So, I wrote the last chapter when I was half-asleep. Apparently I try to be funny when I'm half-asleep. Remind me not to do that again. 8D Anyways, I apologize for the rushed third chapter~ I just really dislike that part of the game. Drags on too much. And it would appear that I'm implying other romances. Honestly, I'm just letting my imagination take control of my typing...'S going well, I think! Hope y'all enjoy. I also just realized that this is the first ever time I've written a heterosexual fic. Dayum. Heavy risk...But the prize! (ME3 better come up with some new memes. We need them.) Also, I just finished ME3. Endings = Suck.

~ PJB

~O0O~

It took all of Shepard's willpower to not faint when she heard the news. She was the First human Spectre. And now Captain Anderson was giving up his ownership of The Normandy! Sensory overload. She was pretty sure that a small part of her brain had imploded . And there was something about a Krogan. She hadn't quite been...'with it', when that all happened. Garrus and Tali ahd seemingly picked up on her instability, as they had both kept her talking so she wouldn't keel over on the spot.

Setting foot on the Normandy felt...wrong. Peculiar. Anderson had been forced out of his job by that bastard Udina. The same bastard who had talked the council into making her into a Spectre. And 'panicking' could not describe what she was doing right now. She didn't even know what time it was. She was currently pacing the back and forth around the outside of the elevator. She would have gone down to her usual spot on the lower decks, but it would appear that Garrus, and the new Krogan...Wrex, she believed his name was, had made themselves comfortable down there. And it would be a little odd for her to wander down there in her pyjamas again just to snuggle up to the Mako and stare blankly into space. Not a good first impression for their new...'Captain'. Just thinking that word made her shudder. She would stick as 'Commander' for now. Or just Dash. She didn't really mind. But people seemed to think that she would shove a gun straight down their throat if they referred to her in an informal matter. Why, she didn't know.

"All is fine, all is fine...this is a good thing! Now the law won't get in your way, Dash!" Now she was trying to pep-talk herself out of a nervous breakdown. Normal. So, so normal. Why was it that everything seemed to trigger extreme nervous reactions within her? It wasn't good. And

on this occasion, it really was not working. The patter of her feet against the metal was starting to get on her own nerves, so she stopped moving to lean against one of the walls. There must have been some kind of heating element embedded in the steel, as the material was warm to the touch. The air was cold, but the walls warm. Maybe that was why Shepard was shivering quite so vigorously. It might well have been the lack of sleep or food that was doing it, too.

She nuzzled her face against the wall, comforted by the heat emitted. God knows she needed something to calm her down.

"I see you've made friends with the wall. You work fast." And there was that yelp again. She would learn to control that. One day. Somehow.

"That's one odd way of greeting people, Commander." He didn't sound offended, however. Shepard turned slowly away from the wall, her eyes still wide from the surprise. The warm spot on the wall had left a blotch of red on her forehead, just above her right eye. Joker could barely resist the urge to giggle. So he didn't.

"Meanie." Yes, it was childish, but Shepard pouted at him anyway. It just made him laugh more.

Joker smiled. The Commander was fun to tease. He wouldn't piss her off on purpose, however. He tried that with the last Captain. It ended with toilet-cleaning duty for a month. Not that he supposed Shepard would be quite that mean...Then again, she did implode a fair amount of thugs not so long ago. Eh, the banter calmed her a little. It would do for now.

This time, Joker hadn't even needed to check the security cameras to tell where Shepard had wandered off to, the sound of her pacing had echoed throughout the entire cockpit. She had only been circling the area just behind the galaxy map, except this time she didn't look sad at all. Nope. She looked about ready to explode. He didn't actually think he'd ever seen someone that anxious before. She was trembling like a bloody earthquake, and her forehead was beaded with sweat.

"You seemed...jittery. You okay?" He actually had trouble making things sound sincere. That's what happens when you spend years muttering nothing but sarcastic remarks. Hear that, kids? Stay away from the sarcasm. And drugs. But the sarcasm more.

Shepard set herself down awkwardly on the steps leading up to the galaxy map. She threw herself down a bit too roughly, the back of the stairs clashing against the back of her legs. It didn't hurt, luckily. She had actually taken her own advice of just leaving her hard-suit on. It wasn't like the pyjamas ever made her sleep better, why bother?

"I'm fine. Really, I...am." Oooh, she was using the 'mean military woman' voice. Joker wasn't falling for it. He'd seen the real Shepard last night. Last night...last night, Shepard had been at the funny-sleepy stage of sleep deprivation where you kind of got so tired that you got hyper. Now she was at the point where it started to make you ill. It was clear, to Joker at least.

Shepard hated it when she used that tone. Even if it was required for certain situations, it didn't mean she enjoyed it. Last night, she had been so free around the pilot. Just thinking of it made her blush. She had sat there in next-to-no clothing, stained with hot chocolate, and made perverted jokes about Udina. She liked it when she was like that. It was like looking back to before Akuze, when she was a carefree, fun-loving idiot. She was comfortable around the people she served with. Now...now she was just...pathetic.

"Really? Because you look like you're about to puke, Commander." He wasn't just saying that to bug the Commander, she really did look sick. She looked up at him, her eyes unfocused.

"I...don't think I am. More like I'm probably going to faint. I really am fine, don't worry." Her smile was forced, and she waved him away with a trembling hand. Her hand felt...heavy. So did her eyelids. She knew this feeling all too well, from years of gun fights and sleep issues. The tiredness had caught up with her, finally.

"Commander...?" She slumped forwards, her body going limp upon the floor. He crouched down to prod her gently with his finger. Nope. Out cold. At least the deck was deserted, again. Shepard wouldn't have been able to forgive herself if the crew had seen this. She would probably hate it that Joker had seen it, even. He wouldn't judge her for it as he'd seen all the crap that had happened that day, but others might not be so generous with their judgements. If the press had seen all that camera footage...well, he had a lot of potential blackmail material against Shepard. He would never use it, but it still wasn't good that he had it in the first place.

He knelt down next to her, his legs creaking in a loud protest against the awkward movement. He would have to move her, but where to? Somewhere that not a lot of people would see her like this. It would look highly questionable if he just dumped her in front of the Mako and told Garrus to watch her. Not to mention how embarrassing that would be for Shepard, having the man she had met just that day and hardly knew learning all about her sleep issues. He would have serious trouble explaining himself if someone caught him carrying her Princess-style to her cabin. And the mess hall...that was the area most likely to be invaded by wandering crew in the early hours. Kaidan, for example. Ah. Kaidan...Kaidan's seat next to Joker's would do nicely. And it wouldn't be hugely uncomfortable.

Scooping Shepard up in his arms, he half-dragged, half-carried Shepard across the floor. To a third part witness, it would have looked hilarious, Shepard all limp and floppy and Joker groaning in pain as his legs were just about ready to give up their life just to drop the unwelcome weight. Shepard was more...curvaceous than she looked. And just why was she wearing her armour in the middle of the night? Has her paranoia really gotten that bad?...Or was she just bored?

Shepard's feet made a strange scraping noise as they brushed against the floor with every of Joker's shaky, unsteady footsteps. Just when had he assigned himself to be Shepard's little caretaker...? Actually, he wasn't even sure if Shepard knew about his 'condition'. She's feel pretty damn guilty if she knew that he had just about risked breaking half of his bone mass just by carrying her. Could he try and use his disease as a form of motivation for Shepard to attempt to make herself better? They both had serious problems, but hers was curable.

He made sure to lay her down gently in the chair, as much as he desperately wanted to just throw her down if only just so he could walk properly again. He checked that her body was twisted painfully at all before setting himself back down into his own chair. It was definitely weird seeing Shepard fully relaxed. Her shaved head was rested on her forearm, and her knees were held close to her chest. All huddled up like that...like a little cocoon. A cocoon waiting to burst open...ugh, now Joker's mind was starting to sound all sappy. What was it about Shepard that made his sarcasm-reflex mess up? He should have been making witty comments, not...poetry.

Shepard let out a noise that sounded something akin to a whimper, her hands clenching into tight fists. The screams. The cries of pain. The walls shook as her crew mates clawed at the door in desperation. Calling her name...their last words. The Thresher maw shredding them to pieces. And all she could bring herself to do was cry.

It was even more shocking to watch it first-hand, not on a tiny screen. Shepard was crying in her sleep. But not just a solitary tear. Proper, full-blown crying into the material of the seat, biting into her lip until it bled – crying. It was tempting to just sit back and observe, Joker wouldn't deny it. But he wasn't that evil. Shepard twitched as he placed a hand upon her shoulder, gentle enough to make it obvious that he wasn't trying to harm her. She shied away from his touch. He felt weird doing this. He knew so much more about her than she did about him...he would have to fix that.

"Commander, it's okay! I'm here." He really wasn't good at being the comforter. He tried as well as he could to make himself sound sincere. Shepard yelped, jerking out of her sleep and sitting bolt upright. Her eyes were wide and restless, moist and clouded with fear. She leant back with an exasperated sigh. Of course she would have that same damn...dream-memory thingy. There really wasn't even a point in even bothering with sleep attempts.

The laugh she released was bitter, full of contempt towards herself. Never before had Joker seen someone look so...lost. Helpless. And he still had his hand on her shoulder. He didn't move, waiting for Shepard to look at him or speak before he dare to disturb her. Moments passed, and she didn't move. He cleared his throat a few times to try and snap her out of her trance-like state. Her eyes were moist, glistening with tears that were teetering on the edge of her lid, but she didn't look sad. Facially, she looked...well, more...bored than anything. She was really that used to this happening.

It was only minutes, but it felt like hours before Shepard slowly craned her head to face the pilot, her eyebrows arched in concern for him over herself.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. And...um, I'll assume it was you who had to carry me here?" She averted her gaze as she spoke, her timid nature breaking back through.

Shepard couldn't let him see her cry. That was just...it would make her feel like the dreams had...'won', or something. It sounded silly when put like that, but it made a profound sense to her. Most of her thoughts confused other people, she was used to it by now. Joker looked worried. It was exactly why she never told the crew of her...problems. She didn't want people to coddle her...there was more important stuff happening in the galaxy at the moment.

"No trouble, really." That was a lie. But he made it sound sincere, at least. "Stress getting to you, Commander?" He knew that she couldn't sleep, he'd witnessed that every night for a while now...but he didn't know the exact reasoning behind it. Frequently she awoke with a scream. Memories of Akuze? He'd heard about that...her whole crew, wiped out by a Thresher maw. And then she was rewarded for it. How that affected her...it must have been heartbreaking. She had watched her team wiped out. And people saw that as heroic?

"It's just...I'm fine. Stress...yeah, something like that." Her voice was monotonous, forcibly dull-sounding. Her stare was fixed as far away from Joker as she could get it. The wall must have been doing something damn interesting to keep her so captivated like that.

Joker stayed silent, drumming his fingers against the tatty material of his arm rest. If he wanted to make Shepard open up... The direct approach may have been the best way to start it. Shepard sure as Hell wasn't going to be the trigger. She was perfectly content snuggled into her little nest of despair. Well. Better late than never, he supposed. And if Shepard just ignored him...He would just keep trying. As much of an unwanted buden as it was, the fate of the galaxy could be resting on the (oddly wide) shoulders of this one woman.

"Commander." Shepard flinched as the tense silence was broken. He had put on the most stern voice he could. Which wasn't actually too harsh, as he didn't exactly use it often. Determination drove him to potentially embarrass himself in front of the person who would be giving him orders every day for...he didn't even know how long. He didn't wait for her to respond before continuing.

"Did you know I have Vrolik syndrome?" She raised her eyebrows at that. If just urged him on more. "Brittle bone disease. My bones are hollow, the tiniest bump could shatter them at any moment." Her eyes widened more, if possible, and she actually turned to face him. She did not speak, however. "I don't like telling people about it, I don't want them to pity me, label me as the pathetic cripple."

He moved his hand so it was planted firmly on Shepard's shoulder, his eyes locked onto her own. "I know it can't be cured, and I don't care. It doesn't stop me doing my job. But your sleep problems wreck your body, Commander." She hung her face low, her eyes welling up once more.

"I...I can't help it. I've tried everything...and others shouldn't need to worry about me!" Her voice was but a whisper, cracking in the middle as a tear escaped from the confines of Shepard's eye. Joker smiled, patting her shoulder gently, removing his hand afterwards.

"Shepard. My disease can't be cured, but you can. And it's not like I'll tell people about this. I suck with social crap. I want to help." Ugh, he sounded all mushy again. Shepard didn't reply, but she was still staring into his eyes.

How...how could she let one of her subordinates treat her like a child? But Joker seemed so...he just seemed...she felt like she could trust him. And the look in those deep, wonderful green eyes...She knew he wasn't going to let this go.

"Okay. Commander Dash Shepard, I order you to make that chair your new bed! That way, I can make sure you're okay. No protests." He nodded and grinned, turning back to the controls of the ship. Which, in hindsight, he had left alone for a little too long. Shepard couldn't help but smile back.. It was just a slight up-turn of lips...but it was something, for sure.

"Dash." Joker cocked an eyebrow and looked to her for an explanation of her random outburst.

"Call me...Dash." She curled back up in the chair, rolling aside so her face was away from Joker. This was all so...new. Peculiar.

But...maybe it was for the best? Well, she would find out soon enough.