Why did I wait so long? Why did I never say anything? I guess I just thought that Freddie would always be there – waiting patiently for me to return his feelings. I should have realised that other girls would find him hot these days, but I never thought that SAM would, that he and Sam would fall for each other.

Spencer made a lawn – again I wonder when I'm ever going to give up asking "why?" where he's concerned. Gibby's really beginning to bug me too – he's company while Sam and Freddie are all 'coupley' but he's starting to hint that we should be too. Which is just ewww.

Sam and Freddie walk in, fighting. Apparently Mr. Fracks gave Freddie a 'B' on his report so Sam filled his car with bees. Interesting way of showing she cares, I guess. The two of them are driving me mad, they're arguing all the time and looking for me to fix things. But, they're my best friends and they're asking for my help. As much as I want Freddie, he and Sam are together, they deserve a chance of happiness and I'm going to do what I can for them – I owe Freddie that much, and Sam too I guess, after all it was I who encouraged her to lay it all on the line and make a move on the guy she fell in love with. Why did it have to be Freddie though?

Ok Gibby, now you're REALLY bugging me. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! No puppy, no extra hanging out, no bonding, no couple time for us – just LEAVE IT.

Now they're arguing over paying for dates, how much should be spent, chizz like that – I should just slap them both until they stop. I wasn't meant to be a peacekeeper. I manage it, then Spencer relieves any lingering tension in his usual way – setting fire to himself. They even bother me in the middle of the night to settle arguments over whose mother is less stable. It's getting to the point where I just can't take it anymore, who would have thought two people could make Spencer and Gibby look sane and well balanced? How do these two even stay together when they're at each other's throats constantly? Oh crap, Gibby's here again.

And now I'm going on a date with them – an on-site referee. And they're arguing live on iCarly. Here we go again. At least I finally got rid of Gibby and his stupid puppy.

We get to the date – not what I expected. I thought I'd at least be sat with them. Rather than watching from 50 yards away, waiting for them to fight, while some weird guy tries to hit on me all night. And here it is – they even fight over Parmesan cheese. I think I'm in danger of losing my job as peacekeeper here, and not before time. Finally, I just snapped. Sam was talking with her mouth full again, Freddie was complaining again. I lost it. I did my impression of the worst of their habits, the way they act around each other and told them that if they can't go a day without fighting then they shouldn't be dating. I had to bite my tongue to not add "and then I can have Freddie for myself". Then I took the rest of their lasagne. Damn, this is good lasagne…