Your name is Dave Strider, you are thirty years old, and you think finally, you're getting your handle on everything.

No, you aren't where you'd like to be. You aren't under the same roof as the man you so adore, by his side in a beautiful and loving partnership despite your flaws, and you aren't entirely sure you ever will be. But right now, you can feel your importance to him, to the daughter you care so much for. You've found purpose, you've found the reason for your wings, and you'll be damned if you don't intend to use them.

And though you aren't about to say it's a guarantee by any means, you, for the first time, think that maybe… something can happen. Maybe you could be the person John needs, someone he can depend on, someone who will catch him when he falls. You could help with the beautiful baby girl he's raising, you could be there, and maybe he'd love you an ounce of how much you've always loved him. You could have the family you've always wanted, and never dreamed was a 'part of the plan'. Maybe, maybe you can have that. And even if not quite that degree, you think you can still be happy.

And you're nearing a fantastic landmark - taking a rambunctious kid who deserves all the adventure the world has to offer, and her hopeless dad who needs to find the sun again, to "The Most Magical Place On Earth".

— tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:52 —

TT: I heard about your plans with John and Casey.

TT: I wanted to tell you a hearty "Good job", as well as congratulate you for the new step you've since taken in your life.

TG: yeah whatever its nbd

TT: I assumed you would shrug it off, as per usual.

TT: But you seem happy lately, it's refreshing.

TG: hey i am always a pile of motherfucking sunshine excuse you

TT: Of course, my mistake. You have been completely without life's sadness or fitful nights with an alcohol-stained tongue and a tear-stained face. My memory is not the greatest as I am aging, you see.

TG: exactly oldbag

TG: i have had my life under control for fucking ages

TG: i am loaded arent i

TT: I am facing difficulty deciphering what of this is laced with sarcasm and what is genuine, the longer our conversation persists.

TT: But regardless, money can indeed be a gateway to happiness. However, it does not accomplish the whole job by any stretch of the imagination. As well that I am honest when I say, you've not called me slurring and blathering hopelessly in quite some time.

TT: I am proud of you.

TG: ok yeah thanks i guess

TT: Of course.

TT: What is on your plate this evening, though?

It's not something you ever display openly, but Rose's approval on your path holds a great deal of importance to you, and it's like that final reassurance you needed to be sure you were finally on the right track. With a gentle flap of your wings, you've found breath in your lungs, and your ears are filled with an orchestra of peace of mind, and it feels so damn good. Your life's pieces are coming together, fit and nicely gluing in place.

So when you find you cell vibrating with a photo of John's dorky smile beaming at you, just a month or so before your expected trip with him, you're more excited than you'd ever care to admit. You only hope that perhaps he's looking to discuss that very trip, and being that it's all your mind has been able to process as of late, you are far more than ready.

"Hey, sup," you say into the phone, having let it ring a few more times than necessary, as usual.

"D-Dave, Dave, you'll never believe what happened, not in a million years!"

He hasn't sounded this filled with excitement since you first planned the trip for him, and you can just imagine the grin on his face, so you're smiling just a smidge at this wonderful boy's contagious glee.

"No, come at me. What is it?"

"S-she understands, Dave! It's all okay now!"

And somehow in just those brief seconds, you understand, and your world is silent.

"…Dave?"

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, just surprised, haha," you say, back into your sequential, robotic act that you still can't quite place when it first stopped. "But damn, bro, that's great." (No it's not, it isn't at all, and all your skyscrapers are falling beneath you before you even got to take flight).

"I know! Just… God, I don't know what I would've done without her…" And the back of your mind is screaming that he would've been fine, because you're there for him. You always are, you always have been, and begrudgingly you think, you know, you always will be. But that's not what John wants, not what he needs, not what will be able to make him smile that beautiful smile.

"I know, man," you say, digging your nails deep into your palm as your struggle to keep your tone even and without emotion - a robot without a purpose. "I'm glad you guys got things worked out and shit."

You think maybe you ought to ask all the details, talk more with him, be sure he's making the right choice, or even ask what the hell is going to happen with Disneyland now, but you're feeling the air empty from your chest, and you can hardly bring yourself to properly speak.

"Go have fun with her though, just don't have too much fun without me," you bitterly chuckle, not even sure how convincing it is at all, before you hang up without even saying your usual drawn-out goodbye.

Within an instant, your phone is flying through the air and you're on your knees, your wings growing black with your lost hope and the feathers of dreams falling in rapid succession. Your nails dig into your scalp and you can't bring yourself to do anything but scream. Scream at how much of any idiot you were for doing this to yourself, scream at how your happiness was almost there, just in your reach, and scream at how you aren't sure anymore if it ever really was. You feel the pressure of a thousands suns and a thousand planets as you collapse in on yourself, a broken heap of nothingness, empty and without the purpose you so longed for.

Your lungs burn as if you never had air in the first place, and with the rough scratches you are cutting deep into your throat with each wracking yell, you wonder why you ever let yourself breathe in the first place. You're a puzzle piece from the wrong puzzle, wrong and misshapen but determined to join this set you so admire, as you are blank and without companionship.

And as the final ashes of your broken spirit fall into dust, you think how you were always meant to be a bystander - nothing less, and nothing more.