and shut, her lips slightly parted, before he broke off and she, instantly, returned to her former disposition. But then shes all, Oh, wait, where the hell did that come from? and shes angry.
wAIT, hOLD ON, Tavros said. I thought we had built up to this.
No, no, you doof, I get it.
Oh, sorry, right.
Freeing her arms from about his neck, Vriska clapped them together. Awkward fade to black, I laughed, I teared up, I felt their pain. Awesome, print it.
Tavros nodded and let her go, returning to his keyboard as Vriska pushed slightly away to get enough room to lay back and set her feet on the desk, her tongue errantly drawing along her upper lip. From time to time she would nod at Tavros choice of words or turn of phrase, and after a time he ended his paragraph and set the keyboard in her lap to take his own turn in the editor role. When she had finished, she outright tossed the keyboard back onto the desk, threw her hands in the air and gave a whoop of joy.
Man Im glad thats finally out in the open! Tavros, we are never doing extended sexual tension again.
Aw, I liked it, Tavros said, head in his hands.
Well... fine, but at least give me a break while these two goofs- Vriska slapped the monitor, -sort themselves out. You still watching your movie now?
Yeah.
She frowned. Are you sure?
Yup!
Pfft, fine, Vriska said, and she sat up straight in her chair, except for one leg she kept wound up against the desk. She set the other on one of the chairs legs. Ill see you later, Tav. And she kicked off, sliding to a stop square in front of her own computer.
Bye, Vriska, Tavros said, and he scrolled back through their story to give it a second read. Vriska, for her part, slapped her keyboard to wake the machine from sleep mode and began to fiddle rhythmically with a pen against her desk. Rose had never seen her so bouncy, energetic or simply so downright happy. She could not help herself.
That was adorable, she said, stepping up to Vriska and trying to speak at a volume low enough to keep the conversation to the two of them. Werent you throttling him like, three days ago?
Vriska replied with theatrics, her voice toned like a child. Oh, bio-lusus, look at the weird Trolls, their ways are so strange and exotic! She scoffed. Lalonde, I am on a creative high, and you are mucking with it. Mucking, muckity mucker muck. Do you have a reason for being here?
Rose honestly had only come over to jibe Vriska a little, since she seemed so into doing that on her own terms and it felt nice to get one in on her own for once, but she could not help actually considering the question posed now that it was out in the open. In her mind, a picture formed of four quadrants. Maybe it was the fact that Terezi was just a few steps away, or maybe it was her conversation with Gamzee, but she could not help but take in the whole of Tavros family. He had his moirail. He was shooting for his matesprit, and he had asked Rose to be his auspistice. There was only one slot left, really.
Vriska... Rose said, trying with the pause to change the tone of the conversation. Do you still have feelings for Tavros?
...How... the hell is that any of your business? And what are you implying, still? Rose swallowed hard, not believing she had let Kanaya's confidence slip like that, and immediately started to wonder if it was only Vriskas creative high that had kept her down in her chair, merely throwing a killing glare over her shoulder. She had to tread carefully, but all she could give as an answer was honesty.
Its my business because he wants my help with Eridan. And look, this is going to sound really corny, but I dont know what Im doing and... look, Vriska, isnt this something you should be doing?
Vriska wheeled in her chair with shocking speed, the roller-chair skills of a champion, and the look on her face was not anger but something more approaching disdainful pity. She initially held up a hand to Rose in hopes of stopping her from rambling saccharine, but Rose really did not have the guts to keep talking to a face like that.
Look, human, let me sit you down for a second here and explain something thats so obvious that everyone here has seen it but you, apparently. You want... I-I mean John, even, Rose. Vriska was frustrated to the point of shaking. John gets this. Its not some human thing. You want to know if I have feelings for Tavros? And if I want to ringmaster his and Scarfulas late-night makeout circus? Rose.
And she reached up, clamped Rose on the shoulder and wrenched her down. Rose could not on her darkest day have hoped to withstand Vriskas strength, and collapsed at once down to her knees and eye level with Vriskas infamous vision eightfold.
Rose, Vriska said. From the bottom of my black, shrivelled, collapsing and expanding vascular system, I wish nothing - nothing! - but happiness for Tavros.
And she stopped speaking, holding the pause to make sure that Rose appreciate the full stop, even shooting her looks that said Do you get it? Do ya? Then, satisfied, Vriska released Rose's shoulder and spun with a force back towards her computer. Rose took slowly to her feet and took a careful step north. At the far side of the room, Feferi had slipped back into to casting errant looks in Aradias direction, but otherwise the room seemed unchanged, and it was clear that no one had been listening. Rose had never really believed that wanting nothing to do with Eridans relationships was going to be such a blasted problem today. It was even starting to get to others. Had he woken Vriska up at five in the morning too?
She glanced over at Vriskas clock as she stood and took her time to translate the Alternian numerals. Dammit, she hissed to a room that did not really care. The further I get to sitting down to rest, the longer it takes.
Deep apologies to anyone who slogged through the versions I submitted where FFn cut half the punctuation. It's been a while since I used this site, folks, I forgot two of the particulars. Hopefully won't happen again.