Song to listen to: "Somewhere out there." From the Disney movie "An American Tail"
"Zoloft is an SSRI drug used to treat Dysthymia Disorder, a type of depression." Dr. Henry Beasley is telling Ryan and Javi. They sit in the small office uptown at Beasley's private practice. Ryan is scribbling down notes while Javi tries to listen. Taking everything in so he can relay it back to Kate and Rick. But he's having a hard time. All he can think of is that poor little Xander is out there somewhere, scared, and not understanding what is goign on... And then there is his asthma to think about. Javi just hopes he hasn't had any attacks.
He refocuses after a small tremor spreads up his spine. Those blue eyes flashing in his mind. He blinks a few times to ward them off and looks to the Doctor who is still speaking. "One of the side effects of Zoloft is insomnia. Ms. Gilmore has been suffering from it badly for months now." The tall graying man stands up from his desk.
Ryan and Javi take this as a cue to leave. The doctor obviously won't give up much else, what with the doctor-patient confidentiality thing and all, which only pisses off Javi more. But he holds back.
"Thank you." Ryan says shaking the mans hand while putting his small notepad into the inside pocket of his jacket. Javi just nods at the doc, and exits the room not waiting for Ryan. Once outside the door he's seething.
"You know.. I hate that rule!" Javi practically blows up, pushing open the door and stepping out into the sun.
He's nearly knocks over by a couple strolling down the sidewalk, not having been paying any attention at all when he came out of the small building. He's irritated. And having to tell Kate for the millionth time that she cannot work her own son's case is wearing down on him. The look of betrayal she gave the two of them before Rick pulled her away and drove her home. She looked about ready to kick his ass, hyperventilate or have a complete meltdown. Perhaps all three.
"I know." Ryan is saying nudging his partner. "But from the sounds of it, he doesn't think she's dangerous."
"That's not the point." Javi spits out, walking around the car. He flings the door open staring at his partner over the top, "Xander still needs his medication." He gets in slamming the door.
Javi grits his teeth, turning the key in the ignition forcefully with a look of pure determination. He takes a deep breath and pulls out into traffic. The two are silent for quiet some time before Ryan's phone pings.
"I got a text. It's the dress of a Audrey Fisher. Cecily's next of kin." Javi defuses just a little bit at this and looks to Ryan expectantly "Maybe her sister can shed some more light on what kind of person Cecily is." Ryan tries to sound hopeful.
Javi nods, but tightens his grip on the steering wheel. "What if we don't find him?" He looks over at Ryan, whose mouth drops open and a look of loss crosses his face.
"We will." He says, trying to sound as convincing as possible. Usually he would be the one to say this. But he's not just thinking of Xander, but of his daughter Ellie. He would do anything to get her back, and that is what he will do for his friends. And Xander, the beautiful blue eyed boy who stole their hearts the moment he was born.
Kevin Ryan sinks down into the cushions of a beige leather couch. Two small kids run around behind them from room to room, playing cops and robbers. Ryan can feel his partner beside him. He doesn't need to look over to see how tense his face is, even though his eyes are crystal brown and moist. From the corner of his eye, Ryan sees Javi slip his hands between his knees, crushing them together as the small boys make loud gun noises in the other room. He chances a look. Javi has his eyes clamped tightly shut, and his jaw is tense. Xander and Javi like to play cops and robbers together when ever Javi visits. And Javi always lets Xander be the cop.
"Would you two like something to drink?" Cecily's sister Audrey asks as she takes her own seat in a matching chair across from them.
"No thank you." Ryan replies kindly, retrieving his small notepad.
Javi says nothing, and Ryan has to nudge him a little. "No.. but thank you." Javi finally says when one of the boys shrieks and dies on the carpet to their left.
"You're here about my sister?" She asks. She tucks a loose strand of black hair behind her ear. Ryan notes that she looks very much like her sister, who is younger, from what he can tell from the photo on the table beside her.
"Yes, we have come to believe that your sister Cecily has kidnapped a little boy." Ryan tells her as calmly as he can. But the anger at her sister is bubbling up inside him, much like Javi, who seems to have let him take the lead.
Audrey gasps, her hands flying to her mouth. "Are you sure?" She asks, her eyes going glassy and darting to her own boys, the other seems to have revived and the two have resumed a new game.
"Yes." Ryan says, and goes to say something else but Javi cuts in.
"Do you know where you're sister might have taken him?" Javi asks, his voice surprisingly even.
Audrey looks upwards, thinking. She purses her lips and shakes her head, finally looking back at the two detectives. "No... I haven't seen her since..." A tear slips down her cheek.
"Since what." Ryan asks gently, leaning forward a little.
"Since my nephew Alexander, died of cancer a year and a half ago..." Javi and Ryan look at each other with raised eyebrows and then look back at Audrey.
She wipes at her eyes. "Cecily fell apart, became depressed, she wasn't sleeping, she refused to believe he was gone. She lost her nursing job, and her husband Lucas left her. He couldn't take it anymore. And then she.. she severed all contact with the family.. I don't know where she is." She wipes at her eyes again, taking a tissue from the box on the end table beside her chair.
"The little boy she took. He's five years old, and his name is Alexander." Ryan takes out a photo from his wallet and hands it to Audrey.
She gasps. "He looks like my nephew.. that explains it." She then says, staring intently at the photo of Xander.
"Explains what?" Ryan and Javi ask at the same time, now at the edge of their seats.
"I got a call...from a number I didn't recognize...on Sunday... I think it was.. I think it was Cecily." She wipes her eyes again, sniffling and gathering herself before handing back the photo.
"What did she say?" Ryan asks, tucking the photo back into his wallet.
"She.. She told me that Alex wasn't gone, and that she found him.. she was going to get him back."
Rick stands in the kitchen waiting for the water for tea to boil. His face is ashen. All the worry lines in his face making him appear much older and stricken. His blue eyes, which blink several times to ward off the tears, are dull and moist. There is no light left in them. Every now and then his eyes dart to his phone on the counter. He's still waiting for an update. The boys are currently talking to Cecily's Doctor, and all four of them are waiting on any news about any family she might have.
His hands grip the counter, knuckles white as he tries to keep himself grounded. But his resolve slips when he looks towards Kate. She's in the living room, curled up on the couch holding Sherlock. She wont let go of it. He can see her from where he is at the counter. The back of her head tipped forward. Her chin on the stuffed dog, knees are probably tucked up to her chest. A plate with a half eaten sandwich sits on the armrest to the right of her.
He rubs his hands over his tired face. He hasn't slept at all since Xander went missing. He's glad that Kate got at least a few hours in. But he knows that what little sleep she did get was not fitful. Her eyes are half closed today, sunken and dull like his own. Dark rings have fixed themselves under her eyes and she's pale. When she fell asleep on Xander's bed the night before, she was still crying, even in slumber. Assaulted with nightmares, that Rick knew would take over him the second he let his eyes close. But he's not as worried about himself as he is his wife. He's worried about what this is doing to her, and the unborn baby now in her womb. He knows all to well the kind of suffering she is currently going through. He's seen it. And he's terrified that she might never come back from this...if...if they don't find their boy.
Taking his eyes off the back of Kate's head, he looks around him. He finally realizes how quiet it is in the loft. Xander is not a loud little boy, but Rick can always hear him playing in his room. Either it be him singing to himself, making up stories or adventuring into the Mesozoic era with his toy dinosaurs. But now, standing alone in the kitchen while his wife slowly but surely closes off, Rick Castle hears nothing. He slumps against the counter when he notices that he never turned the water on for tea. He's been so lost. And the silence is deafening. Pushing down on him, creating an unbearable weight in his chest. The place in his heart where his boy is supposed to be. Only with his absence, a hole is beginning to form. He now understands what it means to be down the rabbit hole.
He leans forward, his head resting on the cold marble counter top. His eyes are burning, and he doesn't think he can keep the tears in any longer. And then he hears it. A soft humming. He looks up, Kate still has her head on her knees, but now she is humming. She moves just a little, wrapping her arms tighter around her knees and Sherlock, her left cheek laying flat on the dogs furry head. She tops humming. And the silence over takes them again until she starts to sing.
What he hears, sets the tears in motion, and then there is no stopping them:
"Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight," She sings it slowly, pronouncing every word as it's own syllable. Her voice is shaky, barely audible as it comes out in a rasp, "some, one's thinking of me, and loving me tonight."
Rick doesn't waste anymore time. He's on the couch and gathering her up in his arms. Kate collapses into his embrace, her lip trembling as she tries to keep singing. Her and Xander's song. She sings it to him every night before he goes to bed. Rick can feel all her weight meld into his body. The sobs that rack her small frame, and the tears streaming down her face and dripping onto his bare arm.
She keeps singing with great difficulty. "Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer," She hiccups, clutching at his shirt. "that w we'll find one ano th ther in that big somewhere out there." And then she can't sing anymore. Kate buries her face in Rick's neck. Her tears soaking his shirt and forging a path down his chest.
He holds the back of her head smoothing his hand down her hair and back, and up again as soothingly as possible. When another sob escapes her, loud and echoing throughout the silent apartment, he pulls her into his lap and rests his head on her hair. His own tears stream down his face. He sniffles, and sings the rest of the song for her.
I cried typing this part...