A/N: Thank you so much Aria-dancingdolphins15, Amanda332czx (A little more than upset? What is he supposed to do? Beat him up:D), Kari (oh, why don't you have an account? I could discuss this FOREVER with you. Yeah, they do have a bond. BUT she only started thinking about Gale that way when she was sent in the games. And then came Peeta and dun, dun, dun. There was the drama. Well, anyway, she doesn't consciously think about either of them that way. And since I always used NOT to change my mind, I'm very stubborn, she is just confused. It's never really clear that she feels more for him than friendship. Tell me one scene (EXCEPT for the wipping. That was under different circumstances) and I'm going to believe you:D), InLoveWithPeeta (I already told you everything, didn't I?), ohmygawdpeeta, DandelionOnFire (Okay, first: You caused me to watch the sweetest movie I've ever seen! Little Manhatten! That was SO damn cute! I had a goofy grin on my face while watching it and I loved it SO much! Thank you! Oh, I can't believe I did that! I'm becoming so fan-girl-ish. I don't know why! I've never been like other girls! Oh Josh, why do you have to be so awesome? *cough* Okay, now a serious answer (as serious as I can). Don't worry, I took that as a compliment:D And yes, getting back to zero is a very good designation:D Oh, and congrats to you to for writing a serious review:P), HungerGamesLover1020 (Oh my god no! This is Katniss POV! And Gale wouldn't be that stupid. I mean, that would be a way to send Katniss flying into Peeta's arms:D), mocking-jabberjay (When I first read your review I was like what the hell? Then I noticed it was about chapter 6...:D), Takeiteasycharlie (Thank you so much:D), Tree Hugger11 (he,he, you know, I seriously started thinking about that...it would be very amusing:D), CharmChaser(thanks again), musicalexpert, kat (Oh god, I hope your mom won't kill me now...And thank you!), Alexis(thank you so much! Will you review, too:D?), KMloveya (woohoo, someone who liked the chapter:) THANKS!) and BBree23 (she didn't cry. But she did almost cry, and that's a lot for her. And THANK YOU!)

Oh, and even though I think it's pretty obvious, he is supposed to be Peeta. Don't wonder if he is always he in this chapter, it's supposed to be that way. Yeah, well, you're going to know what I'm talking about soon:)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. So. Now you managed to remind me.

I pull my string back. Concentrate only on my prey, a squirrel. I look in its eye and let go. The arrow flyes and hits the animal directly in the eye, where I wanted it to. I lower my bow to my side and smile.

Hunting is the best thing on this earth. The squirrel fell off the tree and unfortunately landed on the opposite side of it. So I have to walk around the tree. And I do, after all I want to sell the squirrel.

I don't exactly know where it landed because the tree is rather big. My eyes are fixed on the ground, searching. But my well trained eyes quickly find it and I pick it up.

Only then I look up to see where I am. And I immediatly freeze.

Purple flowers. A clearing. I can almost see the deer standing there, grazing. Before I shot it.

I then look at the tree the squirrel was sitting on. And I feel a lump forming in my throat. I can almost hear our laughs now, how we were sitting on the tree, enjoying the day.

We. He and I. I refuse to think his name, because of my deal. I'm determined to make it work this time, and it has to be flawless. No mistakes allowed.

I'm not even allowed to really think of him. But how am I supposed to do that when I am at this clearing? I will my feets to go back and forget, but my body is not listening to my mind. It's moving on it's own accord.

Instead of carrying me as far away as possibell they drag me to the middle of the clearing. When I have reached it I sit down and sigh.

How long has it been since I was here? A half year? A whole year? I don't know. I've lost track of time. But since there weren't any reapings since that night, I suppose it was a half year.

Really? Is it that long ago? I sigh again. Yes it is. It's almost as long ago as the last time I talked to him. I have to swallow when I think of it.

That was also the last day I allowed myself to think about him. When he did cross my thoughts after that I pushed it away. After that day he tried a few times to talk to me again, but I always ignored him. I couldn't let him get to me and I wouldn't. Eventually he gave up.

I still see him sneaking glances at me. Still see this hurt in his blue eyes. But I can't go back. And I won't. He will get over it and marry Delly Cartwright. I will provide my mother and Prim until mother dies and Prim is married. Then it will just be me. I mean, sure, I'll visit Prim, but I'll be alone when I come home. That's how it was always supposed to be. That's how it will be.

Prim. Her happiness is the most important thing to me either way. Only once I managed to really upset her. When I told her about what I think about him now...I remember all too good...

"Katniss, you've been acting strange lately." Prim says that in a matter-of-fact tone while she is milikng Lady. I promised to keep her company, so I'm sitting right beside her on a rock. Until now we've both remained silent and that's the reason her voice startles me.

"What do you mean?" I ask. I don't remember acting any different with her than before. I'm still the girl I have always been since my father died.

Prim seems to think that it must be obvious, because she rolls her eyes. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not stupid, you know." I never thought that. But I still don't know what she is talking about.

"Prim, I have honestly no idea!"

That makes her look up at me, straight in the eyes. She must see my confusion, because she sighs. "You really don't know, do you?" I shake my head. Can't she just tell me?

"Well, there is that...that glint in your eyes. Or...more like the absence of it. When you smile I don't see your eyes laugh. You don't really talk to me anymore..." I cut her off.

"I do talk to you! I always tell you everything about my day and..." This time, it's Prim who cuts me off. Strange. She never did that before. "That's not what I mean. You don't tell me what you think, what you feel anymore. I can't see how you feel anymore. You...you became like a stone. You've shut everyone out. You know, it was like one day your eyes shine and the next one they are...not dead but unfeeling. Uncaring..."

"Prim I do care for you! You know that!" I'm upset. Why would Prim think I don't care for her?

"That's not what I was saying! I know you do, it's just...you seem so cold Katniss. I'm worried about you!" Oh. Oh no. Prim is not supposed to worry about me, especially when everything is just fine. I don't want her to. She's suffered enough.

"And that's not everything Katniss! Even Gale has noticed! He said you hadn't really talked to him for weeks! And you've stopped talking to Peeta..." She is about to continue when she notices how I cringe. I haven't heard his name in weeks. It's forbidden and I've come to the realization that it's way easier not to think about him if I don't use or hear his name. I've also stayed away from him. I convinced myself it is better this way.

There. Now she managed to make me think about him. Just great.

But then her words bring me back to reality. Her words and the tone in which she says them. "That's it, isn't it? Peeta. I haven't seen you talk to him since you started behaving this way. Come to think of it, he didn't mention anything about you in the last few weeks, either. But he looks hurt." I can just see how she is putting two and two together.

"Katniss, what happened?" Her voice sounds warning now, it's as though she didn't really want my answer. How fitting.

I really don't want to answer her. This would just be a reason to think about him again. The very thing I can't. I mustn't. So I say: "Nothing. Nothing happened. I just...I've come to the realization that we...that..." This is definetely not a good way to make her stop asking. But while I talked I did think of him again. Of how I felt when I walked away. And the sadness took my voice.

I shake my head violently. No sadness. I don't know him. He is just any boy in my grade. I don't care for him.

That helps. I feel how the sadness disappears and is replaced by...yeah, a bit of a content feeling, but other than that, nothing. Really almost nothing. Maybe that's what Prim meant. But then again, isn't that what I wanted? To go back to my old self? And it works, apparently. Good.

"There!" Prim says, concerned now. "You...it's happening again. That...that thing with your eyes." So I was right, that is what happened. But that's good, isn't it? Why should Prim be worried? That's how it was before.

"Prim, it's okay. I've always been like this. I..."

"No you haven't! Katniss what happened between Peeta and you?" There was a time when my answer would have been something like not wanting to talk about it. Now I just decide to answer with the words I'm always telling myself.

"Prim, I don't know him. Not anymore. I'm going my way, he's going his and that's the best for everyone! Okay?" I've never talked in a voice that cold to her and I suddenly feel guilty about it. I'm about to apologize when she screams:

"WHAT? Why? You liked him, you told me! What has he done?"

Usually she would get anything out of me with that expression. Confused, concerned and kind of helpless. "Prim, I won't talk about him and that's it."

Prim looks shocked. "You have ended it, haven't you? Your friendship? He would never have done that! Katniss he is hurt! He doesn't want that! He really is sad, just look at him!"

I don't want to hear this. That I hurt him. I don't want to be the reason for his pain. And not physical, but mental. I can't deny I am, but to be faced with it...no. That's the ending! I can literally feel how my security walls shut around me and are closed. Walls of iron. My eyes are narrowed

"Prim, drop it!" It sounded as though I spit it out. I've never talked to her like that. It is my commanding tone. And I've never used it on her. Never. We never fight like that! That's just not right. Yes, ending Peeta's and my so-called friendship was the right decision. After all, this fight is about him.

I feel guilty though. That was wrong, I know she just wants my best. And I want to apologize again. But, just like before, I can't. Because Prim is talking first in a sad voice that makes her sound older than she really is: "Just don't let it destroy yourself."

After that she left and with that she left me thinking about her words. I didn't, still don't, know what to make of it.

The day after that I apologized. Prim said it was okay and that it had been her fault, too, she said that after all se had shouted at me and that she gave me a hug, but I only felt better when she ated like always and it didn't seem acted. We didn't talk about that subject again. After that I did more things with her, we played and danced. It was really nice, even though it felt like something was missing.

And now I am sitting here, remembering. That was the last time I heard his name. I sigh.

This clearing seems to bring everything back, everything connected to him. Everywhere else I would be able to stop these thoughts, but not here. Not here, not the place of my happy memories and my escape from reality. And my body won't let me get up and move. I have a feeling I don't want to leave this place.

I've never really noticed how magical it looks. It's as though the flowers are shining, in a purple like some lights in the Capitol. Only that it doesn't look like the Capitol at all. There it looks man-made and fake. But in this clearing I wouldn't be surprised if an elf to jumped out of one of these flowers.

I actually smile. That's what my father told me once. When he first wanted to take me out here, I was afraid. Mother had said so many things about the forest and it sounded dangerous. But my father only smiled and said: "Out there are elves and they will protect us. They live in flowers, you know. In every flower out there is one elf."

And I asked: "Can I see them?" He laughed. My father had the most beautiful laugh I ever heard. Exept Prim maybe. And...No. No, no one else. No one could laugh like this, a laugh that was full of life and freedom.

"No." He said. "But whenever you see a beautiful flower, you can be sure there is an elf in it."

When I got older I knew this wasn't true. But my father loved flowers. That's why our, Prim's and mine, name are flowers. He said that was the reason he told me this, when I asked him. Because we are his everythings. His elves.

It's painful, thinking about my father, but it's also wonderful. When I remember him, I remember how he was the best person I ever knew. And what he taught me helped us to survive.

I look at the flower in front of me again. If only someone could help me. Father or an elf. Or just anyone.

I know what I did was right, but I just can't deny I feel...different now. Prim was right, I have changed. And I have that feeling it has something to do with that day.

Wait, what was that? Since when does Katniss Everdeen need help? No! I don't! Everything is back to normal now, right?

I haven't realized I've stood up until know. My fists are clenched and my eyes are narrowed to slits. One question is running through my head. Why? What is this, this feeling I can't describe? Why do I feel so...wrong? Why is all this thinking so choking? Why does it fill me with guilt? I scream, frustrated. What is wrong with me?

I don't know. I don't know and it is not only frustrating but irritating, too. I'm not used to be not in control, to not knowing. And I really can't say I like it.

Why did I have to shoot this squirrel today? Everything went so well the last few month. I wasn't confused anymore, I didn't worry about anything but food and most importantly, I didn't think about him!

Yes, that is what makes everything complicated. This boy, the baker's son, and I don't know why! I was able to keep him from my thoughts for half a year! And then I decide to shoot a squirrel, find this clearing and have to remember all those month I had trapped in the back of my mind, memories I'm not allowed to have.

It's so wrong. Thinking about him. It hurts. After all this time, it still hurts. Why is that? What is the reason for that? Is it that I still remember that day as though it was only yesterday? That I don't feel like any time has passed?

I know it has. But...I don't know. It's just that it feels like before. One year ago I would have said that no time has passed since my father died and I started providing my family and hunting. Because every day feels like the same.

I wake up, I go to school, I hunt, I sell, I go to sleep. And that's what I do the next day, too. And the following day. And every other day. Of course, there's still this playing with Prim and talking to Gale. But even that is routine.

I sigh. I've done that a lot since I came here. But I don't really see the sense in staying. So I start getting up. And that's when I hear footsteps.

What do you think about this chapter? If anyone wondered why Prim described Katniss like that and it was true, that's because of her deal. She just unconsciously shut herself comletely off so she doesn't show any feelings and can pretend she doesn't care. And that got her and she started living her role everywhere. I kinda liked writing it and I can't explain why...Oh well. If you need more explantation, PM me.

By the way, I have a question. What do you think how old I am? It would just be interesting for me...You don't have to answer...

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