"He was crying? Dr. Sheldon Cooper was not crying." Howard whispered incredulously, wide-eyed and disbelieving.
Leonard nodded uneasily, scooping more sticky rice onto his plate. Howard, Penny, Raj, Bernadette and Amy were sitting in on the floor of his living room eating takeout. Leonard felt worse every, quiet, Sheldon-less moment.
"He tried to hide it, but I could hear him. I-it was full out sobbing." He shifted uncomfortably. "He's been in his room for ten hours. He won't answer when I knocked. I never should have made fun of his accent."
Bernadette frowned, putting down her plate.
"He was sobbing just because you laughed at his accent? That doesn't make sense."
"Yeah, that doesn't sound like Sheldon." Penny said through a mouthful of chicken.
"If I might interject?" Amy said, putting her plate on the table. She folded her hands in her lap and surveyed the rest of the group.
"Perhaps it wasn't the mocking itself, but memories associated with it?"
There was an awkward silence as everyone exchanged guilty looks.
"You mean like, bullies?" Penny asked. Amy shook her head.
"It's unlikely other children mocked Sheldon's accent, seeing as they all spoke in the same dialect." She paused thoughtfully. "Unless they were even stupider than he's described."
Leonard was starting to feel sick. He grappled for something other than himself to pin Sheldon's breakdown on.
"Look, maybe he's just homesick. Maybe he got reminded of Texas." He said quickly.
There was a moment of nodding. Penny put down her plate.
"I think I'll go talk to him. I miss Nebraska sometimes too, maybe I can help."
Leonard felt himself relax. Penny had this weird effect on Sheldon. The way she constantly put up with and took care of him, she was like his mother-away-from-his-mother. If anyone could get him out of whatever funk he was in, it was Penny.
Leonard was just starting to smile a little when he heard the scream.
The blood-curdling noise pierced his ears. As one, the scientists and doctors jumped out of their chairs and rushed down the hall. Instinctively, everyone had dread tying knots in his or her stomach.
Leonard turned the corner and pushed open Sheldon's already ajar door. The knots in his stomach tightened.
Penny had fallen to the floor, sobbing. Sheldon was leaning against the side of his bed, his eyes squeezed shut.
Both his wrists had deep red slashes on them.
Leonard heard Raj start gagging behind him. He pushed past Penny and ran to his roommate, too scared to even think. He crouched down and cupped his hands around Sheldon's bleeding arms.
"Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you die on us I will never forgive you!" He growled, much louder than he intended.
Sheldon's eyes fluttered open. They were blank and staring.
"I wen' too deep this time." he whispered, his accent still in full force. "Too much blood."
Leonard desperately tried to staunch the bleeding with his sweatshirt sleeves. He looked around the room desperately.
"WHERE'S HIS FIRST AID KIT?" He screamed.
Amy scurried across the room and yanked open the top drawer of Sheldon's dresser. She tossed Leonard a small white box. He ripped it open, taking huge chunks of white gauze and smashing them hastily against Sheldon's wrists, wrapping them messily and tightly.
When he finished and fell back, Leonard allowed himself a tiny breath. He weakly turned his head to survey the rest of the room.
Penny was curled up on the floor, still sobbing. Raj had buried his head in Howard's shoulder. Amy stood tight lipped and pale at the dresser while Bernadette perched weakly on the bed. Leonard bowed his head.
Sheldon stared blankly at his wrists, the faintest red starting to leak through the gauze. Leonard tried to touch the bandages. Sheldon yanked his wrists away, his face still motionless.
Everyone was quiet for a long time.
Finally, Leonard spoke. His voice was shaking.
"Sheldon. What. The. Fucking. Hell. Were. You. Doing?"
Bernadette cast a nervous look at Sheldon's face. It remained blank.
"Leonard, be careful."
"I-I don't want to be careful!" His voice was rising. "What were you thinking, trying to off yourself-"
"Leonard!"
"I waddint tryin' to commit suicide." Sheldon spoke suddenly, causing everyone to shut up. They all looked at Sheldon. He took a deep, shuddering breath.
"I was jus' havin' a bad daye." He said, refusing to look at any of them. He bit his lip, then let out a frustrated sigh.
"I...I jus' got reminded of my daddy today."
Howard, the one of the group with the most severe father issues, nodded knowingly. He crouched down next to Sheldon, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey, buddy, I know it's hard. I miss my dad sometimes too."
Sheldon's head whipped up in alarm.
"I don' MISS him." He said incredulously. "I hope he burns in hell."
Howard took a step back, thrown off. Bernadette fingered the cross around her neck, looking worried. Sheldon looked down.
"I got too much like him." He said sadly. "I looked in the mirror an' I saw him." He looked down at his arms again. "I don' like that."
Everyone was silent, still to scared to move. Sheldon nodded towards the bandages.
"This usually is effective in stoppin' the pain. I jus' wen' too deep this tyme."
Amy went even paler. Her usually stoic face was lined with worry.
"Are you suggesting you've done this more than once?"
Sheldon didn't answer. Leonard felt his heart stop.
"Sheldon," He said slowly. "Let me see your arms."
Sheldon didn't move. Leonard pulled his best friend's floppy arms up to his own face. He slowly rolled up the sleeves of Sheldon's shirt. Bernadette let out a little gasp.
Both of Sheldon's entire arms, wrists and shoulders were covered with scars. Cuts and bruises and abrasions. Some were almost faded away, some were so red and fresh they might have appeared only seconds ago. Maybe they had. Leonard grabbed Sheldon's face as their friends let out a collective gasp. Leonard desperately looked into Sheldon's blank blue eyes.
"Sheldon, how long have you been...doing this?" He asked, his voice choked with tears. It was quiet. Leonard took Sheldon's face more forcefully, turning it to face him head on.
"Answer me!" He yelled. Bernadette shot him a terrified look.
"Leonard!" She squeaked reproachfully. Leonard was about to argue when-
"I was ten." A broken, hoarse voice spoke up. Leonard let his hands fall to his sides. Bernadette's mouth fell open.
"You've been...doing that...since you were ten years old?" He said weakly. Sheldon nodded. Penny burst into fresh tears. Raj was clinging onto Howard for dear life. It was Amy who finally spoke. Her voice was unusually emotional.
"Sheldon...what happened to you?"
Sheldon took a deep breath.
And he told them.