"MERLIN!"
The morning had not even really started and his royal clotpoliness was already as grumpy as a badger with a sore nose. And Merlin arrived not even that late at Arthur's chamber.
To his surprise the young king was already up and dressed, sort of dressed to be more precise and he was struggling with paint, a brush and canvass.
"What got into you?" Merlin wondered.
"For starters, NO breakfast, the sun is up and I am starving, why can you never do a decent job?"
"Your breakfast will be here at the usual hour, and that's the 3rd hour of the day, which is your usual hour you greet the day with your usual growl."
"I don't growl".
"Correct, it is more a moaning, but what is the reason you try fencing with a paintbrush in stead of a broadsword?"
"I am painting. Can't you see that?"
"Oh, it is always wise to have a second career option open in case we are chased from Camelot again, but the way you are holding that brush I see you haven't quit your day job yet."
"What would a servant know about painting?"
"Probably more then a prince or king as royalty in most cases protects the arts in stead of practising them or in your case, attacking the arts. You are holding the brush like you are holding a ball and chain and are bullying the canvas like you bully your mates at the practice grounds."
"Agreed, I might be a bit over trained in that profession."
"But as you are trained from birth to kill, it will take some time to get that out your system, but why this sudden change?"
"Maybe you remember that in a fortnight Princess Madeleine from North Lothian will visit us."
"Had you not pestered the whole household on a daily basis for about two months or more it might have slipped my mind, she is the greatest patroness of the Arts in the seven kingdoms.
I think she will be delighted by the way you usual entertain your guests; grown guys having the seven bells knocked out of each other will be something she is dying to see."
"For your information a grand tourney is not on the list, actually, no tournament with swords, horses and lances anyway, there will be a tourney of songs and dances and stage plays. She must not think we are barbarians without any culture or skill in Camelot."
""You then better keep Gwen away from her; she might slip something to the princess."
"Guinevere loves me!"
"Only because she goes for the rougher type of man. So let me guess you want to impress the princess as being a skilled painter."
" You do have a brain after all, I am practising for weeks now, and what do you think?"
"What is it supposed to be?
"Just that tin can and that plate over there, don't you see it,"
"Striking, modern art?"
"No you clot, just traditional. But now you are here, put a new canvas on the easel and strip."
"Strip?"
"Yea, strip as in taking off your cloths."
"Are you nuts?"
"No, I am your king and I need a life model, so it better be one I am familiar with."
"Ask Gaius, you are familiar with him all your life."
"Ohwww, not quite my idea of an aesthetic appearance."
"But is the essence of the Arts not capturing the inner beauty of the subject."
"On the slow cider again? By choosing you I settle for the outside, doubt I find any inner beauty."
"In that case you better pick Gwaine, the ladies swoon for his looks. You can't make me strip of my cloths."
"Don't make a bet on that, Merlin."
"I refuse."
"OK, then we do it my way. GUARDS!"
"You are not putting me in the stocks for…"
"Of course not! Guards, hold this man and strip him of ALL his cloths."
"OK, OK, I'll strip; don't need your men to undress me."
"Thank you men, you may go and Merlin, hurry up a bit, we don't have the whole day"
"Can't you at least close the window, I may catch something."
"This smell of fresh paint lingers on for days, I have to sleep in it….ok, go sit there, and stop hiding your weenie, I can't portrait you with a pose like a little girl peeing her pants. Sit and relax, pull up one knee, linger one arm upon it, try to image you sitting on the bank of a river, staring at the fish or the dragonflies on a summer's day, dreaming of….. Whatever servants dream of."
"Decent food, warmth and shelter, sleep…."
"Yeah, sure, keep it simple, let that other hand feel the grass of the bank."
"For your information, the only thing I feel are the hard edges of this crate you put me on, not that it will be your problem that I'll end up with a very sore bottom."
"Hush, I want to catch the light."
"Paint, I want to keep my health."
"Don't be such a sissy, you stronger then you look, actually, you look stronger then I thought, you surely are not the well trained athlete I am, but although skinny, you are not weakly built."
"Must be from all those scores you make me do, prevents ME from becoming fat."
"You are calling me fat!"
"It isn't me who needs extra holes in his belt ever so often."
"I heard that, now sit still, this is going to take hours when you keep moving and shifting."
"I am not shifting, I am shivering."
"OK, you ninny, make a fire, but don't take whole day… what are you doing."
"Putting some pants on, to make a fire."
"You don't need pants for that simple score."
"As Your Majesty comments. …( ábeorn)…. Are you ogling my butt? "
"Eh….. NO! I AM NOT! Just getting an idea for another pose."
"There will be no next pose, you will finish this one and we never talk about this."
"Hush and don't give orders, Merlin, you are not in the position for that,"
"Because I am a servant?"
"No, because you are naked, naked generals tend to be ignored."
"I must remember that, next time your belt snaps."
"I AM NOT FAT!"
"You think yourself a painter too."
"Hush, I cannot bring out your cheekbones when you are talking."
"Mmmrrrrffff,"
"They are a sort of nice."
"Hello, ladies."
"I mean challenging, in an artistic way, a challenge for the artist, don't get any ideas."
"I wouldn't DREAM about it, I am just the servant."
"With a clever mouth, that is kept to be shut, will it match with the rest, mmm, did you always had those ears."
"No, I got them at the last fair in change for a pair of socks. Of course you clot! I am born with them. What's wrong with them?"
"Nothing, I just noticed them and I am just more surprised you never listen."
"Arthur!"
"Let's say they should be very well suited for listening and please don't wiggle them."
"WIGGLE! I am not a dog!"
"Now be a good dog and sit tight."
Sound of splashing paint.
Some sounds of snoring.
Sound of falling body.
"Huh, what happened?"
"Merlin, you fell asleep and from the crate."
"Oh, must be tired, why did you pull your shirt off."
"I did not want to spoil it with paint; you never manage to get the out decently.
"How considered of you, Your Majesty."
"Not that I noticed. We are done?"
"For today, come have a look."
"You probably put me in the worst possible light."
"The light was actually quite good. What do you think?"
"Amazing, is that me?"
"No, I had you strip to paint the chamber pot. Do you best, give your usual worst stating how awful I am."
"It isn't awful, not at all, it's great!
Arthur, is that your arm around my shoulders?"
"Yes, and these are my lips on your cheek, you were great model, it was a joy painting you.
Merlin, you are really blushing."
"I am flabbergasted, you can paint, this is so much better then that of the tin can and the plate, just wondering why."
"Can you relate to a tin can? I don't. Yeesh, man you are stone cold, just hop into my bed till you get warm again."
"Was sharing a bed not the worst….?"
"Who says I'll share, I have a kingdom to rule, y're the rest of the day off, see you at dinner."
And before Merlin could say another thing Arthur had left the room, leaving him only to roll up under the thick blanket in the scent Arthur left behind in his sheets.