A/N: Ahaha. The name 'godslayer007' came from some jerk's online handle. He was apparently in a video game my guy was playing. We both laughed our asses off, it was priceless.
The title for this story comes from a song by Marilyn Manson. I'm sure he's not everyone's taste, but it pretty much describes the direction of the story. It's 'Armageddon' with a bunch of swears
tossed in (Armagoddamnmotherfuckingeddon). It looks cooler with the asterisks but bleeps stars out...not sure why. Anyways I didn't want to put tons of swearing up at the top of page 1
of the story just in case, lol.

Enjoy and ty for reviews!

And PS: SuperMILF is just my own creation, based on what drunk Laura would like to be called.

( Volume: 4 Arc: "..." 2 Issue: 1/1 )

Chapter 132 : the adventures of godslayer and superMILF

"This blows. We've been X-men for a week, and nothing's happened," Nori grumbled to Laura. They were standing behind Scott, Emma, and Professor Xavier, in a press
conference, dressed in their uniforms; Julian was also present.

"Maybe it's off-season for the bad guys," Laura whispered back. "Hey! I know! I'll take off and rob something, and you guys can come arrest me."

"Girls…be quiet," Julian hissed, as the pair cackled with silent laughter. "This is really important, okay?"

"Fuck you," Laura said, accidentally out loud. Her voice caught the microphone and echoed through the speakers, magnified about ten times.

Silence. The reporters stared at her; the Professor paused in his speech and turned around in his wheelchair to look at her.

"Ah-heh," Laura said, her eyes wide. "That wasn't for you…sir."

"I should hope not," the Professor said.

"Keep it down," Scott scolded. "You're here to be seen and not heard. Emma?"

Emma sighed and tilted her head, erasing the past fifteen seconds from the reporters' minds. Done. It is rather embarrassing, having to do this every few minutes. This is
supposed to be a live press conference….yet I feel as though I am editing a film.

Julian tried not to glare at Laura (who had not been at fault for the other interruptions; still, once was enough).

…

"Laura, I swear to god…sometimes you piss me off so much," Julian fumed as they headed home. "How hard is it to stay quiet for twenty minutes? Seriously?"

"I don't know how I managed five," Laura said. "Be glad I didn't speak back to the reporters. I almost declared my support to the one who asked about proposed mandatory birth-control bill."

She grinned. "I wanted to ask if they accept ."

"These are serious matters, Laura," Julian said angrily. "You shouldn't make fun of them. If this thing really comes around, you'll be singing a different tune." He opened the door, and out
sprung the Shrimps, like wildly excited dogs. They each grabbed one of his knees and began to babble, loudly.

"Holy—one at a time—" Julian said, suddenly distracted. "Why the heck are they naked?"

"—an Mr. Mum wouldn' lemme have—"

"—but Nate said—"

"—an' it jus' blew up all on iz' own—"

"—Joo, I twied to say no—"

"—wen BANG! an lotsa colors—"

"—but he wouldn' listen an he—"

"—an Mr. Mum made a funny noise—"

"—I fink Mr. Mum is angwy—"

"—I sweah it wasn' me—"

Laura stared at the Shrimps. "They blew something up," she said, in an accusatory tone. She peered into the house and gave it an experimental sniff; her nose confirmed it: the
scent of burnt. It seemed empty, but she could hear Logan in the bedroom, now moving towards the door, having heard her in turn.

"What the—" Julian exclaimed as Logan came into view, covered head-to-toe in soot, his hair frizzled.

"Don't really wanna talk about it, but that demon-child set the bathroom on fire," Logan said gruffly.

"…" Julian's expression was one of frozen horror.

Laura's eyebrows drew together. "How—"

"They got into yer ice cream. I don't know what the hell you guys are thinkin', keepin' a whole pail in yer freezer with these things around. They went on a sugar binge and when I found the boy
he was pink, and sticky." He paused. "I had to wash him."

Laura's nose twitched. "You tried to give them a bath?"

Logan nodded. "Someone failed to mention to me that it's like committin' suicide."

"I…didn't think it'd be necessary," Julian said.

"Well, it was." Logan paused. "I put him in first, then ran after his sister…lil bugger got out meanwhile, and I dunno how, or why, but I couldn't smell him. Then the girl started escapin'." Logan inhaled
through his nose, a raspy sound due to the soot. "She jumped over my shoulder…an' he crept up behind me, and threw yer electric razor in the bathtub."

"Oh my—" Laura.

"While I was elbow-deep, too," Logan growled. "Do you know how painful it is to be electrocuted when yer skeleton is covered in metal?"

"…we're sorry?" Julian said. It sounded inadequate.

"So the curtains caught fire when my hair lit up," Logan said, matter-of-factly. "I been around some, but I never seen a fire happen in a bathtub before. Quite somethin'. I kinda overreacted and jammed
my claws into the water pipe. So it's a lil busted up in there, at the moment." He paused.

The young parents stared at him.

Logan rubbed his hair; some strands fell out. "I'm gonna go home…scrub this off…I might come 'round tomorrow and help ya fix it, if I've calmed down enough by then. I can barely look at the kid right now
without wantin' to strangle him."

Nate peered up at Logan from behind Julian's knee.

"And fer godssakes, put some clothes on 'im," Logan snarled, grabbing his coat from the peg and stalking out in a huff.

Julian opened his mouth, changed his mind, closed it, then looked at Laura. "Think they'll let me sponsor that bill?"

…

"This place sucks!" James yelled suddenly, from the bathroom, startling Julian and Laura, who had fallen asleep on the sofa.

"Whatsit—" Laura rubbed one eye.

James stomped into the living room. "Why is the bathroom blown up?!"

"You caught us. We had wild sex in the shower," Julian said, yawning. "Go to the school if you need to clean up."

"HAH! I wish!" Laura said.

"You do, huh?" Julian, stroking her hair idly.

"…I hate this place," James said. "We're rich. Why are we living like we're in the bottom tax bracket?! Our employees have better homes than this!"

"I'm not buying a new house because we had a bathtub fire, okay? New shit isn't going to help…you guys just need to learn how to use it properly." Julian said, glancing down at Laura.

"I had nothing to do with it, thank you very much," Laura said.

"ARRRGH!" James sounded frustrated; he hated how his brother and her always changed the subject and began arguing with each other, instead of answering his rather aggressive
questions. Or answered him sarcastically.

It was like living with crazy people.

"Give me my share now, then, and let me get my own place," James said, trying to remain calm. "Then you guys can keep on doing whatever the hell it is you do that results in this crap."

"James…you're sixteen. I think you'd be ten times worse. And it wasn't us…Logan had a little accident while he was watching the Shrimps."

"…" James turned away in disgust, returned to his room, and slammed the door.

"You know…Scott mentioned to me today that they're starting up the Squads again, this September," Julian said, still stroking Laura's hair.

"My Shrimps are NOT—"

"No, you idiot. Jim. He's been invited to be on a Squad, if I approve it."

Laura sat up. "That means he would leave the house, right?"

"Hell no," Julian said, glaring at her. "He's staying, and stop looking for chances to dump him, okay?"

"I should invite Megan," Laura said venomously. "Don't lie and say you'd be fine with it. I could smell the adrenaline in your body every time you were in the same room with us."

"Because you're crazy," Julian said. "And she's crazy. Put two and two together…I wasn't sure the school was going to stay intact."

"Ah-heh." Laura grinned. "It's been a long time since I've gotten you, hasn't it?"

Julian raised his eyebrow. "I wouldn't say that. You've been too busy making an ass of yourself to worry about me."

"Shut up," Laura said.

He ruffled her hair, grinning meanly.

…

Laura knocked on Logan's door with her boot, holding Nate's and Rachel's hands tightly in hers. Emma had requested all New X-men to meet her immediately, and Julian had
had to leave even earlier, being in-charge of the team.

"LOGAN!" Laura shouted.

No answer.

She suddenly realized she didn't hear him there, which was odd, as it was the evening; usually Logan was around, if the team wasn't off to god-knows-where.

Sighing, Laura pulled the Shrimps along with her towards the ready room, thinking that now would be a prime chance to use that offer for babysitting that Emma had apparently made.

Entering the room, she saw that everyone was sitting around the table, with grim expressions. Julian was watching Emma intently, his arms folded; it was odd to observe his reaction
when she didn't know what had caused it.

"This group of Reavers is known to be extremists," Emma said. "It is entirely possible that they were directly in contact with Donald Pierce and what on earth are those children doing here?"

Everyone's foreheads wrinkled; then they saw that Emma was staring over their heads, and most people turned to look at Laura, who grinned guiltily.

"Logan's out," she said. "I thought you might watch them, Emma."

Silence. Ms. Frost pursed her lips. She had suddenly gone from senior X-man, the one in charge, the important figure relaying pertinent information—to potential babysitter.

"I suppose that will be alright," she said stiffly.

Emma hadn't thought the situation could possibly degrade more, but then it did.

Nate sucked his thumb and eyed her, then out his thumb popped, with a wet noise.

"Boobs!" he burst enthusiastically.

Julian covered his face in embarrassment.

"Good lord." Emma tried to sound as calm and patient as possible, amidst the concealed sounds of amusement from the table. "Please, be seated, and attempt to listen. I will convene with you after."

…

"You just had to bring them in while she was talking, didn't you?" Julian asked, exasperated.

"How was I supposed to know! I didn't want to miss any details!" Laura said.

"For the love of god, your power is enhanced hearing, and the door was open. Is it that hard to wait outside?"

"Apparently," Laura said. "I'm not the one who taught him that word anyway."

In addition to his earlier comment (and a tiny monologue in which Nate had informed the table about how his father liked boobs too), Nate had chosen that night to make his debut to the F-word. It
would have been amusing if not so mortifying. Emma had paused, for effect, after giving them a very serious order, and Nate had used the silence as an opportunity to tell Emma to do something
very rude he'd once overheard Julian say.

"Dude—are you mad at her?" Josh asked, overhearing the conversation taking place between the two parents, who had paused before boarding the X-wing.

"Kinda." Julian folded his arms.

"That was the best thing ever! Can I pay you guys to bring them again?" Josh asked, grinning. "They're like the only ones in this school who are immune to Emma's queen bee act!"

"Shut up and get in the jet, Elixir," Julian snapped.

Josh saluted. "Whatever you say…godslayer."

"Grr." Julian followed him into the jet.

…

"This is lame, Keller. My powers are not made for arresting," Laura said.

Julian kept his eyes focused on the horizon. "I was under the impression that you knew how to punch stuff."

"There is no problem you can't punch your way out of," Laura agreed.

"Jesus."

"I'm pretty sure I could've fixed his problem with a few punches, too," Laura said pleasantly. "That reminds me…who would you pick to be on your side in a bar fight?"

"Hmm," Julian said.

"Colossus!" Josh shouted from the back.

"No, dude! Wolverine!" Santo.

"Probably you," Julian said to Laura. "Or Logan, he seems to know what he's doing."

"I can't believe nobody said Chuck Norris," Laura said.

"Dude!" Santo shouted. "Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!"

"I heard he's the reason Waldo is hiding," Josh said, grinning.

"I was pretty sure we were gonna have to fight Chuck Norris for the last field day," Julian said. "That's why I talked Summers down."

The rest of the flight was spent inventing jokes.