30 years Earlier

She had always enjoyed the rain, in a way that only a small child can understand. It ran off of the hood of her bright red cloak, the one she'd specifically demanded (not requested) of her mother because it made her look like little red riding hood(1). There was a spider web clinging to the gate, beads of moisture in turn clinging to the strands like tiny hitch hikers. There was a noise on the wall above her, a shifting of old rock. The girl turned her face skyward and beheld a shadow that wasn't a shadow. It was dark black against a black and blue night sky, but it was there.

The idle amusement of watching the rain paled in comparison to the promise of mystery and intrigue that her shadow provided, so she decided to do something terrible. She ignored her mother's orders.

The not-shadow reached a point in the wall where a house rested casually against it. It leapt from the wall to the roof of the house, sliding down and to the street. She found it there, waiting for her in the shadowy corner made by one side of the house and the wall. He was different now. Less visible. More interesting.

A dilemma occurred when she went to say hello, then remembered that she was forbidden from talking to strangers. It would be rude to not acknowledge him though wouldn't it? Stubby fingers squirmed through her pockets until she found a little packet of squishy mints that her mother had put there earlier. She unwrapped the paper, selected one and held it out towards the shadowy depths of the corner.

The assassin watched the girl in the red coat carefully, then after deciding that she was probably not another assassin in disguise(2) and therefore probably not trying to kill him at this moment in time, reached out a gloved hand and took the proffered confectionery and hoped she would go away. The absurd child giggled and cocked her head to one side in confusion and expectation. A tiny mouth bereft of front teeth formed a small O and she helped herself to one of the sweets and exaggeratedly put it into her mouth, chewed and gave him a smile and thumbs up. Understanding what she was waiting for, he rolled his eyes and popped the mint into his mouth, crunching it loudly so that she would hear him eat it. Her grubby little face lifted into an overbite grin before she waved frantically and skipped off in the direction she came from.

Havelock Vetinari slipped away into the night, mentally filing his encounter with the girl as "irrelevant", then concentrated on stowing away his black assassination gear. The news would already be getting around that Winder was dead and it would be best if he were within the guild as quickly as possible, to retain some semblance of innocence. The fact that the girl had seen him despite the green clothes he'd just donned was troubling, but he reconciled that she was just a child and that children often observe things that are really there, no matter how unbelievable they are. The only enduring impression he gained from the encounter was that he really, really despised it when people mimed actions that could have been explained with a few simple words.

Back at the gate, the girl gathered her cloak around her, pleased with her new friend the green man and hoping she would meet him again. His face under the hood had been in shadow, all except his lips which she had seen partially, though they had seemed to be melting into the background in a disturbing way. Her young mind was so filled with wondering about the man, the colour of his skin and if he enjoyed his mint that morning came without her even realising that the night had ended. One of the palace gardeners shook her awake when he came to open the gate in the morning. There were questions and no answers, a room of shouting men who smelled of sweat and earth. One of them gave her a cup of very milky, overly sweet tea that she didn't drink and asked her more questions. She would have liked to explain that she was forbidden from moving from where her mother left her and from speaking to strangers, but to do that she'd have to speak and that would mean she'd broken both rules and she'd be in BIG trouble rather than just a little bit of trouble. They stamped a big book and wrote laboriously in it, then gave her back to the gardener, who seemed to have trouble with the letter H.

"I think she's deaf too Tim, can't be nothing but a liability."

"She'll follow orders just fine though, I reck'n, if we can get 'er to understand 'em. Can't just toss 'er on the streets 'arry, look at 'er. Pretty 'lil princess that un. Wouldn't last five 'ours."

"Not your problem though is it mate? I'll see yous around."

The other man, the one with the weird badge and bad tea, ushered them out the door with a shake of his head. She wandered along in the wake of the gardener, content to be with someone who seemed to know what he was doing, until her mother came back, of course. He was chatting amiably to her, not minding the lack of response one bit. He was a man of many words and not many people willing to stick around long enough to listen to everything. She listened passively, finding comfort in the fact that he wasn't expecting her to talk like all the others had.

"So yer a mute? Deaf too by the looks of things, but yer a real pretty one y'know? Won't do ya much good in the gardens but we can strengthen ye up good. Yeh'll have a nice 'ome with me, won't be fancy, but I do alright, me. Head gardener up at the palace, though yeh wouldn't-"

She tuned it out, smiling to herself as he led her through the smelling crowds, past the groups of bystanders heckling each other, even those that agreed with them, past a herd of cows being directed along the road and carts of eggs.

"'cept now we've got a new bloke up top who finks 'e's the king of bloody everything, 'scuse my klatchian, I forgot yer so young, shoulda minded my manners, eh?" He turned and grinned crookedly at her. "Anyways, new feller thinks the sun shines out of 'is own arsehole is ye ask me. Asked me what the point of the gardens were. Why should it need a point, I asks 'im, but the nob jus' looksat me like I'm a member of the fools guild."

She looked at him, feeling his eyes on her. "You really can't 'ear me can ya darlin'?" She tilted her head further to one side. It was oddly freeing that everyone thought she couldn't hear them. She was finding out all sorts of secrets. But...

"Well, guess that settles that. Deaf and dumb. Not stupid though, just mute." Tim muttered, deciding for her. She'd let them believe what they wanted to. It made little difference in the end. Her mother would be back soon and then she could reveal her little trick. Boy, would Tim be surprised...

coincidentally, whilst being nagged into buying the coat her mother had been struck by the sudden hope that her daughter would also be eaten up by a ravenous wolf. Unfortunately, her mother was dead so there was no granny for the wolf to disguise itself as. Damn.

Since if this were an assassin in disguise, they would have to be a dwarf. A beardless one. The situation was as unlikely as Bloody stupid Johnson winning an award for great craftsmanship.