( Volume: 4 Arc: "Disneyland" Issue: 1/2 )

Chapter 159 : Still Alive

Standing in the kitchen, Julian leaning against the sink, Laura against the wall, her cheek pressed to the wallpaper, eyebrows drawn together.

"I'm tired," she said.

"I know." Julian didn't look her in the eyes; he'd been having trouble, lately. "I don't think you should be on this team. You've had a lot taken out of you."

Laura frowned. "Keller…I have to. Or they're going to take more out of me."

Silence. "I'm sorry," he said, after a few minutes had passed. He'd told himself no, there was to be no more talking. For a while he had brushed her off, and then…he couldn't keep doing it. It wasn't just Laura's broken expression that got to him, but the Shrimps had gotten upset.

So he'd started talking to her again, a few words at a time. Over the course of a month they'd come to this finite point in time and space, where conversation came, and went, and they could—every so often—pretend nothing had gone wrong.

"Don't even," Laura said, glaring at him. There was a bit more color to her face; rising spirits. Even though it was anger, she was returning to life again, slowly; the Shrimps had gotten to her too, eventually warming her; a few days after she'd begun accompanying Julian on his summons, she had picked up Nate and scolded him, quietly, for trying to stick a fork into a socket.

Last week, Julian had even seen a hint of her previously strong sense of humor return. The Shrimps had run into the bedroom early one morning and woken them by jumping up and down on the bed and screaming bloody murder. While the two parents had tried to slow their racing hearts (having thought the apocalypse had started on their bed), the Shrimps had proudly shown them a collaborative art effort. The twins didn't really understand why their mother was so upset in the last month, but had understood someone bad had taken away something she loved dearly, and in their own way, they wanted to help.

They had drawn a somewhat decipherable stick figure man, with red spots (buud, Nate explained proudly, meaning blood) and two blue circles vaguely near his head area (back ice, Rachel had informed them, which Laura finally figured out to be 'black eyes'), and many little sticks attached to him.

"A porcupine?" Julian had asked, confused.

"NO!" the twins had shouted together. "KNIES!" Nate had shouted enthusiastically, making a stabbing motion with his hand. Then he'd explained it was the Bad Guy; he pointed to a label underneath the figure, in what looked vaguely like it might be an attempt to write.

"They're not watching channel 5 anymore, Keller," Laura had said, but he'd detected amusement in her tone, and glancing up, had seen a dimple. Then they had been shown the portraits the Shrimps had created; the family standing by their house. For Julian's picture they had drawn a very small green circle; for Laura's, they drew an enormous black blur, with lines he presumed to be claws sticking out from her hands, and a tongue with an angry face on it (she hassa mean tongue! Nate said, mortifying Julian with his excellent memory); then the two twins, smaller stick figures wearing what appeared to be vague copies of X-men uniforms. Very vague; Julian recognized the colors, mostly.

"This is awesome!" Laura had said. She'd hung it up on the refrigerator; later when the Shrimps had gone to bed, she'd begun to chortle at how small they'd drawn Julian in comparison to her. Nowhere near the reaction it would have gotten from her sans-accident, but a start.

"Look. We need to plan this party," Laura said now. "Two's a big day for them, and it's not fair that our troubles are ruining their lives. After what's happened this year…we have to knock their freakin' socks off. You've got five billion dollars…use it."

Julian looked alarmed. "You're not spending that much on one party…right?" he asked.

"Not quite. Probably about three or four grand will do it." Laura said. "I'm talking Disneyland, Keller."

"We don't have time for that," Julian said. "We're looking for—"

"We sure as hell have time for our children, which are still living!" Laura snapped.

Julian looked down, feeling the guilt choke him—the guilt that she had taken a shot meant for him. And the price had been so heavy. He felt almost angry at her for bringing it up, for acknowledging the elephant in the room.

She paused, biting her lip for a moment. "Maybe a break will give us a fresh perspective." she murmured.

They'd spent hours brainstorming over Sebastian Shaw's comment, trying to decipher what the man had meant, to no avail. There was no one in the mansion they knew of remotely capable of the horrendous acts that had occurred; particularly because they were all mutants. Even Daken made his mutant superiority views well-known.

Julian ran a hand through this hair. "We ask Cyclops. I'll leave it up to him. If he thinks he can spare us…but not long, Laura. Two days, tops."

"Five," she said. "Not a day left."

"Five including travel time," Julian countered.

"Six, with travel time. And you promise me that you'll leave this all behind…for a while. We pretend it never happened."

"Okay." He hesitated, then moved towards her, and put his hand on her cheek. "I love you. I don't care if you don't want to hear it…but I'm sorry. Maybe we can try again, in a while." A big step, one that he almost couldn't believe he'd taken.

"Maybe." Laura leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "We need to get back to touching for that to happen."

"Kind of." They'd been avoiding contact, even though Laura was physically a hundred percent. They hadn't been able to touch each other without feeling the loss they shared in common. Even though Julian had had initial reservations over the pregnancy, he'd found the unnatural death of the expected to be a shock, to be something he grieved, and something he'd sworn to himself that those responsible would die for. He knew he could never quite overcome how badly he had failed to protect Laura, on so many occasions.

"Maybe we should pull the pixie stix stunt with Nate and Jim again," Julian said.

Laura smiled slightly. "I like my house intact," she said. "I was thinking…maybe if we change the scenery…"

"I guess we're going to Disneyland," Julian said, with a bit more enthusiasm.

…

"We thought we'd take the kids to—" Laura began.

"Approved," Cyclops said, without even looking up from his paperwork.

"—Disneyland for their birthday," she finished.

Julian and Laura traded glances.

"Why aren't you gone already?" the leader asked.

"Because it's not a great time," Julian said. "You need us right now."

"I need you after,when you're fresh, and focused, and in it for the right reasons," Cyclops said. "That's in addition to the very real possibility of Emma killing me if I say no."

"But—" Julian said, more weakly.

"Thank you," Laura said.

"Are you taking Jim with you?" Scott asked.

The pair paused, looked at each other, Laura squinting slightly.

"Yes," Julian said. "Oh, come on, Laura…he'll love it. We'll get him his own room."

"Good. Have fun!" Scott waved them off.

"But—"

"Thank you," Laura said again, very firmly. She took him by the arm and half-dragged him from the room. "What is the matter with you? He said yes."

"Fine," Julian agreed. "I'm just…worried."

"The X-men have been doing this for longer than we have," she reminded him.

He remained silent, and followed her home.

…

"Really? Disneyland?" Angel asked, her nose wrinkled.

"Consider it a bonus for all the babysitting you did for us earlier," Laura said. "You can bring them all. But I know Nate would go completely berserk if Tito was there."

"I don't think Tito will ever shut up about it if I say no," Angel said. She was referring to the racket going on at their knee level; Tito was hugging hers, yelling "Please-mum-please-mum-can-I-go-can-I-can-I-can-I-can-I—", while Nate was tugging on Laura's and yelling "MUMWANTWANTWANTWANT—" while Rachel emitted a tiny 'want!' in the background to match.

"What about—" Angel paused. "Me 'n bird brain aren't pretty muties, like you folk. How will—"

"I'm pretty sure I can afford to keep us safe," Julian said. "If they have objections, I'll rent Disneyland for the day." He grinned.

"Keller—" Laura gave him an alarmed look. The toddler screams tripled in volume.

"Crap," Julian said. "Me and my big fat mouth. Nate—it's less fun if we do that. Then you don't get to see all the other kids at Disneyland."

Nate paused. "Like who?"

Julian thought fast. It had to be familiar, and knock his socks off. "Peter Pan, for one," he said.

"Oh my god, Keller," Laura said, covering her ears at the resulting screams (even Angel was doing the same, wincing). "How did you make it worse?"

"Must be a power of mine," Julian said grimly.

…

"Having a private jet is so handy," Laura sighed, leaning back in her recliner with a beer, her feet dangling over the foot rest. "Scratch that…having a rich man is even handier. Should've got one ages ago."

"I did try to draw your attention to it when we met," Julian said.

The pair were seated in the private jet, with the Shrimps plastered to the TV, and James a couple rows back, reading comics with his headphones blasting heavy metal. At first Laura had been irritated, but the noise allowed for a barrier between them and the boy, and so some privacy. Angel and her family were in the bedroom at the back, 'feeding the brood', as she called it.

"When?" Laura demanded. "All you did was rub in what a bad attitude you had. Which does not work without money, power or incredible good looks."

"I took you places," he protested. "Drinking…and…drinking…" he paused, feeling stupid for not having more examples. "Besides, I've got all three."

"Money doesn't count for all three, Keller," Laura said. "You have about as much power as a flea. Kind of look like one too."

"I thought we were trying to reignite the fire again," he grumbled, rubbing his temple. "You don't do that by flaming me."

"Don't make pathetic attempts at it, then," she said.

"That wasn't an attempt. I was correcting you on your erroneous facts."

"Noted." Laura sipped her beer. "I guess you did take me out drinking. HAH! Remember when you tried to buy me that bottle of Everclear? You offered the bartender a thousand bucks!"

"Not that outrageous, considering I'd just had, like, twenty shots and was blacking out," Julian said. "God, can you imagine what it's going to be like when they start drinking?" he nodded to the Shrimps, who were sitting in front of the big-screen TV, mesmerized by the image of the Count from Sesame Street.

"Maybe that's the 'dark time approaching' that Emma keeps talking about," Laura said thoughtfully.

Julian grinned, then shuddered. "I just thought about them dating."

"What, each other?" Laura asked, her nose wrinkled.

"No, dumb—y," Julian quickly corrected the swear word he'd been about to say. Now that the Shrimps were starting to learn how to actually use words in conversation—and that Nate had started to swear in earnest—he had finally given into Laura's attempts to make him filter his language, while they tried to get Nate to forget what he'd heard them say under all the stress they had lived under. They had had a talk, regarding the quality of the Shrimp's life; perhaps spurred by the loss. And they had decided their children should have the best, most stable existence they could possibly provide.

"I mean…when they're our age. How are we going to deal?"

"We'll deal," Laura said. "We always do."

"But how? Knowing they might get themselves into the mess we did. With the world the way it is now."

"Then I'll get you a shot gun, so you can stay up at night fondling it while waiting for them to return," Laura said. "I'll even get you some gun polish, so you have an excuse."

"I'm serious," Julian said, but he smiled slightly.

"I am too. I can't just pull the answers out of my-butt, right now…but we'll know what to do when the time comes." She paused. "And there's always Logan."

"You mean—" Julian looked thoughtful. "Yeah, get him to handle it. I'd sure as—heck—watch my toes with him on my case."

"No you didn't," Laura pointed out.

"Uhh…well someone else who isn't crazy would," he said. "I have to be…I mean, I risked having my head chopped off for…well…you?" He grimaced.

"Ha-rumpf," Laura said.

He grinned. "Hey, I've got to get in my one burn a day to keep up with your, like, ten million burns about me. Every hour."

"Those are just the ones I feel are good enough to say out loud," Laura said.

"I'm glad you do that. Otherwise I might decide not to get out of bed in the mornings." He hesitated, then reached over and touched her hand; she stiffened slightly, and looked at him uncertainly. He felt hurt and disappointed, but let his hand remain. He reminded himself that it would take time. And that part of every reaction Laura gave him was in response to his own, to his obvious reluctance to make the gestures.

After a while she relaxed slightly, and it wasn't so strange to touch her again.

…

"Oh, cut it out," Laura snapped, in response to Julian's sprawling on the bed and complaining about how tired he was from travelling. "You do this every time. Yet when we're sitting on the couch at home, it does nothing but give you R n' R. What the eff, Keller?"

"I dunno," he said, rolling over in the king sized bed to look at her, grinning. "When I travel, I feel obligated to complain. You know, because it's like a tradition or something. My parents did it all the time."

"No wonder. What a bunch of pussies." Laura opened her suitcase on the chair.

"Whattsa 'pussies', mum?" Rachel asked, tugging on the edge of her skirt.

Julian looked at the little girl, and at Laura's expression, and tried not to laugh.

"It means, uh, someone who's a coward," Laura said. "Don't use it."

"Okay," Rachel said. She fingered the edge of Laura's skirt.

"MUM! Wann' go!" Nate said, worried. "Disney! Wann' go!" He jumped on the bed beside Julian and started bouncing up and down.

"Hang on, cowboy," Laura said. "We've got to unpack first, and get something to eat, and—"

"WANT!" the Shrimps shouted in unison. Rachel blinked, and rubbed one eye, then glared in Nate's direction.

"Yes Nate, we know—" Julian said.

"Hurr' up! Heah, I puts away!" The contents of the suitcase rose in the air.

"Nate,put that down—" Julian warned.

BAMM!

"…" he picked the underwear off his face and raised his eyebrows at the little boy, who was now hiding his face in Laura's skirt, afraid and embarrassed. Laura gazed at her clothing, scattered everywhere—all over the lighting fixtures, on doorknobs, chairs, the TV, under the bed—and rolled her eyes.

"The butler can clean this up," Julian said.

"No! You and Nate, the boy you've been training to use his powers, will take care of this," Laura said firmly. "I still can't believe they asked you to handle training students."

"This has nothing to do with my skills," Julian said defensively. "I'm like, the best teacher ever at telekinesis."

"If the class is called Incompetence 101," Laura grumbled. "Hop to it, boys. Rachel, want a snack?"

The girl nodded, with a pleased look. She looked suspiciously smug, having enjoyed Nate getting in trouble.

Julian looked at Nate, who was looking at the floor, pouting. He felt bad, seeing the childish enthusiasm spurned.

"Look…you take that corner. I'll get the rest. And next time, you have to be patient, okay?"

"Okay!" Nate said, excited again.

"Let's sit in this chair over here and watch," Laura murmured, guiding Rachel to the corner. "I don't fancy death by flying underwear. Normally it's impossible, but those two can make anything dangerous."

…

Julian knocked on the door again, after waiting for a minute.

"Jim…we're going for dinner," he called through the door.

The door opened, and his brother peered out. "Are you going to be emo?"

"I've never been emo," Julian said. "That's always been your gig. Come on…apparently we're going to a five-star restaurant, on me. Laura's all excited, she claimed she's going to bankrupt me trying the whole desert menu. Might need help restraining her."

James blinked. "Hold on, let me grab my jacket."

The door closed again, and Julian leaned on the hallway wall. His room's door opened and Laura emerged, carrying Nate and leading Rachel by the hand.

"How's 'Riot' settling in?" Laura asked, obviously concealing laughter. She found his name to be hilarious; she'd taken the angle that Cyclops had chosen the name because the boy was obviously 'a laugh a minute'.

"He seemed okay." Julian paused. "You've really got to stop teasing him. He's not as thick-skinned as I am, and—"

"HAHAHAHA!" Laura found this hilarious. "HAHAHAHA!"

Julian gave her an annoyed glance. "What?" he asked finally.

"You're not thick skinned," Laura said, grinning. "You're about as tough as an inflamed rash. Both of you."

He raised his eyebrow, and suddenly Laura's smile faded. "Well…maybe. But I meant about teasing, not—that."

"Whatever." Julian shifted. "But go easy on him. He's coming around pretty good now…and I want him to feel like family, not picked on."

"I am treating him like 'family'," Laura pointed out. "If I was nice to him, he'd feel ostracized, see?"

Julian blinked. "Okay then," he said, seeing her point.

The door opened, and James came out, zipping up the jacket he was wearing on top of his hoody, and turtleneck. He also was wearing thin leather gloves. He had a hat on, too, a baseball cap.

"Think this is enough?" he asked.

"Kevin called, he wants his outfit back," Laura said.

"It looks fine," Julian said. "But really…you're overdoing the covering-up. You're not as bad as...well, Kevin."

"He can only kill people if he touches their skin," James said. "After what you've seen…and knowing I can't shut it off…I could kill a crowd. So yeah, I don't think I'm overdoing it."

They moved down the hallway.

"How is Kevin?" Julian asked. "Haven't had much time to talk to him lately. Are he and Cess still…"

"Yeah," James said. He'd befriended the death touch boy, mostly for skin-tips, in a move similar to Julian's strategy for gleaning child-rearing tips from Barnell and Angel.

"Do you think he really likes her, or that he's with her out of convenience?" Julian asked. "I know it was convenience to begin with, but…"

"I don't talk about feelings with him," James pointed out. "I get enough of them already." He paused. "It's convenience. She irritates him sometimes."

"Oh." Julian suddenly realized that his brother was the perfect source of any gossip he wanted to hear about other people in the mansion.

After picking up Angel and her family, they made their way to the cars and piled in, James sitting between the Shrimps, and Angel and Barnell in their own vehicle.

"You should have rented a bigger car," James said, wrinkling his nose. "I shouldn't have to sit in the back with the kids. Why the hell didn't you get a limo?"

"I don't think I could ride in one anymore." Julian said, then paused. "Probably trauma. I took her in the white limo once…" He nodded to Laura.

"Ewww! That was her?" James asks. "That's disgusting!"

"Try carrying those two in your stomach, then come talk to me," Laura said to him, meaning the Shrimps, who of course looked innocent. In the rearview mirror, Laura could see Nate picking his nose. "Nate, stop it. And emo, you are a kid." She paused. "Technically, we all are. Except we're the ones calling the shots here, so until you're ready to step up and assume responsibility for this mess…"

"No thanks," James said. Nate stopped, his eyes wide; he clearly thought his mother had developed eyes in the back of her head.

"So where are we going and how do we get there?" Julian asked loudly. "Whoever sits shotgun also navigates."

"Oh, fine." Laura pulled out the map she'd stuck in earlier. "Umm…let's see…take a left…then a right…then…oh, this weird zig-zag pattern…then five rights in a—"

"One turn at a time," Julian cut in. "You make it sound like you're reading a maze off a kid's menu."

"Well, I'm hungry," Laura said defensively. After the comment, however, she did try to pace her directions; and they managed to make it to their destination with only three wrong turns.

…

"I'm amazed you thought bringing them was a good idea," James said, nodding to the Shrimps and Tito, who now sat in booster seats at the table, occupied with coloring pictures on paper placemats with crayons. "Those kids are monsters."

"You're a monster," Laura said. Angel looked over the back of the next booth and stuck her tongue out at James.

Julian frowned. "They're not that bad, Jim. You were way worse when you were that age. And you didn't even have powers yet."

"I bet you were the antichrist," Laura said derisively.

"Ha!" Angel said.

"I wasn't that bad," Julian said. "If anyone here was the antichrist, it's you."

"Actually, I was not," Laura said. "That didn't start until I hit puberty, remember?"

"Right," Julian said.

The food arrived; a steaming plate of seafood for Laura, a hamburger for Julian (who could now eat what he wanted at restaurants), and some sort of chicken plate for James, with fries.

"I can't believe you order a hamburger at a five-star restaurant," Laura said critically. "At a place renowned for its seafood, too!"

"Oh, I've had enough of seafood," Julian said calmly. "It's nice to eat what I want."

"Huh?" James asked.

"She used to make me order for her," Julian explained. "Using my plate. I'd get like a quarter of what I asked for, which I didn't want anyway. Lobster. You know I hate seafood…after that banquet, remember? You were like four, or three, I think…I was somewhere around six."

James looked amused. "That was hilarious," he said. "I still remember that."

"What?" Laura demanded.

"I ordered a lobster," Julian said. "Dad was worried…it was more than he'd planned on paying. And then they made me come up to pick which one I wanted, out of a big aquarium." He paused. "I thought they meant as a pet. I threw a huge temper tantrum when they served it to me. I had named it and everything."

"HAHAHA!" Laura was delighted. "What did you name it?"

"Claw, of course," Julian said.

"I've never heard anyone scream that loud," James said. "Dad had to literally drag him to the car. When they finally uncurled his hands, they found pieces off the carpet."

"Nate's done that before," Laura said. "I remember the time he took the tablecloth when I was trying to get him out of Applebee's."

"That was loud and messy," Julian recalled. "It started with him dumping a bowl of soup on Rach."

"That brought about the 'no-fluid' law at restaurants," Laura said grimly.

"I remember that one," Angel said. "Only time Tito wasn't the start of the trouble."

"And you claim they're not monsters," James said sarcastically.

"I never said they weren't," Julian said. "I meant, at the end of the day, they're not that bad. But yeah, they can be little demons."

"They have relatives nicknamed 'Hellion' and 'Riot'," Laura pointed out. "It's not their fault. It's obviously lousy genetics."

Julian shrugged, and grinned.

"Why do you just let her bad-mouth us like that?" James demanded.

"I learned a long time ago that nothing will shut her up," Julian said. He paused. "Also, I've sparred with her in training. Trust me…agree to anything she says. She hits like a semi."

"HAHAHA! Remember the time I gave you a black eye?" Laura seemed amused.

James stared at them.

"It was an accident," she said. "When I was recovering from the…implants. I was trying to brush a crumb off his face and I kind of broke his nose."

"This was in public, too," Julian said. "Josh took like fifteen minutes to stop laughing so he could heal me. They had to replace the couch in the Rec Room because I got my blood all over it."

"They really need a mutant with household cleaning powers," Laura said. "She or he could be called Tide. Or Vim."

"Or Oxyclean. That sounds awesome," Julian said.

"I hate you two," James said calmly, but he continued to eat and join in the conversation; Julian decided that, now, finally, he was beginning to feel more comfortable about life at the mansion. By the time the evening was over and they returned to the hotel, everyone felt more relaxed, and Julian thought that maybe Laura had been right: this break from the tension of the school was what they had needed. He didn't think so much about all that had happened in the bright, unfamiliar settings.

They lay awake for a while, on their backs, restraining from talking so that the Shrimps would fall asleep faster. Laura finally rolled over and smiled at him, slightly, with a nod; she could always tell when the Shrimps were genuinely asleep. He ran his fingers over her arms, slowly, taking his time, and for the first time in a while there was only him and her. The failures and guilt waited at the mansion, to envelop him like a foggy shroud.