Secret Vows – Chapter 3
AN: Here is the next installment. Not sure what I feel about this chapter. I was trying to wrap up some of the background and the underlying feelings to set things up. Not sure if it worked as I had hoped. Hope that you enjoy! All comments are greatly appreciated.
The drive back to Downton was anything but the happy go lucky ride it should have been. Instead of a giggly bride and proud bridegroom, they were a serious couple. Much of ride had been spent in silence, both watching the scenery go by, looking straight past it, lost in their own worlds of thought. Thoughts of how life would unfold under the weight of this heavy secret.
Under normal circumstances the newly married couple would be returning to a waiting happy family, ready to embrace them in love and affection. Showering them with well wishes and illuminating the path to a happy marriage. That, however, was not to be for her and Tom, at least not yet.
They would be returning as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. They had left under the guise of her having to visit one of her far off charities, requiring an overnight stay. How she hated deception, but she saw no other way to achieve her heart's desire. Her family, at this time anyway, would never approve of the marriage, and would have done everything in their significant power to prevent it. But this way, for lack of a better euphemism, the damage was already done. They would either have to accept her, and him, or reject both of them.
Every mile brought with it fresh anxiety for her, a growing restlessness for unpleasant situations to come. He would drop her at the front door and then continue back to the garage as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred yesterday. They would spend their day separately, dine separately, and with aching hearts retire to bed separately. The pattern would not be different for the foreseeable future. She supposed everyday wouldn't be like that, and they would be able to carve out sometime in their schedules to be together.
Finally she had taken a deep breath and dove into the discussion she knew they must have. It had not been particularly pleasant for either of them. They had agreed that they would see one another every morning when he picked her up to bring her to her nursing duties at the hospital, and then again on the way home. Those were the only guaranteed times together, and even then it was him driving and her sitting in the back seat. No real interaction, the only physical contact being the touch of their gloved hands as he helps her from the car. Not exactly how they wanted to spend time together, but it would have to do for the time being. Then, whenever they could they would arrange to meet somewhere so that they could be together, with no societal roles between them, when they could just be husband and wife. Unfortunately Sybil saw that likely only happening once or maybe if they were very lucky, twice a week.
It would have to do for now. All reports indicated that the war would likely be ending within the next six months. She prayed that was true. It would take all their strength or hers anyway, to continue the secrecy for any significant amount of time. All that she wanted was to be with him, and not have to hide it. She didn't regret her decision to marry him at all, although she wondered if perhaps she had been too naïve to think that everything would work out in the end. Rose colored glasses could be deceiving.
Gravel crunched beneath the tires as they made their way up the drive to Downton. Usually such a sound brought her comfort, knowing that soon she would be home, but not this day. Instead it signaled the end of her perfect elopement with the man she loved and the return to a life of fantasy playing the part of the young daughter of the house.
She had hoped that she and Tom could at least exchange a few words when he dropped her at the front door, however, that was not to be. As they pulled up, the ever reliable Mr. Carson stepped into the sunlight to greet her. Sybil had to stifle a groan. She loved the old man, but really did he have to be so proper and punctual!
Tom exited the car and being the ever dutiful chauffer, opened her door and offered his hand to assist her in alighting from the car. Her fingers curled about his and she felt her body react to the spark of attraction that always raced through her when they touched. The warmth of his hand reminded her of their night together and a slight blush stained her cheeks.
She raised her eyes to meet his, and could see that he was currently suffering a similar effect from the contact. A slight blush ringed his collar and crept up his neck. They both smiled as their eyes met. With his back to Carson, he mouthed the words "I love you". She could only nod and try to convey her response with her love for him shining in her eyes.
"Lady Sybil," he said.
"Branson," she returned and then, "thank you."
Their hands stayed joined for a moment longer than was likely polite for a chuffer and his employer, but they couldn't risk more with Carson's ever watchful gaze directed at them.
"Welcome home Lady Sybil," Carson intoned.
"Thank you Carson, it is good to be back," she answered, though the tight smile on her face belied the feelings resting just beneath the surface.
Tom returned the car to the garage after handing off Sybil's luggage to the footman. He hated leaving her at the front door without so much as a kiss goodbye, but knew that under the circumstances any outward signs of affection were forbidden.
He really didn't know where he was going to find the strength to do this. This woman was now his wife and he wanted to be with her, experiencing life together, not watching her from the servant's vantage point, on the fringes. He knew that there might be times, no, that there would definitely be times when the family invited guests, male guests, to the house for the sole purpose of trying to marry off Sybil. How would he let her out of his sight? How could he watch other men, wealthy and powerful men, try to court her? It was bad enough watching her with the soldiers and the way they flirted with her. He had more than once had to check his actions to prevent himself from doing more bodily harm to a few of the soldiers that thought they could take liberties with her.
Whatever problems that may be facing them, he knew one thing, he would not have changed a thing. He was married to the woman he adored. To think, only a few years ago he had felt like a wandering soul, with no attachment and little purpose, other than his political beliefs and aspirations. But those things now seemed hollow compared to what he had found. Home. He had found home. Not so much a place, but a person, Sybil. His heart had found its home. No matter what storms might lie ahead of them, they could be weathered because they would be together, always.