Author's Note: When I originally did the copy/paste of this chapter, the last paragraph didn't get transferred. I've added it now.

Chapter 6

Only through destroying myself can I discover the greater power of my spirit.

-Chuck Palahniuk

By the time Serenity reached Helios five days later a quiet tension had settled over the crew. River had grown more distant each day, removing herself little by little from their daily lives.

River was standing outside of the ship, leaning against the hull with her face tilted to the sun, her eyes closed as she soaked in the suns rays. Jayne watched her for a few moments before approaching her. Since the day in the cargo bay, he'd kept his distance, but now, watching her soak up the sun, he was drawn to her.

As he got closer, he cleared his throat, not wanting to end up on his back in the dirt. When River dropped her head and looked at him, he felt a lopsided grin cross his lips, "You just gonna stand there all day?"

River had opened her eyes when she heard someone approaching, but she hadn't needed to look to know who it was, she'd felt his energy pressing in on her and she'd sighed. Warmth coalesced inside of her just like it always did when he was close. She tilted her head and gave a tired smile, "I thought you'd be drinking yourself into incoherence by now."

Jayne shrugged, "Mal says we'll be here until tomorrow afternoon, figure that gives me plenty of time to get in..in...shit-faced."

Despite herself, River smiled, "The others have all gone into town. Dinner, shopping," she turned and walked back up the open cargo ramp, "You'll probably find them at the local bar or cafe."

Jayne watched her retreating back for a second before heading in after her. He'd been all set to go find himself a drink and a willing woman when he'd seen her just standing in the sunlight. She had looked small and pale pressed up against the side of the ship and for reasons he didn't quite understand, he'd found himself changing directions. Now, he followed her back into the shadowed depths of the ship and wondered what the hell he was doing.

River stopped just inside the cargo bay and turned, "Did my brother send you? You got the short straw, right?"

Jayne stopped walking, brought up short by the vehemence in her voice, "Weren't no straws to draw. I just came back to get a quick shower. Figured I'd best not show up lookin' for company smellin' like a dog backside."

River nodded and began walking again. Jayne continued to follow her, having decided that a shower wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. As she stepped through the door into the common area, he saw her shiver and reach out to steady herself against the door.

Without thinking, he grabbed her arm to keep her from sliding down the wall and she jerked away from him like she'd been burned. When she looked at him, her eyes were wide, tears brimming over the edges.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, "I must have caught my foot on the edge of the door." She wiped her eyes with the back of one hand and threw him a quick smile, "Hit my toe, hurt," she finished lamely as she extracted herself from his grip, "You should go and take that shower now, you really do need one."

Jayne watched her walk away before turning and going to his bunk. He grabbed a fresh pair of pants and a shirt before heading to the showers. He let the water run over him and tried to forget the way her face had looked. Her eyes clouded with tears. It made him feel strange somehow, thinkin' about her all alone on the ship, being so sad.

He finished his shower and went looking for River.

"Girl, where the hell you hidin'?" he called out. After a few moments, he found her perched in her usual spot in the cockpit, just starin' out of the windows. He spun the chair around so she was facing him, "Look," he started, "I got no idea what's tossin' around in that head of yours makin' ya look like someone just kicked yer favorite dog, but sittin' here starin out of the windows ain't gonna make nothin' any better."

"I like it in here, it's quiet."

"Well, you can get all the quiet you want once we're back out there in the black. Right now," he said as he slid his hands under her arms and pulled her from her seat, "You and me are gonna go look for some trouble to get in."

oOo

Jayne watched River as they sat in the little cafe, wondering what was going on in her head while she actively scanned the other diners. Since leaving the ship he had noticed her face seemed less pale. He knew the others weren't gonna like him takin' her out like this, but then, he'd never really given two shakes what they thought most of the time.

"What 'cha chewin' on there crazy?" he said.

River looked at him and pulled a face, "I told you, I'm not crazy. I never was."

"If you say so beautiful," Jayne said, the endearment slipping out before he could stop it.

River's eyes widened for a moment as she registered the word before she looked down at the plate in front of her, "Currently, I am chewing on this piece of bread."

"No, you feng le girl," Jayne said, "I meant what 'cha thinkin' on so hard?"

"I am wondering when this," she said, indicating the cafe, "became your idea of trouble."

Jayne couldn't help himself, he threw back his head and laughed. The other patrons of the cafe looked at him, surprise registering on their faces.

"What?" Jayne snapped. "Ain't you never seen a man laugh before?"

River covered her mouth to hide the little smile burgeoning on her lips. She hadn't felt this calm in days, but she didn't want him to think she was laughing at him.

"Guan ni zi ji de shi, ya nosy bums," he said before turning back to River and grinning, "Well now, this here ain't so much my idea of trouble," he said, looking around the little cafe again, "Just didn't think getting' drunk and whorin' would be something you'd much like."

The fact that he'd given any thought at all to what she might enjoy made River feel very odd, but she didn't comment. The tightness in her head ahd started to ease and she found herself laughing, "As I have never had the opportunity to try either activity, how do you know I wouldn't enjoy them?" she teased. She laughed harder when a look of dismay mixed with intrigue passed over Jayne's face. She grinned widely and leaned across the table when he averted his gaze and a slight blush crept across his cheeks. "You were thinking of me naked with another woman," she said with complete certainty.

Jayne's jaw dropped open, "Now why in the gorram hell would you say somethin' like that?"

River simply tapped one finger on the side of her head, "Remember?"

"Now, you just stay out of my head, ya hear? And we're just gonna find ourselves a different topic of conversation."

River shrugged, "If that one makes you uncomfortable..."

"Hell yeah it makes me uncomfortable. Ai ya, little girl, it's like thinkin' 'bout my sister doin those things. Just ain't right."

River felt a twinge in her chest. He looked at her as a sister, not as a woman, "I am not your sister," she said.

"I know that, you're my friend, but still, it's just not somethin' I should be imaginin'. Makes me feel like a dirty old man, so drop it."

"I guess that leaves us with the other option then."

"Which option is that?" Jayne asked.

"Getting drunk," River replied innocently.

Jayne didn't say anything for a moment, "That's a mighty interestin' idea, but I don't see it bein' a very good one."

River cocked one eyebrow, "Ah, you are afraid of what my brother and the captain would say," she teased.

"Now hold on, I didn't say nothin' 'bout bein' afraid of no one."

River stood up, "Then it's settled, we will go and get drunk," she said as she walked out of the cafe.

Jayne tossed money onto the table and quickly followed her out into the street, "I ain't takin' you drinkin'," he said, "Not cause I'm scared, but..."

"I know," River interrupted, turning to look at him, "But it felt good to laugh for a minute. Could we walk around a bit before we return to Serenity?"

Jayne casually slung his arm around her shoulders, "Sure. Don't see the harm in it, but I ain't gonna stand around while you shop for feminine stuff."

River leaned against him for a moment, savoring his warmth, "I think you would be very much like the proverbial bull in a china shop if I were to take you into a store that specialized in feminine things," she joked. "I would simply like to walk around for a while."

They settled into a companionable silence as they walked down the sunlit streets. After a few moments River realized that there were no thoughts, no emotions, buffeting against her. Instead of the constant din of noise there was only a faint, distant hum. She allowed herself to lean against Jayne as they walked.

Jayne kept his arm around River's shoulder as they walked. He told himself it was just a way to keep the locals from tryin' to get fresh, but if he was bein' honest with himself, he was doin' it because it felt comfortable. You just remember to keep repeatin' to yourself that she's just a crazy skinny kid, no matter how much she likes to joke around with ya.

River stopped suddenly and ducked out from under Jayne's arm, "The others are returning to Serenity. I need to go back."

Jayne frowned, "You ain't doin' nothin' wrong. You got just as much right to.."

River placed one finger against his lips, "Today was perfect and I don't want it ruined with my brother's overprotective go se," she said. "If I go back before they return, I can keep the memory of this day where he can't ruin it."

Before he could say anything she turned and darted up the street, leaving him standing by himself in the middle of the road.

oOo

Three days earlier...

Ophelia was dreading the conversation she was about to have. It had proven harder to keep the young woman connected to reality than she had thought, so she had gone to the council again. The news had not been good. When Mikal and Mattais entered the room she closed her senses off, trying to prevent them from discerning just how dire the situation was.

Mattais looked around the room, "Where's Jeremiah?"

"He won't be joining us right now, I needed to speak to the two of you first," Ophelia said.

"That bad, huh?" Mikal said.

Ophelia only nodded, "I assume Jeremiah has spoken to you about the young woman we became aware of a few nights ago?"

"He said he wanted to go in and get her, but that you told him we would wait for her ship to return to Morpheus before we acted," Mikal said, "He also mentioned that you would have needed both myself and Catorina to extricate her."

"We will need both of you, but we aren't going to wait for them to return, I'm sending you after her."

Mattais laughed, "That's why he's not here, you don't want to sit through the 'I told you so' speech."

Ophelia pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers and closed her eyes, "She's a Ferine talent," she said quietly.

"Wo de tian a," Mikal swore under his breath, "And you haven't told Jeremiah yet?"

Ophelia shook her head, "It's taken everything I had to keep her stable for this long, but I can feel her slipping. I had to go to the council, one of the Elders is going to try and connect with her to keep her stable, but if that doesn't work..." she let her worlds trail off.

"When were you going to tell me?"

Ophelia turned when she heard Jeremiah's voice, "You know, eavesdropping in doorways is a bad habit, moppet."

Jeremiah didn't react to her use of the pet name she had given him when he'd first arrived. He stepped farther into the room, his eyes cold, "I asked you a question."

Ophelia sighed, "I was filling Mattais and Mikal in on the situation and then I had intended to come and speak with you."

"You didn't think you should tell me that another Ferine talent had been located? Jesus Phelia, I wanted to go and get her! I could feel something was off!"

Ophelia closed the short distance between them, laying her hand on his shoulder, "I know," she said, "I was wrong. I should have listened to you, but.."

Jeremiah cut her off, "Has the Elder been able to make contact with her?"

"I believe so. It was decided to keep the contact subconscious. The level of trauma she's experienced is already high enough, having another consciousness in her waking mind without understanding why would likely make matters worse. He will stay with her until you can get her out, repairing the damage as he can, but we need to hurry."

"No shit," was all Jeremiah said as he left the room.

"Okay," Mikal said, "That went well."

Ophelia laughed, "Better than I had expected, actually. At least this time there aren't any broken mirrors. Go with him, get Tara and Catorina and get going. When you get to Helios, let me know. Elder Mithos says there is most likely a Flux on board as well, which will make getting her off the ship undetected very difficult."

"That must have been what Jeremiah felt that night," Mattais said, "What the hell is going on Phelia? A Ferine and a Flux in the same place and neither of them knows what the hell is going on? How does that even happen?"

"That's one of the things we need to find out Mattais," she said, "And I would prefer we do it before she loses all contact with reality and she bleeds herself out."

Both men nodded, they had both seen psychic bleed out before and it never ended well for anyone in the vicinity. They left the office without saying anything else.

oOo

River stood beside her bed and stared down at the package lying on top of the quilt. The paper was a dusky blue and had been carefully, if inelegantly, tied with a length of silver ribbon. She ran her fingers down the length of the package, feeling the paper crinkly beneath them. Sitting down she lifted the gift and laid it across her lap. Carefully, she untied the ribbon and held it for a moment. She could feel the residual energy on it and it made her smile. She slipped the ribbon around the rubber band holding her hair away from her face and tied it into a knot before she began peeling back the layers of blue paper.

She stared down at the knives, tracing the edges with her fingers. They were a matched set of fighting daggers, their blades glinting silver against the black leather sheaths. She had never seen anything more beautiful in her life. There note under the daggers, it simply said, "They reminded me of you."

River stood and strapped the sheaths to her legs, sliding the daggers home. She felt powerful. Her fingers caressed the hilts, the leather cool under her fingers. She walked to her door and peered out into the hallway, looking to be sure no one would see her as she slipped toward the cargo bay.

oOo

Jayne stood in the shadows of the catwalk and watched as River crept silently into the cargo bay. He'd left the daggers on her bed earlier, knowing she would find them when she came off duty. After she'd left him standing in the street, he'd decided to go find some fun that was more his style. He'd intended to head to the local bar and find himself a glass of whiskey and a woman, but he'd never made it. As he was walking he had seen the daggers in the window of a store and he'd known they were meant for her.

He had never been one for buying gee-gaws and frippery for women, but those daggers made him think of the way she moved and the power hidden under her delicate features. And so, for the first time in his life, Jayne Cobb and purchased a gift for a woman. Even more surprising to him, he'd bought it for a woman he wasn't beddin'. One of the clerks had helped him wrap them for her, but he'd waited until they were back in the black before leaving them for her to find. The look on her face now, as she handled the blades...that was the reason he'd bought 'em.

Suddenly, he felt like a peepin' tom and he moved out of the shadows, heading down the stairs so she could see him. She stopped her movements and watched him for a moment. Without warning she ran to him, rose up on her toes and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to his lips before disappearing toward her room.

His lips tingled where she'd touched them and he sat down heavily on the bottom step. He'd known a lot of women in his life, none of them had made him feel like this. It wasn't sexual, he'd felt that with plenty of women in his life. This was awe. River hadn't questioned his motives in giving her the daggers, she'd simply accepted them.

As he sat there, another feeling crept up on him, guilt. For every time he'd called her crazy or moon-brained. For every time he'd called her a threat. For his betrayal of her on Ariel. Guilt wasn't an emotion Jayne was used to. Most of his life had been spent watchin' out for himself. He'd never bothered much with worrying about the people that got in the way.

River was different. She'd forgiven him without being asked to. She simply accepted him. It left him feeling lost, which was not a feeling Jayne liked.